


About angels, humans and everything in between

by Nera_Solani



Series: Angel of Dreams [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 11, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aromantic Asexual OFC, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Bunker, Charlie Ships It, Charlie in heaven, Chuck Ships It, Crowley Ships it, Crowley is Awesome, Dead Charlie Bradbury, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, I can't do short, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lucifer (Supernatural) Being an Asshole, Lucifer (Supernatural) Not Being an Asshole, Lucifer being sorry, M/M, Meta-Metafiction, Metafiction, Mutual Pining, Original Female Character ships it, Pining, Post-Season/Series 11, Sam Is So Done, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 11 Spoilers, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Some humor (I tried), Swearing, Tags May Change, This might get really long, big brother Lucifer (slight?), canon compliant up to s11e17, everyone is confused, everyone ships it, explicit sequels, how could I forget that tag for so long?, ish, this has a lot of plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-20 01:45:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 107,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8231833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nera_Solani/pseuds/Nera_Solani
Summary: When a girl randomly shows up at the bunker, claiming she knew Charlie, tells them about having visions, Dean and Sam struggle, trying to figure things out.Meanwhile, Castiel is still possessed by Lucifer and Amara is doing God only knows what.Things keep getting stranger, as Crowley develops a really weird relationship with the newcomer and God decides to be creative by creating a new creature.





	1. Charlie's legacy

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I'm actually writing in English, so please tell me if I made any nasty mistakes. English is not my mother language, so it can happen. Please tell me and I'll correct it as soon as possible.  
> Knowing myself, this might get really long, but I'll do my best to keep it from getting out of hand.  
> Anyway... enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A girl named Tara shows up at the bunker, who seems to be an old fried of Charlie. No one knows what's going on with her...

It was a quiet day in the bunker. No new cases that weren't already being taken care of by other hunters, no new leads on how to save Cas or defeat the darkness. So, the Winchesters were basically just sitting around in the living room, not doing anything. Well, at least not anything useful. Dean was zapping through the TV-channels, occasionally complaining that there was nothing on worth watching, and Sam was sitting in front of his Laptop, looking at the screen, and scrolling down once in a while. Needless to say, it was a boring day in the bunker…

They were sitting there in silence, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. The two brothers went into alarm-mode immediately. No one who hadn't got a key should have this address. Hell, they didn’t even have a real address and they lived there… So, how could there be a knock at the door? Both of them stood up, walking silently and cautiously towards the heavy iron door. Sam pulled out his gun, while Dean grabbed a nearby container filled with holy water.

They got in position before Sam opened the door, pointing his gun at the person standing on the other side, while Dean splashed the holy water right into their face.

“Alright! Don’t shoot me, I’m not a demon!”, claimed the stranger, raising her arms in surrender.

Only now, the brothers inspected the person in front of them. It was a girl or a young woman, significantly smaller than Dean, with long brown hair, pale skin, and a few freckles on her now wet face. Her general appearance was rather strange, considering that she was wearing red Converse, light blue jeans and a black coat, covering only half of her thighs, but she was apparently not a demon and didn't seem to pose a threat. But the question was: how could she know about the bunker?

Sam lowered the gun and the girl offered the two of them a small smile.

“Who are you?”, Sam asked suspiciously.

“And what do you want?”, Dean added harshly.

The girl lowered her gaze, wiping some of the holy water off her face and said, “My name is Tara and I really need your help. I don’t know what to do…”, she looked up at them helplessly, “Sam, Dean, can you help me?”

“Wait, how do you know our names?”, asked Dean.

“I read the books. All of them. Even the new ones.”, she replied.

“What new ones?”, asked Dean confused.

“The books don’t mention where this bunker is. I made sure of that myself. So, how do _you_ happen to know about this place?”, Sam asked.

“Charlie sent me here. She said, if anyone could help me, it’s you guys.”, Tara answered.

“Wait a moment. You knew Charlie?”

“Yes, I knew her…”, her eyes got sad. She sighed and said, “Listen, you can test me with whatever you want, salt, silver, iron, I don't care. I’m tired and cold and I really need some rest and I… have a terrible headache…”, she said, rubbing her temples.

Sam gave Dean an expectant look.

“Fine… We’ll test you and then you can come in, sit down and tell us everything.”, said Dean. With those words, the smile came back to Tara’s face.

The brothers did every test on her they knew of, but she passed all of them. She seemed to be human. So, she sat down on the couch, her heavy dark grey backpack sitting next to her feet. The Winchesters handed her a towel to dry her face and she took it gratefully. She looked exhausted, but kept her promise and started to tell her story, “I met Charlie in College, she was a really smart girl. We shared a room and became friends after some time. We stayed in touch over the internet after graduation, I didn't meet her often in real life anymore, mostly we communicated over video chats and text messages.”, she paused, and placed the towel next to her on the couch, “I always loved reading the Supernatural books, and when I read about a character named Charlie, I contacted her immediately and she told me about you, monsters, prophets and everything.”

Dean interrupted her, “But the books were only published to the point where Sam jumps into Lucifer’s cage. After that, Chuck just disappeared.”

“Well, not exactly.”, Sam explained, “I found out that someone else published more stories after that. They’re pretty much up to the current events.”

“What?! You knew about that and didn't tell me?”, Dean snapped angrily.

“I didn't want you to get mad about it. I tried to track that person down, but I couldn't find out who it was, so I just kept checking that they wouldn't publish any information that could get threatening for us.”, Sam defended himself.

Dean sighed and tried to calm himself down, “Alright. So, what do you need our help with?”

Tara took a deep breath, “A few months ago, I started having… visions.”

“Visions”, Sam repeated.

“Right… At first they were really blurred an inexplicit. I thought I was just getting sick or something, so I went to a doctor, but he couldn’t find anything. I hoped they would go away after some time, but instead they got stronger and clearer. I didn't know what to do, so I told Charlie about it and she said that you might be able to help me.”, she looked at the brothers desperately.

“If that has been going for months, why didn't you come earlier?”, Sam asked.

“I- I still hoped it would go away… I didn't want to give up my life just like that, I have friends at home…”

“And why are you here now?”, Dean asked.

“After Charlie died, I had no-one to talk about it anymore and it kept getting worse…”, she started, but was interrupted by Dean, “How do you even know that Charlie is dead? I mean, we didn't inform anyone, Hell, we didn't even know you existed and there sure as Hell wasn't an obituary.”

Tara looked towards the ground, “I saw her ghost.”

“What?”, the brothers said in unison.

“That’s not possible, we gave her a hunter’s funeral!”, Dean insisted.

“I know. She only showed up for a few minutes. I guess she just had to say goodbye…”, she smiled a sad smile, “I read about her death in the books a few weeks later.”

“Okay, whatever… just… tell us about the visions, okay?”, Sam said.

Tara nodded, “Like I already said, in the beginning they were really faint, mainly just smells and sounds. After a few weeks they started to occur more often. I soon noticed that they only occurred when I touched a person, but it took me a little longer to realize that the visions were actually that person’s mind, well… just short impressions of it. After two months those impressions became more explicit. I started to see entire thoughts and even picked up some feelings of the people I touched. I tried to avoid that by wearing gloves, but in the last two weeks its got even worse…”

“How?”, Sam asked curiously.

She sighed, “The visions started to occur when I touched objects. Thats why I’m not wearing gloves anymore, I kept having visions of the girl who gave them to me back at college.”

“So, when you touch an object, you have a vision of the person to whom that thing belongs?”, Sam stated his thoughts.

“Not necessarily, but yes.”

“And how strong are these visions by now?”, Dean asked.

“When I touch something, I happen to see through its owner’s eyes for a few seconds, maximum half a minute. In that time, I see what they see, smell what they smell, think what they think and feel what they feel. Its like I’m taking their place for a moment. It doesn't happen every time I touch something, but it can happen. It happens mostly with objects that the person has a strong emotional connection to, but I can never be completely sure if its gonna happen or not. What I _can_ be sure of, is, that when a vision comes, it always comes with a raging headache…”, she explained, massaging her temples.

“Visions, headaches… Sounds to me like a prophet.”, Dean stated.

“Yeah, but if she was the new prophet, who would be writing the new books about us?”, Sam objected.

“Right”, Dean said, “But what else could it be? I mean, we tested her with basically everything we've got and she's human.”

“I don’t know, man. I’ve never heard of anything like this before, but those visions… They seem to me like some sort of mind reading, so… maybe she's a psychic or mentalist or somethin’.”, Sam suggested.

“What’s wrong with me…?”, they heard Tara say in a whiny voice, realizing that she was still sitting there and listening to everything they said.

“Listen.”, Dean started, “We don't know yet, but we’re gonna find out and we’re gonna fix it, okay?”

She nodded once.

“And what shall I do ‘til you fix me?”, she asked, uncertain.

“Um…”, Dean looked at Sam, “I need to talk to my brother about that.”  
“Okay”, she said, “You mind if I use your bathroom? I had a really long journey…”

“That’s no problem, it’s down the hallway, fourth door on the left.”, he paused, “Wait, how did you even get here, I haven't seen a car outside.”, Sam recognized.

“I haven't got a car. I mainly went by public transport and hitchhiking.”, she told them, while walking out of the room. Sam raised his eyebrows, seemingly surprised and a little impressed.

“So, what are we gonna do with her?”, Dean asked his little brother.

Sam gave him a look and he instantly knew what his brother was thinking.

“No, Sam! We can’t have her move in here! We don't even know her!!”

Sam sighed, “I know that’s weird, but… it’s necessary.”

Dean crossed his arms, “So? How is that necessary?!”

“Look. Just remember what happened to Kevin. If we don't protect her, she's a target. We don't really know how powerful she is and we have no idea how powerful she might get. If the wrong people got a hold of her, we would be in serious trouble! Besides, she could be really helpful as well. Maybe she can even figure out where Cas is or how we can defeat Amara.”, Sam insisted.

Dean thought about that for a moment, then he sighed and gave in, “Fine… But as soon as we have her fixed, she has to go home.”

“Didn’t say anything else.”

 

Tara was really grateful that she was allowed to stay. She moved into a room that had been empty since the Winchesters had found the bunker. She didn't have a lot of things with her, only some clothes and her most precious belongings. Everything she loved was in the grey backpack she was carrying with her. For her own safety the brothers told her to stay inside the bunker and never leave on her own. Is was a rather strange housing situation, but it worked out after a setting-in period.


	2. Every song tells a story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara stays in touch with her old chatting mates from the Supernatural fan site, both brothers decide to get her a little surprise and Dean discovers a new song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is now beta'd by the wonderful Jordanwinchesterimagines! Go visit her on Tumblr: http://jordanwinchesterimagines.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can contact me on Tumblr as well! https://nera-solani.tumblr.com/  
> I promise, I'm nice!

After about two weeks they had developed some kind of routine and things worked out quite well. The Winchesters went on the occasional hunt and Tara helped them by doing research and giving them additional information via phone. The situation was still kinda odd, but Tara felt safe, being with the Winchesters and the brothers were getting used to her being around.

Whenever the boys were busy and Tara was bored, she used the time to pick up her laptop and open the Supernatural fanpage. Over the last few years, she had made some pretty good friends there and the chatroom was more or less her only connection to the world outside of the bunker.

It was late in the evening and Tara was alone in her room. Sam was doing research on how to defeat the darkness and Dean was trying to find out how to save Cas and get rid of Lucifer. She got bored and decided to go online. She logged into her account and noted with delight that her favorite chatting partners were online.

**Queen_of_hell: Heya guys!**

**Destiel4evaa: Hey, haven't heard of you in a while now!**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, how’s it goin’?**

**Queen_of_hell: Had lots of stuff to do, ya know… Did I miss anything?**

**Cassbutt86: Nooooooo… Just that the newest book has been put online!**

**Queen_of_hell: What?! Really?? What happened?**

**Destiel4evaa: Spoiler alert! Don’t you wanna read it?**

**Queen_of_hell: Um… Yeah, sure… I mean, it’s not like I already know what happens… Just tell me the most important things, ok?**

**Cassbutt86: You sure?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes**

**Cassbutt86: Well then… The darkness happens to be a woman called Amara and it seems like Dean is attracted to her, but I think she's just manipulating him… Cas is possessed by Lucifer, who claimed to be able to defeat the darkness and now kicked Crowley off his throne.**

**Queen_of_hell: Poor Crowley…**

**Cassbutt86: Srsly? I think I’ll never get what kind of thing you have for Crowley…**

**Destiel4evaa: Taraaaaaaaa! I think it’s happeniiiiiing!!**

**Queen_of_hell: What? What’s happening?**

**Destiel4evaa: Finally!!!! I think its gonna happen! Destiel is getting canon!!!!!!**

Tara was confused. If anything like this had happened, shouldn't she be the first one to notice?

**Queen_of_hell: What**

**Cassbutt86: She's referring to the detailed descriptions of how much Dean misses Castiel. If you ask me, it’s never going to be canon, but one can hope…**

**Queen_of_hell: Huh… Interesting**

**Destiel4evaa: IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!?!?!**

**Cassbutt86: Seriously, what’s going on with you? You seem to be… distracted.**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah… There just happened a lot of crazy shit recently…**

**Destiel4evaa: Oh, sorry :/**

**Cassbutt86: You ok?**

**Queen_of_hell: It’s ok. I’m fine.**

“Tara?!”, she jerked at the sudden sound of Deans voice, twanging through the hallway.

“What is it?”, she simply called back.

“Come here, I want to talk to you!”

“Gimme a second!”

**Queen_of_hell: Sorry guys, gotta go. Thanks for the info ;)**

**Cassbutt86: Anytime. :)**

**Destiel4evaa: Np ;D**

**Queen_of_hell is offline**

“I’m comin’!”, she called out, flipped her laptop shut and walked out of her room, looking for Dean. She found him, standing in the doorway to the living room. As she walked up to him, he motioned her to follow him. He led her to the shooting range and handed her a gun. She looked at Dean, unsure what to do with it.

“I’m gonna teach you how to use it.”, Dean stated.

Tara’s eyes widened in surprise, mouth dropping slightly open.

“Are you just gonna stare at me, or do you wanna learn how to shoot?”, he asked a little impatiently. She managed to pull herself back together and nodded, smiling. She took the gun, pointed it at one of the targets, and fired.

Dean watched her with interest. When he took a look at the target, he raised both eyebrows, seemingly impressed and murmured, “Not bad…”

Tara grinned, “My dad taught me how to use a gun when I was a teenager. I still suck at shooting from long ranges, though.”

“I didn't think you would be someone who could even handle a gun, so… I had rather modest expectations and well… you totally exceeded them.”, Dean admitted.

She chortled, “Thanks for your honesty. Why did you even want to teach me how to shoot in the first place?”

“Well, you should be able to defend yourself when we take you out on hunts.”, Dean replied matter-of-factly, the corner of his mouth showing the hint of a smile.

Tara was speechless, her expression went completely blank and Dean was pretty sure he just ruined her.

“Tara? You okay?”, he asked cautiously.

She unfroze after a few moments and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Dean patted her back and smiled at this heart-warming reaction. He probably wouldn't admit it, but he had slowly started to regard her as a little sister… slowly. After they parted from the hug, Sam walked in.

“Hey guys, how’re ya doing?”

“Well, it turns out, Tara already knows how to shoot.”, Dean said.

Sam looked surprised and slightly impressed, “Huh. Makes things easier for us.”

What made things easier as well, was that she had read all the Supernatural books and therefore knew quite a lot about the weaknesses of monsters and all that stuff. So, the biggest problems were that she wasn't really strong, had practically no experience in self-defense and was completely incapable of handling a shotgun, because the recoil was too strong. Well, they could at least fix one of those. So, while Dean helped Tara with her shooting practice, Sam taught her how to defend herself. At least the basics.

It took weeks of hard work, but she was getting better and better. One day, while Tara was in her room, Sam brought a little package to the bunker. It was about the size of a large lunch-box, covered in brown wrapping paper.

“You got it?”, Dean asked.

“Yup.”, Sam said.

“She’s totally gonna freak out.”, Dean assumed.

Sam laughed, “You’re probably right.” Then he started to tie a nice blue ribbon around the package and told Dean, “Go, get her.”

Dean grumbled, but stood up and walked to Tara’s room. When he stood in front of the door, he could hear music coming from inside. The door was standing ajar, leaving Dean the opportunity to push it slightly open to glimpse inside. He spotted Tara, lying on the bed, propped up on her elbows, reading something on her laptop. She was facing away from Dean, listening to the music coming from her computer and didn't react to Dean’s presence, so he figured she probably hadn't noticed him yet. He opened the door a little further, to see what she was doing. He didn't really know a lot about her private life and he was curious about what her interests were. The only thing he knew about her for sure was that she liked to read the Supernatural books. Luckily she wasn’t as crazy about them as Becky… Just then, a new song started to play from the laptop. From his position in the doorway, he could see that she was clearly reading something, but he was too far away from the screen to identify what it was. While watching her like this, Dean noticed that she was also moving her lips along to the lyrics of the song. It was then that he realized what the lyrics were actually saying.

♪ _They say before you start a war_ ♪ __  
♪ _You better know what you’re fighting for_ ♪ __  
♪ _Well baby, you are all that I adore_ ♪ _  
_ ♪ _If love is what you need, a soldier I will be_ ♪

♪ _I’m an angel with a shotgun_ ♪ __  
♪ _Fighting ’til the war’s won_ ♪ __  
♪ _I don’t care if heaven won't take me back_ ♪ __  
♪ _I’ll throw away my faith, babe_ ♪ __  
♪ _Just to keep you safe_ ♪ _  
_ ♪ _Don’t you know you're everything I have?_ ♪

♪ _And I…_ ♪ _  
_ ♪ _Wanna live, not just survive tonight_ ♪

Dean was leaning in the doorway, frozen, listening to the song that reminded him so much of his best friend… Well, if Castiel was in love with him… Which he certainly wasn’t. _Right_. Still, everything he could think of was _Cas_ and how much he missed him and hoped he would come back. When the song was over, Dean was still deep in his thoughts. This time, no new song started to play. Instead, Dean was ripped out of his thoughts by Tara’s voice: “You like this song?”

Dean looked at her. She was still facing away from him. “How did you- When did you notice I was there?”, he asked, sounding rather surprised.

“I noticed as soon as you pushed the door open far enough to watch me.”, she replied casually, without turning her eyes away from the screen.

Dean nodded appreciatively, “Damn, you’re good.”

“So?”, she asked.

“So what?”

“Do you like that song?”

“Uh… Um… It’s nice, but… not really my kind of music.”, he said absentmindedly, scratching the back of his neck.

Tara chortled and finally turned her head to face Dean, “Right”, she flipped the Laptop shut and sat up on the bed, directly looking at him, “Does it remind you of someone?”

“Huh? I don't know what you mean”, he replied, playing dumb.

She smiled, “Since the moment I heard it the first time, it had always reminded me of Castiel.”

Dean chuckled, crossing his arms, “A little too sappy for Cas.”

Tara laughed, “Yeah, probably. He can be really badass, can’t he?”

“He can.”, Dean confirmed with a smile.

She noticed the slight bitterness on his face, “Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah…”

There was a short moment of silence, until Tara asked, “Why did you come to my room in the first place?”

Dean pushed his thoughts of Cas away, finally remembering why he was actually here and said, “Oh, right, Sam and I got you somethin’ and I wanted to come get you.”

“Really?”, she asked curiously, “What is it?”

“Gotta come along and see yourself.”, Dean replied grinning and walked away, motioning her to follow. When they reached the living room, Sam was already sitting there, waiting impatiently, with the package placed on the table in front of him.

“Finally”, he said, looking at Dean reproachfully, “What the Hell took you so long?”

Before Dean could say anything to defend himself, Tara already blurted out, “Sorry, it was my fault. I detained him.”

Something about this seemed a little strange to Sam, but if it was important, Tara would’ve told him, so he decided to just drop it, “Alright, come here, we got something for you.”

Sam stood up, taking the package from the table, while Dean walked over to stand beside him. Tara walked up to them, looking intensely at the brown package with the blue ribbon around it. It wasn’t the most beautifully wrapped present she had ever got, but it was from the Winchesters and that alone made it special. They had even bothered to tie a ribbon around it. She wasn’t sure whether it was a coincidence or they actually remembered that blue was her favorite color, but it didn't really matter. It was perfect. Modest, but perfect. Sam handed her the package. It was heavier than it looked. Both of the brothers were smiling, excited to see her reaction. She unwrapped it quickly and found it to be a metal box, which could be locked with a key.

“Go on, open it.”, Dean encouraged her.

“The key is inside.”, Sam added.

She opened the lid and her eyes grew wide in surprise. Inside the metal box was a black gun and two corresponding magazines. It was a Glock, just like the one her father had. She looked up at the brothers, unable to form words.

“You mentioned once that you favor a Glock over other guns, so… we decided to get you one.”, Sam explained simply.

“Yeah… I- I know, but… I didn't think you would remember.”, she murmured and started to smile.

Dean cleared his throat, “The second magazine is filled with silver bullets.”

“Oh, and take a look under the foam material.”, Sam added quickly.

She took the gun out and lifted the black sponge.

“My own fake FBI-badge!”, she practically screamed in excitement.

“Other institutions are already in the works.”, Sam said.

“We’re gonna get you an FBI suit and a holster tomorrow.”, Dean said smiling.

Tara didn’t know what to say. In the past she had often imagined what it would be like, to know the Winchesters, the heroes from her favorite books, and go out on hunts with them. Now she knew them and they wanted to hunt with her, but reality was different from her imagination. The thought of hunting real ghosts and monsters scared and thrilled her at the same time, but she appreciated those feelings, because they made her feel alive again. She put the presents on the table and hugged the brothers, murmuring “Thank you.”

Sam and Dean were pleased with themselves. They had never seen Tara this happy before. But there also was a wisp of sorrow, about whether it was the right decision to teach her to hunt. They knew best that this job could cause so much pain and could even destroy people and their lives. They remembered with bitterness what had happened to Charlie and they really hoped they wouldn't have to burn Tara’s body someday too. But for now, Tara was happy and it seemed like everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I just noticed that there are actually people who subscribed to this and I was kinda surprised, because it only has two chapters so far, but anyway... I want you to know that it'll take me some time to finish the next chapter, 'cause it's gonna be pretty long.  
> It will be about Tara's first case (probably a vengeful spirit), I'd appreciate your ideas for this if you have any!
> 
> What I also wanted to say, is that my original intention was to include the pairing Tara/Crowley, but after I thought about Tara's personality for a while, I think they wouldn't really fit together... So I decided to make them just really weird besties instead. Hope, that doesn't disappoint you.
> 
> UPDATE: Next chapter should be online soon, my beta is almost halfway through with it.


	3. I don't like ghost stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean take Tara with them to investigate her first case, but things don't go quite as planned. The case turns out a bit more complicated than they'd initially thought and on top of that, old acquaintances show up to make everything even more difficult…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK, I'M NOT DEAD.  
> So, this chapter was a pain in the ass for me, because it got a lot longer than planned. It's the longest up until now, but the following chapters will be a lot more consistent in length.
> 
> Since my beta is currently taking forever, I decided to start posting again unbeta'd, because I just couldn't wait any longer. I'll update the chapters as soon as my beta is done with them.
> 
> But for now: enjoy!

More days had passed and there were still no leads on Cas, Amara or what was going on with Tara, so Sam decided to get them a case. He was working with his laptop, while Tara was just sitting on the couch, drinking tea and Dean was eating donuts right next to her. There was an awkward silence in the room, caused by nobody saying anything for about fifteen minutes.

“I think I found something.”, Sam suddenly stated.

“What? On Amara? Or Cas?”, Dean asked.

“On me?”, Tara added.

“No, a case.”, Sam said, “So get this, in the Potwin place area of Topeka, Kansas, was a man found dead in a house inside a locked room, two days ago. But the best part is, his heart was completely frozen.”

“So what could that be? A spirit?”, Tara asked curiously.

“Possibly, but here’s the thing, this particular house is already known for being haunted. Or at least it was about 43 years ago.”, Sam explained, “The first events had occurred in 1972, when the owners, General J. E. Gardner and his wife Dorothy, were remodeling the house. They reported about hearing loud banging sounds coming from an unoccupied guest room for over a year, always precisely at 10:15 am. Next, they heard loud heavy breathing at night, as some invisible presence sat on the edge of their beds. One night something even tried to pull Dorothy’s legs off the bed and objects started moving by themselves, went missing and then randomly reappeared without explanation. Once, while hanging new wallpaper in the west bedroom, Dorothy heard a man’s voice say, “You’re doing a nice job.”, while nobody was around.”, he paused, “But it seems like the house somehow lost its haunting in 1973, because I couldn't find any subsequent reports.”

“So… the spirit just disappeared and is back now?”, Dean asked doubtingly.

“Yeah, maybe… I don’t know. As far as I see, the spirit has never been violent before, so maybe it’s something else, but I think we should take a look at it.”, Sam offered.

Dean sighed, “Alright, you said Topeka? That’s not so far from here. Get your stuff, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

The brothers stood up and walked out of the room. Tara was still sitting on the couch. Suddenly Dean walked back in, “I said, get your stuff, we won’t be waiting for you.”

“What?”, she asked confused.

“You’re comin’ with us.”, Dean declared.

Tara’s expression lit up “Really?”

“I think you’re ready. Now get your stuff or we’ll leave without you.”

She leapt to her feet immediately and ran out of the room. Dean couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. He was excited to see what she would be like in the field, but he also hoped, she would be able to live a normal life again after all of this would be over. Tara rushed to her room and stuffed her backpack with everything she might need. Toothbrush, laptop, phone charger, her gun with both filled up magazines and holster, a few extra items of clothing (they didn't know how long they’d have to stay) and of course her FBI-badge (the suit was already placed in the Impala’s trunk). She quickly picked up her new black ankle boots (which looked much more professional with the suit than the red Converse she was wearing usually) and walked outside to meet up with the boys at the Impala.

When she walked out of the bunker, Sam and Dean were already waiting for her, leaning against the car. She put her stuff into the trunk and everyone got into the vehicle. Dean was driving, with Sam riding shotgun and Tara in the backseat staring out of the window. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for this. If she was ever going to be ready. What she did know for sure, was that she had never been this excited before, or this terrified.

The trip didn't take really long, only a few hours, and they arrived at the city of Topeka. Tara hadn't said anything during the whole drive. She _was_ a rather quiet person, but that was even for her a pretty long period of silence. Dean parked in front of the first motel he could find and the three of them got out of the car. They walked up to the concierge.

“One single room and one double room with single beds, please.”, Sam said.

The young man examined the people standing in front of him, the really tall guy, the bowlegged one and the small woman who was not really paying any attention to what was going on, probably wondering who of them was going to sleep alone. He handed Sam the keys and wished them a good day. They retrieved their things from the Impala and moved into their rooms. After a few minutes, there was a knock at the brothers door.

“Who is it?”, Sam asked.

“Pizzaservice!”, the sound of Tara’s sarcastic voice came through the door, “Stupid question, who should it be…?”

“Come in”, Dean called back.

She opened the door and walked inside, taking a seat next to Sam. Suddenly some rather strange music started to play. It was the main theme of Tara’s favorite TV-show. It took them a moment to realize that it was her phone that was ringing. She fetched it from her pocket, her expression saddened as she looked at the screen.

“My Mum.”, she simply said and answered the call. Sam and Dean went silent immediately.

“Hey Mum! How are you doin’? Oh, that’s great and Dad? Good! Me? I’m okay, the therapy is working, I’m gettin’ better every day.”, she lied, “I found some new friends here. Yeah, two brothers, they're taking good care of me. They've been here for a while now and have shown me how things work. Right. Yeah, I hope so too. Bye.”

She sighed and put her phone back into her pocket.

“Something important?”, Sam asked concerned.

“Not really. My parents are doing pretty good, Mum just got a promotion. She said, that she hopes I’ll come back home soon, like she always does.”, Tara told them wistfully.

The brothers knew that it was hard for her to lie to her parents, but what choice did she have? She had told them about her visions before, but they wouldn't believe her, so when she took off to see the Winchesters, she told them she was going to a private clinic where they could deal with those “visions”. Her mother called at least once a week, she used to call every day, but Tara told her to stop that, because it started to get a little annoying. She really missed her parents and her old friends and it weighed upon her mind that she couldn't tell them the truth. They wouldn't believe her anyway. At least she had the Winchesters who were trying their best to help her, but what if they can’t fix her? Or what if they can? Her life would definitely never be the same again. She couldn't just forget that the books and all the monsters in them were real. She couldn't just forget that the Winchesters were real! Even after she’d have her normal life back, she’d definitely want to stay in touch with the brothers. Maybe via video chats… And she could visit at Sam’s and Dean’s birthdays… Yeah, that could work… perhaps.

Sam ripped Tara out of her train of thoughts by suggesting, “Maybe we should take a look at the dead body first.”

She and Dean nodded in agreement.

“Alright, I’ll suit up. See you in a few minutes.”, she stated and stood up.

“We’ll be waiting at the car.”, Dean said.

She nodded and walked out of the room.

Just before she was gone, Dean called out to her, “Don’t forget your badge!”

She waved her hands, signaling that she understood before she was out of sight. When everyone was wearing their FBI suits, they drove to the local police department. The three of them walked inside, and approached a desk, where Sam spoke with the officer on duty, “Excuse me, who is responsible for the case of the man who mysteriously died in a house at Greenwood Ave.?”

“The guy with the frozen heart? I think that would be Milly. Sorry, I mean… Detective Carter.”, the young man answered and pointed at a brown haired woman, sitting behind a cluttered desk in the bureau. The three of them were quite standing out with their black suits, so it wasn’t surprising that the woman, Detective Carter, noticed them quickly.

“Can I help you?”, she asked standing up, her voice both friendly and authoritative.

“Yeah, I think so…”, Sam said.

Everyone fetched their badges and Dean stated, “FBI, ma’am. I’m Agent Morris, this is Agent Hunt”, he pointed at Sam, “and this is Agent Oswald.”, he pointed at Tara.

“I thought FBI-agents usually appear in pairs. You know, parters.”, Carter wondered.

“She’s our trainee.”, Sam explained.

“It’s my first outdoor mission.”, Tara added enthusiastically.

“Congrats.”, Carter said , “So, what kind of business does the FBI have here?”

“We’re here because of the frozen heart case.”, Dean said simply.

“Well, I’m not even entirely sure if that _is_ a case at all.”, the detective mentioned, “We haven't got any clue on how that is actually possible. I don’t know how you could help with that.”

“Let’s say, we are part of a special unit for strange cases.”, Tara explained.

Carter looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

“That pretty much nails it, actually.”, Sam acknowledged.

“Alright, fine. What exactly do you expect me to do now?”, she asked.

“Just tell us about the case, so we can help.”, Sam said.

Carter sighed, “Okay. So, the body was found two days ago in a house on Greenwood Avenue in the Potwin Place district. The man’s name is… well, _was_ Harry Dobson.”, she started to tell, while leading the three “agents” to the autopsy room in the basement of the building, “The room he was found in had been locked, it had to be forced open, and it was cold inside. The autopsy revealed that the victim's heart was completely frozen.”

They reached the room and Sam whispered to Tara, “Do you think you can handle this?”

“Yeah. I don’t throw up that easily.”, she replied, keeping her voice low.

“Good”, Sam murmured with a small smile.

They walked into the room. It was cold in there and the steel autopsy tables were empty, except one. There laying on the cold slab was a middle aged man, with short brown hair. His skin was pale with a grayish tone. Tara shivered. It was kinda creepy, seeing a real dead person for the first time, but _thank God_ she didn’t get sick.

“The only explanation we could think of, was liquid nitrogen, but someone would've had to inject a pretty large amount directly into his heart. The problem is, there is not a single puncture on his entire body. So, we end up completely clueless how this is even possible.”

“I understand…”, Sam said, while he and Dean examined the body for a few moments, whereas Tara just watched them quietly.

“Could we take a look at the crime scene?”, Dean asked.

“Sure, the forensic people are already done there. They couldn’t find anything anyway.”

When they arrived at the old house on Greenwood Ave., they got out of their cars and took in the sight before them. It was a large, beautiful, old-style victorian building. As they walked towards the front door, Tara noticed a sign planted in the front lawn that said, _FOR SALE_. Detective Carter led them inside and right to the room where the body was found. There was still crime scene tape fixed across the doorframe and they had to duck under it, to enter the room. It looked like a small working space, with a work desk, a revolving chair, a small plant and an empty cupboard. It was still cold inside. The room was clean. No blood. Some items were lying on the floor, like there had been a fight.

“He was lying right there, eyes wide open with a shocked expression on his face”, Carter said, pointing at a flattened spot on the fluffy, beige-colored carpet.

“The house is for sale, he was here to see it, wasn’t he?”, Tara stated.

“That’s right. It seems like this house is never gonna get sold...”

“What do you mean?”, Sam asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Really. I just heard there were some strange things happening in this house. But that’s only rumors.”, Carter told them.

“Strange things as in ‘someone has built a model railroad in the basement’ or like ‘Paranormal Activity’ strange?”, Dean inquired.

“What do you mean? It's not like someone saw a ghost or something.”, Carter said, laughing lightly.

“Sure,” Sam stepped in, “What my partner meant was, any information you have, could be important.”

Carter just nodded a little bemused.

“You mind if we take a look around?”, Dean asked her.

“No problem, go ahead.”

Dean signaled Tara to come with him, while Sam stayed with Detective Carter. As soon as they were out of earshot, Dean took out his EMF detector and started to scan the building. Most of the rooms were clean with the exception of a single door.

Tara looked at the door and said, “Of course it had to be the basement.”

Dean just laughed and said, “We’ll take a look at that later. We should go back for now, before the Detective gets suspicious.”

In the meantime, Sam had asked Detective Carter about the house and its owners and told her to keep the three of them informed about the case. As soon as they were sitting in the Impala, Sam started talking, “Alright so, it seems like everyone who buys this house, sells it only a couple months later. The family who currently owns it only lives four streets from here. We should talk to them next. What have you got?”

“We’re probably dealing with some sort of spirit, the EMF went practically batshit crazy in front of the basement door.”, Dean answered.

The conversation with the young family owning the old building, seemed to confirm their theory. They reported cold spots, scratching noises and flickering lights. The family apparently thought these problems were due to the house being old, but the Winchesters and Tara knew better. Classic evidence of a haunting. It seemed like a simple salt and burn. Now all they had to do, was, find out who the spirit was and burn the remains. Easy, right?

As the three of them walked towards the Impala, Sam’s phone started to ring. He answered, listened to what the other person had to say and immediately looked worried.

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a bit.”, he said before he hung up.

“What’s going on?”, Dean asked.

“It was Detective Carter. She said, they found another victim.”, Sam answered.

“Oh no”, Tara mumbled.

“We have to go back to the house, they need us at the crime scene.”, Sam explained.

Dean and Tara nodded. They had almost reached the car, when Tara suddenly started jogging, threw her arms up and yelled “Shotgun!”

Sam looked a little confused until he realized what she meant while Dean just laughed and slid into the driver’s seat. It wasn’t too bad, with Tara riding shotgun the passenger seat was adjusted for really short people, so Sam had enough room for his long legs behind her.

As soon as they arrived back at the old building, they were greeted by a very exasperated looking Detective Carter.

“Good to see you, Agents. This case is slowly getting really tiring.”, she said.

“Why is that?”, Dean asked curiously.

“A bunch of weirdos showed up here and asked for access to the crime scene, talking about evil spirits and crazy shit like that. They claim to be some kind of ‘experts’, whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean.”, she explained visibly annoyed by mentioned people.

“Don’t worry, we’ll deal with them if necessary.”, Sam assured her, while Tara shot Dean a curious look.

“I sent them away. Hopefully they got the message…”, she sighed, “Anyway, if you’ll follow me now.” She led them past the cordon into the house and directly to the corpse. It was a woman, presumably in her mid-thirties. She was sitting on the floor of the huge living room, leaning against the wall opposite to the old fireplace. It was still cold in here. She was wearing a black suit and high-heels and had her long blonde hair pinned up with a claw clip. Her eyes were wide open and empty. There were scratch marks in the wooden floor by her left and right side and her manicured nails were broken from digging into the parquet. She must have been terrified when she died.

“Was she a realtor?”, Tara asked after taking in the scene.

“Yeah, she wanted to put the building on her website, to sell it faster. I encountered her after Mister Dobson’s death.”, Carter explained, “Just out of curiosity, how did you know?”

Tara looked up from the dead body and found Carter’s, Sam’s and Dean’s eyes on her. She swallowed “Well… This house is for sale, so the number of possible reasons for a person to be here, is pretty limited. The suit she’s wearing looks expensive and her shoes are definitely not of the comfortable kind. She’s not dressed to view a potential new home. One would try to make themselves comfortable while doing that, but she’s all business, so the assumption wasn’t exactly farfetched. Besides, what kind of person would want to visit a house where a murder took place, except to make money from it?”

Dean nodded impressed, Sam looked fairly proud and Carter just smiled warmly and said, “You’re a good rookie, Agent Oswald.”

Tara grinned and replied “Please, call me Clara.”

They were silent for a moment, until Dean spoke up “Lemme guess, no signs of violence or struggle, no wounds, no evidence of an intruder and a frozen heart.”

Carter nodded “That’s correct. And all doors were locked as well.”

Tara fetched a pair of rubber gloves from the forensics and crouched down beside the victim. “May I?”

“Sure”, Carter retorted.

The young hunter started to examine the woman's suit pockets, but came up with nothing. She let her eyes wander, taking in the beautiful old fireplace, complete with fire irons by its side, the large couch, covered with a white sheet and the small table in the middle of the room. Something… something was missing.“Mind if I take a look around the house?”

“Go ahead.”, was Carter’s answer.

As she stood up and attempted to walk away, Sam announced “I’ll go with her.”

As soon as they had left the room, Dean took advantage of the resulting silence and questioned Carter as casually as possible “What do you know about the history of this house?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… have you heard about any strange events that took place here in the past? Or… maybe any violent deaths?”

Carter gave him a confused look “Um, no…? I mean, this place was said to be haunted, everyone here knows that story, but that was decades ago and I don’t see how that would be of importance.”

“Um, right… never mind. Do you happen to know where I could find that information?”, he asked with his most charming smile.

She smiled in return and answered “Sure, in our local public library should be some old newspapers and stuff like that. It’s on the corner of Washburn Ave. and 10th, only a few minutes from here.”

“Thanks”, he said, flashing a grin.

In the meantime, Sam and Tara were walking through the corridor towards the basement. Sam was holding his EMF meter, which only provided a weak signal at the moment. Tara for one, had her eyes fixed on the floor, constantly scanning it thoroughly.

“What are you thinking?”, Sam asked.

“Something’s missing.”, was the mumbled response.

“What do you mean?”

“She was here because she wanted to put this building on her website, so she would’ve taken photos. She’s wearing very expensive business clothing, so her phone is probably just as high in quality, she wouldn't need a camera.”

“So?”

“Where’s her phone? It’s crucial for her job, there’s no way in Hell she would’ve forgotten something as important as that, so where did it go?”

“You think she might’ve lost it when she was attacked.”

“I think she might’ve dropped it when she saw a ghost. And I think, she might’ve recorded that ghost.”

“So when we find the phone, the recording could help us to identify the spirit.”

“Exactly.”

Sam smiled fondly “You really _are_ a good rookie.”

Tara couldn't stop her lips from curving into a grin.

It was only a few minutes later, that the three of them regathered in front of the Impala.

“Alright, we should check out the local library for the history of this house. Where did you two go that took so long?”, Dean asked.

“It seems we got an exemplary student here.”, Sam retorted and gestured towards Tara, while she pulled a new looking smartphone out of her inside pocket. It was quite large, but flat and it looked like a BlackBerry. ‘ _The company, not the fruit_ ’ Dean thought to himself. Of course that should’ve been obvious. No, Dean certainly hadn't made that clarification in his head because of Cas. Definitely not. Anyway…

“It belongs to the victim?”, he found himself asking, trying not to think too much about the missing angel.

Sam and Tara nodded in unison.

“Awesome. Where did you find it?”

“Where we got the strongest EMF signal.”, Tara replied.

“In the basement.”, Sam clarified.

“Okay, let’s take a look at it somewhere else. We don’t exactly want to be caught withholding and stealing evidence from a crime scene.”, Dean said.

“Good point.”, Tara agreed, sliding the phone back into her pocket. The screen was still unlocked since the moment the woman had dropped it, which certainly saved them some work.

They drove back to the motel and quickly changed back into their casual clothes, before assembling around the small technical device. Sam was holding it, going through the photos by swiping over the screen, while Tara and Dean were watching intently. The majority of the pictures showing the house interior were of no use. Except the last one. It showed the basement, photographed from the foot of the staircase. But the room wasn’t empty. There was a man standing in its center, almost completely translucent, dressed in a black suit with a black tie and a black trilby, wearing an urgent expression on his face. After taking this picture, the phone must have fallen out of the realtors hands and she’d fled upstairs, only to find all doors locked and herself trapped inside the house.

“So, that must be the spirit.”, Sam stated.

“Yep.”, Dean confirmed.

“Seems so.”, Tara added, “What now?”

“I’d say, we visit the library. Maybe we can find out who the spirit is and finish the case tomorrow morning.”, Sam suggested.

“Sounds good, but first we gotta get something to eat.”, Dean retorted, patting his belly.

Sam huffed a laugh “Yeah, fine.”

They chose a nice little diner and sat down in a corner booth. Tara was sitting next to the window, with Sam right next to her and Dean on the other side of the table. The waitress was friendly and seemed to take interest in the strangers. They were eating in comfortable silence. Dean was having a burger with extra bacon and fries, Sam was eating a caesars salad and Tara had ordered a cream cheese bagel. Dean had asked her why she didn’t want to try a burger and when she declared that she “wasn’t such a meat addict as you, Dean”, he just frowned while Sam gave him a triumphant smile.

After they had finished, the waitress returned and asked “Anything else for you?”, smiling especially friendly at Dean.

“Yeah, I’d like a slice of the apple pie, please.”, he answered simply.

“And a slice of raspberry pie for me, please.”, Tara spoke up.

The waitress scribbled down the order and left the table again, a little disappointed. The Winchesters’ eyes were on Tara. “What? I might not be a meat freak, but I like all kinds of desserts.”

Now Dean shot Sam a triumphant grin, showing off a hint of proudness. She liked pie, his faith in her was restored. As they were eating, they let the other taste a piece of their own pie, so no one would have to miss out on a flavor. The group fell silent again and Tara’s mind started to wander. It hadn’t escaped her notice that the waitress seemed to take particular interest in Dean (and when even _she_ noticed that, it meant something) but he didn’t respond to her flirtations. But why? In the books he was always depicted as a typical ladies’ man, but now he was completely indifferent to this woman’s advances. Her thoughts wandered back to the day she’d been chatting with her friends and one of them had mentioned the books. She had mentioned how frequently the books described Dean missing Cas. Tara’s eyes drifted over Dean’s face. Could it be…? No. That was ridiculous. She was reading too much into this. It had been one thing to ship them when she thought they were only fictional characters, but now she knew they were _real, existing people_ and that changed almost everything. She couldn’t just ship real people together. She hadn’t even met Cas yet and she couldn’t judge their relationship only based on those books. That just wouldn’t be fair. So she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, continued eating her pie and even entered into the conversation that had started between the Winchester brothers while she had been immersed in her thoughts.

Afterwards, they drove directly to the library. They were already digging through old newspaper reports for hours to find the mysterious man from the photograph, when suddenly Sam exclaimed enthusiastically “Hey, I think I found something!”

With that he immediately gained Dean’s and Tara’s attention. He showed them a report about a murder from 1961. A woman had been killed by an intruder in her own home. Sam put another article on the table.

“Only a few months later, her husband killed himself.”, he pointed out “Look at the picture.”

“That’s him. He’s our spirit.”, Tara stated.

“Where is he buried?”, Dean asked.

“Well, that’s the problem. He was cremated.”, Sam answered.

“That means, there must be something else the spirit is attached to, right?”, Tara questioned.

“Yep. And we have to go find it.”, Dean said with a sigh.

“Let’s call it a night. We can search for the haunted object tomorrow. Whatever that thing might be.”, Sam offered. Dean and Tara agreed.

They took a little detour to the haunted building to check out if the police had put up some security measures (which they didn’t). They were surprised to say the least when they arrived at the house, because apparently someone got there first. You could see the flashlights moving behind the curtains, so there were at least two people.

“What the…”, Dean muttered before pulling over and practically leaping out of the car, Sam and Tara on his heels. It was already dark and there were no people outside, so luckily no one would see them.

“Wait”, she exclaimed, “Shouldn’t we take the shotguns with us? I mean, what if the spirit shows up?”

Sam looked at Dean and said, “She’s got a point.”

Dean walked back to the car and grabbed two shotguns and some rock-salt ammunition out of the trunk. He handed Sam one of the guns and marched directly towards the front door of the house. The door was still slightly ajar, so whoever the strangers were, they were definitely amateurs. And who the fuck would break into an almost empty house? Well, except hunters…

Tara followed Sam and Dean through the door and caught sight of the intruders. They froze and just stared at them for a moment, dumbfounded. Those people weren't strangers, in fact they had encountered them a few times already. It was Ed and Harry, alias the Ghostfacers with the addition of a girl holding a camera.

Their flashlights were immediately turned at the brothers, followed by the exclamation “You?!”

It was hard to say whether Harry or Ed had said it, because they were holding the flashlights practically in the Winchesters faces, so they had to blink rapidly against the blinding light. “Son of a…”, Dean murmured.

“Oh crap, no.”, Tara muttered to herself, “I forgot they would be real too…”

After the boys had lowered their flashlights, Harry asked “What are you doing here?!”

“We could ask you the same thing!”, Sam retorted.

“Well, we are investigating.”, Ed said plainly.

“Well, we are doing our job.”, Dean scoffed.

“What happened, I thought you guys broke up after the Thinman fiasco.”, Sam questioned.

“We did, but it turned out we couldn’t keep our hands off the paranormal and after we ran into each other on an investigation, we decided to work together again. Then, we hired her.”, Ed explained and pointed towards the girl who was still filming the whole scene.

“Ed made a mistake, but before that he was my best friend. It’s hard to end something like that, you know?”, Harry explained.

“It might never be like it was before, but we’re working on it.”, Ed added with the hint of a smile.

“That’s good, friendships require hard work sometimes, but it can be worth it. Everyone makes mistakes once in awhile, what matters is, how we make up for them.”, Tara chimed in.

Now all eyes were on her and Harry asked “Who the Hell are you?”

“I’m Tara. Nice to meet you?”, it came out more as a question that a statement.

Ed turned to the Winchesters, obviously confused “I thought you guys only work alone?”

“Um… Well… You could say, she’s kind of our rookie right now.”, Sam tried to explain.

“Huh. So those who can’t do, teach?”, Ed mocked.

“Hey, we have to save your sorry asses every time we meet, so shut up.”, Dean demanded.

“Calm down, Captain America. You should mind your blood pressure.”

“And you should mind your face, ‘cause I might shoot it.”

Dean was fuming and Sam was glaring daggers at the Ghostfacers. When Tara noticed a slight drop in temperature, she attempted to calm things down, but the boys were too absorbed in their little bitchfight to listen. Tara would have to make a really loud noise to gain their attention, but she couldn’t whistle. She briefly considered taking her gun and shooting at the floor, but decided against it for the sake of the neighborhood. Ultimately, she settled on a more elegant method. She took her phone and used it to play the sound of a really loud and high-pitched horn. Everybody was silent in an instant and looked at her. She tucked her phone back into her pocked and said blank faced “You don’t like each other. I get it. But I would rather appreciate it if you could sort that out later, when we’re not in the middle of the night standing inside a fuCKING HAUNTED HOUSE!”

For a few seconds, the group just blinked dumbly at her until Ed’s camera-girl spoke up “I second that.”

Sam cleared his throat clearly embarrassed “You’re right. We should leave.”

“No way. We’re not going out of this house until we’ve got a ghost on film.”, Harry insisted.

Tara let out a long and exasperated sigh. ‘ _I really hoped the books would have exaggerated their stubbornness…_ ’

“Listen, two people have already been killed. Do you really want to be next?”, she asked.

“Honey, we’ve already faced dangers you couldn’t begin to imagine.”, Ed boasted.

The look she gave him then, immediately washed the cocky smile off his face. It was her patented ‘are you fucking kidding me’ face. She raised an eyebrow and replied in her most beautiful deadpan voice “I highly doubt that.”

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean were having trouble keeping themselves from bursting out in hysterical laughter.

“And don’t you dare calling me ‘honey’ one more time.”, she warned, pointing at him with her index finger, then she added “Now would you _please_ get the Hell outta here.”

Ed rolled his eyes, but his shoulders slumped in defeat and Tara knew she’d won. Just as they turned towards the exit to leave, the temperature dropped another few degrees and the spirit appeared in front of the door, blocking the way. Dean raised his shotgun and pulled the trigger without hesitation. The spirit disappeared, but everyone in the room knew it wasn’t over. Moments later it manifested again on the other side of the group. Just as they turned around, the man in the suit disarmed Sam and Dean with a flick of his wrist. But something was odd. The spirit just stood there, flickering in and out of existence until it seemed to be stably visible. His lips were moving, but noting could be heard. Tara just stared at him, something about him put her on edge since she saw that photograph on the realtors mobile phone.

The spirit’s eyes wandered over the small group of people, until they settled on Tara. He looked at her and for a moment she thought she saw curiosity crossing his features. He flickered away, only to reappear right in front of her, but she stood her ground. Something about this whole situation just wasn’t sitting right. She looked into his eyes and saw no rage there. They were heavy with sadness and sorrow, but no wrath.

Meanwhile, Dean had gotten a hold on his gun again and shouted when he saw Tara and the spirit,“Tara!!”

Just as he was about to fire, she raised a hand towards him and screamed “DON’T!”

Everyone froze.

“Don’t shoot. This isn't what it seems to be.”, she added.

“What do you mean?”, Dean asked confused, still ready to shoot if necessary.

“He’s not an evil spirit. I think he’s trying to tell us something. Maybe he wants to warn us. Maybe he tried to warn the others too.”, she explained, “But I can’t hear what he's saying..”

“He hung himself. His windpipe or voice box must have been damaged in the process.”, Sam provided.

Tara looked a little closer at the man in front of her and spotted bruises around his neck.

“So you can’t tell us what you know…”, she murmured, “But maybe…”

She raised her hand and slowly reached out to the spirit as he did the same.

“Tara…”, Dean called out, sorrow in his voice.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.”, she replied, partly to convince him, partly to convince herself.

“What is she doing?”, Harry whispered a little panicked.

“I think she’s trying to communicate with it.”, Sam answered.

“I hope you know what you're doing…”, Dean mumbled.

The spirit now held a hand out for her and she gulped before taking a last deep breath and letting her fingertips brush against his hand. Her eyes snapped closed and she started breathing heavily. After no time, she was shivering, with tears streaming down her face and sobs escaping her lips.

Dean immediately went back into shooting position, but Sam stopped him “I don’t think he's doing anything to her, Dean.”

Dean lowered his gun and looked at Sam wide eyed “You think… it’s a vision?”

Tara had had visions since she moved into the bunker, but the brothers had never seen her having one first-hand and this experience was deeply unsettling.

After less than 15 seconds her hand dropped to her side and she began to get her breathing under control, while also trying to suppress the sobs that were erupting from her throat. She stumbled backwards and in almost the blink of an eye, Dean and Sam were there to keep her steady. She was still weak and kept mumbling things like “So much sadness…” or “all this loneliness…” until she finally straightened up, looked the dead man in front of her in the eye and whispered with tears in her eyes and a shaking, pleading voice “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have saved her. Stop blaming yourself, it’ll destroy you.”

The spirit just looked at her with weary, tired eyes and disappeared. Tara sniffed one last time, wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she turned towards the brothers who were still hovering by her side, wearing worried expressions.

“You okay?”, Dean asked concerned.

She nodded “Yeah, I’m fine.”, she brought a hand up to her head “…well, except for the usual pounding headache.”

It took her another second, before she realized that the Ghostfacers were staring at her, totally mesmerized. After a moment of awkward silence, Ed spoke up “Um… Care to explain?”

Tara rubbed her hand over her face and nodded “Yeah sure… but not now. We should get outta here, the vengeful spirit could show up every second.”

“Right”, Dean mumbled and the others nodded.

When they had left the building, Dean turned towards the Ghostfacers “Now get lost, so we can finish this case and drive back home!”, he ordered.

Ed and Harry just crossed their arms and looked at him, mildly offended, while Harry simply said “No.” Then Ed continued “You’re not our bosses and we’re not children. We don’t have to do what you tell us.”

“Yeah! And this is our case too, and we deserve some answers. So, what the Hell just happened in there?!”, Harry added, finishing their argument.

Dean looked at his brother, who just shook his head, apparently exasperated, before he moved to get into the car. As he turned his gaze towards Tara. She just shrugged.

He groaned “ _Really?_ ”

“I’m not saying they're right, but, … well they're not _wrong_ …”, she replied.

Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled in defeat “Fine. _Fine._ You can follow us and we’ll tell you what we know…”

Ed and Harry all but bounced with excitement while walking to their car.

When they had all arrived at the motel the brothers and Tara had occupied, Dean announced “I’m gonna go take a shower. You two can start educating Dumb and Dumber while I’m gone.”

Sam nodded. Tara was still massaging her temples, trying to ease the throbbing pain. Then Dean walked to the room he shared with his little brother and Tara signaled the Ghostfacers to follow her to her own room. When everyone was seated, Sam started to tell them about the case and what they had found out so far.

As soon as he finished, Ed required “Yeah okay, but that still doesn't explain the weirdest part!”, he gestured at Tara and continued, “I mean, what the Hell did she do? It looked like she somehow communicated with the ghost, like… like the Ghostwhisperer or somethin’!”

At that moment, Tara let her hands fall from her head, let out a pained sigh and declared “You’re watching too much TV.”

The pain wasn’t completely gone yet, that would take another hour minimum, but it had lessened. All in all, it was bearable. So, she sat up straighter and started to tell her story and tried to explain her visions to those two dorky amateurs. Needless to say, that was one Hell of a task.

“So, you're a psychic or something. A mindreader.”, Harry concluded in the end.

“Actually we don’t really know what exactly she is, but we’re doing our best to figure it out.”, Sam replied.

“That means, we’ve actually seen someone communicating with a ghost over telepathy.”, Ed reasoned a little awed, “And we got it on film!”

At that moment, Dean made his way into the room and required “You done yet?”

Tara shrugged and looked questioningly at the two men, who had listened to her explanations with fascination. Ed and Harry looked at each other for a brief moment, before Harry answered “Yeah, I guess.”

Dean nodded “Awesome. Now, if you don’t mind, we should all go to sleep. It was one Hell of a day, especially for Tara.”

Ed took a look at her, while she had gone back to massaging her temples, and agreed “Yeah, okay. See you guys tomorrow then.” With that, they walked towards the door.

“Bye.”, Tara called after them, “And you better not show up here before eight o’clock!”

The next morning, she was having breakfast with the brothers in their room, discussing how they should handle the Ghostfacers to keep them from getting in the way during their case.

“Have you ever tried it with reason? I mean, they're not stupid, you could tell them how they keep from getting into danger.”, Tara suggested.

“Reason, haha. That ship sailed a long time ago. They don’t listen to us.”, Dean retorted.

“Yeah, they hate us.”, Sam agreed.

There was a moment of silence then. Sure, it was primarily the Winchesters own fault that they hated them, but it would be for their own good, to listen to the brothers’ instructions.

“Hey, you know what? It seemed like they listened to you.”, Sam noted.

“Yeah, they don’t hate you yet.”, Dean continued.

“I don’t think I like where this is going.”, Tara grumbled a little nervously.

“You should keep an eye on them, while we take care of the spirit.”, Dean suggested.

“No, I’m not gonna play babysitter!”, Tara blurted, then added “This is so not how I imagined my first case to go…”

Sam exhaled sympathetically “Look, I know and I’m sorry, but I think you have the biggest chance of not having them bolt on you.”

She sighed resignedly and nodded “You’re probably right. I’ll take care of them. But I can’t guarantee that they won’t hate me afterwards…”

Dean laughed “Yeah, that’s okay. No one would expect any different of you.”

Right then, there was a knock at the door. Tara took a peek at her watch. Precisely 8 am. _That’s what I call punctual._ “Come in!”, she called out.

The door flung open and Harry and Ed strolled in, camera-girl in tow (who had filmed everything that had happened the day before and was still filming).

Harry rubbed his hands together in excitement and asked “So, how do we proceed from here?”

“Well, we still don’t know who the evil spirit is, since there are apparently two in that house.”, Sam answered.

“Also, I haven't told you everything I know from the other spirit yet.”, Tara provided.

“Alright, let’s start with that.”, Ed stated, then he turned to the camera-girl and said, “Make sure you catch that.” She nodded and continued filming the whole scene.

“Okay, uhm… Where do I start… His name was Henry Johnson and as we already knew, he hung himself 55 years ago, after his wife had been murdered. He blamed himself, because he couldn’t protect her and he still mourns over her death. He was responsible for the reports about a poltergeist spirit in 1972, because that was the time when he learned to control his new powers. But after a year, he stopped as he noticed he was scaring the people. He has been secretly protecting the residents of the house ever since.”, she told them.

“But after all that time, why didn’t he become a vengeful spirit?”, Dean asked confused.

“I don’t know. Maybe, because he blames himself instead of anyone else. Maybe, because he made it his mission, to prevent what happened to his wife from happening again. Or maybe, some souls just take longer…”, Tara replied, “Does it matter?”

“Guess not…”, Dean answered.

“So…”, she continued, “A few weeks ago, he noticed the presence of another spirit. He felt the wrathful energy and decided to better stay away. That is, until she started to direct her wrath at the people whoever were inside the house. So, as I already mentioned, he was protecting every person inside the house, thus he tried to warn them. As it was, they either didn’t see him or they were too busy freaking out and didn’t listen to him. Well, they couldn’t hear him anyway, but y’know…”

“She? The spirit is a female?”, Sam required immediately.

“Uh, yeah… A young woman. Probably in her twenties. Brown hair. He did his best to describe her, but he really tried to stay away from her, so he hasn't seen her properly.”, Tara elaborated.

“So, uh, what’s our next step?”, Harry asked.

“Well, we still have to find out who the vengeful spirit is, since it’s apparently not Mr. Johnson.”, Sam answered.

“Okay, but could you stop filming all of this? It’s bad enough you had to record one of Tara’s visions, so…”, Dean started a little bossy.

“No.”, was Ed’s immediate answer.

“What?”, Dean snapped.

“There’s no way we’re gonna stop now. Last time we had actual footage of a haunting, you dickheads destroyed it!”, Ed retorted.

“Hey, don’t talk to me like that! We saved your asses back there!”

“Guys, stop it!”, Tara cut them off, “You’re gonna give me another headache… They can keep filming, I don’t mind. What I _do_ mind, is your constant, silly, childish quarrel. Seriously: **behave**!”

They were silent instantly.

“Okay, how about you guys go to the local library, while Dean and I talk to some of the previous owners of the house.”, Sam suggested.

Tara shrugged, “Fine by me.”

“Yeah, alright.”, was Dean’s only answer, then he grumbled, “At least I won’t have to deal with those dimwits…”

“Hey!”, Ed yelled offended, but was immediately cut off by Tara, “Keep it to yourself! Please!”

So they split up, Dean and Sam driving off with the Impala to interview former owners, and Tara driving with the Ghostfacers to the library. This was gonna be a long day…

Harry was driving and Ed was riding shotgun, while Tara was in the backseat with the camera-girl, who was still filming everything – well, at that moment mostly Tara’s face. They were sitting in a tense silence, until Ed decided to speak up “Um… uh… May I ask you something?”

“Since that was a question, you already did.”, she deadpanned, still looking out of the window. As Ed seemingly didn’t know what to respond, she sighed and said, “Just go ahead.”

“Um… okay. Why are you working with them? The Winchesters, I mean.”, he asked then.

Now she turned her head and looked at him in confusion, “What do you mean? I already told you how we met and why. I’ll stay with them as long as it takes to figure out what’s wrong with me.”

“Yeah, I got that. That’s not what I meant… I mean… why do you do _this_ with them?”, Ed tried to explain himself.

“Oh, you mean hunting? I don’t know. It’s kind of fascinating, y’know? Like, knowing that all of this is real, is one thing, but seeing, _experiencing_ it firsthand? That’s something completely different.”, she told them.

Ed laughed in a way, he clearly must have thought of as charming, and said, “Yeah, tell me about it. What I don’t get is, why you are sticking with such asshats, I mean, you seem nice and smart enough and you have those _powers_ …”, he chuckled again, “So, why not get independent? Or you could join another group or something…”

Tara pointedly ignored the compliments and raised an eyebrow, “Are you offering me a job?”

“What? No! I was just- just saying…”, Ed stammered, then trailed off.

She chuckled, “Alright… You know… They take care of me. They’re always there when I need them. They’re almost like… big brothers to me. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

Now Harry joined the conversation, “Did I miss something? ‘Cause you just made them seem _nice_.”

“Yeah, they're total douchebags in my experience.”, Ed added.

Tara smiled, “Trust me, they're not always like that. If you knew what they've been through… They’re good guys. They really are. You just happen to bring out the worst in them…”

Ed scoffed, “Well, that’s good to know…”

After that, they soon arrived at the library. As they walked in, the librarian, a tall and slender young man, recognized Tara from her first visit there. She motioned for the Ghosfacers to just keep walking as if they didn’t know her.

“Good morning, Agent Oswald. How can I help you today?”, he asked politely.

“Uhm… Well… My partners and I… We’re looking for information about any violent deaths that occurred in the house we were researching about last time.”, she responded.

The librarian looked a little taken aback by that request, “Uh… Well, that’s an old house, could you narrow it down a bit?”

“Um… Yeah, it should be something rather recent. Like, start with a few weeks ago and go back a few years, that should probably do.”, she answered.

The guy still seemed a bit uncomfortable, but he agreed nonetheless. Meanwhile, the Ghostfacers had headed directly to the history section of the library, not really knowing what it actually was they were looking for. Unsurprisingly, they came up with nothing. Sam and Dean weren't exactly much better off, apparently none of the previous owners (whom they could reach so far) knew anything about a young woman dying in that house.

So, when Tara came round the corner, walking past the Ghostfacers with a big cardboard box, they shot her some funny looks. She sat the heavy box down on a table and turned to them, “What? You gonna help me with this or not?”

As Ed and Harry managed to get out of their stupor, they walked over to her, while Tara started to pull newspaper articles from the box and spread them out on the table.

“These are the records of every violent death in the area of that house from the past few years. Now, please help me to sort out those of women in their twenties.”, she said and Ed and Harry nodded.

They were still digging their way through the articles, when Tara’s phone started to buzz. She fetched it from her pocket and looked at the screen. It was Sam.

She answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, we’ve talked to every previous owner we could find and none of them knows about any young woman dying there.”, Sam said hurriedly.

“So? I feel like there’s a major ‘but’ coming.”

“ _But_ , get this: there is a huge time gap between January 6th and the 17th of March this year. During that time, the house was standing completely empty. The next owners said, the basement was in such a poor condition, they had to do refurbishments.”, Sam explained.

“So, you think something happened there.”, Tara stated.

“Yeah, I think it might be something.”

Then she remembered something. An article she had already dismissed, but now that she had more information, it could be right what they were looking for.

“Hold on a sec.”, she said, while hastily skimming through the papers on the table.

After some moments, she spotted the article she was looking for and let out a triumphant, “Ha!”

Sam startled a little on the other end of the line and asked, “What is it?”

“There’s a report from exactly the timespan you mentioned, about a serial killer crossing through the state of Kansas. He’d been spotted in this city in late January…”, she explained. Then she was again flipping through the papers on the table until she continued, “…but hasn't been caught until he moved three cities ahead. Later it was confirmed that he used the basements of unoccupied houses to hold his victims hostage until he killed them. And guess his victimology.”

“Brown haired women in their twenties?”

“Bingo.”

“So, we’re hunting one of his victims.”, Sam concluded.

“Yep, seems so.”, Tara agreed, “But we haven't found any records about victims in this town.”

“Well, maybe the police just didn’t assign her as one of his victims.”, Sam suggested.

“Yeah, that makes sense, but it wouldn't exactly make things easier for us.”

Sam sighed into the phone, “Right. Dean and I will drive to the police station to take a look at the murders and missing person cases.”

“Alright, see you at the motel.”

After that, they couldn't find any more useful information at the library, so another half an hour later, Tara handed the box with the articles back to the librarian and they headed out.

On the way, they grabbed something to eat and waited in Tara’s room. Soon after they had arrived there, the Impala pulled into the parking lot and the Winchesters walked in.

“Hey”, Sam and Dean greeted and Tara acknowledged them with a nod.

“What’s that?”, Dean asked, pointing at the plastic bags and the cardboard box on the table.

“We got some food on our way here and I figured, you might be hungry as well.”, Tara answered.

“What’d you get?”, Sam wanted to know.

“Burgers”, she said and started to rummage through the bags. Ed and Harry had already picked out theirs, so there were only three left.

“A Veggieburger for Sam and a Barbecue-burger with extra onions and bacon for Dean…”, she said while handing the food over to them. Then she started unwrapping her own and murmured, “And a chicken-cheeseburger for me.”

Dean didn’t waste time to dig into his burger and he let out a silent pleased moan, followed by, “You know me so well…” Tara had a hard time to suppress her grin at that.

After they had finished their burgers, Dean’s eyes landed on the box that was still sitting on the table. He jerked his head towards it, “What’s in there?”

Tara looked at the box and started to grin, “It’s a little surprise.” She picked the box up and held it out to him. Now as it was within reach, the smell hit him and his eyes widened a little, “Is that what I think it is?”  
“Open it.”, was the only response he got, and that he did. As he saw what the box contained, Tara was rewarded with the sweetest smile she had ever seen on his face and she couldn’t help grinning even wider.

“It’s said to be the best apple pie in town.”, she told him.

“We should definitely take you with us more often…”, he mumbled around a forkful.

Sam just let out a laugh at that, while Ed and Harry watched the scene with fascination and amusement. After all, they had never seen the brothers genuinely _smile_.

If Charlie had been the little sister he’d never wanted, Dean thought to himself, Tara was probably the little sister, he never knew he’d wanted. She wasn’t as energetic as Charlie had been, she was rather quiet, but she was kind. She knew a lot about them, as she’d read all the books, but she only used that knowledge to make his and Sam’s lives a little sweeter. She made a point at never bringing up the worse parts of their past, but remembered the little things they liked and made good use of them. Like their food preferences, or their favorite books and movies. Or just the simple fact that she almost never complained about anything. Neither the lack of windows at the bunker, nor Dean’s choice of music. Sometimes it felt like she wanted to say ‘thank you’ in the name of everyone they’d ever saved and that felt like balm for their sore souls. All those little things made the brothers feel respected, valued and at ease, and just like that, she quietly wormed her way deeper into their hearts.

“Well”, Sam broke the comfortable silence, “Get this, we found a missing person report about a young woman who disappeared exactly in the timespan that serial killer was in town. Her name was Mandy Lillian and guess what, she was 22 years old and had brown hair.” He showed a picture around.

“Okay, that must be her. Do you know where she’s buried?”, Tara responded.

“Mount Hope Cemetery, Northeast Memorial.”, Dean chimed in.

“So, what now?”, Ed asked.

“Now, we wait ’til it’s dark outside and dig up her grave, to salt and burn the corpse.”, Sam answered like it was the most normal thing.

Ed and Harry made faces of disgust. “No way we’re doing that again.”, Harry declared.

“Yeah, we’ll stay here and wait.”, Ed agreed.

Sam and Dean frowned, Tara just shrugged, “I guess I’ll have to stay here too and keep an eye on them…”

“Fine, we’ll dig her up alone, that’s probably faster anyway.”, Sam said, “Sorry, Tara.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m sure I’ll have enough future opportunities to get myself dirty.”, she replied, then frowned, “That sounded kinda wrong… Whatever, you know how I mean it.”

So, they waited until it got dark, Sam and Dean preparing rock-salt ammunition, while Tara was carefully cleaning her gun. As the sun slowly went down, they split up, Dean and Sam driving away with the Impala to the cemetery and Tara staying at the motel to keep the Ghostfacers from doing something stupid. Fortunately, this time it was fairly easy, because they didn’t really do anything. They just sat around, watched TV and at some point even started interviewing her. That was, until her phone started to ring. She answered and after a few moments and a sporadic conversation, she hung up and said, “That was Detective Carter. She said someone broke into the house at Greenwood Ave. and asked me to take a look at that. Probably just some teenagers doing it for a dare, but they could get in danger, we should check it out.”

Of course, Ed and Harry were all for the idea and practically stormed out to the car, while Tara sent a quick text to Sam, to let the brothers know what they were doing. Then she took her gun, her fake badge and some salt just to be safe, before she followed the Ghostfacers outside. When they arrived, they immediately noticed the soft glow of flashlights moving behind the white curtains. The door wasn’t locked, so they could just go inside, flashing their own lights at the intruders. They were met by a group of three very startled and seemingly frightened teenagers, two guys and one girl, who just stared at them for a moment until one of them asked, “Who are you?”

“FBI”, Tara declared, slowly pulling her badge out of her pocked to show it to these kids, “What are you doing in here?”

“Um… We- we thought it would be funny to… to see if we could get inside. It’s said to be haunted, you know? And the door wasn’t locked, so…”, the girl stammered.

“Who are those guys?”, one of the boys asked, pointing at the Ghostfacers.

“They… They’re doing a documentary.”, Tara explained (well, it wasn’t exactly _wrong_ ), “Now, this is a crime scene and you really shouldn't be here. So, if you just go now, I’ll leave it like that, okay?”

The three nodded rapidly and pushed past them, running outside. Tara let out a heavy sigh, looking around the room. Suddenly, there was a banging sound from somewhere inside the house and the main door slammed shut all on its own.

“That can’t be good…“, Tara muttered.

Harry rushed to the door, trying to pull it open, but nothing happened.

“It’s locked!”, he announced, slight panic rising in his voice.

“Try the windows!”, Ed suggested and Harry did, without success.

“We’re trapped.”, he said.

“The spirit doesn’t want us to leave.”, Tara started, “Which means, we’re stuck here until Sam and Dean burn the bones.”

The banging sound became louder and she was able to determine that it came from upstairs. It got louder and louder until it suddenly stopped and the peaceful spirit – Henry – appeared in front of them. He wanted to tell them something, but he had no voice. He mouthed the word over and over. Just one single word. Tara wasn’t good at reading lips, but even she understood what he was saying. _Run._ The message was clear.

“Come on!”, Tara shouted and ran towards the kitchen. She had to remain calm. Well, at least as calm as possible. She was scared, really scared, but she had to keep the others safe. She was a hunter now, that was her job. Saving people, hunting things. She could do this. They just had to ride it out.

They reached the kitchen and she handed her phone to Harry with the words, “Call Dean.” Then she started to open all the cupboards, one after another, searching for salt.

When Dean picked up, Harry said, “Hey, we’ve got a problem.”

“Why are you calling me with Tara’s phone?”, he required, “And what problem?”

As Tara noticed Harry had Dean on the phone, she demanded, “Put him on speaker.”

Harry did as he was told and Dean’s worried voice could be heard, “What’s going on?!”

“Sam got my text about the break-in at the house?”, Tara asked.

“Yeah, you wanted to take care of it.”

“We did, but now the spirit has us trapped here.”

“What?!”, Dean exclaimed, he tried to calm himself down, he had to focus. He told Sam what was going on and put Tara on speaker.

“Okay, where are you?”, Sam asked.

“In the kitchen, but there is no salt. Everything is empty.”

“Not surprising, the house isn't occupied. Do have anything with you?”

“One big salt shaker.”

“Okay, is it enough to draw a circle to stand in?”, Dean asked.

She took a look at the shaker and thought for a moment, “No, not for four people. Two maybe.”

“You have to find something to defend yourself.”, Sam told her.

Tara rolled her eyes, “I know, captain obvious, but what? I haven't got a shotgun!”

“Yeah, why is that??”, Ed wanted to know.

“The recoil would send me flying to the floor and probably wouldn't even hit something.”, she explained. Then she had an idea, “Maybe… maybe we could make our own salt-gun…” And with those words, she ran out of the room, the Ghostfacers in tow.

Hearing the turmoil through the phone, Dean got a little nervous, “What’s going on?”

As they reached the workroom, Tara said, “There is a plant in here and I think, when we were here the first time, I saw a spray bottle.”

“So?”, Sam required.

In that moment, she found the bottle that was brimful with water and she started screwing off the cap while declaring, “I’m gonna make my own saltwater gun.”

She poured almost the whole contents of the shaker into the bottle, screwed the cap back on and shook it violently. Suddenly Ed shouted, “Ghost!!”

She looked in the direction he was pointing and saw the brown haired woman standing in the doorway. Tara gripped the bottle hard and stepped in front of Ed, whispering continuously ‘ _please work, please work, please work_ ’ like a mantra, while the spirit came closer. She held the bottle out in front of her and when the spirit was in reach, she sprayed a cloud of saltwater right into her face. And she vanished.

“Yah!”, Tara shouted in victory.

“What is it? What happened?”, sounded Sam’s voice through the phone.

“Well, at least I can now tell you that it’s definitely Mandy Lillian.”, she answered.

“You saw her?!”

“Yep, but she’s gone. For now. You should really hurry up with the digging.”

“We’re on it, almost done. What gave you the idea of a saltwater spray bottle??”

She huffed a laugh, “Well… I improvised.”

“If that’s how you improvise, you could become a really good hunter.”, she heard Dean say in the background.

“When will you be done?”, she asked, nervously scanning the room for the spirit. It could reappear every second.

“I don’t know.”, Sam answered.

“Now!”, Dean shouted behind him. He slammed the shovel through the lid of the wooden coffin. Then he froze. Sam looked down into the hole and his eyes went wide, “It’s empty.”

“Yeah, I see that.”, Dean grumbled and threw the shovel into the grass before climbing out of the hole.

“What is it?”, came Tara’s voice out of the phone in Sam’s hand.

“It looks like they buried an empty coffin. There is no corpse, no bones to burn.”, Sam answered.

“So, her body has never been found…?”

“Probably.”

“Listen, we’re gonna get you outta there. One way or another, okay?”, Dean declared.

“Yeah, okay”, she replied, “Wait, maybe we can help. She seems to mostly haunt the basement of the building. The activity was strongest there, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I like where this is going.”, Dean answered.

“Doesn’t matter, we gotta take a look at it. We can stay on the phone the whole time, besides, you’re only a few minutes away.”, she stated.

“Alright, but try to keep safe.”, Sam told her.

Tara let out a humorless laugh, “That kinda contradicts the job description.”

Sam and Dean got into the car, Dean started the engine and ordered, “Don’t get yourself killed.”

“Aye-aye, sir!”, she replied and started carefully walking through the house, holding the spray bottle like a handgun in front of her. They were slow, but still reached the living room soon. Tara had remembered the fireplace there and made a beeline for the fire irons, handing one to Harry and keeping one for herself, while handing the bottle to Ed. Just at that moment, Mandy’s spirit materialized beside Harry and Tara wasted no time, taking a huge step forward – so she was standing between him and the spirit – and swinging the iron rod like a tennis racket right through the spirits frame, making it vanish again. It was more of a reflex or a kneejerk reaction than anything else, but well, they didn’t need to know, right?

After that, she turned towards the camera-girl and asked, “Do you really have to film all of this?”

“Um… I- It makes me feel less frightened… y’know… having something to concentrate on…”, she stammered.

Tara let out deep sigh and nodded, then turned on her heels and walked out into the corridor, “Come on, guys!”

They walked quickly to the basement door. It was locked, but immediately after Tara had tried, Henry showed up again. He wanted to warn them, tell them it wasn’t safe down there, but Tara still asked him, “Can you open the door?”

He jerked his head, fear in his eyes, but she spoke again, “Open the door, please. We have to go down there. Please. We have to stop her.”

And he gave in. He vanished once more and the door wasn’t locked any longer. Tara mouthed a silent ‘thank you’, not knowing if he could hear it or not.

The basement was dark, the sun had gone down completely by now. It was cold, they could see their own breath, there was no doubt that an EMF meter would go completely haywire down there. Tara looked around, the walls and floor were blank concrete, only a few empty shelves were standing on two opposite walls. There was no place where a body could be hidden. Except…

“Sam? What kind of refurbishments had to be done in the basement?”, she asked.

“Uh… I think the floor had to be renewed. Why?”, Sam responded.

“I think I know why the body was never found…”

“What? Why?”

“She’s buried under the basement.”

“But that means…”

“That means we would need a jackhammer to dig her up.”

“We’re almost there, we’re gonna get you out.”, Dean chimed in.

“Okay”, she said and turned to the staircase, but what she saw there made her blood run cold. Mandy was standing on top of the stairs, with an almost calm expression on her face. Her skin was pale, her lips slightly blue. She looked like she had frozen to death. Slowly, she walked down the stairs towards the little group, letting her eyes wander over everyone. Her look stayed on Tara, who froze in fear. She was at a complete loss as what to do. Eyes wide, hands shaking and heart hammering in her chest she stood there, realizing what was about to happen. She was next, she knew it, she had to _something_ , but she couldn’t. She couldn’t flee, she was tapped and she was panicking.

Ed and Harry tried to attack the spirit, but with a flick of her wrist, Mandy sent them flying though the room and pinned them to the far wall. The camera-girl landed on the floor, while her camera slithered under one of the shelves. The spray bottle and the fire iron also landed on the floor.

Tara gripped the iron rod in her hand harder. She was standing with her back to a wall and the spirit was mere inches away from her. She wanted to swipe at it, but at that moment, the spirit plunged its hand into her chest and the rod fell to the ground.

She went completely slack and slumped to the ground, going totally pale within seconds. Just then, Dean and Sam burst through the door and down the stairs, startling the spirit, but only for a moment. They had practically smashed the main door to get into the house, but the sight of Tara like this distracted them. Enough for the spirit to disarm them and send them flying into one of the empty shelves. She was sitting on the floor, leaned against the wall. Her eyes were half lidded, lips turning blue and she was shaking violently. The spirit had a firm grip on her heart and was slowly freezing her to death. Dean and Sam scrambled to their feet, reaching for the weapons on the ground, but just as they were almost ready, the spirit tightened her grip on Tara and then something totally unexpected happened.

It let out a blood coiling, inhuman scream as a bright light emerged from where its hand pervaded Tara’s chest. Then, in a cloud of smoke, embers and flames, it vanished. No one in the room could really grasp what had just happened, but Sam and Dean rushed to Tara to check on her. She was alive and her body-temperature was slowly normalizing again. Her eyes fluttered open and some color was coming back onto her face.

“Hey, how are you?”, Dean asked gently.

“I’m really damn cold… But otherwise, I’m fine.”, she assured them.

She was getting better faster every second. After a few moments she was able to stand up and wasn’t even freezing anymore, merely a little chilly. They were collecting their things when Henry showed up again. Tara just looked at him and asked, “Is she gone? Is it over?” And he nodded. She let out a sigh of relief, but shortly before he could vanish again, she said, “Wait! Would you show us what’s keeping you here?”

He seemed to contemplate for a moment, but then nodded again. He led them to the attic of the old building and showed them an old, dusty hat. The hat he’d been wearing on the pictures of him. The hat he’d gotten from his wife all those years ago. They took it with them when they left the house and just before they burned it, Henry appeared one last time and mouthed ‘thank you’.

After that, they all drove back to the motel, packed their things and got ready to leave this place behind. When Tara handed Ed the camera back, he looked at her surprised and with disbelief.

She just smiled and said with a shrug, “I fished it out from under the shelf. It looks expensive, so I figured you’d probably want it back.”

“Thanks.”, Ed and Harry replied gleefully.

“Don’t mention it.”

“You’re really not a bad person. For a hunter…”, Ed said.

She chuckled and pointed at the Winchesters, “And what about them?”

Ed rolled his eyes, “I guess they're not as bad as we thought, either…”

She grinned.

“Um… One last thing.”, he started, “Would you- I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to- uh- Can I have your phone number? I mean we could just meet up and talk. Tell some ghost stories, y’know? I mean, we’re all professionals, right?”

She raised a curious eyebrow and answered, “You already have Sam’s number and I actually don’t really like ghost stories. Sorry.”

“No big deal…”

They said their goodbye’s and then everyone got into their cars and drove off. Tara and the brothers drove some time in silence, until Dean decided to break it, “I can’t believe you just gave them the camera back, I mean they recorded _everything_.”

At that comment, her face split into a grin, “Well…”

Now Dean was grinning too.

“You didn’t…”, Sam said disbelieving.

She grinned even wider, “I did.” She took a small memory card out of her pocket and showed it to the brothers. Both of them started to laugh.

“I told you, I couldn't guarantee they won’t hate me at the end of this!”, she added.

“Well done, you little thief, now you’re really one of us.”, Dean said proudly, still chuckling.

“What are you gonna do with it?”, Sam wanted to know.

“I don’t know. Probably keep it. Not everyone gets to have their first case on film.”, she said, “What I still don’t understand is, why she looked like she froze to death. That wasn’t how this serial killer used to kill his victims…”

“I think maybe I can answer that.”, Sam replied, “It was a very cold winter when she disappeared and the house was standing empty, so no heating. Maybe the killer left her in the basement for too long and she died of the cold before he could finish her off.”

Tara thought about that for a moment, then nodded, “That makes sense. And it would also explain why she killed the way she did.”

After that they drove in a somewhat comfortable silence, given the circumstances. Tara was looking out of the window, trying to sort her thoughts. She had almost died back there. What was she supposed to do with that?

She was ripped out of her thoughts, when Sam spoke up, “What are we gonna do now? I mean, we have to find out what happened back there, it might help us figuring out where those visions come from.”

“Yeah, I know.”, she just said absentminded.

The brothers looked at each other and Dean suggested, “Missouri?”

Sam nodded, “Missouri.”

“You think we can get more information there?”, Tara asked.

“Not the…”, Sam started, but was cut off by her, “…state. I know. Read the books, remember? ‘I went to Missouri and learned the truth’ is a rather famous quote. I could probably cite about twenty more… So, you think she can help?”

“Maybe.”, Dean replied.

“Okay. Then to Missouri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to upload more frequently now, but I can't promise anything. What I can promise, is: I'll finish this thing, no matter what.
> 
> Please be so kind to leave a comment!  
> You can also message me on Tumblr nera-solani I promise, I'm nice


	4. All I’m getting from you is… colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missouri learns a thing or two, but the trio only finds out where Tara's powers don't come from.  
> Later Tara has another vision and this one is quite interesting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! I finally have a uploading schedule! From now on, I'll try to post every Friday (time of day will probably differ), I just hope I don't forget...  
> This chapter got a little short (it's pretty much just a long-ass conversation) and probably doesn't give Missouri the credit she deserves, but I might bring her back in a follow-up, we'll see. It just seemed natural to me that the boys would take Tara to a psychic after what happened with the ghost and Missouri is the only psychic they know, who is still alive...  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine!

The drive to Missouri Moseley’s house was quiet. No one said a word. Tara was staring out of the window, thinking about this new life of hers and if she would ever be able to move on. Sam was thinking about the consequences her almost death might have for her. And Dean was desperately trying to think about nothing at all. He failed miserably, since thoughts of Tara and Castiel kept coming to his mind and he couldn’t stop it.

They hadn’t seen Missouri in a long time. What was it? Over ten years now? Time flies when you have to stop the apocalypse. Or multiple apocalypses… The brothers stood in front of her door, Tara waiting right behind them, but before either of them could knock, the door swung open and a seemingly disgruntled Missouri was standing in front of them.

“Didn’t you boys want to keep in touch?”, she asked harshly, “Or have you been too busy?”

They didn’t even need to answer, a look into their minds sufficed and she went from angry to worried in the fraction of a second. Oh boy, they _had_ been busy… Poor boys…

“I’m so sorry…”, she said shocked and wrapped them both into a hug, “Didn’t you want to bring a girl here with you?”

“I’m here.”, Tara spoke up, raising her hand just slightly.

Missouri’s eyes landed on her and she seemed surprised, confused and fascinated all at once, “I couldn’t sense you… Come in, I’ll do my best to help you with whatever this mess is.”

It didn’t take long to have her caught up, since they didn’t need to tell her everything, it was enough to just think about it. After she knew everything there was to know about the current situation, she looked at Tara again.

“So, your visions come only when you touch something and a person has an emotional connection to it? However, they don’t happen every time, but rather random?”, she asked. Tara nodded.

“And they let you see the world through the eyes of that person.”, she ended her summary.

“Yeah, and sometimes, I also receive thoughts and memories. Dreams and wishes even.”, Tara added.

“I see.”, Missouri said thoughtfully.

“So, you know what’s up with her?”, Sam asked hopefully.

Missouri sighed and shook her head, “I’m sorry if you got your hopes up, but I have never seen or heard of a case like hers before.”

“But, can you at least do something? Like dig a little through her head?”, Dean suggested.

“No, that’s the thing. It’s weird, I don’t get anything from her…”, she looked at Tara again, “Try to think of something, anything, really hard.”

Tara closed her eyes and thought very intensely of a blue phone box.

“Try something else. A word.”, Missouri told her. She did as she was told. For some reason the first word that came to her mind was ‘Pineapples’, but she decided to go with something simpler and thought very hard about the word ‘Pudding’. She almost chuckled to herself about that.

Missouri shook her head once more, “I can’t read you, all I’m getting from you is… colors.”

Everyone looked at her with similar confused expressions.

“Can you at least check, whether her powers come from an evil source, like demon blood or something?”, Sam wanted to know.

“I can try.”, she answered, “Give me your hand.”

Tara laid her hand into Missouri’s and watched her with interest. Missouri looked at Tara’s hand and traced the lines on her palm, then suddenly her expression became one of shock and surprise.

“What is it? Can you feel something dark?”, Dean asked worriedly.

“No, quite the contrary actually! I have never seen a light so bright in my entire life.”, she answered with wonder.

More confusion.

“I can't explain it, it’s just like I said it.”, she added.

“And what now?”, Tara asked.

“Well, if we’re done here, I say we go home.”, Dean grumbled.

“Oh, don’t you dare! I haven't seen you boys for more than ten years! You’re at least gonna stay for coffee and a snack.”, Missouri commanded.

Dean just looked at her for a second, then she said, “Don’t even object.”

“I didn’t say anything!”, he complained.

“But you wanted to.”, she retorted and Sam snorted.

He sighed, then she stood up and walked towards the kitchen, saying, “I’ve got pie.”

She just chuckled then, probably at his mental reaction. When she came back in, she had a beautiful, fresh apple pie in her hands. She placed it on the coffee table and got everyone a plate and fork each. While they were eating, they got caught up further, joking and laughing and having a bit of fun just for a little while. And as she looked at the tiny group, the two people who were her home for now, Tara decided that thinking about almost dying could wait. Just a little longer.

In a short moment of silence, Missouri suddenly addressed Dean, “Who is that pretty-boy angel, who keeps floating to the surface of your mind?”

Dean stiffened visibly, Sam choked and broke into a coughing fit, while Tara just looked up with barely disguised amusement, her eyes flicking back and forth between Missouri and Dean.

“How do you- Why- You know he’s an angel?”, Dean stammered out.

“Well, you keep referring to him as angel, I assumed it’s a nickname of some sort.”, she said with a wink.

Now Dean almost choked, “No! No, he’s an actual angel. Wings, halo, all that.”

He thought about the first time he had encountered the angel, that day in the barn and Missouri understood.

“Oh”, she let out in wonder.

“Yeah”, Dean chuckled.

“And what is he to you?”, Missouri kept digging and Dean almost choked again.

“He- he- um… He’s my best friend.”, was Dean’s answer.

“And why do you think about him all the time?”

“He’s… in trouble.”, Dean replied and wiped a hand over his face.

Missouri could feel there was something not quite right about his answers, there was definitely more to this angel, but she could also sense that Dean really didn’t want to talk about it and she didn’t want to make him ache even more, so she dropped it.

But one last thing she had to know, “What’s his name? I mean, you keep calling him Cas, but that sounds like a short form.”

“Castiel. His name is Castiel.”, Dean said.

“But I think, he likes the nickname Dean gave him better.”, Tara chimed in and she could swear, she saw a small smile ghost over Dean’s face at that.

It was silent for a moment, Sam had made himself busy in the kitchen, not wanting to make his brother even more uncomfortable. Tara didn’t seem to have that kind of empathy. At least she didn’t make it worse.

“You should introduce him to me someday.”, Missouri suggested then.

“Yeah, sure. As soon as this is over…”, Dean replied and he hoped, he _really hoped_ that Cas would get out of this alive and there would be the possibility to do something like this.

After that, the chatter wasn’t just as carefree. They avoided the topic of the angel and soon, the brothers and Tara were ready to leave. Missouri told them to keep in touch and Tara told her she would make sure they’d actually do it this time.

The drive back to the bunker was silent. They’d come to Missouri in a search for answers, but now all they had, were even more questions. Tara was staring out of the window once again, Sam did too and Dean focused on driving, so he wouldn't think too much about the missing angel. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but it wasn’t entirely comfortable either.

When they arrived at the bunker, Dean parked the Impala in the garage and everyone got out of the car. They took their bags out of the trunk and then Dean and Sam moved to leave, but they stopped as they noticed Tara just standing there, staring into nothingness, seemingly deep in thought.

“Hey, I’ll grab something to eat, you comin’?”, Dean asked casually.

Now, she jerked out of her stupor and just blinked at him for a moment, “Hm?”

“You wanna eat something?”, he reiterated.

“Nah, I’m good. Just go ahead, I’ll follow in a minute.”, she replied.

The brothers nodded and left her alone with the car. It was a beautiful car. She liked it a lot. No way as much as Dean did, but she liked it certainly more than any normal car. This car had been the Winchesters’ only home for a long time. It went all the way with them, was there whatever happened. She couldn’t imagine there was another vehicle on earth with such a big history and such an important role in the run of events.

She gently laid a hand on the side of the hood and felt a shock run through her whole body. She drew in a sharp breath, then everything went white. Next thing she knew, she found herself standing in the kitchen, a knife in hand. But not her own hand. She knew this wasn’t real. Well, it was, but not for her. She had learned fast to distinguish, now she could tell the difference within the fraction of a second. It always felt like a strange dream, not completely real, but very close to it. The pictures were clear, but somehow chaotic.

Hands slicing tomatoes with the knife. Then, a street at night, barely lit, someone walking beside her, she was laughing, but it wasn’t her laugh. The glimpse of a trench-coat. The kitchen, cutting onions. Then, a hug at a riverside, in the middle of a forest. Joy. “I’m not going to leave here without you.” Back in the kitchen, getting bread out of the cupboard. A split-second later, kneeling in dirt, bleeding, looking up to a man with a tan trench-coat. Three little words echoing in the room, “I need you.” The blade falls. A gentle hand on her cheek. A hospital. “I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” A man walking into a river. Blank despair. “Don’t ever change.” Then, darkness. Pain, blood curdling screams all around. In the distance, a light, so bright and beautiful. Hope. “Profound bond.” A barn. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Bright blue eyes. The kitchen, making a sandwich. “I always come when you call.” _Why didn’t you stay? Why did I send you away?_ Deep Regret. “I did it, all of it, for you!” _I should’ve told him. No, I couldn’t. I never can._ Hunting. The man beside her, holding up an FBI badge, but it’s upside down. Affection. _Please, come back to me…_

Then, she found herself back in the garage, breathing heavily. That had been a long one. It took her a moment to comprehend what she’d just seen. Most of it were memories, a few thoughts and feelings too. Then she looked at her hand and noticed what exactly she had been touching. The Impala. That means… Realization dawned upon her and as she grasped the full meaning of what she’d just seen, her eyes went wide and she exclaimed, “Oh. My fucking. God.”

She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the room and into her own. What the Hell was she supposed to do with that information?! She couldn’t just confront Dean about it. If she did, he’d most likely rip her to shreds and then drown his feelings in alcohol and women. No, that wasn’t a good idea. She’d have to be careful, subtle. Maybe even wait until Castiel was safe and here with them. But she would definitely do _something_. Eventually. She just had to be patient and cautious. Yeah, that she could do. A plan would surely be helpful too. But for now, all she could do was keeping it to herself and wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up in a week!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment!  
> You can message me on Tumblr if you want via nera-solani, I promise I'm nice!


	5. Hells Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley offers the Horn of Joshua in exchange of having Lucifer trapped again. Tara meets the king of Hell for the first time, but also his mother. When Lucifer shows up, things end up not going as planned at all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is practically retelling the events of the identically named episode with a few things left out and some additions. We're getting really plot heavy here and Tara get's rather quiet, but the next chapter will be lighter again.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Crowley had called. He’d told them, he had a Hand of God in his possession. They were going to meet him at an abandoned warehouse. In an awfully long discussion Tara had managed to persuade the brothers to take her with them. Crowley wouldn't try anything, why should he? They were all sitting in the same boat for this.

As they entered the warehouse, Crowley was already waiting for them. Tara stayed behind the brothers, out of sight.

“Nice digs. The Crypt Keeper out of town?”, Dean said.

“I'm lucky to be alive. Lucifer had me trussed up like a dog in my own palace.”, Crowley complained. Tara made a face of sympathy.

“‘Palace’? Oh, you mean the abandoned nuthouse.”, Dean mocked.

“He kept me in a kennel! And he turned all his demons... my demons... against me. They scour the earth, day and night, looking to kill me. He has to be dealt with.”, Crowley seethed. Sam and Dean looked at him, mildly amused.

Now the demon spotted Tara, who was standing behind the brothers, silently fangirling over the king of Hell.

“Who is that?”

“She’s our trainee.”, Dean answered briefly.

Tara pushed down her nervousness and worked up the courage to say, “I can talk for myself. I’m Tara. Um… nice to meet you?”

Crowley seemed to be curious about her, raised an eyebrow and asked, “Do you know who I am, darling?”

“Yeah, sure.”, she just replied with a shrug. Now the brothers had moved to her sides, so Crowley had a better look at her.

“So?”, he asked further.

“So what?”, she sounded genuinely confused. What a weird girl. He was a demon, the king of Hell. Why wasn’t she afraid? And there was something strange about her aura as well…

“Well, I’m the king of Hell.”

“So?”, she asked, imitating him.

A small smile made its way onto his face and he imitated her as well, “So what?”

And she honest-to-God smiled at him. What a very strange human. He would examine her a little more closely later on.

“So is this why you brought us here? Some lousy grudge match with Lucifer?”, Dean tried to get the conversation back on track.

“Yeah, where's this, uh, Hand of God you were talking about?”, Sam wanted to know.

“I'm getting to that.”, Crowley started, “Your only hope of subduing Amara is to match the level of power that she possesses.”

“No kidding. And?”, Dean retorted.

“And I have the Horn of Joshua.”, was the answer.

“Joshua? As in the Joshua that won the battle of Jericho?”, Sam asked.

“And I'm willing to entrust it to your capable hands.”, the demon said. Sam and Dean just shared a skeptical look.

“What? I just said I'd give you the thing.”, Crowley added.

“If?”, the Winchesters asked simultaneously.

“Is this how you say ‘thank you’? You think these things grow on bloody trees?!”

“Cut the crap, Crowley. With you, there's always an ‘if’.”, Dean grumbled.

“Fine. I will give you the Horn ‘if' you help me exorcise Lucifer from Castiel's vessel and then return him immediately to the Cage.”, Crowley elaborated.

“Oh, that's all? Huh.”, Sam noted.

“Okay. And where is this horn?”, Dean required.

“Safely hidden, naturally.”

“Yeah.”, Dean mumbled.

“Crowley, even if we could exorcise Lucifer out of Cas, the Cage is damn near impenetrable. It took a spell from the Book of the Damned to spring Lucifer, and Rowena hid the book.”, Sam pointed out.

“And we would need both the book and her to even have a shot.”, Dean added.

“Did I say this would be easy? No. I did not.”, Crowley said.

“Do you even know where Rowena is?”, Sam asked.

“Rotting somewhere, I assume. Lucifer snapped her neck.”, the demon told them.

They argued for a little longer, Tara’s head always jerking from side to side, so she could look at whoever was currently talking. She was largely trying to keep herself from getting sucked into the argument. She hated when something like that happened.

“Hold on, okay? Let's just put it in reverse. We will put Lucifer back in the Cage after we put Amara back on ice. It has to happen in that order, otherwise there is no Lucifer, there's no Cage, there's no nothing.”, Dean tried to argue.

“He's spent years marinating in hate against us! He has to go.”, Crowley insisted.

“Problem is, we may need him.”, Sam provided.

“He's been down this road with Amara before. He might be the only one powerful enough to use the Horn against her.”, Dean reasoned.

“He had me cleaning the floors with my tongue! He called me ‘puppy’! He made me beg!”, the demon fumed.

“All right. Come on. Is this what this is about? Huh? Your stupid ego? The fact that he dissed you in front of a bunch of stupid demons? You're smarter than this. Come on!”, Dean retorted exasperatedly.

“Dean's right. Priority is to put the Horn in Lucifer's hands and set him loose on Amara.”, Sam agreed.

“After we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel.”, Dean added.

“What? Really?”, the younger Winchester asked.

“Yes, really. We're not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn't make it?”, Dean replied. ‘ _Interesting, but not surprising_ ’, Tara thought.

“Dean, it's a strong vessel. It's held Cas for years, and we know what he's been through. I'm guessing it can hold Lucifer.”

“‘It’? It's not an ‘it’, Sam. It's Cas.”, Dean insisted.

“And Cas wanted to do this.”

“Yeah, well, there's times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask. That don't make it a good idea.”

Tara and Crowley shared a weirded out look at that, but no one said anything.

“Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. W-We make the... the heart choice instead of the smart choice.”, Sam objected.

“Guys, stop.”, Tara tried.

“Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil. Cas is family.”, Dean persisted.

“Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected.”, Sam replied.

“Even if it kills him?”

“It's killing me. I would rather stick white-hot skewers in my eyes than listen to you two bitches bicker! I gave you the terms of my deal. If Lucifer's not back in the Cage, the Horn stays hidden.”, Crowley insisted.

“You know, this is a dick move, Crowley. Even for you. You're not being reasonable.”, Sam noted.

“I don't have to be reasonable. I'm the king.”, was the demons response.

Tara snorted. Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound twanging through the warehouse.

“What the Hell was that?”, Dean exclaimed.

“Can’t be anything good…”, Tara said.

They walked outside and looked at the sky. It was stormy. Lightning broke through the swirling clouds, while thunder was crashing.

“You know what, fellas? I think that's her.”, the older Winchester stated.

Back inside, Sam started, “Okay. So now we all just saw what happens when she's in a bad mood, which, apparently, she's been in since the dawn of time.”

“Oh, great.”, was Tara’s only comment.

“I think she just rattled heaven with a flick of her pinkie finger. That's not a big enough dose of reality for you?”, Dean asked.

Meanwhile, Rowena was using a spell to spy on them for Amara. Tara felt a strange itch on the back of her mind, but she ignored it.

“Why are we arguing? We all know that he has to go back in the Cage.”, Crowley inquired.

“Yes, when it makes sense. Amara's the big picture here now, okay? Look, in order to take her out, Lucifer has got to have the Horn of Joshua. He does her, we do him. Check, please.”, Dean reasoned. For a moment, no one said anything.

“I’m with him here, if that helps anything.”, Tara spoke up quietly. Still no answer.

“Crowley, ticktock. You with us?”, Dean demanded.

“The crux of your dispute is your contention that Lucifer, and only Lucifer, can use the Horn to beat Amara, right?”, Crowley replied.

“You got it.”, Dean answered,

“Well, that scenario only works if you actually possess said Horn, which you do not.”, the demon said.

“No, we don't. But you do, so…”, Sam mentioned with exasperation.

Now Crowley started to yell, “Exactly! I do! This isn't a negotiation. I have the high cards, and you have… Hold on. Give me a second. Let me have a look… no cards! My offer stands.”

“When we sprung Lucifer from the Cage, we had Rowena and the Book of the Damned. Both of which we will need to put him back in the Cage, both of which are gone.”, Dean spat back.

Something was off… Sam could tell. He looked around the room and noticed an old safe standing around there. Something seemed to appear on that safe…

“Guys.”, he said.

Tara pricked up her ears immediately and noticed it too. The other two didn’t even listen.

Dean still addressed Crowley, “Back to you.”

“Guys. Look at this…”, Sam required a little louder now.

This time, even they turned to look at what Tara was pointing at. They noticed the safe that had the words ‘BACK FROM THE DEAD FERGUS!’ in big capital letters written on its front now.

“Well, I didn’t see that one coming.”, Tara commented.

 

When they met the witch some time later, she had a lot of explaining to do. After she had told them about the resurrection spell, she spotted Tara and her eyes narrowed, “Who is this little bird?”

Tara looked a bit taken aback by the term, but answered nonetheless, “I’m Tara.”

Rowena gave her a funny look and then asked curiously, “What is it with your aura, it’s… strange.”

“Oh, um… I have those… visions. It’s a long story, I don’t want to explain it now. Later maybe.”, Tara replied.

“Alright. If we’re still alive then.”, Rowena said with fake sweetness in her voice.

A few hours later they were inside a church, preparing for their plan. Dean was spray-painting warding symbols onto the floor and Sam had a wooden cross in hand, while Rowena was just standing in the background, watching them. It was a little unsettling, really. Tara had helped Rowena mixing the potion and was now standing next to Sam. Rowena waved at them and Tara thought she was somehow a lot more unnerving than the king of Hell.

“I hate this.”, Sam complained.

“Yeah.”, Dean agreed.

“M-hm.”, was Tara’s only reaction.

“And, by the way, where the Hell is Crowley? I mean, we're essentially all set up.”, Sam brought up.

“Yeah, I mean, he's the one that boxed us into doing this. You'd think he'd have the decency to…”, Dean started, but was interrupted by Crowley who just appeared next to them, “Show up? He does. Because without the bait, well… a trap really isn't a trap, is it?”

Sam scoffed and pointed at the horn in the demons hands, “That’s it? Doesn't look like much, does it?”

“First impressions can be deceiving, Moose. For instance, I once thought of you as dull and plodding.”, Crowley replied and Sam glared at him, “Oh, never mind. Bad analogy.”

“For the record, we still think this is a bad idea. We should be using Lucifer, not icing him.”, Dean mentioned.

“I'm aware. So I'll be standing right here should you hesitate. The hand that giveth can so quickly taketh away.”, the demon said.

“Yes, we getteth it.”, Dean mocked. Tara just rolled her eyes.

Crowley turned to his mother, “So, Mummy, you were telling us your fascinating tale of resurrection. But you never did say exactly where you'd been this whole time.”

“Same as you, Fergus. Hiding. Once the Dark Prince knew I was alive, I wouldn't be.”, she told them a half-truth.

“No mucking about like last time. The warding and the holy fire won't keep an archangel but for a moment. If he shows up at all.”, Crowley pointed out.

“Oh, he'll show. He's too hungry to take Amara out, and we've got the blaster to do it.”, Dean replied and tossed a match into the potion to begin the spell.

He read from a piece of parchment, “In nomine magni dei nostri Satanas, introibo ad altare Domini Inferi. I summon you to make an offer. The weapon by which its bearer can crush the Darkness forever.”

There was thunder crashing, Tara flinched at the sound and jerked her head around. Sam searched the room too. They saw Rowena leaving the room to hide behind the door and listen. She looked terrified. Tara was at least just as terrified, but she made every effort to hide it. She was standing in the background, right at the wall, practically hidden in plain sight. Lucifer wouldn't be looking for her anyway.

As soon as the archangel appeared, standing on the painted warding, Dean yelled, “Sam, now!”

Immediately Sam lit a match and dropped it onto the holy oil, which lighted up into a ring of fire around Lucifer. He was trapped. For now. He smirked and looked at Sam, who also seemed scared.

“I'm sorry. Your prayer implied that I'd be... joining the team, but I'm just not feeling the warm and fuzzy here.”, Lucifer started.

Dean and Sam shared a look, as Lucifer noticed the Horn.

“Wow. There it is. Powered up by Dad himself. Well, that bad boy plus me… That ought to take her out all right.”, he continued, clapping and rubbing his hands together in glee, “Let’s get to it. Douse the flames.”, he snapped his fingers impatiently, but no one moved, “Or don’t?”

He looked confused and searched the room, locking eyes with Tara for a moment. She held her breath, fear now evident on her face. He knitted his eyebrows together for a second, then turned away. Luckily he didn’t pay any more attention to her.

Dean cut his hand and pressed it against a spell etched on the wall. Lucifer started to shake, as the spell did its duty. Castiel slowly awoke inside him and came to the surface.

Dean instantly noticed the difference, “Cas! Castiel, show yourself!”

The man in the tan coat was breathing heavily, “Dean?”

“Cas.”

“What are you doing? What’s… What's going on?”, the angel asked.

“Cas, listen to me. We don't have a whole lot of time, okay? You have got to…”, Dean started, but he trailed off as Castiel started to shake again, Lucifer trying to regain control.

“Cas.”

Lucifer was still struggling, grunting and writhing.

“Castiel, show yourself!”, Dean tried, panicking a little.

Lucifer started to laugh, “Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Uh, he's got to what? You boys…”. he laughed again, “ooh, you almost had me there for a minute, but these mail-order spells… they're just not what they're cracked up to be, are they?”

“Cas, expel him! You got to kick Lucifer out! Do you hear me?!”, Dean tried desperately to reach his angel.

“Honestly, I think he's happy with the arrangement. I mean, he did invite me in and all, Dean.”, Lucifer pointed out.

“Cas!”, Dean yelled with desperation and yeah, it made Tara hurt to hear how he said it. He didn't need to explain what he felt, his heart just poured out the ‘please hear me, please listen to me, I’m terrified for you, I’m so fucked up over you, I feel broken and hopeless without you, I miss you, I need you, I want you, I love you’ and all with one single word. _Cas._

“Cas!”, Lucifer mocked him.

In response, the older Winchester just glared at him frustrated and angry.

“Hand over the weapon. What do you say? Or we can just wait for this warding to fail and I'll take it.”, the archangel said with this deeply unsettling smirk of his.

Slowly the spell-work started to fade and the warding began to fail.

“Bloody Hell.”, Crowley exclaimed and just smoked out of his meat-suit to enter Lucifers vessel. Everyone else in the room watched in astonishment as the red smoke switched bodies. As the demon entered the mind of Castiel, he found the angel sitting in a room in the bunker, watching TV.

“Castiel?”, he asked a little hesitantly.

Castiel looked up at him in surprise, “Oh, Crowley. What are you doing here?”

“Is this the Winchesters' kitchen?”, he asked with a bit confusion.

“Sort of. I come here in my mind to pass the time. For some reason, it has excellent reception.”, Castiel answered.

“What's wrong with you? What has Lucifer done to you?”, the demon wanted to know.

“Well, he mostly just leaves me alone. I'm just waiting here, you know, for the battle with the Darkness.”, the angel replied.

“He's really got his hooks in you. Snap out of it. Do you know what's happening out there? The Winchesters have trapped the abomination so that you can expel him so that they can put him back in the Cage…”, Crowley explained.

“Well, that doesn't sound like a very good idea.”

“In your current state, you're in no position to judge.”

“Wait. That was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn't it?”, Castiel realized.

“Yes.”

“And he wants me to expel Lucifer?”

“Yes!”, Crowley got impatient.

Castiel just laughed at that, “Well… he may have a more objective view of the situation. Maybe I should.”

“So, let's do it now before it's too late.”, Crowley suggested.

“It already is.”, Lucifer spoke up behind him and sighed, “Really, Crowley? You want to put me back in the Cage? Well, I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

Meanwhile in the church, Sam got a little worried, “You know, he's been gone a long time. I mean, what do you think is going on?”

“I don't know. Maybe Cas isn't willing to play ball. I mean, you said it yourself... he wanted this.”, Dean provided.

“Can't you people do anything right?! Whilst all this dithering goes on, we're losing time! Look… the warding's beginning to fail.”, Rowena complained.

“Everyone here knows that. Pointing it out, won't make anything different.”, Tara grumbled from across the room.

“Come on, Cas. What the Hell?”, Dean mumbled.

Inside Castiel’s mind, Lucifer had tossed Crowley across the room and against a wall.

“You second rate bean counter.”, the archangel snarled and picked the demon up again, to toss him onto the table, barely missing the TV. Crowley let out a pained, “Aah!”

“Guys, you're gonna break something.”, Castiel said, not turning away from the screen. Lucifer looked at him for barely a second. He had pushed him down too far again. That happened all the time, he didn’t even mean to. Usually, he took care to keep him aware or at least not bother him whenever he wanted some peace. But for now, it might even be better if Castiel was not aware of his surroundings, he wouldn’t even hesitate to do anything the shorter Winchester asked of him. So he just left it as it was, he would bring him back to consciousness as soon as this was over.

Now, Sam, Dean, Tara and Rowena heard a sizzling noise. They all turned to see that Crowley had sent them a message, burnt into his meat-suit’s forehead: ‘HELP ME’. Tara’s eyes went wide.

Inside Castiel’s mind, the fight between Lucifer and Crowley continued as Lucifer smashed a glass on Crowley’s head.

“You wanted my throne. You plotted to replace me!”, Lucifer growled.

Crowley just hissed in pain.

“Do something, he’s killing him!”, Tara yelled.

Sam grabbed the cross and held it up to Lucifer, “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas…"

“As if ambition and posturing were the same as majesty!”, Lucifer raged. He grabbed Crowley by his neck and lifted him off the ground. The demon groaned.

“…omnis incursio infernalis adversarii. Omnis legio! Omnis con…”, Sam continued.

“Everyone in Hell despises you and sees you for exactly what you are… nothing.”, Lucifer hissed.

“…potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii. Omnis legio! Omnis congregatio et secta diabolica! Ergo, Draco maledicte et omnis…"

The chant echoed in Castiel’s mind and he looked up from the TV. Crowley and Lucifer also stopped as they noticed the chanting.

“…legio diabolica, adiuramus te! Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii. Omnis legio! Omnis congregatio et secta diabolica! Ergo, Draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te!”

Dean was tossing holy water onto Lucifer as Sam continued the chant. Suddenly, red smoke emitted from Lucifer and Crowley returned into his own meat-suit, gasping.

“Crowley.”, Sam said, asking the big question without actually forming the words.

“Useless. Lucifer's hold on him is too strong.”, he answered.

“Lads, the fire!”, Rowena screamed in horror.

“Ah. Trick me? You lied to me. You know, I could have been your warrior.”, Lucifer spoke with a smile, “Ah. Who needs ya? Well. It's just like Crowley to leave right when the party's getting started. Have a seat.”, he motioned to them and Sam and Dean were forced to sit down, “As much as I get a giggle out of you two, and I do, there comes a time when every relationship has… run its course. So…"

Lucifer closed his fist and Sam and Dean began to choke; they gasped and struggled for breath as he gripped them tighter and tighter. Tara was pressing herself against the wall, willing it to swallow her whole. Lucifer smirked. Rowena was still hiding, scared for her life. All of a sudden, there was an explosion and a gaping hole appeared in the side of the church. Lucifer turned to see Amara enter the room, a calm expression on her face.

“Oh, Lucifer. Dear nephew, my, how you've changed.”, she started and Lucifer smirked.

“I was tracking her,” she continued, indicating Rowena, “when she left my side.”

“You were safely sealed away. You're gonna wish you'd stayed there.”, Lucifer threatened.

Then he held up the Horn of Joshua and it started to glow with a red light as he absorbed its power. His eyes turned completely white and he conjured a ball of fire in his hand. He aimed it at Amara, throwing a beam of white light to engulf her. But when the light faded and ultimately died down, Amara was still standing, without even one tiny scratch. She lifted her hand and drew Lucifer effortlessly towards her. The Horn of Joshua hit the ground with a clank. Amara cupped her hand on Lucifer’s face, as Sam and Dean watched on in astonishment.

“I think you and I need to have a nice, long chat.”, she said.

“Cas?”, Dean yelled.

Amara turned to look at Dean. She raised her hand to release Dean and Sam from Lucifer’s grip. Then there was a blinding flash of light enveloping Amara and Lucifer. Tara closed her eyes at how bright it was. When the light died away, they were gone. Rowena just left, while Sam and Dean looked at each other in a combination of relief and disbelief. Tara finally started breathing again.

 

Back in the bunker, Sam brought Dean a beer. Several empty bottles were already standing on the map table. Tara had locked herself into her room.

“So, Rowena and Crowley… like mother, like son, huh? They both took exactly one split second to take off when things started going south.”, Sam said.

“Yep.”, Dean agreed.

“Here”, Sam handed the beer to his brother, “By the way, what's Rowena doing with Amara?”

“My guess… she's playing the odds. When sucking up to Lucifer didn't work out, maybe she thought Amara was the best bet. Then she heard Lucifer had a shot, so she switched horses again.”, Dean suggested.

“I thought Lucifer had a shot. Apparently, uh, archangel plus God power doesn't trump God’s sister.”, Sam concluded.

“But if the thing has to be used by God's chosen, then maybe an archangel who got the boot doesn't qualify. Either way, horn's out of ammo, so…”, Dean trailed off.

“So, back to square one.”

“Yep.”, Dean sighed.

“Listen, um… I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so…”, Sam started.

“Well, that's what he wanted, though, right? Besides, didn't we say that we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn't agree with?”

“Yeah, um… Yeah, we did say that.”

“So…"

“Okay. So, that's our policy.”, Sam just said.

“Which sounds damn good.”, Dean replied and that made Sam chuckle, “Well, let's go find that idiot and bring him home.”

Then Dean rolled a ball across the table to knock over the empty beer bottles.

Tara was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She’d just met the king of Hell, his mother and motherfucking _Lucifer_ and all in one day. That was a little much. So she lay there, processing the consequences of the day’s events. It didn’t look good. Amara was gone and she had Lucifer as well as Castiel in her grip. But they could figure this out. There was always a way, right? They’ve had worse. Well, Sam and Dean had, but Tara would just go along with that. She could get herself together and help them as best she could.


	6. Do you ship Destiel?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is still grumpy because there is no lead on Cas, which worries Sam and Tara.  
> Tara starts getting to know Crowley and also learns a thing or two and then her internet friends make an appearance...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late and I'm sorry! I just totally forgot on Friday and yesterday was kinda busy. I had to bake a cake for today (I'm turning twenty) and then spent the rest of the day at the rainbow parade in Vienna with my dear friend Zwetschge14. So there wasn't really time to upload.
> 
> This chapter was quite fun to write because I got to play a little with the idea of shipper!crowley and Tara's approach at a friendship with him.  
> I hope you enjoy!!

It’s been days since the Casifer debacle and they were no step closer to finding him. Dean’s drinking was getting worse again, every passing day. Sam and Tara were worried. So, when one day Tara messed something up – whatever it had been – Dean exploded. He yelled at her and even insulted her a little. But she just stood there and took it. She didn’t say anything throughout the whole ordeal. She winced at one or two harsh words, but that was all the reactions she gave. When Dean had stormed off, Sam walked over to her and told her he didn’t mean it. He was just… under a lot of pressure. Almost at his breaking point. And all she said in return was, “I know.”

He needed someone to let his anger and frustration out on and he couldn’t do it with Sammy. If it helped him, she would be that person. So, whenever he had an outburst, she would just take it without a word. And when he would come back, often hours later, and apologize and tell her what a horrible person he was for saying all those terrible things, she would always forgive him and tell him it was okay, tell him they would find Castiel and bring him home. Because that was what he needed now. More than anything.

It wasn’t always easy, sometimes she had to fight tears. Sometimes she’d lose that battle and leave the bunker for a while, to go for a walk. She found a little clearing in the forest not far away. She would sit there in the grass, watching the birds and insects and leave the world behind just for a little while.

One day, when the brothers were out on a hunt, she stayed at home. She wanted to try something. They probably wouldn’t approve of this something. She took a knife and a book with her to the clearing. After she’d dumped the book in the grass, she started to carve runes into the trees at the edge of the clearing. When she was done, there were two runes carved into each tree trunk. She picked up the book and chanted two spells, each activated one warding. When she was done, she fetched her phone from her pocket and dialed ‘666’.

It rang a few times, but then Crowley picked up, “Hello? Who is this?”

“Hey, you remember me?”

“Are you the girl who’s with the Winchesters?”

“Yeah, I want to talk to you.”

There was silence for a moment on the other end of the line, then the demon said, “I feel flattered, but I’m afraid I can’t locate you.”

“I knew that, I’ll give you some coordinates.”, she announced, “Will you come?”

“Why not? Haven’t got anything better to do anyway…”, he replied, since he didn’t want to admit that he was a little curious about the girl who didn’t seem to be afraid of him at all.

“Good, see you then.”, and with those words she ended the call to send him a text with the coordinates of the clearing.

Only a short moment later, he showed up behind her with a, “Hello, darling.”

She jerked a little, but seemed to relax again as she saw who it was. She turned towards him and greeted, “Hello, Crowley.”

“So, what can I do for you in this… interesting place? Where are the Winchesters?”

“They’re not here, not at the moment. I needed someone to talk to.”, she answered.

“And how did I happen to come to your mind at that?”, he asked confusedly.

She just shrugged, “Well, I can’t exactly tell my old friends about this mess and I wanted to get to know you better anyway.”

He raised an eyebrow and looked around, “What is this here?”

“I come here whenever the real world is too much for me. I can just sit in the grass and forget about everything for a while.”

When he noticed the runes, he gave her a suspicious look and she immediately caught on, “Oh, that. Just a little warding against demons and angels. I didn’t want them to surprise us. Also, you can’t hurt me inside the warding.”

“Are you afraid I would do that?”, he wanted to know. Maybe she wasn’t so weird after all…

“No, just cautious. You wouldn’t benefit from hurting me. It would only get you into more trouble. It wouldn’t be logical for you to do anything like that and you’re smart. The rest of the warding is for our both protection.”, she explained.

Okay, she was definitely more interesting than moose and squirrel.

“And what exactly do you want to talk about?”

“Well, first things first: have you read the books?”, she asked.

“What books?”

She raised an eyebrow, “You know, ‘saving people, hunting things. The family business.’ Of course you’ve read the books.”

“Oh, those books. Yes, they are quite entertaining.”, he said.

She smiled and sat down in the grass, “So, am I right to assume, you’re aware of fan fiction?”

“Oh yes.”

“Good. Do you ship Destiel?”

That question caught him off guard, but she just kept looking at him expectantly, while he paced back and forth on the clearing, until she said, “For Hells sake, just sit down, you’re making me nervous.”

He let out a sigh, but complied. She was direct, he liked that. As he settled into the grass next to her, she tried to suppress a smirk. It was kinda ridiculous to have the king of Hell sitting on the grass, while in a suit.

The expectant look was still there, so he tried, “Why do you want to know that?”

“Answer the question first.”

He rolled his eyes, “Fine. I do. They’re perfect for each other, was that what you wanted to hear?”

She grinned at him gleefully, “I think, I have some information, you might be interested in.”

So, she started explaining her whole story in short form and the mechanics of her abilities to him and he was engrossed. She was definitely even more interesting than he’d initially thought. When she was done with the background info, she told him about her latest vision of Dean and Crowley’s jaw literally dropped.

“You’re kidding.”, he said.

“Nope.”

“Well, I’ve always assumed that he’s heads over heels for the angel, but I didn’t expect, he’d have it _this_ bad.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. And now that Cas is gone, Dean is on the verge of breaking… Do you have any idea how I could help him?”, Tara asked.

“How would I know?”

“You’ve been his BFF, not me.”, she pointed out.

“Right, but you know how that ended.”, he reminded her.

She breathed a deep sigh, “Okay, you know what? Let’s change the topic. Um… I’ve always wondered if demons can receive prayers too. Like, when I shout your name or think of you really hard, would you hear that somehow?”

“Demons are not angels, we can’t hear prayers, but with your psychic abilities, I assume everything is possible.”, he answered, “Speaking of which, can you have those visions of yours also of non-human creatures?”

“You mean like demons?”, she inquired.

“For example, yes.”, he just said.

She smiled for a moment, then got thoughtful, “Hm… I don’t know. I’ve had one of a ghost not so long ago, but a demon… Maybe, I mean, they’re still souls, twisted and broken souls, but still souls. It could be possible.”

He nodded, “Well, if you ever have one of me, be so kind and let me know.”

“Will do.”, then she stood up and told him, “It’s getting dark, I should go now.”

Now Crowley stood up too and took a full minute to brush all the grass off his suit.

Tara chuckled, “I think I’ll bring some chairs for next time.”

“Next time?”, the demon perked up his ears.

“Yeah. I thought this could be something like a save haven for you. After all you’ve got Heaven _and_ Hell on your tail and this clearing is warded against both. And you have my phone number now, so whenever you need someone to talk, or just an open ear… I’ll come as fast as I can. If you want me to, that is.”, she explained.

And wow, he really didn’t expect that. She hardly knew him and seemed to care more about him than anyone else he’d ever known. Including his mother. He wasn’t sure what to do with that, but one thing was clear. He really needed a safe haven. So, he agreed and she smiled at him, said goodbye and left. She really was something else… He stood there a little longer, before he disappeared as well.

 

Next time he teleported to the clearing, it wasn’t empty anymore. There were two chairs and a small table placed in the center of it. He sat down on one of the chairs and looked around. She had done a good job with the warding, it looked really professional. He sat there alone for about an hour, but damn, he really needed someone to talk. So, he surrendered and called her. She told him she wasn’t far away and would be there as soon as possible.

After about twenty minutes of waiting, he spotted a small figure between the trees. It was Tara and she was… holding ice cream? As she approached him, he could see it more clearly, she had one ice cream cone in each hand. One was white (the one she was licking) and the other was… black. What.

He raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged, “I was in town getting some ice cream when you called, figured you might want some too.”

“And what is that? Leviathan flavour?”, he asked sarcastically, indicating the black scoop of frozen something.

She chuckled, “Well, I didn’t know what flavor you like, so I thought I’d just go with vanilla. Then I saw they had black vanilla and I couldn't resist.”

Then she held the cone out towards him. Instead of taking it, he only stared at it warily.

“Come on, take it, it doesn't bite. It’s just vanilla ice cream with a fancy color.”, she explained.

After another moment of consideration, he took the cone from her hand and carefully licked at the black scoop. It wasn’t half bad. After the first hesitant lick, he took another bigger one and Tara gave him a satisfied smile. She sat down in the other chair and continued eating her white ice cream.

“What flavour do you have?”, he asked after a few seconds.

“Lemon.”, she replied around a mouthful.

“For next time, I like cherry.”, he mentioned as a sideline.

Her face lit up in a grin.

“What?”, he required.

“You said, ‘next time’.”, was her only answer.

He proceeded to glare at her for pointing it out, but as she didn’t react, he just shrugged and continued eating.

They sat in a comfortable silence until Tara decided to break it, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I’ve had a terrible day.”, he replied. Although, it was already a little better.

He told her about his day and she listened. She didn’t interrupt him and hardly said anything. She just occasionally asked a question or made a suggestion for the future. Crowley was surprised how easy it was to talk to her. On the other hand, he didn’t have a real comparison. Maybe- Yeah, maybe they could become pretty good friends someday. She, for one, didn’t seem to have any objections towards that, although he was a demon. She was patient with him, something he never experienced before. It would take time, though. He wished, he knew what was wrong with her, where those strange powers came from. But he didn’t know. He was just as clueless as everyone else on that topic.

At some point, they were back to sitting there in silence again. They continued this for a few days, most of the time, they would just sit there and watch nature around them. It wasn’t exactly an unpleasant silence. Sometimes he would ask her something really weird and personal, just to make her uncomfortable, like, “What’s your bra size?”

But she would just give him a weird look and answer, “75A. Why? Do you want to buy me one?”

Sometimes it seemed as if she didn’t even get what he was trying to do and the longer he knew her, the more he was sure, that’s exactly what was the case. One time, she even mentioned that her people skills were not the best, so yeah, that made sense. He stopped trying to make her uncomfortable after a while, because it only got him frustrated.

“Now, what are you gonna do about our lovesick hunter and his gay angel?”, the demon asked casually.

Tara’s eyebrows shot upwards, “Well… I don’t know. I mean, _should_ I even do something? Or should I let them sort it out on their own?”

“Hell, no. Without external help, it’ll never go canon.”, Crowley replied.

“Alright, but Castiel is still gone, so I can’t really do anything anyway.”

“Well, you could start by talking to Dean.”, he suggested.

“Okay, but what am I supposed to say that won’t make him panic and get drunk off his ass?”

“I don’t know, be subtle.”

“Thanks, I figured that much.”, she said with an annoyed tone to her voice.

They continued plotting possible ways to make Destiel canon for about an hour, before they parted again.

 

The next day, Sam and Dean returned from their hunt and Tara surprised them with a freshly baked apple pie. It had a pentagram out of pastry stripes on top of it.

Dean’s eyes went wide, “You can bake? You never mentioned that.”

“Yeah, well… Pie is about the only thing I can do properly…”, she explained a little embarrassed.

“We don’t need anything more. Why did you even-”, Dean started, but Tara just held up her hand to quiet him.

“Don’t you start with that again. You’re saving people. That’s what you do. And not nearly enough of them have thanked you for it. So, I’m gonna do that instead.”, she declared.

“But why?”, Sam asked.

She just smiled at them, “Someone has to do it. Now grab some plates and forks and take a seat, I’ll bring this piece of art over.”

After she had placed the pie on the table and everyone was sitting with a slice in front of them, Sam decided to speak, “I like the pentagram, it kinda fits. How did you come up with that?”

“Well, it’s funny. I’ve seen a picture of a pie with a devils trap on top somewhere in the internet once and I wanted to try that. I’ve been doing it like this ever since. I didn’t even think about it anymore, but yeah, it fits.”, she explained with a shrug.

“Huh.”, was the only reply to that.

While they were eating, the brothers told her about the hunt and they just enjoyed themselves. When they were done, Sam collected the cutlery and carried it into the kitchen. Tara was alone with Dean now. This could be her best chance to talk to him.

_Okay, now or never._

“Hey, Dean?”

“Mh?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“About what?”

She hesitated, “About Cas..”

He stilled for a moment, but didn’t let anything shine through, “What do you wanna know?”

Now she looked everywhere but at him, “Um… You- You miss him, right?”

“Yeah, sure. But you know that…”, he answered a little confused.

“That… wasn’t the question. I- uh…”, she trailed off. _Come on, just do it already._ She took a deep breath and let it out in one go, “What exactly is he to you?”

Dean froze and just blinked at her for a moment. His mouth opened and closed a few times, before he finally said, “He’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, but… Did you ever think… there might be more… to your relationship?”, she tried.

“We’re family.”, now he was even more confused, “What are you getting at?”

“Well…”, suddenly Tara found her hands very interesting, “You- You- I- uh… You’ve heard about Destiel, right?”

Now he stiffened completely, “Please tell me, you don’t… _believe_ this bullcrap.”

Tara internally winced, “No! No, of course not. It’s just… Have you ever thought about it? I mean, you obviously have a… complex relationship. Are you sure, Castiel doesn’t see more in you than just a friend?”

Dean’s look hardened, “Yes.”

“Okay, but… it wouldn’t be totally unreasonable, right? Think about it. He chose you over a whole army, his own kind, over and over again.”, she pointed out.

“So?”, he asked with a daring tone, but it was too late to back out now, she had to finish this.

“I don’t know, just…”, she sighed, “Listen… You can tell me anything about your relationship with Castiel, but you _can't_ tell me, there's nothing you haven't told me yet.”

Now, she finally dared to look at him again. His jaw was set, his eyes angry and his posture stiff. _Oh, shit._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”, he proclaimed, stood up and just left the room.

_Fuck._

Tara was left behind in her seat and was still staring after him, when Sam walked back in.

“Hey, what happened?”, he asked a little worried.

“I screwed up.”, she admitted guiltily.

“What did you do?”

“I tried to talk to him about Castiel…”

“Oh.”, he instantly seemed to understand.

“I- I didn’t mean to…”, she trailed off.

“Yeah, I know,”, Sam said, “You know what? I’m gonna talk to him. See how bad it is.”

She nodded, head bowed, “Thanks.”

So, Sam walked to his brothers room and knocked, “Dean?”

“Yeah?”, he sounded grumpy.

Sam opened the door and found his brother sitting on the bed with his laptop.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“I’m fine, Sammy. Just… leave me alone, okay?”, he didn’t sound particularly angry, merely upset and maybe a little confused. Sam knew his brother well enough to tell.

“Alright, just… Is there something I should tell Tara?”

“No.”

Sam made to leave, but before he closed the door behind himself, he said, “You know, she didn’t mean any harm?”

“Yeah…”, he mumbled, “She should just learn to keep away from open wounds…”

Then, the door clicked shut. Of course she didn’t mean to, but what the Hell had she been thinking? Destiel. Bullshit. They were just friends, nothing more. Why should Cas think any different of their relationship than like that? No, that couldn’t be. He was an angel for fucks sake and Dean was just… a petty human, with self esteem- and daddy-issues. Well, Cas had some serious daddy-issues himself, but… Thinking about this right now wouldn't do him any good, so he tried to think of something else. Which was kinda hard. He missed the angel more, than he was willing to admit to… like, anyone.

After Sam had left, he walked back to the war room, just to find Tara still sitting in the exact same spot. She looked up at him with big, hopeful eyes.

“Could be worse. Just give him time, a few days maybe. He’ll get over it.”, he told her.

She breathed out a sigh and nodded, “Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem. Just… try to stay away from the topic for a while. At least until Cas is safe and back home.”

She nodded again, stood up and left, after quietly calling over her shoulder, “I’ll be in my room.”

After she’d closed the door behind her, she let herself fall onto the bed and stared at the ceiling for a few moments. Then she scrambled a bit to the side, so she could reach for her laptop, nearly falling off the bed in the process. She needed a distraction right now and nothing could distract her better than the Supernatural fan page.

After the page had loaded, she checked the chat-room for her friends. No one was there yet, so she took her phone and texted Crowley.

**T: We messed up, it totally backfired. Now he’s angry at me…**

**C: You mean, you messed up.**

**T: Haha, really funny**

**C: What happened?**

**T: We talked and then he just bolted**

**C: So, you said what we had planned**

**T: Yeah, you could say that**

**C: Good, that means the thought is set into his mind, he’ll think about it**

**T: *sigh* fine, but what do I do now?**

**C: You could talk to moose**

**T: … maybe later. I’ll keep you current**

**C: Good**

Then she threw her phone onto the bed and looked at the laptop screen again. Oh, someone was online.

**Destiel4evaa is online**

**Queen_of_hell: Hey, Jackie**

**Destiel4evaa: Tara, we haven’t heard anything of you for a while!**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah, I was kinda busy…**

**Destiel4evaa: I imagine**

**Cassbutt86 is online**

**Cassbutt86: Tara, you’ve got some serious explaining to do.**

**Queen_of_hell: What’s the matter?**

**Destiel4evaa: The newest book is online.**

_Oh fuck._

**Cassbutt86: How’d you do it? Did you find Carver Edlund and convince him to write you into his books?**

**Queen_of_hell: No, it’s a long story and you probably wouldn't believe me, so…**

**Destiel4evaa: Try**

Tara sighed. Great, now she could try to explain prophets, her visions and that the supernatural world was real to those two… Whatever, she didn’t have a real choice anyway. If she refused, she’d lose her friends. But if they wouldn’t believe her, she’d lose them too. There was only one way to find out… So, she told them about this mess, from the beginning to the end.

**Destiel4evaa: I knew it was real!**

**Cassbutt86: No, you didn’t.**

**Destiel4evaa: Shut up, I did.**

**Queen_of_hell: So, you believe me?**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, why not? You wouldn’t make something like this up and it actually kinda makes sense.**

**Queen_of_hell: Okay, but don’t tell anyone about it, please**

**Destiel4evaa: So, how is it with the Winchesters?**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, they treat me quite nice.**

**Cassbutt86: That’s all you’ve got to say?**

**Queen_of_hell: What do you want to know? Could you be a little more specific??**

**Samfan83 is online**

**Samfan83: Hey, are you guys talking about the new book? Crazy, huh?**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, totally. Poor Cas**

**Destiel4evaa: Yeah, but we were never so close to having it canon!**

**Samfan83: Dean seems completely devastated, doesn't he?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yep**

**Samfan83: I wish we could do something for him…**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, I’m looking forward to the next book, to see how this turns out.**

**Samfan83: Hey, do you guys have any ideas on how they could get Cas out?**

Huh? What a weird question.

**Cassbutt86: No, sadly not**

**Queen_of_hell: Hey Samfan, are you a shipper?**

**Samfan83: Um… Yeah, sure.**

**Destiel4evaa: Do you ship Destiel???**

**Samfan83: You could say so**

**Queen_of_hell: What do think of other ships, like Sabriel?**

**Samfan83: Ew**

**Queen_of_hell: Huh. What about Samifer?**

**Samfan83: What**

**Samfan83: Oh**

**Samfan83: Ewwwwww**

Tara narrowed her eyes at the screen. A suspicion was building in her head.

**Queen_of_hell: Hey, remember how everyone Sam has slept with died?**

**Samfan83: That’s not true! Not everyone!!!**

**Cassbutt86: Did I miss something here?**

**Destiel4evaa: Looks like someone is really defensive about their favorite character**

Now there was only one thing left, to confirm her suspicion. She stood up with her laptop in hand and walked to the wall opposite her bed.

**Queen_of_hell: Sam, what are you doing on this website**

**Samfan83: What do you mean? I’m not Sam, he is a fictional character**

As she listened at the wall, she could hear the sound of fingers tapping the keyboard of a computer.

**Queen_of_hell: Cut the crap, Sam. I know it’s you**

**Samfan83: I don’t know what you’re talking about.**

**Queen_of_hell: Dude, I can hear you typing, we’re sharing a wall**

**Samfan83: Tara????**

**Queen_of_hell: The one and only.**

**Cassbutt86: Okay, this just got a lot more interesting…**

**Destiel4evaa: WAIT, ARE YOU TELLING ME WE ARE CHATTING WITH THE ACTUAL SAM WINCHESTER???????**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes**

**Destiel4evaa: saihdsjdshgfagiuadgjasbdkg**

**Samfan83: Wait, they know?!**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah, I just told them right before you logged on…**

**Queen_of_hell: Don’t worry, they’re cool. They won’t tell anyone.**

**Samfan83: Good**

**Queen_of_hell: Wait a minute, did you just say, you ship Destiel?**

**Samfan83: I did, I guess**

**Queen_of_hell: Hold on, I’ll come over…**

**Samfan83 is offline**

**Queen_of_hell is offline**

**Cassbutt86: What did just happen?**

**Destiel4evaa: I think, we might have insiders now, who are gonna sail this ship**

**Cassbutt86: Awesome**

Meanwhile, Tara had walked into Sam’s room, “Did you plan on telling me somewhen?”

“I didn’t know you ship it too!”

She rolled her eyes, “Oh come on, almost everyone who read all the books ships it!”

“Well, I didn’t know that!”

“Well, you know now.”

Sam sighed, “Let’s just forget that, okay?”

“Fine.”, she said and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

“Wait, is that what you were talking about with Dean? The reason why he is upset?”

“Yeah…”, she admitted.

“Huh.”

“I should probably tell you everything…”, and she started with the vision, moved on to her discussions with Crowley and ended with the conversation in the war room.

“So… Crowley, huh?”, was all Sam had to say in the end.

“He isn’t stupid, of course he noticed the longing glances and all that.”

“Yeah, I figured, but why did you even talk to him about that?”

She just shrugged, “Why not? He’s a pretty good dialog partner.”

Sam scoffed.

“What do you want me to say? It’s not like I have a crush on him or something! Besides, I’m not here to explain myself.”, she burst out.

“Fine”, Sam retorted, “So, you want to give them a nudge in the right direction?”

“Yeah. They obviously won’t sort it out on their own.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

She blinked at him for a moment, “What?”

“Look, I just want my brother to be happy. So, I’ll help you with whatever you wanna do to make that happen.”, he explained.

“Okay. I’m afraid we’ll have to get Cas home first. But you can try to talk to Dean. Just… really subtle.”, she offered.

“Alright, I can do that.”

And just like that, the ship had an entire crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter and had fun reading it! Make sure to leave a comment!  
> You can also message me on Tumblr, I'm nice (and lonely at times)!
> 
> The next chapter will be really plot heavy and it will finally reveal what exactly is going on with Tara, but that doesn't mean it'll be over soon, so hang on there with me!!


	7. Born from light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara get's captured by some angels who apparently want revenge on the Winchesters for "corrupting" Castiel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is one of the darker chapters in this fic. There are depictions of torture, but I'm not sure how graphic they'd be considered. If you were able to watch the show, this shouldn't be a problem for you though. I just thought I'd put this out there, so consider yourself warned...  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

It’s been days since the shipping incident and Dean was still hardly talking to Tara. It was fine. It was her own fault, she knew that. She would just have to sit this out. He’d get over it eventually, Sam had told her. And who knew Dean better than his little brother?

She was lying in her bed in the dark and staring at the ceiling. A peek at the alarm clock told her, it was about 2am. She’d woken up from another nightmare. It was strange, it hadn't even been a real dream, she’d just heard a loud scream in her head. It was Lucifer’s scream. She didn’t know how, but she just _knew_. She was hearing him scream in pain in her dreams for days now. But she didn’t tell anyone, they were just nightmares. Who wouldn't have nightmares after everything that happened? The Winchesters had them constantly, so it merely had been a matter of time until she would have them too. Right?

The longer she was awake, thinking about this, the less tired she felt. After staring into the darkness of her room for another hour, she gave up. It was hopeless, she wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon, so she stood up and left her room. She wandered the corridors for a while, before deciding to go out for a walk.

When she stepped through the bunker door, the cool night air washed over her and she breathed deep. It was a beautiful, clear night, the moon and the stars shining bright in the sky. She should do this more often, she thought, as she walked the road through the forest towards the city. Crickets were chirping and she could hear the hoot of an owl in the distance. As she was strolling through the dark of the night, she spotted a field not so far away, and she wandered towards it. She lay there in the grass, looking up at the stars. She hadn’t done this in a while, not since she was here and she’d never felt so small in her entire life. A tiny human, in a world so big and full of magic and wonders. She wondered if there was a celestial being watching over her, as she slowly drifted off.

The sudden cracking of a branch made her jerk awake again and she sat up in an instant to look around, but she couldn't see anything. It was still dark, but now it was also quiet. No crickets, no owls. Just dead silence and the rustling of leaves as the wind blew through them. In this moment she realized that she hadn't taken anything with her. No weapons, nothing to defend herself with. She was alone and suddenly she was a little scared. So she decided it was probably best to return to the bunker and stood up from her spot in the field. Another sound. The crunching of grass under a boot. She whirled around just to feel two fingers touching her forehead. A strange feeling ran through her body as the world around her turned completely black.

 

Sam walked into the kitchen where Dean was making coffee, “Morning.”

“Mornin’.”, Dean greeted back.

“Hey, have you seen Tara? She should already be up at this time.”, Sam asked after looking around.

“No, maybe she’s sleeping longer today.”, Dean replied.

“I’ll take a look into her room.”, Sam said and did exactly that. But the room was empty. Worry filled his thoughts, but maybe it was nothing…

“She isn’t there, the room is empty.”, Sam declared, now in the war room.

“Yeah, I thought so, her coat and shoes are gone.”, Dean told Sam.

“So she walked out, but where did she go?”

“Maybe just for a walk, who knows?”

“Yeah, maybe.”, Sam said, but something about this just wasn’t right. She wouldn’t simply wander off without at least leaving a note.

 

As Tara’s mind slowly came back to consciousness, her wrists and shoulders were hurting. She blinked her eyes open and looked at her surroundings. It took her a moment to grasp the meaning of what she saw, but when she did, fear surged through her bones. She was in an empty concrete room. It wasn’t really big and the walls were blank. There were no windows, maybe a cellar? Her wrists were cuffed and fixed to a hook in the ceiling. She was hanging so high, her feet barely touched the ground. Only when she stretched, she managed to get her toes onto the cold floor. Wait, it was cold. Now she realized, she wasn’t wearing her coat anymore. Her shoes were gone too. As she scanned the room, she could see them lying on a small table in the corner. The room had only one door. Suddenly it swung open and a man walked inside, “Oh look, she’s awake.”

Now she remembered the fingers touching her forehead to put her asleep in that field. He was an angel. And at least two other angels were with him. He stepped closer to Tara and seemed to examine her. Then he took a step back and looked her up and down.

“For whatever reason the Winchesters decided to add you to their broken little ‘family’, It couldn’t have been because of your skills as a warrior. You were surprisingly easy to catch.”, he said with a soft voice and a small smirk.

Tara’s vision was still clouded, but she managed to focus on him. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie. His two companions, a man and a woman, were dressed much alike him. Tara managed to grab the cuffs holding her, to keep them from cutting into her wrists too bad.

“Who are you?”, she asked weakly.

“Oh, you don’t know that? What have they even taught you?”

She managed to shake her head, “No, I know _what_ you are, but not _who_.”

He raised his eyebrows at that, “Well then… My name is Azriel. This is Nanael”, he indicated the woman on his right, “and this is Raguel.”, he pointed at the dark skinned man on his left, “Oh and, just in case you plan to flee, the angel guarding the door is Nathanael.”

She nodded barely visible, “I assume you already know who I am.”

“Of course we know, Tara. We know everything about you. You had a sheltered youth, loving parents, a good life. But then you just ran away and showed up on the Winchesters doorstep, like a stray dog. But why? Why give up a life people like the Winchesters would die for?”, he asked generously curious.

So maybe they didn’t know everything. Better keep it that way for now.

“Why am I here? I’m sure it’s not because of my interesting life choices. So, what do you want?”

He chuckled and clicked his tongue, “Oh Tara. Tara, Tara, Tara… We want them. We can’t track them since our… _brother_ carved those sigils into their ribs, but you…”, he laughed, “You were the jackpot. We tracked you until we had an opportunity to strike and boom, here you are.”, he explained with glee.

“But why didn’t you just attack while the Winchesters were with me?”, she asked in confusion.

“Oh, do you really think I am _that_ stupid? I’ve heard about them enough to know there is a significant chance of losing at least one of my men in a close combat. No, I’m not going to underestimate them like my other brothers. And that is where you come into play. You will tell us the location of their hiding place and we will take care that they never leave it alive again.”, his voice got darker throughout the explanation.

“But if you were tracking me, why don’t you already know where it is?”

“Oh, Tara. You’re not the smartest, are you? We can’t track you in a 2 miles radius. Yesterday, you just happened to wander far enough away, so we could find you.”, he sing-songed.

Really? Had she wandered _that_ far?

“Why do you want to kill them so bad?”

He let out a bitter laugh, “Really? They corrupted Castiel, they freed the Darkness, they freed Lucifer! Do I need to say more? This is justice and if you refuse to help us, we will have to force you…”

She swallowed thickly. That certainly didn’t sound good. She hastily looked around the room, but it helped her not even a bit. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t free herself. Even if she could, they would have her secured or dead within seconds. It was hopeless, she couldn’t get out of there on her own. The Winchester brothers probably could, but she? She almost died at her first encounter with a vengeful spirit, how was she supposed to handle four angels? Not gonna happen. So, what now? She would probably have to sit this out and wait for the brothers to find her. Hopefully still in one piece.

Her heart was beating furiously against her ribcage when Azriel let his angel blade slide out of his sleeve. She was shaking, struggling against her constraints, but to no avail. She choked down a sob as he slowly approached her with the silvery weapon.

“It doesn’t have to be like this.”, he said softly, “All you have to do, is tell us what we need to know.”

She was on the verge of crying, but stubbornly refused to show it to him, “No.”

Azriel sighed, “Oh Tara, so loyal, so fast. You hardly know them and are already willing to sacrifice yourself for them? Are you really that naive?”

“No.”, she bit out, “But if I told you what you want me to, you’d kill me anyway.”

He breathed a laugh and shrugged, “True. But it would be a lot less painful.”

Instead of showing how terrified she really was, she just glared at him. He stepped forward so he was standing right in front of her, then he grabbed her shirt and cut it open on the front to expose her torso. She felt cold metal sliding over her bare skin and she shuddered.

“They’ll come for me…”, she whispered to herself.

“Awww, you really believe that, don’t you? But the truth is, they don’t care about you. They hardly even know you…”, he said with an exaggerated fake pout.

No, he was lying. They would do the same for her, she knew it. She had to believe it. They would come for her. She just had to buy herself time. The tears were flowing freely now.

“You’re wrong.”, she said as fierce as she possibly could.

That was the moment the pain surged through her for the first time as the blade breached her skin.

 

Meanwhile in the bunker, the brothers were getting nervous.

“Okay, you’re right, something is definitely wrong. She never goes away alone for so long without telling us…”, Dean said as he was pacing the room.

“Yeah, but what could’ve possibly happened?”, Sam asked.

“I don’t know, Sam, and it’s killing me!”, Dean burst out, then took a deep breath, “She must’ve gone out on her own and something took her…”

Sam thought for a moment, then provided, “Maybe Crowley knows something.”

“Crowley? They only met once, Sam.”

“Well, no. They kinda stayed in touch after that.”, Sam mentioned.

Dean gave him a confused look, “They did what?”

“I’m sure she would’ve told you, but you refused to talk to her for what… a week now?”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault. She’d pushed her luck.”, Dean retorted.

“Yeah, she knew that and she was sorry, so why couldn’t you just let it go?”

Dean sighed and let a hand slide over his face, “Yeah, I know. I was stupid, okay? I’m just gonna call Crowley…”

And with that, the discussion was over and he was on the phone.

As soon as the demon answered the call, Dean put him on speaker and started talking, “Hey, do you have information on Tara?”

“Well, first of all, Hello to you too. Secondly, I hardly know her, we only met once, remember?”, was the reply.

“We all know that is not true.”, Sam told him.

“What?”

“We _know_.”, the brothers said in unison.

“You know? She told you?”, Crowley wanted to know.

“Kind of. It was more of an accident but that doesn't matter right now.”, Sam answered.

“We need to know where she is.”, Dean brought the conversation back on track.

“Well, she’s not with me. I haven't seen her in four days.”, Crowley said, “What’s the matter?”

“She’s missing. The whole day already.”, Dean said.

“And we have no idea where to look for her.”, Sam added.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, then the demon spoke again, “I’ll be with you in a second.”

And just then, there was a knock on the door. Sam and Dean stood up and opened, to find the former king of Hell standing in front of them, with a phone to his ear.

“I assume, I can end the call now.”, he said and did just that. Then he casually walked past the brothers into the bunker, leaving them standing at the entrance a little surprised.

As Crowley noticed that, he said, “What? She helped me when no one else cared. Now, I want to return the favour. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?”

“Um… yeah. It’s just… We didn’t know you considered her a friend.”, Sam replied.

“Well, now you know. Can we just go and find her?”, the demon said irritatedly.

The brothers looked at each other for a moment, then agreed.

 

Tara screamed in agony as the angel blade cut deep through the skin of her abdomen. She hadn’t talked yet and Azriel was starting to get frustrated.

“I have to admit, I underestimated you. I really believed you would’ve talked after the first few cuts…”, he looked into her eyes, “You know, it could be over. All you have to do, is tell me where I need to go and the pain will go away.”

“Bite me.”, she choked out, but it was weak, her voice hoarse from screaming and crying.

“I could do that, but believe me, it would be no fun for either of us.”, he replied dryly.

“Sir? Maybe we should change our tactic.”, Nanael suggested then.

“Hm… Maybe we should…”, he turned back to Tara, “I will leave you for a minute, honey. Think about my offer, it could all be over in a matter of seconds.”

Then he left the room, Nanael right behind him. Only Raguel stayed to watch over her. She breathed out in relief. There were cuts everywhere on her chest and abdomen, even her back and one or two on her face. She’d lost the strength to hold onto the chains of her restraints a long time ago, now there was blood trickling down her arms from where the cuffs were cutting into her skin. Everything hurt. She could hardly breathe. She wished so badly that there was someone out there, watching over her, but the events of the last… how long was she even here? One hour? Two? Longer? Didn’t matter. She had no guardian angel. She couldn’t even pray to Castiel, because he wouldn't hear her.

Then she remembered the conversation she’d had with Crowley some time ago. _Demons are not angels, we can’t hear prayers, but with your psychic abilities, I assume everything is possible._ The words were ringing through her mind like an echo. Maybe she could call for him. Who needs a guardian angel, when you have the king of Hell on your side?

So, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. She called out to him in her mind as loud as she could. She tried to focus on the feeling her visions always brought with them. To be honest, she had absolutely no idea what she was doing, but it was the last straw, so what did she have to lose?

Then a voice came through the door, “Raguel, come out here for a moment!”

The angel shot Tara a fierce look, then obeyed. He wouldn't be gone long, they wouldn't just leave her.

“Crowley. Crowley!”, she started saying out loud, “C’mon, I could really need a demon on my shoulder right now. Please…”

Then, in the blink of an eye, he was standing in front of her, his expression changing from relief, to horror, to anger in merely a second. Thank God, it worked. She’d never been so glad to see anyone before. Didn’t matter that he was a demon.

Before he could do anything, she spoke, “Listen, we don’t have much time, they could be back within seconds. At least four angels, armed. Get Sam and Dean, you can’t take them on your own.”

“Tara…”, he started, but was cut off by her after she heard a sound from outside, “Please, just go. I’ll be okay.”

And so he nodded and vanished again. She breathed deep and a small tear of relief left her eye. They would come soon…

When Crowley was back in the bunker, the Winchester brothers stared at him in irritation and confusion.

“What the Hell was that? You can’t just vanish on us like that. We’re trying to find Tara here!”, Dean demanded.

“That’s the thing, she called out to me.”, the demon replied, sounding baffled.

“What?”, the brothers asked in unison.

“I can’t explain it, I just kind of _felt_ her calling for me and I had to follow that call. If I wouldn't know better, I’d say it was like a prayer…”

“And? Did you find her?”, Sam urged on.

The demon nodded and sat down, “She’s injured, bleeding badly, but alive. She told me there were at least four angels keeping her. Then she sent me away to get you.”

The brothers were speechless for a moment, then Sam spoke again, “Angels? But what would they want from her?”

“Doesn’t matter, Sam, we’re gonna get her out.”, Dean said, then turned to Crowley, “Show us where.”

The demon nodded. They packed up everything they had that could kill or at least injure an angel and a few more supplies, just in case there was a surprise waiting for them, then they headed out, following Crowley’s lead.

 

Tara started coughing. Azriel was careful to avoid doing damage to internal organs with his blade, but she was fairly sure he at least punctured her lung this time.

“Why are you still protecting them? They are not coming for you, don’t you see?”, Azriel hissed, then cut deep into her side. She didn’t make a noise, all ability to cry out had drained from her.

“You’ll see.”, she whispered.

A loud noise outside caught their attention and they knew what was happening. But Azriel didn’t seem to be worried at all. On the contrary actually, he started smiling. Tara’s blood ran cold at that sight.

“I knew, they’d come for you.”, he said with an evil grin.

“W- What?”, she breathed.

His grin grew even wider, “Everyone knows, they can’t withstand an opportunity to throw themselves in the line of fire for someone else, so of course I knew they’d come. I didn’t expect them this early, but better now than never, right?”

“It- It’s a trap?”

“Oh honey, of course it is. Did you really think I’m that stupid? I always have a backup plan in case things go, well… not as planned. I expected you to talk, but this course of events is also quite pleasing.”, he explained with an unnerving smirk on his face.

Loud turmoil could be heard coming right from outside the door. It sounded like fighting.

“Hear that? That’s the sound of them dying.”, he sing-songed.

“No. No no no no no. That can’t be…”, she sobbed. She would’ve been crying if she’d had any tears left to shed. Everything felt numb. It was only pain left.

Azriel took a slow step forward and placed the tip of his blade gently above her navel and let it rest there while he whispered, “Want me to end the pain for you now?”

Just at that moment, the door flew open and Sam and Dean stormed inside, clothes bloody, blades at the ready. Azriel turned towards them and caught their eye right before plunging the blade into Tara’s abdomen. She let out a sharp breath.

“No!”, Dean cried out and made to attack the angel.

Nanael and Raguel charged at the Winchester brothers, effectively keeping them away from their leader. Azriel pulled his blade out of the young woman’s flesh and turned around, jaw set and eyes blazing with fury. When suddenly Crowley appeared in the room, it didn’t take long, until Nanael was lying dead on the floor. Sam was still fighting off Raguel, but didn’t seem to need help at the moment.

Azriel raised his angel blade, ready to destroy the demon, when the lights started to flicker and a strange ringing sound filled the room. It seemed to come from Tara. Everyone stopped in their tracks and turned to look at her. She was still hanging there, her head bowed and eyes closed. But when she opened them, they were glowing in a bright, blueish light. In that very moment, all the lightbulbs in the windowless room – probably in the whole building – burst into sparks, only leaving darkness in their wake. Now, they could see that she was glowing softly and as the glow intensified, two giant shadows became visible on the wall right behind her, which unmistakably resembled huge, feathery wings.

Everyone in the room was staring in awe and confusion. Raguel fled in panic, Azriel stumbled a step backwards in shock.

“H- How is that possible? No- No grace. That can’t be. How-“, he was cut off when an angel blade was plunged through his chest. The angel dropped to the ground and Dean pulled the blade back out.

The light that emitted from Tara slowly faded away and as the brothers and Crowley stepped cautiously towards her, they could see that all her wounds had healed perfectly. They were just… gone. She stirred and seemed to come to herself again.

“That felt strange… What happened? Are you okay?”, she mumbled, opening her eyes. The blue light was gone, now they were just normal eyes.

“I think we have a lot to talk about…”, Sam said, “But first, we should get you down there.”

So, they opened the cuffs and got her back on the ground. She rubbed her wrists for a moment, but then seemed to realize that all her wounds were gone.

“What the Hell?”, she exclaimed, then stretched her back in a weird way. It felt weird. Everything felt somehow weird. Then she noticed that Crowley seemingly couldn’t stop staring at something behind her back, so she turned her head a little. _Oh._

“Holy shit.”, she said wide-eyed.

“What? What is it?”, Sam wanted to know.

“You don’t see them?”, Tara asked.

“See what?”, Dean inquired.

“Of course they don’t see them, they're mere humans.”, Crowley provided.

“I’m just gonna ignore the fact that I should probably feel mildly offended at that.”, Dean said. Crowley just rolled his eyes.

“Bu- But I’m…”, Tara started, but Crowley cut her off, “…seemingly not as human as we thought.”

Her eyes returned to the brothers, who looked shocked, weirded out, curious, confused and intrigued at the same time.

“I have wings.”, she said in shock and also awe.

 

After that, they drove back to the bunker. During the drive, Tara told them what had happened and what Azriel had been planning. Her wings were awkwardly folded between her back and the seat.

“I’m sorry for luring you into a trap…”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”, Sam said.

“I assumed it would be a trap, it didn’t make sense otherwise.”, Crowley pointed out.

“Yeah, and there were just a few more angels than you told us, so not really a big deal.”, Dean mentioned.

Then they told her what exactly had happened when she’d blacked out. As they were back at the bunker, the brothers asked Tara if she wanted to rest for a while, but she said she wasn’t really tired and seemed genuinely surprised about that herself. So, they ended up sitting awkwardly in the so-called living room, Tara and Crowley still marveling at her wings. It was weird watching her patting something they couldn’t even see, let alone touch.

Suddenly Sam spoke up, “It actually kinda makes sense, you know?”

At that everyone perked up their ears.

“Just… Think about it. Angels can read minds, right? And that’s basically what you do with your visions. The vengeful spirit tried to invade your body and got burned. Missouri couldn't read your thoughts, she mentioned something about that ‘all she got from you was colors’. If I remember correctly, another psychic said the same about Cas once.”, Sam explained.

Tara pondered for a moment, then followed his train of thought, “Then my dreams about Lucifer could be because I accidentally linked into angel-radio.”

Sam and Dean shared a look at that new piece of information, but no one said anything about it.

“Okay, but she was human, one cannot simply become an angel. So, why now?”, Dean wondered.

“I don’t know, maybe her near-death kicked something loose that was already there.”, Sam tried.

“You mean I might’ve been an angel all my life without even knowing? What, like a sleeper?”, Tara asked.

“I don’t think so.”, Crowley objected, “The angel who stabbed her…”

“Azriel. His name… was Azriel.”, Tara mentioned.

“Azriel. He said something about her having no grace, so she can’t be completely angelic.”, the demon explained.

“So, what? You think she’s a Nephilim or something?”, Dean required.

“No. Nephilim don’t have wings.”, Crowley said, “I think she’s something unnamed… something _new_.”

“Something that is partly human and partly angel…”, Sam summarized.

“A semi-angel.”, Dean concluded.

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Why do you think _you_ get to make up name?”, Sam asked.

“Why not?”, Dean replied with a shrug.

“I don’t know, Dean. Shouldn't maybe Tara be the one to name it because she’s the first of this kind?”, Sam suggested.

Everyone directed a questioning look at Tara and she just half-shrugged and said, “I like that name.”

“Ha.”, Dean said triumphantly.

“Congratulations, you gave it a name. What are we gonna do about it further?”, Crowley asked a little exasperated.

“I don’t know, I mean, we basically just discovered a new species. The best we could do now, is most likely try to figure out her abilities. All we know for sure yet, is, she obviously has wings, probably no grace and some kind of healing abilities.”, Sam provided.

“And how should we find out what else I can do?”, Tara wanted to know.

“Maybe you could practice and just start by trying abilities normal angels have.”, Sam suggested.

Tara looked down and just nodded, “I think I’ll go to my room now. I have a lot to process…”, and with that she stood up, said goodbye and left.

She didn’t go to her room right away, she made a beeline for the bathroom instead and locked the door behind her. Then she looked into the mirror and eyed her reflection. She still looked the same as ever, with the exception that now two huge angel wings were attached to her back. She could feel them like a part of herself, it was odd, like she’d suddenly grown a new pair of arms. When she touched them, she felt the touch in two places, her fingers and the wings, when she moved them it didn’t feel any different from moving an arm. She spread them, but they were too big to fully stretch out in the bathroom, however, it was enough to get a better look at them.

They surely weren’t what she would’ve imagined under angel wings. The feathers were black, like a raven’s, but there was something underneath… a soft blue and greenish glow filtered through the dark feathers. A glow that wasn’t consistent, but seemed to change constantly. Spots changed from blue to green light and sometimes turned completely black, almost as if they had a life of their own.

She wasn’t human. That pretty much dealt a death blow to her hopes for living a normal life again. The wings were beautiful, that much was true, but she didn’t really like them. She never wanted this, she never asked for this. But now she had to deal with this. She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed, then she left the bathroom and locked herself into her own room.

The Winchester brothers didn’t know how to deal with this situation. They had seen a lot in their lives, but this was entirely new. How was that even possible? Was God just playing some stupid joke on them? And there was still Amara out there somewhere torturing Lucifer. And Cas… But maybe this wasn’t all too bad. Tara was still Tara, just with the addition of some supernatural abilities, maybe she could help with Lucifer and Amara… They could just hope that the revelation about her visions wouldn't throw her off track. She was a good girl, she didn’t deserve this life, but just like it happened to them, it had been thrust upon her now. Hopefully she could deal with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know in canon demons can't really see angel wings, but Crowley is a rather powerful demon and Tara isn't really a normal angel, so it's not all that farfetched.  
> Now you know what's been going on with her, the question that remains is: Why? And if you payed close attention, you might've noticed that the black and white ice cream was a little bit of foreshadowing... hehe
> 
> Make sure to leave kudos or a comment, they are my life!


	8. Highway to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara has to cope with her situation, learns to control her new mojo and visits an old friend.  
> Meanwhile, Dean can't stop thinking about a certain blue eyed angel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have to say anything to this chapter, except that I hope you like it!  
> Leave me kudos or a comment or message me on Tumblr nera-solani, I'm nice!

The first few days, Tara needed to adjust to her new… situation. The brothers gave her a journal to write down her experiences as a semi-angel. At first, there didn’t seem to be such a big change in things, but then she started noticing oddities. She still experienced hunger and had to eat and drink like a human, but the rest of the digestion process was mostly absent. She still needed sleep, however not nearly as much as she used to. She didn’t even really sweat anymore. Everything was weird. She could’ve started to hate it, but she stopped herself, that wouldn’t get her anywhere.

So, she did what she always did, she tried to make the best of it. When she first spread out her wings in the middle of her room, the only thing she could think was, ‘ _Holy shit, they’re huge_ ’. They were so big that the longest feathers almost touched the walls on either sides. After she’d mastered not knocking things over with her wings – it turned out she could partially materialize them without them being seen and she had to learn how to control that – she started to settle into her ‘new skin’. However, she still startled every time she looked into a mirror.

The Winchesters were surprised how well she seemed to adjust. Whatever life threw her way, she always seemed to just take it and live with it. When she decided she was ready to start training, she asked Crowley to help her.

“What? Why me?”, he asked.

“Well, you’re the only one I know who has similar abilities and you know a lot about angels. So… Please?”, she replied with a look, that could probably be described as puppy-eyes, but he wouldn't call it that.

He sighed defeatedly, “Fine, I’ll try my best…”

She let out a squeal and grinned at him. Oh, what had he gotten himself into…

The training started on the clearing. It was quiet and undisturbed and there was hardly anything she could’ve ruined accidentally.

She learned slow. It took her days to find out how to fly and a full week to figure out how to reach her actual destination. After she’d finally mastered that, she started zapping around _everywhere_. Sometimes she’d randomly pop up and be like “Yo”, just to startle one of the brothers. She grew a certain liking to her wings now. After another few days, she learned how to make her eyes glow with a blue light and to cast the shadows of her wings at will. The brothers and Crowley noted that that was still pretty intimidating. She could see and sense everything supernatural now, even Crowley’s real face, but she preferred to block it out, as it wasn’t really pleasant to look at. As she required very little sleep and Crowley none at all, they could practice for many hours at once, but the training was hard. Some things she mastered fast, within one or two days, other things took a lot of time, up to weeks. After the training had begun, they quickly found out why she needed to eat. She had no grace, so the energy had to come from another source. Whenever she used her powers a lot, she got hungry and had to ‘recharge her batteries’, as Dean liked to call it. The same applied to sleeping.

Telepathy for example, was easy, she’d mastered it after less than two days. Healing herself wasn’t very hard either, she managed it on instinct. Healing others, however, took longer to learn. At first she had to practice on the Winchester brothers, later they brought her to hospitals to perfect her healing skills. Localization turned out to be an easy one. Within mere hours she was able to locate any random person she wanted, wherever they were. Electronic manipulation was more difficult, but after many training sessions and several short circuits, she eventually learned to control any electrical device in the bunker. Sedation was another quick learn, but she was really uncomfortable with rendering Sam or Dean unconscious by force.

However, they found out certain things she couldn’t do, which real angels were capable of, such as materializing an angel blade out of her sleeve or creating things out of thin air (okay, only archangels could do that, but still), time travel seemed to be impossible too.

As they started with close combat training, she happened to display super strength on multiple occasions and after almost two weeks, she was able to use that deliberately. Her reflexes had improved significantly and her movements got more calculated and precise every day. She practiced with Azriel’s blade as Crowley had taken it from the dead angel and brought it with him. It became her own.

Telekinesis was a tough nut to crack. It took weeks until she was finally able to use it, but she was still far away from being a master. That would probably take months, if not even years.

The hardest thing turned out to be smiting. Dean and Sam chased down a low level demon and secured it in the bunker’s dungeon for her to practice. It was hard to figure out, because it was nothing alike any ability Crowley possessed and therefore, she had to find out how to use it on her own. For weeks she didn’t have any effect on the demon and after some time that little sucker started to get snarky. When she placed her hand on its forehead once more and nothing happened, it made a really rude and sarcastic comment and Tara just lost it.

“Shut up!”, she yelled and just then, its eyes were burned out by a bright, yellow light. A moment of surprised silence was followed by the slow clapping of Crowley’s hands.

After several more weeks of practice in smiting and close combat, she could take down one or two demons on her own, walking away with nothing more than one tiny scratch. She would still need months to finally master her abilities, but overall she was ready to fight. She would be helpful in the battle against Amara.

While watching her, Crowley attempted to classify her compared to the known angel types, on the basis of her powers. She was definitely nowhere near archangel level, but she surely was located somewhere above average angels. He could definitely rule out reapers, cherubs and rit zien, and grigori didn’t really fit either. So he came to the conclusion that she could best be compared to the seraphim, a warrior class of angels.

 

Whenever she wasn’t practicing, she used her wings to see the world. She loved flying to places, others had no access to. So she would sit on top of the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bridge, look down from the Eiffel Tower, the Pyramids in Egypt or Big Ben, make snow angels on Mount Everest, take a walk through the Australian outback, the Grand Canyon or a rainforest, look into a volcano in Iceland, and watch the people of Rio, comfortably seated on the left hand of Cristo Redentor – the giant statue of Jesus Christ. She wasn't afraid of heights. She had never really been, but now she wasn't at all. Even if she fell down, what’s the worst that could happen? She’d just spread her wings and vanish, only to show up somewhere else again.

After she found out per pure chance that she didn’t necessarily need to breathe, she started visiting places, humans couldn’t reach. She started small, with the bottom of the ocean or inaccessible caves, but she got braver and expanded her traveling range fast. She visited the moon, Mars, walked over Venus, the Jupiter and Saturn moons and even Pluto. She went to other solar systems and even distant galaxies. There were so many things to see, so much more to learn, just waiting to be discovered. Yes, she was standing true to her plan, she _was_ making the best of it.

But as soon as she started to like it even one tiny bit, destiny decided to ruin everything. When her mother called to ask her if she came home soon, she locked herself into her room and cried for hours. What was she supposed to tell her? She could never go home.

After that, Sam and Dean soon noticed that she was more often gone than not. She was getting more distant, becoming even more introverted, sometimes even on the border line of behaving like one of those emotionless angels they had encountered before. It seemed like the full consequences of her ‘change’ hit her only now. The brothers were worried, she couldn't keep going like that.

One morning, they were eating breakfast together and Sam decided to talk to her, “You know, you have to talk to someone.”

She raised her head to look at him with a questioning expression.

“This situation is hard for you, believe me, I get that. But you can’t keep going like nothing happened, you have to talk to someone – a family member, a friend… It’s perfectly okay if that’s not Dean or me, but you need _someone_.”, he explained.

Her eyes fell onto her breakfast again as she seemed to consider Sam’s words, then, without looking up again, she asked, “Do you think I have access to Heaven?”

“What? I don’t know, maybe, but what does that have to do with-“, Sam was cut off by Dean who said, “Dude, she’s talking about Charlie.”

“Oh.”, Sam replied, “I guess… you could try, at least.”

She nodded. Then, in a flutter of wings, she was gone.

 

After she’d landed, she took a moment to take in her surroundings. She was standing in a well-lit corridor with white walls and a white floor. Everything was white. No doubt, she was in Heaven. Now she just had to find the right door…

Apparently she had landed in sector H, in the Henry corridor, so she walked to the end of it and took the turn to the right. Those corridors seemed endless, how was she supposed to find anything here? Wait a second. Maybe the localization thing worked up there too. She heard footsteps in the distance, someone was approaching. They surely wouldn't be happy to see her there, so she had to be fast. She closed her eyes and concentrated on Charlie. On everything that made Charlie Charlie. The red hair, the bright smile, the nerdy T-Shirts, her love for video games… There! She had her. In that moment, two angels rounded the corner, but with a quick beat of her wings, Tara was gone before they even noticed something. This time, she found herself in the C section, more precisely in the Charlie corridor. She walked past a few doors, looking at the name tags fixed onto each door. When she reached the door labeled ‘Charlie Bradbury’ she came to an abrupt halt. Instead of opening the door, she flew inside. It wasn’t exactly what she’d have expected, but then she wasn’t entirely sure what she had even been expecting. Charlie had always been good at surprising her.

As she looked around, she found herself in the middle of a busy village that looked… medieval? It was surrounded by city walls and towers and… oh, that was a castle. As she walked through the mass of busy people towards the castle’s entrance, she noticed that this wasn’t entirely medieval. It looked like it, but there also were modern things like cellphones. Of course Charlie couldn’t live without technology. Even after she was dead… Tara had a pretty good idea where Charlie could be found here, so she walked to the huge doors and knocked.

“Who is there knocking for admittance?”, a voice asked from inside.

“An old friend of the queen.”, Tara replied.

She heard shuffling inside and then she was let in. The throne room was huge and stunning. On the far wall there hung a big flag with the banner of Moondoor on it. Tara smiled to herself. Under the banner was the throne in which Charlie was seated, wearing a beautiful red gown. Well, seated was a strong word, she was more sprawled over it.

“Who is it that wants to see the queen?”, she called out, not looking at her.

“An old friend with a new livery.”, Tara answered.

At the sound of the familiar voice Charlie’s eyes went wide and she instantly sat bolt upright to look at her.

“Tara. Is it really you?”, she asked in disbelief, shock and confusion.

Tara just smiled, took a step forward and spread her arms out, “In person.”

Now Charlie practically jumped from her seat and walked towards her friend, “Why are you here? What happened? Is it because of the visions? I told you to go to the Winchesters with this.”

“Woah, calm down. I’m not dead and yeah, it kinda has to do with the visions, but I already went to the Winchesters. It’s… complicated.”, Tara told her.

The redhead crossed her arms and said, “Tell me everything.”

And that she did.

 

“So, what, you’re an angel now?”, Charlie asked.

“Semi-angel.”, Tara corrected.

“Wow. I definitely didn't see that one coming…”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Can I see your wings?”

“Uh… I don’t know. I guess I could show you their shadows…”, Tara stammered.

“So, what are you waiting for?”, Charlie got really excited.

Tara stood up from her place on the carpet, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, when she opened them, they were glowing blue and her wings were casting huge shadows on the wall behind her. Charlie was just gaping at her in pure wonder.

When it was over, she announced, “That was frackin’ awesome!”

Tara gave her a half-smile, “Yeah, I guess it was.”

“Okay, something’s wrong, tell me.”, Charlie prompted.

Tara looked at the ground and sighed, “I don’t know what to do… I’m clearly not human anymore – if I ever was. What about my old life? My parents…? What am I supposed to tell them?”

Charlie frowned, “Well, do you still age?”

Tara looked at her with surprise, “I- I don’t know, I haven't even really thought about that yet. What if I don’t?”

“Well, in that case, you couldn’t keep it a secret from them. You have to tell them the truth.”

“And what am I supposed to say? Hey, I’m not really mentally ill, I was just having visions and now it turned out I’m a new kind of human-angel-hybrid species.”, Tara retorted sarcastically, “You know how crazy that sounds…”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you can’t prove it.”, Charlie pointed out.

Right. She hadn't even thought of that. Sure, she could just show them, but that would be a giant shock for them…

“Okay, but… Do they really have to know all this? I don’t want this to weigh upon them.”

Charlie considered that for a moment, “You don’t have to tell them the whole truth. Just leave out some of the monsters and the Apocalypse and they’ll be fine. Believe me, not knowing what’s going on with you is worse. Besides, they’ll know you can always protect them, right?”

Tara smiled and nodded, “Right. Thanks Charlie.”

Then she made her way to the exit and called back, “See you soon!”

Charlie just grinned and waved her goodbye. She had her very own, personal angel now. Awesome.

 

Meanwhile in the bunker, Sam and Dean had given up on waiting for Tara to come back. She would show up eventually. Sam was busying himself with research in the library on the darkness and how to find Lucifer. Dean had been helping him, but now he really needed a break, so he went to his room and listened to some music. After some time of pointlessly surfing the internet, he slammed his laptop shut and threw it on the bed.

“Dammit Cas!”, he cursed.

That stupid angel with his stupid decisions and his stupid blue eyes won’t get out of his mind. He was just too similar to Dean. Daddy issues, low self-esteem, and always in need to sacrifice himself. Yes, in these things, they were pretty much alike. Dean laid back on his bed and groaned. Weeks had passed since Amara had gotten a hold on him, who knows what he was going through. Dean sighed, he had nothing better to do, so he might as well send a little prayer to Cas. He prayed every day and every night sleep refused to take him, just like he did in Purgatory. _Fuck it_ , he thought and closed his eyes.

_Hey Cas, it’s me again… God, I don’t even know if you can hear me, or if Luke is listening in on us, but I don’t care. I just hope you have your ears on, because I want you to know we won’t give you up. We’ll come and get you out, okay? We’re gonna bring you home, no matter what. Just… hold on, buddy…_

Then he let out another sigh and opened his eyes again. He wished he had something of Cas with him. Something to hold onto. After the angel had walked into that river years ago, he’d had at least his coat. That stupid coat, he would curl up to at night. That stupid damn coat he would secretly wear when no one was around and he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. That stupid, Goddamn, tan overcoat.

Saying Dean wasn’t hungry for anything, would be a lie. It must’ve had just looked like famine had no effect on him, because Cas had always been there with him, or maybe because he just wasn’t hungry for anything at that time. He really didn't want to know how it would affect him now…

 

Crowley was just sitting on his chair in the centre of the clearing, nursing a glass of whiskey, when he noticed someone approaching behind him. He knew who it was, he’d recognize those footsteps anywhere.

“How did you know I’d be here?”, he asked, without turning around.

“I didn’t know.”, he heard Tara’s voice say, “I would’ve come anyway.”

Then she came up to him and sat down in the other chair.

“Why are you here?”, he wanted to know.

She let out a humorless laugh, “Have you ever merely floated through space, just because you could?”

He considered her for a moment before he answered, “No.”

“I did. Just once. It doesn’t affect me. I thought it would be peaceful. Absolute silence.”, she laughed again, “I was wrong. It’s just lonely. It made me sad. If I don’t age, like the other angels, I might have millennia ahead of me. One day, all people I know and have ever known will be dead. Every single one of them.”, she paused, “Everyone except you…”

Crowley didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet.

She raised her head to look around, “I like it here. It’s peaceful, but not dead silent.”

Now the demon spoke, “You know, you are an angel. You can just visit them in Heaven, can’t you?”

She nodded, “Right. But I’ll have to watch them die anyway.”

There was a long moment of silence until Crowley asked, “I haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been?”

“Everywhere I could.”, she said, “I visited Charlie.”

“She was your friend, right?”

“Yeah. She still is.”, another pause, “She said I should tell my parents the truth, since there’s no going back.”

“And do you plan to-“

“I’m coming from there. They know now.”, she interrupted him.

“Oh.”, he said, “And how did it go?”

She huffed a laugh, “I assume it wasn’t a complete disaster… They were scared of me. Like, _really_ scared. But I did my best to explain it to them.”, she sighed, “They’ll need time, especially my father. I told them to call me whenever they needed something and I’d come. I think we can make this work. Somehow.”

“Good…”, Crowley nodded and nipped on his drink, “And what are you planning to do now?”

She smiled and shrugged, “I don’t know. The world lies at my feet, in a more literal sense than ever. I’ll probably just fly wherever I want and do what pleases me.”

Crowley didn’t say anything, he just stared at his glass for a moment, then she added, “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone for too long.”

Now he made a face and grumbled, “Shut up.”, but didn't object.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until Tara spoke up, “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

She nodded, “Should I bring something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, something to eat or drink? What do you like?”

“Tea would be nice, but I bet you only have coffee in your bunker.”, the demon said with distaste.

Tara made a face, “The brothers drink coffee, I don’t. I hate coffee, so yeah, I have a lot of teas.”

Crowley looked at her surprised, “What’s your favorite?”

“Earl Grey, and yours?”

“English Breakfast, mostly.”

“Milk? Sugar?”

“Just milk.”

“Alright, I’ll bring one tomorrow.”, she said.

“Looking forward to it.”, he replied.

“I should tell Charlie how it went too.”, and with those words she stood up, left the clearing and vanished in a flutter of wings. Crowley smiled to himself and took another sip of his drink. It was a really weird relationship the two of them had, but he had stopped caring about that already a while ago.

 

When Tara appeared in the throne room of Charlie’s heaven again, the redhead jumped up from her seat in a heartbeat and practically yelled, “And?! Did you tell them? How did it go?!”

Tara smiled at her, but it didn’t look as convincing as intended, “I did, it went rather well, I guess.”

Charlie gave her a reassuring smile, “I’m glad.”, there was a pause, then she asked, “How are you? And be honest.”

Tara huffed a laugh, but this time her smile seemed rather genuine, “Considering the circumstances… I’m fine.”

Charlie nodded, “Good. Now if you don’t mind, we can go into the queen’s chambers, that’s more private. There’s still a lot you haven't told me yet.”

Tara smiled at the bouncy redhead and bowed, “As you wish, your majesty.”

Charlie’s chambers looked a lot more ‘normal’ than the rest of her Heaven. It pretty much looked like a small apartment. Well, the apartment of a nerd, but it was Charlie after all. There were posters on the walls, a computer in the corner of the room, a couch in the center and a huge flat screen TV opposite to it. There was also some kind of gaming console connected to the TV, but Tara couldn't tell what it was.

Charlie slumped onto the couch and patted the place next to her. Tara complied, but as soon as she was sitting, she asked, “What am I supposed to say now? I already told you everything that happened to me.”

“Correct, you told me everything that happened to _you_.”, Charlie replied, “But how are the boys?”

Oh, of course she would want to know that. Why hadn’t it occurred to Tara earlier? She was so caught up in her own problems that she almost forgot… She mentally hit herself for that. Then she started thinking, it would be a lot easier to get her to the current status if…

Tara stood up from the couch and walked over to the computer. It didn’t even take one second to boot – not really surprising, considering this was Heaven. She looked for the internet browser and found it, but she couldn't get access to the internet. Dammit, she was an angel, that had to be doable. She closed her eyes and concentrated.

Suddenly she heard Charlie exclaim right behind her, “How did you do that!?”

Tara jumped a little at the sudden noise, but stayed seated and opened her eyes to look at the screen. It showed the Supernatural fansite. _Ha!_ Tara grinned triumphantly.

“Here you can find all the new books. That’s a lot easier than retelling everything.”, she said.

“Awesome. Can I go to any website now?”, Charlie asked.

“No, only this one, I think.”, Tara answered, “I’ll be back soon, I have to go now, Crowley is probably already waiting for me… I hope you’re finished by then.”

“Crowley… is waiting for you?”, Charlie asked confused.

Tara just rolled her eyes and said, “Read the books.”, then she was gone.

After her tea with the former king of Hell, she returned to Charlie’s Heaven, only to find the redhead gaping at her computer screen.

“Are you done?”, Tara asked tentatively.

Charlie nodded, “I can’t believe it…”

“Believe what? That God has a sister? That Castiel let Lucifer posses him?”

“Yeah, that too, but…”, Charlie stammered while a grin was slowly making its way onto her face, “I never thought Sam and Crowley ship it too.”

Now it was Tara who was just gaping.

“I mean, I knew Destiel was a thing and that Dean was head over heels for the angel. Right now as it seems he’s basically like a lovesick teenager. Totally smitten. But I always kinda thought I’m the only one who sees it…”, Charlie went on.

“Of all the things that happened ’til now, _this_ is what shocks you the most? Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean his brother and a demon? If so many people agree on it, he can’t deny it anymore. This… it’s practically canon.”, Charlie said, gesturing wildly at the screen.

Tara sighed, “Yeah, I know. But Castiel is gone and we have no idea how to get him back home…”

Charlie seemed to consider her for a moment before she said, “You’ll find a way. He comes always back to Dean somehow, doesn't he?”

Tara smiled, “He does.”

“And when it comes to that point”, she started, pointing at Tara with her index finger, “You and the rest of your shipper-crew do everything it takes, to make those dorks realize how helplessly in love they are.”

“We will do our very best, my majesty.”

“But seriously, could they be any more in love?”

Tara laughed, “I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve been in Dean’s head and those thirty seconds were an emotional rollercoaster I never want to experience again.”

Charlie made a face, “Right. Do you have a plan?”

“No, not yet, but we’re working on it. It has to be really subtle, you know what happened when I tried to talk to Dean directly…”, Tara answered.

“Alright. Keep me up to date?”

“Of course, after all you’re a part of my crew now.”, Tara said with a wink.

Charlie beamed at her, “This is gonna be awesome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a lot more serious again.


	9. Oh my Chuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck shows up, along with Metatron and a new prophet. Together they try to get Lucifer free from Amara's hold, but things don't pan out as they are supposed to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, now it get's really plot heavy. This chapter vaguely resembles the events from 11x20 up to the end of 11x21, just... different.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Sam found a possible lead on Amara, he and Dean took off immediately to Hope Springs in Idaho. Tara was with Charlie at that time, so she only noticed when she was back in the bunker and no one was there. She found a note that said they were following a lead, but it didn’t say where. So she ended up having tea with Crowley again, debating about how they could get him back on the throne if they managed to defeat the Darkness.

As she was back in the bunker, she switched on the TV just when the news were running. The woman was talking about a mysterious fog, that seemed to be poisonous. Tara’s skin crawled, that wasn't good, it had to have something to do with the lead the boys were investigating. She tried to call them multiple times, but she just couldn't get a connection. Dread filled her veins and her blood ran cold. She panicked, started pacing back and forth in the ‘living room’, when suddenly she sensed the presence of Sam and Dean …and another guy. What.

How could they just appear out of nowhere? And who's that other guy? She abandoned the room and sprinted towards the war room, where she found them standing and talking.

Now that she was closer, they seemed to be arguing. She even recognized that guy Dean was talking to. Carver Edlund? What the Hell…? Okay, here was some serious explanation needed.

She announced herself by clearing her throat, “Uhm… Care to explain?”

Sam and Dean just looked at each other for a second, before Sam said, “You might want to sit down.”

 

About ten minutes later, Tara was staring at Chuck with a blank expression, “So, you’re… God.”

“Yep.”

“But you prefer being called Chuck.”

“Yup.”

She blinked at him then said, “Well, then… Nice to meet you.”, she reached out to shake his hand, “Uh… Big fan?”

“Of my creation?”, he asked, while shaking her hand briefly.

“Um… Yeah that too, but- uh… I was actually referring to your books.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, your writing style could be improved, but they are very entertaining.”, just as it came out, she mentally hit herself.

“It’s okay, I’m a friend of constructive criticism.”, he reassured her.

Then they all sat down to talk.

“You have to understand this about the Darkness – she's relentless, a force beyond human comprehension. It's the only reason I came off the sidelines.”, Chuck explained.

“Must have been great being her brother, huh?”, Sam commented.

“It was the worst. Always telling me what to do, making me do what she wanted. I mean, you guys know how that works.”, Chuck told them.

“So, where is she?”, Dean wanted to know.

“No freakin' idea, fellas. She's warded herself specifically against me. What have you come up with?”, Chuck replied.

“Zip, and we've been at it for months.”, Dean answered.

“Well… matter of time. I've always had faith in you… …even if you didn't return the favor.”, Chuck just said, “Where's the guest room? I could use a shower.”

“Uh, it's, um… just down the hallway — the fourth door on the left.”, Sam answered a little perplexed.

Dean sighed and asked, “Hey, Chuck. You know that she's got Lucifer, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The way we heard it, um… last time when you bottled up the Darkness, it- it took more than just you. I mean, we heard that Lucifer was involved.”, Sam spoke up.

“No.”, was Chuck’s only reply.

“No?”, Dean repeated confused.

“Lucifer was perhaps my greatest hope and my bitterest disappointment. Do you think if I could have trusted him for a moment, I would have put him in the Cage? And I wasn't gonna mention this, but thank you so much for springing him.”, Chuck retorted.

“That wasn't really the plan, um…”, Sam mentioned.

“Now, as bad as he was, after all this time in prison, he's probably worse. And by now, he could have formed an alliance with Amara. Not walking into that trap, guys. So, no. Thus spake the Lord.”, and with that, he left the room.

“Wow.”, was Tara’s only comment.

“Well, when he can’t tell us where she is… back to research.”, Sam concluded.

 

They were researching for hours, Sam in the bunkers library, Dean on his laptop at the map table and Tara had somehow managed to sneak into the library of Heaven. No one really paid attention to what Chuck was doing.

Dean sighed in frustration, “Come on, Amara. Where are you?”

Suddenly his vision blurred and he saw Amara, “I’ve missed you, Dean. It's been a while since we've spoken. I'm aware my brother has surfaced. If you should cross paths, if he should reach out to you, he should know this – Lucifer, his favorite, isn't doing so well.”, in that moment he appeared as well, tortured and beaten, then she went on, “To say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel. By choosing to ignore me, my brother is allowing this to happen. These and… other things. I thought you should know.”

And with that, she faded away and he was alone in the war room again.

When they all came together again, they still had nothing. Chuck came into the room and they had a brief conversation, when Sam told them about a news report that had just come up. Another town had been hit by Amara’s fog. Apparently everyone died, except one guy.

Dean and Sam took their stuff and headed out to talk to the guy. Tara stayed with Chuck, she needed to talk to him.

He sat at a table, sipping coffee when she just sat down in the chair opposite to him and asked, “Why?”

He sat the mug down and said, “Could you be a little more specific, I’ve been asked this a lot about all kinds of things.”

“Why me?”, she said and when he still just looked at her waiting for her to go on she added, “Why make me the first of a new species? Why _me_?”

He merely shrugged and answered, “It had to be someone.”

“What, like, you just threw a dice or something? What do you need a ‘semi-angel’ for anyway?”, she wanted to know.

He sighed, “Look, there are many things the angels could learn from humanity, but they need someone to teach them. Since they wouldn't listen to a human and abandon every angel who chooses free will, I had to get a little creative. So, I made you. The perfect linkage between Heaven and earth. An angel with a soul, born and raised as a human.”

Tara just stared at him for a moment, before she managed to say, “S- So… what you’re saying is… I- I should teach the angels… about being human.”

“Well, not now of course. There’s complete chaos up there, but ultimately, yeah.”

“Huh. Another question. Am I immortal?”, she quickly added, “I mean… not _you_ -immortal, more like, angel-immortal.”

“You are immune to all kinds of diseases, can’t be harmed by normal weapons and you don’t age, so if that’s what you mean, then yeah.”, was his answer.

She just nodded and looked at the table.

“You don’t seem to be very enthusiastic about that.”, Chuck pointed out, “Most mortals would do anything for this.”

“Yeah well… Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda cool, y’know? I get to watch the universe change and evolve, but… I also have to watch everyone I’ll ever know die. That’s not really something to be enthusiastic about…”, she said.

There was a moment of silence until Tara continued, “How am I even supposed to do what you’re asking of me? The angels won’t just listen to me like that, for them I’m probably an abomination of some sort. And how should I teach someone something that I thought can’t be taught. I mean, you can’t just _learn_ how to be human, most angels don’t even understand what that means, Hell, they don’t even really understand the concept of free will!”, she was about to mentally kick herself for that outburst, but instead proceeded to switch into ‘I-don’t-even-give-a-shit’ mode.

“All angels have free will embedded into their very being, they just saw what happened to Lucifer after he rebelled and thought it had to do with free will instead of the Mark of Cain, so they preferred to not make use of it. But some angels discover it again, like Gabriel or Castiel did. I have faith that you are able to help them see their potential.”, Chuck explained.

Tara sighed, “I don’t know if can do that… I mean, how should I even get them to listen to me…?”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”, was all he said then.

 

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean were sitting in the Impala when Dean’s cellphone started ringing, the caller ID said ‘scribe calling’.

Dean answered the phone, “What?”

“I notice you've been in touch with Chuck. Well, I've got some… information you're gonna need to know.”, Metatron said.

“Okay, say it.”, Dean prompted.

“No. It's got to be in person — something I got to show you.”, the scribe replied.

When they’d picked up Donatello who seemed to be the new prophet, they returned to the bunker. As Dean entered, he saw Chuck sitting at the map table, watching TV on a laptop.

He went down the stairs and spoke, “Hey, Chuck. We, uh, found someone. I think he's the next prophet.”

“Neat-o.”, was the only reply.

“Is that my computer?”, Dean asked.

“I've never seen so much porn. Not in one sitting.”, Chuck mentioned.

“It’s- I'm gonna…”, Dean stammered and carefully closed the laptop, “So, uh, listen. He- He’s- He's a little nutted out about the whole booga-booga of it all, so maybe just dial back the- the God stuff. By the way, where’s Tara?”

“In her room. She already sensed you and will be here in a minute.”, he answered.

The door opened again and Sam looked inside.

Dean shook his head, “No pants on.”, then he turned to the staircase, “Sam?”

“Yeah?”, Sam asked.

“Yeah.”, Dean confirmed.

Sam turned back to Donatello, “All right, you're safe. Come on.”

When Sam and Donatello descended from the staircase, Chuck stood up from the table and Tara came into the room, but stayed in the doorway.

Chuck sighed, “Donatello, good to see ya. Sorry about your cat.”

“You- You know me?”, Donatello stammered.

“I made you. I made all of you, even the ones who aren't born yet.”, Chuck replied. Well, that much to dialing back the God stuff…

Donatello stared in awe, “Oh, my God. It's you. G-Good to meet you, Sir! Your- Your celestial magnificence, your-“

Chuck interrupted his babbling, “Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.”

“He- He just kind of goes by Chuck.”, Sam provided.

“So, we good? Y'all signed up?”, Chuck asked.

“Uh…I- I- I guess you know that I was an atheist, until 10 minutes ago. Is that an issue?”, Donatello asked worriedly.

“Not for me.”, Chuck replied, “I mean, I believe in me. But your skepticism is to be expected. I did include free will in the kit.”, he chuckled and clicked his tongue, “Welcome aboard.”

Now Donatello seemed to notice Tara, “Who’s that? Athena?”

“No, that’s Tara. She’s- uh- She’s a new kind of angel.”, Sam answered.

“My newest creation.”, Chuck added with a hint of pride.

Of course she noticed they were talking about her, so she strode over and said, “Hi. I’m Tara, what’s your name?”

“Uh… Donatello.”, he didn’t know what to do, how to greet her, an _angel_. Luckily she seemed to notice his helplessness and held her hand out for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Donatello. So, you’re the new prophet, huh?”

“So it seems. Um… You’re a new angel, huh?”

“Yep. Weird stuff, but hey, I’m dealin’.”, she said.

 

Some time later, Sam and Dean drove to a bar to meet up with Metatron.

“Oh, uh, barkeep, dos margaritas! Top-shelf tequila please for my amigos. Their treat.”, the ex-angel said.

Sam and Dean sat down next to him and Sam started to speak, “All right. We're here. Don't try to pull any crap.”

“And what variety of crap could I possibly pull? I've lost my grace. Look at me. I got nothing.”, Metatron retorted.

“Okay, why did you have to see us? What's so urgent?”, Dean required.

Metatron sighed, “So, I, uh, notice you've been in touch with Chuck. A.K.A., you know who.”

“Yeah, yeah. Is this going anywhere? Yes, Chuck agreed to take on Amara.”, Sam said.

“He said that? Used those words?”, Metatron asked.

“Pretty much.”

“Huh.”

“So, what — he's not confronting Amara?”, Sam wanted to know.

“Oh, no. No, no, no. He’s- He's going to- He's gonna… meet with her. He's just not gonna take her down. He's gonna… sacrifice himself. Let her do whatever she wants with him.”, Metatron told them.

Sam was skeptical, “Do you really expect us to buy this?”

“No. Of course not. Here. Buy this.”, Metatron replied and tossed a manuscript onto the table in front of Sam with a loud thud, “Ignore the typos, but read it. It's in his own words. It's not an autobiography. It's a suicide note.”

 

Chuck was sitting on a park bench, there were children playing on a playground in the sandbox and laughing. Dean walked up to him and sat down.

“You wanted to talk. This seemed as good a place as any.”, Chuck said, while he was watching a boy playing in the sandbox with blocks, “Look at him — endlessly optimistic. The wind blows over his tower, he rebuilds. Always gets me.”

“If that's so, why are you bailing? When you see Amara, you're throwing in the towel?”, Dean required.

Chuck sighed, “Metatron. Loose lips. But you think I'm a dick. Why do you care?”

Dean thought for a moment, “Because before you went M.I.A… you did a lot.”

“Thank you. And what you call throwing in the towel, I call strategy.”, Chuck said.

“How is death by your sister a strategy?”, Dean wanted to know.

“I know her. Her beef is with me.”

“Yeah, but I still don't understand how- how dying is a- a blueprint for success.”

“I won't be dying. I'll be caged. I trade myself for… everything I created. It goes on.”, Chuck explained.

“Okay, well, the, um, Amara that I know is… a mountain of- of pissed off. I mean, she spent a- a gazillion years in solitary. The only thing she's thinking is- is it's her turn.”, Dean replied.

“And I'll give it to her, as long as she accepts the deal.”

“The deal? What… She's gonna eliminate you, and then she's gonna destroy everything that you've created. She's told me this personally.”, Dean sighed, “You started this. You started all of this, but does that give you the right to end it? You know, we're not just some toys you throw away. I think you owe us more than that.”

“If my plan doesn't work, then humans will step up. You, Sam, others that are the chosen will have to find a way. It's why I saved you years ago. You're the firewall between light and darkness.”, Chuck said.

“No. No, I… Look, give me a- a vampire, and I'm good. But this- God's sister? That is way above my pay grade. I… It… Bottom line is i- it's you who has to take her out. And look, then after that, you know, get a condo in Cancun. I don't care!”, Dean insisted.

 

Tara and Donatello were sitting at the map table, when Dean approached him and set a bottle on the table, “I got you a beer. I don't know if you drink.”

“I do now.”, the new prophet replied.

“Well…”, Dean sighed, “I don't know… if Chuck is leaning our way.”

“You don't know?”, Donatello asked.

“If we do get Lucifer for the added muscle, then… maybe he'll play ball.”, Dean said as he sat down.

“I thought they hated each other.”

“Yeah, they do.”

Now, the door opened and Sam entered together with Metatron.

“Wow. I so miss being an atheist.”, Donatello said.

Tara let out a laugh, “I know that feeling. Believe me…”

“All right, Metatron. Make it quick. Don't touch anything.”, Sam ordered.

“Fine. Dean! Thanks for inviting me.”, the scribe exclaimed.

“Inviting you? You've been circling the building all night. You sent me 200 text messages with dumbass emojis. You got three minutes.”, the older Winchester grumbled.

“Oh. Donatello! Pleasure to meet you. Metatron, scribe of God. I was there when you were designed. I wrote your name on the inside of the angels' eyelids.”

“He's freaking me out.”, was Donatello’s response. Tara had to hide a grin.

“Okay. You said you wanted to help. Besides world-class douchery, what do you have to offer?”, Dean required.

“Oh, nothing. I just transcribed the angel tablet and know all the spells. And I know what makes Amara tick. And I had a relationship with the big guy for eons. Shall I keep going?”, Metatron explained and picked up a beer standing on the table to take a sip, but Sam lunged forward to stop him, “Ah! That's mine!”, he took the bottle out of his hands and turned to Dean, “As much as I hate to admit this… he kind of has a point.”

“I don't know.”, Dean said.

Metatron scoffed, “You need all the help you can get — even douche help.”

Tara just shrugged, “Well, he’s not wrong.”

“And since when did you jump on the God wagon? You never used to give a damn.”, Dean blurted.

“Well, I didn't — at one time. Now that he's gone all kamikaze, leaving us with the Darkness, I…”, he sighed, then went on, “I was by his side since the creation. He believed in me. If there's something I can do to help save him and his creation, then… …uh, it seems like I should.”

“The plan is to rescue Lucifer from Amara. Then he or Tara teleports us out of Amara's hideout and we convince Chuck to use him to fight her.”, Dean told him.

Metatron scoffed again, “That's your plan? Do you even know where Amara is?”

“Um, I think I might know where she is. I've been getting this vibe. Uh, it's like a ping in my cerebral cortex.”, Donatello spoke up.

“Oh, so either Amara or a stroke. And how are we supposed to keep Amara busy while we’re… liberating Lucifer?”, Metatron wanted to know.

Tara and Sam just looked at Dean.

 

Dean met Amara in some woods nowhere near anything that could be called civilization. He looked at her stone faced. He was still drawn towards her, but the thought of Cas kept him grounded.

“Thank you for reaching out to me, Dean.”, she said in a soft voice.

“You said you wanted to meet.”, Dean replied.

“I missed you. And the… sensations you arouse. I know you feel the same way. So… what do we do?”, she asked.

“There can be no ‘us’. We should just walk away.”, he answered.

“Then why don't you?”

Meanwhile Sam, Metatron, Tara and Donatello were in the Impala and pulled up to the building, Donatello had led them to. Sam shut off the engine and they entered the building. As they walked inside, they were greeted by the sight of a bloody and injured Lucifer, who was tied to a railing.

“Oh, goody. Larry, Curly, Moe. Search and rescue? Oh, wow.”, he said panting.

“Hey, I’m here too”, Tara complained, but he ignored her and turned to Donatello, “It's one of Dad's favorites. Your ticket finally got punched, huh? It's wacky, isn't it? One minute, you’re…nobody. And then – Shazam – you're Joan of Arc. Let's, uh- Let's hope this ends better than that.”

“All right, can the small talk. We're busting you out of here.”, Sam spoke up.

“Well, it seems fair since I wouldn't be here if you lunatics hadn't set me up to be grabbed by Amara.”, Lucifer snarled.

“You're gonna help us take her down. If you say no, we'll just leave you here in Abu Ghraib.”, Sam threatened.

Metatron started chanting something in Enochian.

Lucifer chuckled and coughed a little, “Say no? You see what she's done to me? Do I look like a fan?!”

Amara was still talking to Dean, “This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer?”

“This world is flawed. I will give you that. But I am not ready to say goodbye to it just yet.”, Dean replied.

“But one way or the other, you will. It's inevitable. My brother won't stop me again, because he can't. Dean, give up your… smallness, your humanity and become boundless within me.”, she offered.

“Eeroh, mahday saytah!”, Metatron spoke and kept chanting in the background the whole time.

“Did you grab this from the steno pool?”, Lucifer said sarcastically.

“You understand you'll be working with your father. Is that gonna be a problem?”, Sam wanted to know.

Lucifer groaned, “That's family. This is bigger.”

“So, you'll table all the old stuff?”

“What happens in Heaven stays in Heaven.”, was Lucifer’s reply.

Metatron was still chanting in concentration, “Kahtoh, mahday, tayroh!”

“Metatron, are we getting any closer? Dean can't stall forever.”, Sam asked.

“I’m- I’m- I’m narrowing it down.”, the scribe answered.

Dean and Amara were still circling each other in the woods.

“You're right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the Hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.”, Dean told her.

“Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle. Something stops you. Keeps you from having it all.”, she noted.

Dean closed his eyes and thought of Cas, only that gave him the strength to turn away from her.

“Where are your thoughts? Something's different.”, she noticed, then she started to back away from him, “You've spoken with God. You've seen him. You betrayed me.”

Metatron was still chanting, “Sahboh, taylah!”

“Oh, oh! Yes.”, Lucifer said.

“You should hurry, she’s coming!”, Donatello panicked.

“There’s no time anymore, get out and hide!”, Tara insisted.

“What? No, we almost have him, we can’t give up now.”, Sam replied.

“I didn’t say give up, just go or she’ll kill you. Stay somewhere near, I can hide you from her for some time. Go!”

They ran outside, but not very far, Tara hid herself on another plain of existence. She could still see what was happening, but she couldn't _be_ seen. She concentrated on keeping the others hidden.

Suddenly Amara and Dean were standing in the room.

“I trusted you and you betrayed me.”, Amara said, and she actually sounded kinda hurt, “Now, you shall see what I can do when I’m angry.”

She walked up to Lucifer, who was still tied to the railing. The boundaries were weakened, but not completely gone yet. She placed a hand on his torso and light emitted from there as he started to scream in pain.

“No!”, Dean yelled. Tara closed her eyes, she had to concentrate in order to keep the others hidden. Luckily Amara was too focused on Dean and Lucifer to notice her and the rest of the group.

“No, no, please! Stop it, please!”, Dean begged, he felt tears trickling down his face at the sight of Castiel before him. He ached all over. No no no no, _Cas_.

“Please, just let Cas go, he has nothing to do with this. Stop, _please_ , I’m begging you…”, Dean pleaded now on his knees, his voice breaking. His chest ached so bad, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't lose him, not now, not like that. _Not again_. He just couldn’t. It would break him, he was sure of it.

Now Amara paused. She put her hand away from the archangel’s chest and the screams of pain stopped. She turned towards Dean and asked with genuine confusion in her voice, “Why, Dean? What is he to you?”

There was no denying it now. Dean swallowed a sob that threatened to erupt from his throat and croaked, “He’s my angel.”, then, only audible for his own ears, he added softly, “He’s my everything…”

Amara seemed confused and intrigued by that statement and when Tara opened her eyes a bit, she noticed that Amara had turned away from her. That was her chance. She had absolutely no idea what to do, but she had to do _something_ and she had to do it _fast_.

So, what happened next was more of a rash action that anything near a solid plan. She just appeared behind Amara, grabbed her at an arm and her waist and yelled, “SAM NOW!”

Sam, Metatron and Donatello rushed into the room, only to see Tara trying to hold Amara with all her powers and all of a sudden, both of them were gone with a flutter of wings. Sam knew what had just happened. She’d given them time. Hopefully she would make it… But now was not the time to think about that, they had to be fast.

Metatron quickly finished the spell he had started and they freed Lucifer from his restraints.

“Hey, Lucifer, zap us out of here — quick!”, Sam urged.

“Oh, no can do.”, the archangel replied.

“What do you mean you can't do it?”, the younger Winchester required.

“Temporarily grounded. Equipment malfunction.”, was the respond.

“Guys, we- we should hurry! She’ll be back soon!”, Donatello shuddered.

“All right, we’re out of here.”, Sam announced, throwing an arm over Lucifer’s shoulder to lift him, “Okay. Come on.”

Lucifer groaned, but managed to keep upright with Sam’s and then also Dean’s help, who had calmed down again. Then they all ran from the building and tumbled into the Impala. They drove as fast as possible, but suddenly Amara appeared on the road. By pure reflex Sam slammed on the breaks and the tires squealed. Engine revving, Sam tried to back the Impala away, but Amara kept it from moving even one tiny inch. All that happened was that the tires started smoking.

“You really aren't worth sparing. None of you.”, she said, raising her arms to strike. Of course she meant, none of them except Dean, but she didn’t need to explicitly utter that.

The tires of the car were squealing and for a moment it seemed like it would be over in a matter of seconds. But then, the Impala suddenly dropped in place into the lower floor of the bunker.

“What happened?!”, Donatello asked confused and a little panicked.

Sam climbed out of the car, waving the tire smoke away and coughed. He climbed up the staircase to take a look.

“Where are we?”, Donatello asked again.

As Sam entered the maptable room, he scoffed, “Home.”

Chuck entered the room and sighed, “Occasionally, I do answer a prayer.”

Now the others came into the room too.

Chuck’s eyes landed on Lucifer and he let out another sigh, “You’ve changed.”

“You've changed.”, Lucifer said.

“Well, still… I'm really pretty much the same.”, Chuck replied.

With one single gesture, Lucifer — or rather Castiel (well actually both) — was completely healed.

Dean looked around, “Where’s Tara?”

“I don’t know, I thought she was with you.”, Chuck replied.

“No, she zapped Amara away to buy us some time.”, Sam explained with a somewhat terrified expression.

Dean looked at him with fear in his eyes, “You don't think…”

“I- I- I don’t know.”, Sam stammered.

Just in that precise moment, they heard the flutter of wings and there she was, but only a second passed until she collapsed and fell to the floor. Sam and Dean instantly hurried over to check on her. She was heavily injured, bleeding everywhere, covered in gashes, bones broken, wings severely damaged (not that they would know), one eye gone blind, but despite all, she was alive.

They carefully lifted her up and Sam asked, “What happened?”

“Amara is a real bitch when angry…”, Tara mumbled.

“What the Hell were you thinking?!”, Dean demanded harshly.

“I didn’t think at all… I saw a chance to give you some time and I took it. Turns out that wasn't exactly my best plan…”, she told them and hissed in pain.

“Well, it worked, didn't it?”, Metatron chimed in.

“I guess, it did…”, Dean mumbled with a glance at Lucifer/Castiel.

With another small gesture, Chuck restored Tara completely.

“Thanks.”, she said stretching her wings, now able to stand upright on her own again.

 

They ordered a cab for Donatello and when it was time, Sam, Dean and Tara followed him outside. Dean’s eyes were still a little red from crying, but no one mentioned it.

“Still twitchy, huh? Now, you've met God, a new angel, Lucifer and the Darkness. You're gonna need a spa day.”, Dean joked.

Donatello merely chuckled.

Then Dean added, “That or a pair of hookers.”

That earned him a bitchface from Sam, but the older Winchester just smirked.

“Ah, I have to sort it all out to see what comes next. I don't feel much like returning to academia and… I sure as Hell can't go back to being an atheist.”, Donatello told them.

“Yeah, I hear you.”, Dean replied.

“Same here.”, Tara spoke up.

When the car approached them, Donatello said, “Thank you… I guess. And, uh… if there is a tomorrow… Given your line of work, I'll probably see you again.”

“Stay tuned, we may need you.”, Sam told him.

“If you need help, just… send a little prayer?”, Tara suggested.

Donatello nodded, got into the cab and it drove away with him.

After a moment of silence Sam sighed, “So, you want to tell me about it?”, Dean just gave him a questioning look, so he elaborated, “I mean Amara obviously figured out something was going on and… she didn't rip your head off.”

“She wants me to be a part of her. Not metaphorically, I'm talking literally. Forever. So in other words… adios.”, Dean explained and walked back into the bunker. Sam and Tara watched him in concern, then the younger Winchester followed him inside.

Metatron had come outside with them, since it was time for him to leave too, but he looked lost, so Tara stayed outside with him.

“Hey, um…”, she started, to get his attention, “I know humanity can… suck. But… well, just try to make the best of it, y’know?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “And how am I supposed to do that?”

“Well… first of all, you should get a real job. Something you’re good at. I’m thinking at the press or a publishing company. What job could be more fitting for the former scribe of God?”, she told him.

He considered her for a moment, “That… is actually pretty helpful.”

She smiled slightly, “Yeah, you’ve been an enormous douche, especially to Castiel — and don’t think even for a second I’m just gonna forget about that — but I think you’re able to learn out of your mistakes, so… I’m just a little prayer away.”

He seemed unsure what to do with that statement, but thanked her nonetheless before she put two fingers to his forehead to send him home. Maybe if she could help him, she would also be able to do what Chuck asked of her…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have just finished writing the last chapter (in case I don't decide to add a bonus chapter) and will therefore start to post twice a week, every Tuesday and Friday.


	10. We happy few

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck and Lucifer have to make up with each other, before they can all face Amara together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I'm late, there was a lot of stuff yesterday, spent the whole day with a friend.  
> This chapter resembles the episode it is named after (surprise!), so there won't be much surprises.  
> I hope you still like it though!

Lucifer seemed to be calmer, as he almost casually strolled through the room with a book in hand, occasionally flipping pages. It wasn't possible to tell whether he was actually reading, but Chuck didn't bother asking either.

Suddenly, without looking up he addressed Chuck, “So where were you?”

Chuck seemed reluctant to answer, since he just said, “That’s a… long story. How do you feel? I healed you.”

“Mm. Yeah. Didn’t ask you to.”, Lucifer retorted.

“Son, be reasonable.”

“One cosmic Band-Aid on my knee and what, you think we’re, we’re even now?”, he finally looked up from the book, “Is it time for us to go play catch in the yard?”

They heard the sound of the front door being opened, but didn't look up.

“Screw you.”, Lucifer said, looking back into his book before Dean called out, “Guys?”

Then he entered with his brother in tow.

“Hey, how’s it goin’ in here?”, Sam asked as they headed down the staircase.

Chuck was still talking to Lucifer, “Listen, I know I’ve been gone for a while.”

Sam and Dean put their bags down as quiet as possible, to not interrupt them.

“I’ve missed a few… million… birthdays-“, he went on.

Lucifer interrupted him, “Yeah, and the second your apes send a distress flare, boom. Daddy’s home.”

“That’s not what happened.”, Chuck objected.

“Hey, these apes saved your ass.”, Dean complained.

At that Lucifer just scowled and snapped his fingers. The brothers looked a little sick, expecting something really bad, but quickly recovered as they realized that nothing had happened. In that moment, Tara walked back inside through the front door.

Chuck just shook his head saying, “He can’t hurt you.”

“Oh, so you’re _controlling_ me now!”, Lucifer raged.

“It’s just a safeguard.”, Chuck replied, but the archangel just stared at him, looking really incensed.

Sam attempted to get rid of a little tension as he spoke up, “Hey guys? Uh, Chuck? Lucifer… uh, Dean… Think we can try and focus here? Y’know, end of the world, common enemy, all that?”

Now Lucifer just slammed the book shut with a loud thud and said, “Enemy of my enemy is my friend.”, he stepped right in front of Chuck and practically snarled, “Team Amara. Go Amara.”

“You don’t mean that.”, was Chuck’s reply.

“You’re really not gonna say it.”, Lucifer scoffed.

They just stared at each other, none of them looking away, when Sam asked, “He’s not gonna say what?”

Lucifer ignored him and just said to Chuck, “Screw you.”, and then to Sam and Dean, “Screw all of you.”, before he stormed out between the brothers.

Chuck just huffed and made to leave as well, but turned back to say, “Kids, huh?”

Sam and Dean couldn't believe it, they just shook their heads.

As the archangel stomped through the hallway, Tara practically ran into him and immediately stopped dead in her tracks.

“Um… sorry.”, she mumbled, but her attention was elsewhere. Now she was finally able to see his wings in their full glory. When she’d seen him before, her attention had always been needed elsewhere, but now she could just simply look at them. And, holy shit, they were huge (and she’d thought hers were big) and _beautiful_. The brightest and purest white she’d ever seen. The feathers looked like they were made of frostwork, glistening bluish in the light. A true work of art.

Lucifer considered her for a moment. So, that was his father’s newest creation… He could see her soul, but no grace. Still she had those wings. It was strange to look at something so… _new_ after all this time. And her wings… they looked nothing alike any he’d seen before. No angel had wings that were glowing in so many different colors, not like that.

After a moment, he just brushed past her and left. He needed to get his head clear. Something about the older Winchester wouldn't stop bothering him. During their encounter in the church, when Amara had just stormed in and taken him hostage, Dean should have been completely drawn to her, he had sensed it, but the first thing the hunter had done, was calling out for Castiel. Lucifer had thought it over a hundred times now, but it just didn't make sense to him. It was confusing and intriguing and also kind of infuriating at the same time. Whatever it was, he would try to figure it out later…

 

After Lucifer had been listening to obnoxiously loud music for hours, locked into Sam’s room, Tara talked to the Winchesters, “We need to get them talking to each other.”

Sam scoffed, “Yeah, obviously, but how are we supposed to do that? I mean, we’re literally talking about God and Lucifer…”

“Yeah, it’s not like we can lock them into a room until they make up.”, Dean mentioned.

Tara heaved a sigh, “Go and talk to Chuck, I’ll see what I can do here…”

Chuck was in the kitchen, making pancakes when the brothers approached him.

“Talk to him.”, Sam said simply.

“Won’t do any good.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t give him what he wants.”

“And what’s that?”, Dean required.

“What everyone wants. My sister, my children, you humans — an apology. A big, wet ‘I’m sorry.’”, Chuck told them.

“Well, so give it to him. It’s not like he’s askin’ for a weapon, or for Hell, or for Heaven. He’s askin’ for words.”, Dean suggested.

“I can’t say I’m sorry if I’m not.”, Chuck said as he placed plates of pancakes in front of them, “What he wants an apology for, I did it for humanity. For the world. Look, Lucifer wants what everybody wants: Amara gone. ‘kay? Let’s just give him a little time to cool off.”, he said as he sipped coffee from a mug with the label ‘WORLD’S GREATEST DAD.’ How ironic.

“Okay, well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a little time is not something that we have. The end is frickin’ nigh.”, Dean insisted.

 

Meanwhile Tara was standing in front of Sam’s room, collecting herself before she knocked.

“Can I come in?” No answer. “Okay, I’m just… I’m gonna come in.”

With a flap of her wings, she was on the other side of the door. Lucifer was just staring at her with an annoyed expression.

“You never said I _shouldn't_ come in, so…”, she pointed out a little awkwardly.

“What do you want?”, he demanded.

“Go and talk to him.”

He huffed, “No. He can come to me himself.”

“Okay, but we both know that won’t happen. You’re just both too stubborn and prideful to admit your mistakes, so no one of you will go to the other to apologize. Considering this, it would be best if you met halfway.”, she explained.

When he didn't answer, she scoffed, “Look, you're hurt. I get it. But behaving like a freakin’ five-year-old won’t get you anywhere.”

Now he looked at her.

 

Chuck was sitting in a chair in the telescope room, Sam and Dean standing beside him, when Tara approached them with Lucifer, who sat down in the chair next to his father.

“One of you is gonna have to, uh, go first. You know what? Lucifer, you agreed to have a sit down if God would show, so…“, Tara said and gestured exaggeratedly at Chuck.

“And Chuck, you did say you’d talk.”, Dean pointed out.

“Him first. I’m the one who’s owed an explanation.”, Lucifer insisted.

At that, Chuck let out an aggravated little sigh, but stayed silent.

“Okay, let’s try ‘I feel’ statements.”, Dean suggested, then turned to Sam, “Doctor Phil.”

Sam merely shrugged, Tara rolled her eyes.

“Eh?”, Dean added.

“Ah, yeah. Of course.”, Sam surrendered. They sat down on the steps of the telescope, while Tara kept standing a little off to the side. The whole situation was practically radiating awkwardness.

Now Chuck finally talked to Lucifer, “I am… sorry? that you feel that I betrayed you. That I acted without cause.”

Lucifer shook his head, but Chuck continued, “I’m sorry that you can’t see you gave me no choice.”, then he turned to Sam and Dean, “I’m good.”

“You heard that, right?”, Lucifer said to the brothers.

Sam tried to talk to Chuck, “We all know that you are God, but maybe could you be a little less ‘Lordly’?”

“But I am- I am the Lord.”, was Chuck’s reply.

“Wow. There he goes.”, the archangel huffed.

“I did what I had to do! To create the world, I had to lock Amara away. And when the Mark corrupted you, and I saw you posed a threat to humankind, I did the same with you.”, Chuck defended himself.

“No, you betrayed me. You gave me the Mark to lock her away, and when it changed me — when it did what the Mark inevitably does — you threw me away.”

“No, son. The Mark-“, Chuck paused, “You always cast a jaundiced glance at humans. The Mark didn’t change you. It just made you more of what you already were.”

“What I was, was your son. Your child.”

“Why should I put you first above all others?”

Lucifer turned to the brothers again, “You have any idea what it’s like to argue with your father when your father is God?”, he turned back to Chuck, “Everything is a tautology with you. Everything is, ‘Because I told you so.’ Everything’s, ‘It _had_ to be done.’”

“Pretty sure that’s all fathers.”, Dean mentioned, but when Sam cleared his throat in a warning, he just waved him off.

“Okay, fine.”, Lucifer sat up straighter, “Big picture, as God. You did what you had to do. But little picture? You _sucked_ at being a dad.”

“Okay, maybe I didn’t handle everything perfectly. But tell me: could I have kept humankind safe with you on the board?”, Chuck inquired, but Lucifer just stared at him, so he went on, “I know about your little bid to replace me with the angels. Okay, ‘New God,’ what would you have done about you?”

“That is _not_ the _point_.”, Lucifer countered.

Now Sam spoke up again, “I- I can’t believe I’m actually about to say this, but… um. Lucifer is right.”

Chuck turned to look at him and he took that as his cue to go on, “All he wants is an apology, and you’re too concerned about being right to give him one. But apologies aren’t always about being right. Sometimes they’re just about apologizing.”

“Yeah, and the great thing about apologies is you don’t even have to mean ‘em. Y’know, I lie and tell Sam I’m sorry all the time.”, Dean agreed.

Sam gave him a bitchface.

“Sorry.”, Dean muttered, the brightened again, “See? That’s. Heh.”

“Enough from the peanut gallery.”, Chuck said before he waved his hand and deposited the brothers unceremoniously in two chairs in the chess nook upstairs.

Now Tara had seen enough, “Oh for Hell’s sake, stop it. This is ridiculous! Just get it together so we can do what has to be done. I’m tired of your endless bickering.”

She stopped talking as soon as she noticed that they weren't even really listening to her.

“What? What would you have done?”, Chuck asked his son once more.

“It doesn’t matter. You are my father and you forsook me.”

“I did. I was supposed to love all creation equally. I wasn’t supposed to have favorites. But you… You were mine. I gave you the Mark because I loved you the most, because I thought you were strong enough to bear it. And when I saw that I was wrong… When I watched my choice devour my most cherished son, I hated myself, and so I punished you. And I am so sorry.”, he finally said and Tara smiled.

As they emerged from the room and approached the Winchesters, they immediately raised from their chairs and walked to the railing. Lucifer actually looked genuinely happy and Tara had a really pleased look on her face.

“Hey.”, Sam greeted.

“So… are we good?”, Dean wanted to know.

Lucifer and Chuck nodded to one another then to the brothers. Tara stood behind them and gave a thumbs-up.

“Okay! Great.”, Dean exclaimed.

“So what now?”, Sam asked.

“We trap Amara. Put her back in the box.”, Chuck replied.

“Wait, what?”, Dean inquired.

“Yeah. Well, you were right. She needs to be destroyed. But I won’t kill her.”, Chuck answered.

“Why not?”

“Amara’s been caged for billions of years, but y’know, she was always there. She had to be there. Y’know, yin and yang. Dark and light.”, he explained.

“English, Chuck.”

With an exasperated huff, Chuck waved a hand and the brothers were standing downstairs, then he explained further, “There’s a harmony, a balance, in the universe. Light needs dark. Dark needs light. If you blow one of them up, then, I mean-“

“It wouldn’t be a good thing.”, Lucifer summed up.

“It’d be really not a good thing. Like ‘end of reality’ not good.”, Chuck agreed.

“Okay, so we gift-wrap Amara. I mean, we got the team back together, so-“, Sam started, but Chuck cut him off, “Not quite. We’re still a few members short of the original line-up.”

“Yeah, first time it took the combined strength of me and my brothers to weaken Amara before Daddy-O finished her off.”, Lucifer added.

“Even then it was close. Now with just the two of us, we’ll lose.”

“Okay, so what? We need more, uh, group therapy between you and the archangels if we wanna have a shot?”, Dean asked.

“Well, Michael’s in no condition to fight, and it’s outside of my power to bring Gabriel and Raphael back.”, Chuck said.

“But you restored Castiel.”, Sam mentioned.

“Archangels are different. They’re the stuff of primordial creation. Rebuilding them, that’s- It’s time we don’t have.”, Chuck told them.

“So what do you need to win?”, Sam wanted to know.

Chuck looked at them for a moment, “Whaddaya got?”

 

One by one they managed to convince Crowley, Rowena and the angels to participate in their plan. It was a little insane, possibly suicide, but it was all they had.

When Lucifer let Castiel to the surface again to talk to the angels, he remembered that he had pushed him down too deep again. ‘ _Well, whatever…_ ’, he thought, but then it hit him hard. All that longing, that… _pining_. It hit him like a punch in the face. He knew it wasn't really directed at him, but he kinda felt flattered in his little brother’s shoes. And just like that, everything made sense. Dean Winchester was absolutely ridiculously in love with his little brother Castiel… Oh man.

When they traded places again, Lucifer made sure to not push Castiel down too far again, so he could observe his reactions to the older Winchester brother. That could be quite entertaining, since the seraph seemed to reciprocate the hunter’s feelings. A part of Lucifer wanted to vomit at that, but the bigger part of him was rather amused by it.

 

The group met inside an abandoned power plant, when Tara suddenly received a prayer. It was an odd feeling and would take her some time getting used to (in case the world didn't end first). It was Donatello calling out to her, but it was more like a cry for help. When she reached his location, she was too late. He was already dead. When she returned to the others she told them what she’d seen, “Amara took his soul, I’m sure of it.”

“That means, she probably knows where the bunker is.”, Sam mused.

“Doesn’t matter.”, was Dean’s only response and they fell into silence again.

When everyone except Chuck had assembled, Crowley addressed Lucifer, “I don't hold grudges. Besides, that dog collar was a lovely touch, really made my eyes pop. Almost wore it here today.”

“Oh, I'm glad you're such a good sport.”, the archangel replied and turned to Rowena, “Hey, Red. Looking gorgeous as ever. Hey, I think a little apology is in order.”

“You think you're the first man to try and kill me?”, the witch retorted.

Crowley just rolled his eyes at her.

“Hello, Fergus.”, she said.

“Mother.”

In that moment Chuck decided to appear in a blaze of light. Show-off…

“Hello, my children.”, he greeted.

“Him?”, Crowley asked.

“Rowena. Crowley. It's good to finally meet you in person.”

“Sorry about, well, everything I've ever done in my life. Really, y- you can't have been a fan.”, Rowena started, seemingly a little scared.

“Oh, yeah, I've been quietly rooting against you both for some time now. Although, I can't deny you're one of my guilty pleasures.”

Rowena giggled, “Oh, God.”

Crowley scoffed, “Oh, God.”

“All right, no flirting. And no fighting.”, Dean interrupted the exchange.

“Yeah, and no deals. No talks about who is owed what if we survive this.”, Sam added.

“Nobody likes each other. It doesn't matter.”

“We only have the fight ahead.”

Chuck spoke, “Amara’s looking for me. But I'm warded against her, for now. The second I drop the warding, she'll show. She'll be expecting a fight, and we'll give it to her. Shock and awe. Shock, and awe. You have your troops in position?”

Rowena raised her hand.

Chuck cleared his throat, “Yes, Rowena?”

“Fabulous plan, God, but doesn't this strategy strike anyone as a wee bit un-strategic? Shouldn't we at least try to catch her off guard?”, the witch suggested.

“Is that sequence set in stone? Demon, angel, witch power? Seems to me that the first response should come from the most disposable force.”, Crowley mentioned.

“Right! Good argument, Doggie. Demons first, it is.”, Lucifer chimed in.

“The weakest should go first. Naturally, that means the witches.”, the demon objected.

“Enough.”, Sam intercepted.

“After that, it's Lucifer's turn. Physical attack. One-on-one.”, Chuck finished the explanation.

“What about Cas?”, Dean wanted to know and yes, Lucifer should’ve seen that one coming.

“Oh, don't worry. Your pet's safety is my highest concern.”, he said and was promptly met with a glare from Dean. Yes, very predictable. Lucifer just rolled his eyes and said (at Castiel’s insistence), “Trust me, he's on board.”

“Once she's been weakened, I will take the Mark back from Amara and use it to seal her away. You ready?”, Chuck summarized, directing the question at Sam.

“Yeah.”, the younger Winchester said.

“Wait, what?”, Dean inquired in shock.

“God and I talked about this. Someone needs to bear the Mark.”, was Sam’s only explanation.

“Well, that should be me. I- I've had it before. I'm damaged goods.”, Dean replied.

“Exactly. You've already been tainted. I can't transfer it to you. Sam volunteered.”, Chuck provided.

Dean glanced at Sam before he yanked on his arm to talk to him a little off the side. Tara followed.

“First Cas is making kamikaze side plans, and now you? You couldn't have talked to me?”, Dean started.

“We did talk.”, Sam responded.

“And what happens when the Mark turns you psycho, then what?”

“You lock me up where I can't hurt anyone and you throw away the key.”

“Sam, no.”

“Dean, you told me you couldn't beat Amara, that it would have to be me. Well, this is it — me.”

Meanwhile the other’s argument was still going.

“I'm just saying, angels can hurt her. It's worked before.”, Lucifer told Crowley.

“If you call giving Amara a mild case of the pukes working.”, the demon retorted.

“We're trying to disorientate her as much as hurt her. You underestimate witchcraft, Fergus, always have.”, Rowena chimed in.

“If anything, she's inoculated. Full-scale demon attack. That's our X-factor.”, Crowley insisted. Lucifer just let out a laugh.

“We talked about this. It's time to do the smart thing.”, Sam told Dean quietly.

Dean looked defeated. Tara had been quiet the whole time, considering their exchange thoroughly and when she finally spoke, all she said was, “I’ll do it.”

The brothers went quiet in an instant.

“Come again?”, Sam asked.

“I’ll do it. I’ll bear the Mark.”, she answered.

“Tara, no. You can’t-“, Sam started, but she cut him off, “No Sam, listen. You two have saved our world time and time again. You deserve to live in peace for a while, without constantly carrying the world on your shoulders. I am partly angel, which means I’m stronger than you, I can bear it, it can’t turn me into a demon.”

“Yeah, but it’ll still change you and you’re a lot more powerful than Sam and me, you could do a helluva lot damage.”, Dean pointed out.

“Then do whatever needs to be done. Clip my wings and fling me into space, lock me up in the Cage, it doesn't matter. But I won't let you sacrifice yourselves again! After all you've done, you deserve at least this. You deserve _a life_!”

“But what about you? What about _your_ life?”, Sam questioned.

At that, her eyes got heavy and tired and she let out a bitter, humorless laugh, “My life has been taken from me when I got those wings.” She indicated them behind her back, but the brothers couldn't see them anyway. A short moment of shock was followed by a wave of understanding. The brothers felt bad for her, but they couldn't change her situation and after that statement, they were pretty sure they couldn't change her mind either.

“So, what are we supposed to do, just sit by and watch?”, Dean asked defeatedly.

“No. We're all together in this fight. You're leading this army.”, she replied.

“Oh, you mean babysitting the bad guys?”, Dean asked, indicating the three who were still bickering behind them.

Sam huffed out a laugh.

Dean sighed, “Okay, guys. Okay. God's plan.”

Tara walked up to Chuck to tell him the change of plans and he was shocked, “What?”

“I’ll trade places with Sam. I won’t say it again.”

“But why?”

“Because they always sacrifice themselves for others. It’s time someone does that for them.”

“What about the task I gave you? Your purpose?”

“Doesn’t matter. This is more important. You can go ahead and create another one like me, someone who is up to the job. I couldn't do it anyway…”, she explained, eyes cast to the floor. Chuck considered her for a moment with a sad look, before he nodded and murmured, “You’d make a good Guardian Angel…”

 

A few minutes passed until Tara slowly walked up to Lucifer, who was leaning against a wall, watching the others argue. She leaned her back against the wall too, trying to work up the courage to talk to him.

“I’d like to- um… You know, there’s a good chance that, if things go south today, we’re all gonna die. I mean… don't get me wrong, considering the circumstances, I’m really optimistic, but still… just in case, I wanted to- I’d like to ask you a favor.”

“You _do_ realize that asking the Devil a favor is probably a bad idea if neither of us die today?”, Lucifer mocked her.

“Would you- Would you just let me finish? Yeah? Okay? Thanks. It’s a really small favor anyway… I just wanted to ask you to let Castiel to the surface for a short while. I know you keep him aware at the moment — for whatever reason — and I’m pretty sure he wants to talk to Sam and Dean just as badly as they want to talk to him.”, he just watched her, so she continued, “In the last few years, the brothers have become Castiel’s family and they're more of a family to him than the angels ever were. So… just in case this plan doesn't work out, I want them to be able to talk to each other one last time…”

Now she finally raised her eyes to his face and saw confusion there as he said, “You’re asking me a favor… for someone else?”

Her gaze flicked to the ground for a moment before she answered, “Yeah, I guess.”

He looked at the ground for a few seconds. Yes, since the brothers were here, Castiel had been… unsettled. Every time one of them talked to him, Castiel would stir, especially with the older hunter. It was clear that he wanted to talk to them. Castiel was still his little brother and he would never admit — not even under torture — that he actually cared about him, but well… he kind of did. At least a little bit… So he made his decision and nodded slowly, “Fine…”

Tara brightened at that statement and Lucifer added quickly, “But you owe me, you got that?”

She nodded, still smiling, “Sure. But I don't owe you anything big, just so you know.”

He rolled his eyes but didn't say anything in return, because the Winchester brothers chose that moment to walk over.

“Hey, what’s going on here?”, Dean asked.

Tara beamed at him and said, “Lucifer has agreed to let you guys talk to Cas.”

Dean halted, “What?”, he looked at Lucifer with surprise, “Really?”

Now they all looked expectantly at the archangel, who just huffed a breath and grumbled, “You’ve got five minutes…”

Just after he had said that, his entire posture changed and Dean seemed to notice immediately. The hunters expression softened and he cautiously asked, “Cas?”

“Dean?”, was the tentative response.

“Yeah, it’s me. Sam’s here too.”

“Hey Cas.”, Sam said.

“Hello Sam.”, his eyes landed on Dean again, “I’m sorry…”

“Hey, nothing to be sorry for. We all screwed up time and time again, remember?”, Dean reminded.

“How are you doin’ Cas?”, Sam wanted to know.

He seemed to overthink that for a second before he answered, “I think I am okay. Lucifer mostly left me alone, and he kept me aware for some time now, so I know what happens next.”

Dean nodded. He seemingly wanted to do something, but wasn't sure if he should. After a few moments of hesitation he just mumbled, “Ah, fuck it.”, and pulled Castiel into a hug.

As soon as the surprise had faded, the angel slowly wrapped his arms around the hunter. Sam and Tara just stood by and watched, knowing smiles on their faces, until the two broke apart from their ‘definitely too long to be platonic’ embrace. As if he tried to make it less obvious, Dean gave Castiel a gentle pat on the shoulder.

The angel’s gaze wandered until it settled on Tara, “You.”

“I.”, was her only response.

“I don’t know who and what you are, but thank you.”

She smiled softly, “Any time.”

“We’re gonna tell you about her as soon as this is over.”, Sam said.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll like her.”, Dean added.

After that Sam pulled Castiel into a bear hug before Lucifer took control again.

 

Meanwhile Amara had zapped into the bunker and was rifling through Dean’s things. She found a framed photo of him and his mother Mary. Then she spotted the picture that had been taken during the apocalypse, showing him, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Castiel. Just next to that picture was another one, showing Castiel and Dean, leaning on the Impala, Dean laughing at something the angel had said and Cas smiling softly at the hunter. Sam had taken it after a hunt, they hadn't even noticed back then, but Dean liked that photo, they’d had fun that day.

Suddenly she stopped as she felt a strange presence flowing down the hall and into the room and a second later, she could hear Rowena’s voice emanating from seemingly nowhere.

“Hello, Amara.”, the witch sing-songed.

“Hello, witch. How did you find me?”, Amara asked.

“Been inside your head once before. Easy enough to find my way back. Take it you're still looking for God? Well, I'm with him right now.”, was the answer.

 

When Amara arrived outside the abandoned power plant, she was met by the sight of rusting vehicles, a row of old generators and Rowena who was peering around.

“He's here.”, Amara noted.

“Yes. Right inside.”, the witch confirmed, stepping forward, “Our deal holds? Safe passage back in time? I went out on a limb for you — betrayed God, of all people.”

“You didn't betray God. You betrayed me.”, Amara replied, “I knew this was a trap the moment you called. I didn't care. All I've ever wanted is a one-on-one with my brother. And you've just given it to me. The question is how am I going to repay you?”

In that moment, Rowena hurled a spell at her, “Attenuare!”

“That”, Amara scoffed, “tickles. Do you really think the power of one witch can hurt me?”

“I'm not just one witch.”, the ginger retorted.

Meanwhile four other witches were casting the same spell, chanting it over and over while Rowena screamed it at Amara, “Attenuare! Attenuare!”

“Enough.”, Amara ordered, casting the spell back at Rowena, sending her falling to the ground.

The purple light of the spell faded as Amara said coldly, “Points for trying.”

Now, thunder started rolling overhead, electricity crackling in roiling black clouds. Amara just chuckled and opened her arms wide, screaming as a bolt of energy slammed down on top of her, coming directly from Heaven. A little light washed over Rowena on the ground.

The building started to shake as from all sides demons poured in, twisting smoky runnels that headed straight for Amara, attacking her. She shouted and tried to get away from them, fight them, but it was of no use. All the lights in the place blowed out, causing sparks to rain down on the street and the ground inside the building. The demons lifted Amara into the air, surrounding her.

“No! Get back! No!”, she shouted struggling, then screamed in rage causing the building to shake. Now Crowley decided to walk outside and leave his meat suit to join the fight, crimson among a storm of black. His strike knocked Amara from the cloud of demons and into the side of a car.

 

Inside of the building there was a moment of dead silence. Then Amara staggered through the door, breathing heavily. Dean was about to move toward her automatically, but Sam stopped him.

“Hello, brother.”, she started painting, “You cheated. Again. But-“

She was cut off when Lucifer charged up behind her with a yell and speared her through. Amara cried out and as Lucifer pulled the spear out, she fell, but before he was able to stab her again, Chuck shouted, “Ah! Son.”

Amara let out a whimper as Lucifer slowly backed off.

“I'm sorry. For this, for everything.”, Chuck said.

“An apology at last.”, she said breathing heavily, “What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed into that cage alone and afraid-“

Now, Dean had to close his eyes and started shaking his head, trying to think about something else as she continued, “-wishing, begging for death because of you! And what was my crime, brother?”

“The world needed to be born! And you wouldn't let me! Amara, you give me no choice.”, Chuck defended himself.

“That's your story. Not mine. The real reason you banished me, why I couldn't be allowed to exist you couldn't stand it. Yeah, we’re equals. We weren't great or powerful because we stood only in relation to each other. You think you made the archangels to bring light? No. You made them to create lesser beings, to make you large.”, she insisted, struggling to her feet, “To make you Lord. It was ego! You wanted to be big!”

“That's true.”, he admitted and stood up “But it isn't the whole truth. There's a value, a glory in creation that's greater and truer than my pride or my ego. Call it grace, call it being! Whatever it is, it didn't come from my hands. It was there waiting to be born. It just is, as you and I just were. Since you've been freed, I know that you've seen it.”, he glanced, then nodded at Dean, “Felt it.”

Amara couldn't believe it, lost for words, she glanced at Dean, who looked down in return.

“It didn't have to be like this. I loved you, brother.”, she said then.

Chuck looked filled with remorse at that statement.

Amara laughed bitterly, “Well, you've won again.”, she heaved a heavy sigh, “Finish it. Kill me.”

Chuck only said, “I’m sorry.”

Amara was shocked when she noticed the Mark starting to burn away from her chest, “No. No! No!”

Tara had rolled up her sleeve and hissed in pain as the Mark was slowly burning into her skin, getting transferred to her.

“I'm so sorry.”, Chuck told Amara again.

“No. Not again!”, she shouted and suddenly lunged forward, grabbing Chuck by the throat and hoisting him aloft, “Not ever again!”

Using her powers, she lifted him even higher, choking him midair. With a loud yell, Lucifer charged her from behind once more, but she flung him hard against a support pillar across the room.

“Goodbye, nephew.”, and with those words, she banished Lucifer out of Castiel’s vessel, who then slumped unconscious to the floor.

“Cas!”, Dean yelled in an instant, then rushed towards Amara, but she just flung him away with little to no effort. Wasn't he supposed to be bound to her? Why did he always check on the angel first? Well, there were more important things to focus on right now.

She hissed over her brother’s choking sounds, “I'd die a million times and murder you a million more before going back there!”, the Mark faded away from Tara’s arm again and returned to Amara’s chest, “Tell me if you won't change, why should I?”

Black tendrils started to rise from the floor at her feet. Oh, that couldn't be good…

“Amara, no!”, Dean shouted, but she merely spared him a glance before returning her focus on Chuck. The black tendrils hit him again and again, each wound a spot of brilliant light. Tara was at a complete loss at what to do, her arm still hurting.

“Sorry, brother.”, she said as he shined brighter and brighter, until Sam, Dean and Tara had to look away to keep their eyes from burning.

A moment later, Chuck’s body thudded to the floor and they finally dared to look again, then just stared at him in horror. He was motionless. No, that couldn't be, it just couldn’t…

“No. Amara, what have you done?”, Dean grunted.

“He's dead. God's dead.”, Sam stammered in shock.

“No. He's dying.”, Amara corrected, “My brother will dim and fade away into nothing.”

Outside, Rowena gasped awake and staggered to her feet. The sunlight was no longer just rosy, tinting the sky purple. It might have been beautiful if it wasn't so utterly terrifying.

“But not until he sees what comes next. Not until he watches this world, everything he created, everything he loves turn to ash.”, Amara continued, “Welcome to the end.”

And with those words she disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, or message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I promise I'm nice!


	11. Alpha and Omega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since plan A has gone sideways, our group needs to find a plan B, which kind of also doesn't work out as expected, but for once not in a bad way...
> 
> Or
> 
> Cas is finally back, Chuck is dying, the world is ending again and Tara sings a sad song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, here we have the last chapter that is *almost* canon compliant, although the ending is drastically different.  
> In case you don't know the song Hallelujah, you should definitely listen to it, it's such a sad, beautiful song and it perfectly fits the situation. I kind of imagined it as sort of a background music where it is mentioned. You'll see what I mean.
> 
> Enjoy!

Castiel and Chuck were still unconscious on the floor as Sam stumbled to his feet and walked over to Dean to help him up.

The older Winchester grunted and said, “Check on him.”

Sam knelt down next to Chuck, “Hey Chuck?”

Kneeling next to Castiel, Dean put a hand on his shoulder. The angel stirred and looked up at Dean, “Dean.”

“Cas? Hey, is that you?”

“Hey, can you hear me?”, Sam tried to wake Chuck.

Suddenly he opened his eyes and rolled onto his back with a groan, scrunching his face in pain.

“Lucifer is gone. Amara ripped him from my body.”, Castiel explained.

“To where?”, Dean wanted to know.

“I don’t know.”

Dean cast a questioning look at Tara, who merely shrugged and said, “No idea, he’s nowhere near.”

“Come on.”, Dean helped Cas up and everyone walked over to where Sam was kneeling next to Chuck.

“Are you, uh… H- How do you feel?”, Sam asked.

“Ohh.”, Chuck let out in pain, “You know when you’re driving and a bug hits your windshield? I’m the bug.”

“So, what Amara said about you…”, Sam trailed off.

“Dying. Yeah, whatever she did to me, I can feel my spark, my light fading. And when it's gone…”, Chuck told them.

“Okay, well, t- tell us how to fix you.”, Dean spoke up.

“You can’t. I- I- I suppose she could, maybe, but that's never gonna happen.”, Chuck replied.

Suddenly they heard a door being slammed in the background followed by loud footsteps. Dean immediately stood up, pulled out his gun and pointed it towards the direction of the sounds. Chuck was hanging on to Sam as they all looked expectantly at the door… and spotted Rowena.

“So that was a gun in your pocket.”, the witch said as she walked in.

“Well… that was a complete and utter dog's breakfast, wasn't it?”, Crowley mentioned.

“I didn't know dogs had breakfast.”, Castiel said ever confused.

Dean could barely contain his smile at that, he’d missed the angel. So, he said as casually as possible, “Cas is back.”

“Just curious — has anyone bothered to look outside?”, Rowena asked.

And since the answer was no, they proceeded to do just that. As they walked outside, they heard a siren wailing in the distance. They looked around as Rowena tapped Dean on the shoulder, turning him around and pointing to the sky. They all looked up and were met by a sight they couldn't have imagined in their wildest dreams. The sun was burning brightly, the sky around it tinted in a hundred different shades of red and orange as if it was on fire. It almost looked like a painting, maybe a Van Gogh, but it was real and it was terrifying.

“What is it?”, Dean asked.

“It looks like the sun is-“, Sam started, but Castiel finished for him, “Dying.”

“Why would Amara do that?”, Sam wanted to know.

“The sun is the source of all life on earth. Without it, everything just… just wastes away.”, Castiel explained.

“Let's get the hell out of here.”, Dean announced. Chuck snapped his fingers and just like that they were back in the war room of the bunker.

“You.”, was all that Crowley said to that.

“Still got a few tricks up my sleeve. I'm not dead y…”, Chuck replied as he attempted to stand on his own, only to collapse against Sam a moment later again.

“Oh, whoa. Okay. I got you.”, Sam exclaimed.

“I should probably sit down.”, Chuck said.

“Yeah. Come on.”, Sam agreed and helped him to sit down into a chair, “All right. Okay.”

“What do we do now?”, Castiel asked.

Dean paused, strode into the kitchen, Sam and Cas following him to see him taking a long sip from a beer bottle.

“Really?”, Sam inquired.

Dean sighed, “Really.”

Sam shook his head and scoffed.

“What? We hit Amara with everything we got, and she walked it off.”, Dean told him.

“So… So it's last call?”

Dean took another sip of his beer and answered, “That's right. Look, man. If you've got something for me to punch, shoot, or kill, let me know and I'll do it. I'll do it till I die. But how are we supposed to fix the friggin' sun?”

He slammed the empty bottle on the table and declared, “You know what? This isn't gonna be enough. I better make a run.”, he sighed, “No reason to die sober, huh?”, then he turned to his younger brother, “You want to?”

“No!”, Sam retorted with frustration.

Tara was just standing in a corner, watching everyone else. Crowley was drinking scotch or whiskey (she couldn't tell), Rowena was talking to Chuck, Dean took Cas with him to get more liquor and Sam announced he’d try to find a ‘Plan B’. Her mother had called, had asked if everything was okay, if the thing with the sun had anything to do with what she did now. She’d lied to her. Told her not to worry about it. That everything was going to be fine. She couldn't have told her the truth, that the world was ending. She just didn't have the heart to do it.

 

Later in the Library, Chuck and Rowena were drinking tea, while Crowley was off to the side nursing a glass of whiskey with Tara sitting next to him, eyeing the others.

“Now, Fergus was bright. Walked before his first birthday, but he hated pants. Hated them. He'd run 'round the village, his wee banger just flapping in the breeze.”, Rowena told Chuck.

He sighed, “Adam and Eve were the same way.”

Then they said simultaneously, “Kids. Kids.”

“I'm so glad the world is ending.”, Crowley mumbled.

“Yeah, I hear ya.”, Tara agreed.

When Sam walked into the room, Crowley raised the bottle towards him and greeted, “Samantha!”

“W- What are we doing?”, Sam asked.

“Nothing.”, Rowena answered.

Now Sam raised his voice, “Exactly. Amara's out there eating the freaking sun, and- and we're doing nothing.”

“And you have a better idea?”, Crowley inquired.

“Yes. Anything. That's my better idea, because anything is better than this.”

Chuck spoke up, “Sam. I get it. Even if we could lock Amara away, it wouldn't do any good now. I'm dying. And when I'm gone, a cosmic balance between light and dark- it's over.”

Sam looked around at everyone, “All right.”, he suddenly slammed the table, “Then if we can't cage her, we have to kill her.”

“Bingo.”, Crowley agreed.

 

Meanwhile Dean and Castiel were driving in the Impala.

“How you doing? You good?”, Dean asked his friend, “I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.”

“I was just… so stupid.”, the angel replied.

“No, no, no. It wasn't stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.”, Dean said.

“Well, it didn't work.”

“No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.”

“I was just trying to help.”, Cas said, hanging his head slightly.

“Well, and you do help, Cas.”

“You know, I-“, Cas started, but Dean interrupted him, “You know, sometimes me and Sam have got so much going on that… we forget about everyone else.”

“Well, you do live exciting lives.”, Cas mentioned.

Dean chuckled at that, “Yeah, that's one word for it. But you're always there, you know?”, he looked over at the angel, “You're the best friend we've ever had. You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.”

He wanted to say so much more, he felt so much more, but after the angels abandoned him, Dean knew, this was exactly was Cas needed to hear and he was willing to give him anything he needed.

“Thank you.”, Cas replied, knowing that this was the highest compliment Dean could give. They were family and family meant everything to the hunter. Cas was incredibly grateful and happy about that, but something deep inside his chest ached, wanting more.

Suddenly Dean’s cellphone rang and he picked up, “Yo. All right. We're on our way.”, then he hung up and turned to Cas, “Sam's got something.”

The tires screeched as Dean turned the Impala around in the middle of the street, to head back to the bunker.

As soon as they were in the library and Sam had told them about his intention, Dean asked, “Wait, so now you want to kill the Darkness?”, he turned to Chuck, “You're cool with this? 'Cause, you know, last time…”

But before Chuck could answer, Sam spoke, “Look, Chuck's dying.”, he noted Chuck eyeing him sideways and said, “Uh, no offense, God.”

“Yeah, no, I- I'm dying.”, Chuck agreed, “So, we don't really have a choice. I mean, look. Y-You've got darkness and light. Y- You take one side away a- and-”

Cas finished for him, “It upsets the scales — the whole balance of the universe.”

“Exactly. But you take both away, and now both sides of the scale are empty, so…”, Sam started.

“Of course. It's balanced.”, Cas understood.

“Right. Yes. Okay. Uh, and look. Hey, I'm game, but how exactly are we gonna do this? I mean, Lucifer hit her with a- a Hand of God, and, well, we saw how that turned out.”, Dean pointed out.

“Yeah.”, Sam said.

“She does seem impossible to destroy.”, Cas mentioned.

“Right.”, Sam agreed, “Is she, Chuck?”

Chuck sighed, “Well, I… I mean, well… I… I- I-“

Dean and Cas stopped his stammering by demanding simultaneously “Chuck!”

“Charles!”, Rowena exclaimed too. Tara tried really hard not to chuckle at how in sync Dean and Castiel had been.

Chuck sighed again, “All right. Fine. The Darkness might- might have a weakness-”, he walked over to Crowley and took the bottle from his hand, “Light.”

“He tells us now.”, the demon said sarcastically.

“What? I- I just wanted to trap her. I didn't want to murder her.”, Chuck explained.

“Okay, but now that we're trying to end her, how much light are we talking about?”, Sam wanted to know.

“I don't know. 10,000 suns set to supernova.”, Chuck replied.

“Well, y- you're God. So, just God them up.”, Dean suggested.

“Look at me. I’m… not in the best shape right now.”, was the answer.

“Okay. Uh, that's all right. Uh, we just need other ideas. Um… Rowena. What about the Book of the Damned?”, Sam asked.

The witch scoffed, “This is beyond…”

“Okay, Crowley?”

“Oh, I got nothing.”, the demon said.

“Uh, Tara?”

“Sorry, no idea.”, she shrugged.

Now Cas spoke up, “Well, what about souls? They fuel your demon deals. Souls are living batteries. They're full of energy. They're full of light. Each one is as powerful as… 100 suns?”

“H- He's not wrong.”, Rowena said.

“Okay, so if we got this kind of juice, then what?”, Dean inquired.

“You get me enough souls… I can build a bomb.”, the witch told them.

Dean turned to Chuck, “Would that do the trick?”

“Uh… maybe.”

“All right. Plan B.”, Sam declared.

“Okay. How many souls are we talking here?”, Dean wanted to know.

“The more the better.”, was Rowena’s reply.

“Even if you could get that kind of firepower… you really think it would work?”, Crowley asked.

“I can ask the angels. Heaven is full of souls.”, Castiel suggested.

“Okay. Uh, what else we got?”, Sam requested.

“Ghosts.”, Dean said, “Well, they're just souls with baggage, right?”

“Yeah, but we would need a whole lot of them.”, Sam replied.

“Waverly Hills.”

Sam chuckled, “Waverly Hills Sanatorium. Of course. Thousands died there.”

“Ton of ghosts.”, Dean just said.

“I can take you there.”, Tara offered.

“This is desperate… and stupid.”, Crowley pointed out.

“Well, desperate and stupid's pretty much all we got right now, so…”

“Fine.”, he sat back down in his chair and put his feet up on the table, “I'll go raid Hell and see what's left.”

“All right.”, Sam clapped his hands, “Let's get to work.”

 

Later on, after the brothers were back with the souls from the sanatorium, everyone was sitting in the bunker again, looking dejected.

“The angels are- Heaven won't help.”, Cas told them.

“They know that this is the end, right? Of everything.”, Dean questioned.

“Yes.”

“And they don't care?”, Sam asked.

“No, it's not that. It’s… They know- They know God is dying and they don't think we can win this. Souls or no souls. They're sealing Heaven, and they're ‘dying with dignity’.”, the angel explained.

“Well, that's awesome.”, Dean said.

“All right, Crowley. What about you?”, Sam wanted to know.

“Well, I had all the souls we needed.”, the demon answered.

“What do you mean ‘had’?”, Dean inquired.

“While I was indisposed, a few of my demonic pals decided to raid my stash.”, Crowley explained.

“Well, what we have- it's not enough.”, Castiel pointed out.

Suddenly there was the buzzing of electricity and red lights went on all around the war room.

“Well, that could be nothing but good news.”, Crowley said sarcastically.

Castiel and Tara took out their angel blades, while Sam and Dean cocked their guns. They all turned and aimed at the door on the upper level of the room. They could hear footsteps shortly before the door swung open as Billie walked in, “Nice digs.”

“Billie?”, Sam asked in surprise.

“Who's Billie?”, Rowena required.

“Reaper. Wants us dead.”, Dean explained, then added sarcastically, “Tons of fun.”

She greeted Crowley as she passed him, “Hey.”

“Wait a second.”, Sam said, “H- How did yo- What are you doing here?”

“I saw you boys at Waverly Hills, and call me a curious kitten, but with, you know, credits about to roll, I gotta ask — why you boys busting ghosts?”, she replied.

“Why do you care?”, Dean asked.

“Dead folks — kind of my thing. So… spill.”, she insisted.

“We're collecting souls to build a bomb.”, Sam answered.

“To blow the Darkness to Hell.”, Dean added.

Sam, Dean and Billie looked towards the bomb for a moment, which was glowing on the table.

“Okay.”, she just said then.

“Okay?”, Sam asked, “Uh, w- what does that mean, ‘okay’?”

“Means way things are going, I'm about an hour away from reaping God himself.”, she replied.

“So you're here to help us?”, Cas questioned.

“Little tip — you want souls, call a reaper.”, she said.

 

Meanwhile, Amara was walking through a garden, letting her fingers drift over the tops of the flowers as she walked by them. She looked up to the sun and then back to the flowers. They were dead and she felt a twang of horror that made her eyes widen. She looked at her hand and then back to the dying sun as a surge of regret flowed through her.

She saw an old woman walking through the park, feeding the pigeons that were gathering around her feet. She walked over to where Amara was sitting now, with her hands in her lap and sat down next to her on a low wall.

“Hiya.”, she greeted.

Amara looked at her with surprise, “Hello.”

“Oh, I like your dress. It's pretty fancy for the park, but at least you made an effort.”, the woman said, “Do you want to feed them?”

Amara drew her hands further into her lap, “I shouldn’t.”

“I've been feeding these birds going on 20 years now. They're practically family. And I know that makes me sound like a crazy old bat, but… heck. My husband died a couple of years ago, and my son keeps slipping me these brochures for retirement communities — a.k.a. where they send old folks to die, but not to make a fuss about it.”, the woman told her.

Amara looked distressed as she listened to the old woman talking, “So you hate him.”

“Well, a little bit. Sometimes. But you know family. Even when you hate them, you still love them.”, the woman replied.

 

Inside the bunker Billie was holding the bomb in her hands.

“Well, this is exciting.”, Dean just said.

Then there was a whooshing sound as the bomb started to glow brighter and souls started streaming into the room from all sides and then into the bomb.

“How many souls are in there?”, Castiel asked after Billie was done.

“A couple hundred… thousand.”, she replied, “I raided The Veil. Like I said, dead folks — kind of my thing.”, then she turned to Rowena, “We good?”

“Very.”, the witch answered and took the bomb from Billie’s hands.

“Super.”, the reaper said and started to walk towards the exit.

“See you around.”, Dean called after her.

“Yeah. You will. Just hope it's not today.”, she called back, then looked at Crowley over her shoulder, “Crowley.”

The demon smirked at that, then turned around to find everyone eyeing him questioningly. Now he looked sheepish and Tara raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

“So, what now?”, Castiel broke the silence.

“Well, now we have the bomb, so we just got to find Amara.”, Dean said.

“I can track her. She's not warded anymore. Why would she be? She won.”, Chuck provided.

“Okay, so?”, the older Winchester inquired.

“We need somebody to get close to her, someone with a… personal connection.”, Cas pointed out and everyone looked at Dean. _Of fucking course._

“Well, what are we waiting for? How do I smuggle this thing?”, he asked.

“We could always shove it up your-”, Crowley started, but was interrupted by Tara elbowing him in the ribs and Dean’s warning, “Hey.”

“I mean, you could.”, the demon defended himself.

“You won't carry the bomb. You'll _be_ the bomb.”, Rowena explained, “I'm gonna take what's in there… and put it in here.”, she placed her hand on Dean’s chest, “Once you get close to her, you press your fingers together like so- boom.”

Sam and Dean didn't really like that idea and Tara looked really distressed too, but it was everything they had.

“Okay.”, the older hunter said and Chuck just let out a sigh.

 

Rowena said an incantation over the bomb, which was placed in her outstretched hand. As she finished, she pushed her other hand towards the bomb and Dean. A stream of bright, white light flowed from the crystal into Dean’s chest for several seconds, causing him to groan and hunch over in pain.

“Huh!”, he exclaimed.

“Dean, are you okay? How do you feel?”, Castiel asked concerned.

“Like my insides just got flame-broiled. Is that normal?”, the hunter asked.

“Sweetie, we're so far past normal. You've got about an hour, maybe a wee bit more, then you're literally a walking ticking time bomb.”, Rowena explained.

 

They all went to visit Mary Winchester’s grave. It was Dean’s last wish, he wanted to be there one last time. While the brothers were standing next to her grave, the others stood a little further back, to give them a little privacy.

“Dean, you know, you don't have to do this.”, Sam said.

“‘Course I do. I just have to get close. I can do that, okay? I can do that.”, Dean responded.

“You know, if this works, um, that bomb goes off.”, Sam started, but trailed off.

Dean turned, patted Sam on the shoulder as he walked away and just said, “I know.”

While Dean went back to the car and the others, Sam remained at the grave for another moment. He touched his fingers to his lips, then placed them on his mother’s headstone for a second.

Dean addressed Chuck, who was being supported by Rowena, “You cool with this?”

Chuck looked sad, “No. I- Even after everything she's done, Amara's still my sister. She's my family. I can’t- I don't want to see her dead, but… Yeah? …I understand.”

“Dean.”, Castiel said softly.

“Cas.”, Dean said in return and Tara ached for them both. She had hoped so badly they would finally find happiness in each other, but the universe seemed to be against them.

Castiel approached Dean and hugged him. The hunter accepted the hug good-naturedly, but then his expression became sad. This would be the last time he could hug his angel, the last time he would see him. There was so much he still had to tell, to show him, but now wasn't the time. Just like every other time…

He had to pull away from the hug in order to keep from tearing up, “Okay. Okay. All right.”

“I could go with you.”, Cas offered in a desperate attempt to not have to live without him.

“No, no, no. No, I got to do this alone. Listen, if- when- when this works, Sam- he’s gonna be a mess. So look out for him, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.”, Dean told him.

“Of course.”, the angel replied.

Dean placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder and said, “Thank you for everything.”

Then he turned to Tara, who looked like she was on the verge of crying, “Hey, you gotta be strong for me. You have to watch out for Sam and Cas. Can you do that for me?”

She sniffled and nodded.

“Um…”, Dean started again, “I know, usually you're not one for hugs but-”

He was cut off by her murmuring, “C’mere”, and wrapping her arms around him, pressing her face into his chest. When they parted, Sam returned to the group.

“Okay, look. I want a big funeral. All right? I'm talking epic. Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.”, Dean declared.

“Done.”, Sam replied.

“And for my ashes, I like it here. Yeah. You know, as far as eternal resting places go.”, Dean added, then reached into his pocket and took out the keys to the Impala. He hesitated for a moment, as if collecting himself and walked over to Sam, who was just shaking his head with tears in his eyes.

“Come on. You know the drill. No chick-flick moments. Come on.”, Dean started.

Sam reached out to take the keys, but pulled his hand back again. He paused for a moment with his head down, cleared his throat and then took the keys, “Yeah, you love chick flicks.”

Dean chuckled, but it was bitter, “Yeah, you're right. I do. Come here.”, and with that, he pulled his little brother into a hug. Sam sniffled, patted Dean on the back and pulled away. Then he cleared his throat to collect himself.

“Okay. Let's do this.”, Dean announced and Chuck snapped his fingers, sending Dean to the park where Amara was. He took in his surroundings, noting the dead flowers, then he looked up to the sky.

 

The rest of the group pulled up in the Impala to ‘The Lazy Shag’ bar and restaurant, which had a ‘Closed’ sign hanging on the door. A man walked by, carrying a sign that said ‘The End is Near’.

“He’s not wrong.”, Crowley said, then sighed looking at the sign on the restaurant, “One little apocalypse and they shut up shop. Quitters.”

With a snap of his fingers, the doors swung open, “Your round, Moose.”

 

Amara appeared on the other side of the garden, behind Dean.

“Dean. How did you find me?”, she questioned.

“Does it matter? I'm here to give you what you want. Me.”, he lied.

“That's a change.”, she said.

“Well, I can't just stand by and watch the world, my friends, and my family die.”, he said as he walked closer towards her, “So if becoming a part of you takes me away from that, then I'm in.”

“You…and that bomb in your chest?”, she observed.

Now Dean stopped dead in his tracks.

“Do you think I can't taste the power coming off of you? Please. The problem is you've never been able to hurt me. So what makes this time any different?”, she asked.

“I don't have a choice.”, he replied, “What you're doing to the sun-”

“That's not me.”, she interrupted him, “With my brother getting weaker, the scales are tipping away from light.”

“And into darkness.”, Dean finished, but Amara corrected him, “Into nothing. When God's gone, the universe- everything will cease to exist. Including me.”

 

Meanwhile, Sam, Crowley, Cas, Tara and Rowena were watching television in the bar. The man from the news was talking about the current situation, “And while law enforcement is telling people not to panic, residents are being advised to stay in their homes as authorities are baffled by this st-”

Crowley snapped his fingers and the TV turned off.

“Boring.”, he declared.

Cas glanced at Chuck, “He looks horrible.”

Tara wandered around aimlessly, until she disappeared into another room of the bar to investigate a little.

 

In the garden Amara still talked to Dean, “My brother betrayed me. He locked me away for billions of years. He sent you to execute me.”

“No, no. No.”, Dean started, “He zapped me here, yes, but he didn't want this. This wasn't his idea. You're family. He doesn't want you dead. He doesn't want any of this!”

 

As the sky darkened, Tara emerged from the backroom again, carrying a guitar and sat down in front of everyone for them to see.

“Hey, Chuck.”, Sam called, “How you holding up?”

“Oh, aces.”, he replied.

“You play?”, Crowley asked Tara after a moment.

She looked at the ground, “No. I used to play the piano, but I quit years ago. Now, the only instrument I play, is my voice.”

Chuck snapped his fingers and said, “Now you can. At least for this I’m still good.”

She looked at him wide eyed and then at the guitar in her hands. She knew all the chords now, how to strum the strings. She tuned up the guitar with her powers, fretted a chord and started to pluck the strings softly. She smiled and said in awe, “I can play the guitar…”

Crowley hesitated for a moment before he asked, “Are you gonna play something for us now, or are you just gonna pluck the strings a little?”

She just smiled at him and started to pluck them again, the tones melting together into a melody until she started to sing.

♪ _I heard there was a secret chord_ ♪ __  
♪ _That David played and it pleased the Lord_ ♪

♪ _But you don't really care for music, do you?_ ♪, she looked at Rowena for a moment, who just rolled her eyes at her. Then she continued:

♪ _Well, it goes like this the fourth, the fifth_ ♪ __  
♪ _T_ _he minor fall and the major lift_ ♪  
♪ _The baffled king composing Hallelujah_ ♪

♪ _Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halleluuuuujah_ ♪

 

“Is this what you wanted?”, Dean asked Amara.

“No!”, she cried out, “I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him pay.”

“Yeah, that's revenge. It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great… for about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam — we have had our fair share of fights — more than our share — but no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got — family. Now you might be a- an all-powerful being… but I think you're human where it counts. You simply need your brother.”, Dean explained.

Amara scoffed, “Just stop.”

“You don't want to be alone. Not really.”, Dean continued walking towards Amara, “I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me… 'cause I'm not him. So maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can’t. Maybe if I pull this trigger, we all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter, because maybe there's a different way. So I'm gonna ask you again. Put aside the rage. Put aside the hate. And you tell me… what do you want?”

 

Tara was still singing.

♪ _Well your faith was strong but you needed proof_ ♪, she cast a glance at Castiel and went on.

♪ _You saw her bathing on the roof_ ♪  
♪ _Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_ ♪

She raised her voice a little, ♪ _She tied you to her kitchen chair_ ♪

♪ _She broke your throne and she cut your hair_ ♪, now she looked at Crowley.

♪ _And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah_ ♪

♪ _Hallelujah,_ _Hallelujah,_ _Hallelujah,_ _Halleluuuuujah_ ♪

Tara’s fingers were softly caressing the strings of the instrument and her voice was filled with sadness as she sang.

♪ _Baby, I’ve been here before_ ♪  
♪ _I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor_ ♪  
♪ _You know, I used to live alone before I knew you_ ♪  
♪ _And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch_ ♪  
♪ _And love is not a victory march_ ♪, she looked at Cas again, with sad eyes,  
♪ _It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah_ ♪

♪ _Hallelujah_ , _Hallelujah_ , _Hallelujah_ , _Halleluuuuujah_ ♪

 

♪ _Maybe there's a God above_ ♪, she looked at Chuck.  
♪ _But, all I've ever learned from love_ ♪  
♪ _Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you_ ♪, she cast a glance at Sam, then raised her voice, pouring all her sadness into it:

♪ _And it's not a cry, that you hear at night_ ♪  
♪ _It's not somebody, who's seen the light_ ♪  
♪ _It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_ ♪

“You know, we, um… we need you to try and hang in there just a little longer.”, Sam told Chuck.

♪ _Hallelujah_ ♪

“I know. I'm trying.”, he replied.

♪ _Hallelujah_ ♪

“I'm gonna go get you some water.”, Sam told him.

♪ _Hallelujah_ , _Halleluuuuu-_ ♪

♪ _Hallelujah_ , _Hallelujah_ , _Hallelujah_ ♪

♪ _Halleluuuuujaaah…_ ♪, her voice cracked and the movements of her fingers slowed until they finally stopped. She felt something trickling down her cheeks and although she took a deep breath to compose herself, she found herself crying anyway. After a moment of hesitation, Crowley stood up from his seat and walked over to her, trying to calm her down. He felt something, he was sure of it. Sadness, sympathy, whatever it was, he was feeling it and it was real.

Sam stood up to get a glass of water, but when he turned around, Chuck was gone.

“Chuck?”, Sam called, but he wasn't there, “Chuck?!”

 

Chuck found himself in the garden and looked at his surroundings with confusion, “What?”

His gaze landed on Amara, “Why did you bring me here?”

“Brother, I…”, she started, “In the beginning it was just you and me, and we were family. I loved you, and I thought- I knew…that you loved me.”

“I did.”, he replied, then he sighed, “I do.”

She had tears prickling in her eyes, “But then you went and you made all these other things. I hated them. I hated you for needing something else, something that wasn't me. And then you locked me away, and all I could think about was making you suffer.”

“You had your reasons.”, Chuck agreed.

“I did.”, she went on, “And I thought revenge would make me happy. But I was wrong. What you've made… it's beautiful. It took me a long time to see that. I know that we can't go back to the way things were. I don't want to, but I wish… I wish that we could just be family again.”

“I do too.”, Chuck told her, reaching out his hand and she took it. Their hands started to glow softly and the sky brightened as the sun burned again as it used to, like nothing ever happened.

In the bar, Sam, Crowley, Rowena, Tara and Cas ran outside as they noticed the sun streaming in through the windows. They all looked towards the sun, seeing it shining as bright as ever.

“He did it.”, Crowley exclaimed.

“He bloody did it.”, Rowena reiterated.

Cas looked sad as he said, “And Dean?”

Sam and Tara tried to contain their emotions as they realized what that meant. Dean was gone.

 

Meanwhile in the garden, Amara was holding her hand over Chuck’s chest, healing him as waves of energy flowed from her hand into him.

“I think we're just gonna go away for a while and…”, Chuck started, but Dean cut him off, “Hey, yeah. Family meeting. I get it.”

“But first…”, Chuck said as he walked over to Dean and placed a hand on his chest, removing the bomb from his body. Dean grimaced in pain for a moment, but when it was gone, he was relieved.

“Better?”, Chuck asked.

Dean nodded, “What about us? What about Earth?”

“Earth will be fine. It's got you… and Sam.”, Chuck told him.

“Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.”, Amara said, but Chuck leaned over to whisper into her ear, “You want to bring Mary Winchester back to life, don't you?”

She nodded hesitantly.

“Well, I think that wouldn't be fair towards her, after being in Heaven for so long. You know what? I have a better idea… Need to do something anyway. Kill two birds with one stone. What do you say?”

“I’m all ears.”, she replied.

Suddenly Tara found herself standing next to Dean in front of Chuck and Amara. She was really confused and just glanced around between them repeatedly, “What’s- What’s going on?”

Amara smiled and looked at her own and her brother’s joined hands, “Dean helped us to reconcile with each other.”

Her gaze shifted between the two, “Um… Okay, don't get me wrong, that’s- that’s great, but… What am I doing here?”

“Right. I wanted to talk to you.”, Chuck told her and she raised her eyebrows, cuing him to continue, “You remember the task I gave you?”

She nodded, “Of course. But I still don't know how to do that… I mean, I don't even have a grace, how am I supposed to get the angels to even listen to me, let alone accept me?”

“That’s exactly the reason why you're here.”, Chuck explained and glanced at Amara, making brief eye contact, “We want to give you a grace.”

“You- You want to give me a grace?”, Tara repeated surprised, “You mean… like… create one?”

Chuck shook his head, “No, that would take too long, but with the help of my sister, I can take another angel’s grace and adapt it to become yours after a short time of adjusting. You’d have all powers a normal angel has.”

“You want to take an angel’s grace away from them? Just like that?”, she was a little shocked. She didn't want another angel to lose their grace just because of her.

“Yes, but don't worry, I already have someone in mind who doesn't need his grace anymore anyway. He doesn't really want it anymore, otherwise I wouldn't take it. Also, I think his grace would be very well compatible with you.”, Chuck told her.

She was a little reassured now, but that didn't mean she was without doubts, “And… am I going to be fully angelic then?”

“That’s the thing about you”, Chuck said with enthusiasm, “You’re never gonna be fully angelic. Sure, you’ll be _more_ angelic, but never _completely_. You’ll still always have a soul.”

She nodded slowly, “Okay. But… what if I can’t do it? What if I’m not good enough?”

“I have faith in you and I think I’m not the only one.”, he said, indicating Dean, who looked at Tara and gave her a slight, reassuring smile. She smiled back and then turned to Chuck again, “Okay. I’ll do my best.”

 

When Sam entered the bunker with Cas, the angel said, “Sam, I'm so sorry. If you want to talk… I'm here if you need anything.”

Cas was aching deeply, like a piece of himself had died with Dean, but the hunter had asked him to take care of Sam and that he would do. Whatever was to come…

Suddenly they heard a woman’s voice, “Hello, hello.”, and then she placed her hand on a banishing sigil that had been drawn on the wall, causing Cas to disappear.

“Cas!”, Sam called out and reached behind for his gun, but the woman was faster, pointing one at him.

“Don’t.”, she ordered, “Sam Winchester. Toni Bevell. Men of Letters, London Chapterhouse. Oh, you won't have heard of me- us. We're very traditional. Keep out of the way, keep to our studies.”

“You, um…”, Sam started confused, “What?”

“They sent me to take you in.”, she told him.

 

Chuck nodded at Amara and they snapped their fingers simultaneously. Tara felt an instant surge of power, as her eyes flashed up with the typical blue light.

“Could you please do me a favor? Look out for my son Lucifer, would you? And take good care of Heaven for me. By the way, I wrote another book, you can publish it if you want, but be so kind and change the ending for me. I’d also like you to choose the next prophet to continue the Supernatural books instead of me, I really like those and I’m sure you can find a worthy author?”, he gave her a little smile, “The next one is already written almost up to today’s events, you’ll just have to finish and upload it.”

“Yeah sure, I can do that. But how do I choose a prophet?”, she asked.

“Well, it would be a prophet that isn't part of the original plan, so…”, he thought for a moment, then produced a silvery necklace with a wing pendant, “Whenever a person wears this, they’ll have visions regarding the Winchesters. That way they can more or less control it and don't have to suffer through that permanently.”

Tara nodded, taking the necklace and putting it carefully into her pocket.

Now Chuck glanced at Dean again, then told Tara silently, “Oh, and tell those two they have my blessing.”

Tara just stared at him dumbfounded and he winked, then she broke into a knowing grin and agreed, “Will do.”

Chuck took his sister’s hand again and they both smiled as they slowly disintegrated into swirls of light and darkness, traveling upwards into the sky before disappearing.

 

“To take me in?”, Sam repeated in confusion.

“Assuming the world didn't end, and- Yay.”

“Look, lady-”, Sam started again, but she cut him off, “We've been watching you, Sam. What you've done, the damage you've caused — archangels, Leviathans, the Darkness, and now, well- the old men have decided enough's enough. I mean, let's face it, Sam. You're just a jumped-up hunter playing with things you don't understand and doing more harm than good. Now, where's Dean?”

“Dead.”, Sam deadpanned, “Listen, lady. I don't know who the hell you are or what the hell you want-”, he started to move towards her, sending a quick prayer to Tara, hoping she could hear him.

 

Tara had a grace now, she could feel it starting to settle down inside of her, right next to her soul. But with the grace had come something else too. Another set of wings. However, they looked nothing alike the ones she’d had before, they were black too, but they were emitting a warm, yellow-orange glow, instead of the blue and green light she was used to. The biggest and most obvious difference was that they were heavily damaged. Lots of feathers were missing and those that were still left, were really disheveled. They were of no use for flying, but she had at least still her other pair of wings. Somehow, they seemed strangely familiar, but she couldn't tell why. When she suddenly received a short but very urgent prayer from Sam, she cast an apologetic look at Dean before she disappeared.

 

“Stop.”, Toni demanded, but Sam continued to move forward saying, “Put the gun down.”

“I said stop.”, she insisted, sounding more urgent now.

“You and I both know you're not gonna pull the trigger.”, Sam told her as he moved closer still. Toni panicked and pulled the trigger, but shortly before the loud bang of the gun twanged through the halls of the bunker, there was a soft rustling of feathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters will have nothing to do with canon season 12, so if you haven't watched it yet, that's no problem.
> 
> Message me on Tumblr @nera-solani I'm nice!


	12. Lights will guide you home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the world has been averted once more. Tara has a grace now, Dean is alive. But new problems arise as a certain member of Team Free Will goes missing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, from now on, this fic is completely canon divergent. I wrote Mary out of the story completely, because I didn't know what to do with her. I hope you don't mind.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> PS: This chapter contains mentions of mild hypothermia. I'm not a doctor, so I can't guarantee that the descriptions are correct.

As Toni looked at where she’d fired just a second ago, she froze. She didn't hit Sam, there was a young woman standing right in front of him, looking at a bullet hole in her chest, her expression was confused at first, then mildly shocked and then downright _pissed_.

Sam was incredibly relieved to see Tara in that moment. So she _had_ heard him after all, but that still didn't explain why she’d disappeared so suddenly after the sun had been fixed. Right now Tara was standing protectively in front of him, glaring daggers at Toni.

Without averting her eyes from the other woman, she asked, “Are you okay, Sam?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. You came not a moment too soon.”, he paused, “It’s good to see ya. Where’ve you been?”

“There is something important I have to tell you, but first things first.”, now she addressed Toni, “Who are you?”

“Uh- um… Toni Bevell. Men of Letters, London Chapterhouse.”

Tara tilted her head to the side and considered her for a moment, “What do you want here?”

“She’s here to ‘take me in’, at least that’s what she said. Apparently the Men of Letters still exist and they want us gone.”, Sam answered.

Toni tried to raise her gun again, but Tara just extended an arm towards her and she was flung against the nearest wall behind her. With a flick of her wrist Tara had her unarmed and just held her firmly against the wall, keeping her unable to move.

“Who are you?!”, Toni demanded, struggling against the powers holding her in place.

Tara slowly walked towards her, keeping her pinned to the wall, while saying, “My name is Tara. I am God’s newest creation.”

Toni blinked at her for a second, “What? What does that mean?”

Tara rolled her eyes and replied, “I’m an angel, bitch.”

Then she spread her wings and astral projected their shadows to the back wall. And, okay, she hadn't even realized ’til now that her wings were even bigger since she had a grace. They reached from one side of the room to the other and it wasn't exactly a small room. They were almost as huge as Lucifer’s. Toni and Sam both stared in awe and surprise at the shadows of her now four wings until they disappeared again.

“What-”, Sam started, but Tara cut him off, “I already said there’s a lot to tell. By the way, Dean’s not dead.”

Now Sam did a double take. Had he just heard right?

“What? How?”

“I’ll explain everything to you later. Promise. Now, what should I do to uh… whatsherface?”

“Toni.”, the woman corrected.

“Whatever. I’m not really good with names. Sam?”

“I don’t know. Could we- uh- deal with her later? I mean, I’d like some answers now and I want to see my brother.”, Sam answered.

Tara nodded, always keeping her eyes on Toni, “Okay, where do you want her?”

 

Dean was walking through a wooden area after Tara had just ditched him there, mumbling to himself, “Come on. Where the Hell am I?”

He was holding up his phone in an effort to get a signal, but of no avail. Suddenly he heard the familiar rustle of feathers behind him and when he turned around Tara was standing right in front of him.

“Finally! Where the Hell have you been?”, he required.

“I’m sorry, I had to save your brothers ass.”, she deadpanned. Dean stared for a moment, then she continued, “He wants to see you, come on.”

She stepped forward, put two fingers to his forehead and next thing he knew was, they were standing in the bunkers library. Sam, who had been sitting at the table when they arrived, jumped up in an instant to pull his big brother into a hug, “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”, Dean answered as they parted, “Well, things turned out a whole lot different from expected. We-”, he stopped when he noticed Toni, who was cuffed to a chair in a corner of the room, “Who’s that?”

“Well, it seems you’re not the only one who has some explaining to do…”, Sam replied, scratching the back of his neck.

Now Dean noticed something. Or rather the absence of something. Well, in this case some _one_.

“Where’s Cas?”

“Toni here sent him away with a banishing sigil.”, Sam told him, indicating the woman.

“Yeah, right…”, Dean said. He would be back soon then.

After they had exchanged stories, Sam turned to Tara, “So… You have a grace now, huh?”

“Yep. And God told me to look out for Heaven”, she said, “…and Lucifer.”

“I still don't get how you’re supposed to look out for Lucifer…”, Dean commented.

“I have no idea. I assume, I shouldn't kill him — if that’s even possible — and keep him from doing something stupid …like the apocalypse.”

“Yeah, but how are you planning to do that?”, Sam inquired.

She shrugged, “I guess, I’ll have to figure something out…”

“Huh.”, Sam said, “Well, if you ever need help… you know where to go, right?”

She smiled, “Of course.”

Now Dean was slowly getting a little nervous. Cas should've already been back by now. Something was wrong and he really didn't like it…

“Hey, shouldn't have Cas been back by now?”, he asked, to be sure he wasn't just being paranoid.

Sam and Tara exchanged a look.

“Yeah, I think so.”, the younger Winchester agreed, then he got a little worried, “You think something happened to him?”

“I don’t know, man. I just can’t find a reason why he shouldn't be back here already.”, Dean replied.

Tara, who had absentmindedly been tugging on a few of the many disarranged feathers of her new wings, froze abruptly. Her pale face got even paler, her eyes widened and she swallowed almost audibly as a huge realization dawned upon her. She remembered where she’d seen those wings before.

As Sam and Dean noted her shocked expression, they exchanged a worried look and Dean asked, “What? What is it?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat and answered with a tiny voice, “I think I might know why he isn't back yet…”

“Why?”, the brothers asked in unison.

“Well… um… I- I think- uh- I think I have his grace.”, she answered with shocked and almost sad eyes.

Dean paused, “What.”

“Well, Chuck and Amara gave me the grace of another angel and it appears that I got that angel’s wings as well. When I first saw my new set of wings, I thought they looked somewhat familiar and well… I have seen Castiel’s wings before. Not often and I never really looked at them closely, but I think… I might have his… and that would mean, I also have his grace…”, Tara explained with an apologetic and pained expression.

“Which would mean, he’s human now.”, Dean concluded.

“Well, that would explain why he didn't come back after Toni banished him…”, Sam mentioned.

Well, that was just great. So, Cas was probably human now, this time for good and they had absolutely no idea where he was. Why did Chuck take his grace of all? Hadn't he said, the angel he’d take it from wouldn't need it anymore? Also, there was still the thing Amara had said to him, that just wouldn't stop humming around in his thoughts. She wanted to give him something he needed, but what on Earth, Heaven, Hell and Purgatory could she have meant with that?! And suddenly he realized. Cas was human now, which meant he had no duties related to Heaven and he couldn't just zap away. He could _stay_. And yeah, that was something Dean had wished for on more occasions than he was ready to admit even to himself. But did that mean it was Dean’s fault that Cas lost his grace? He felt an instant surge of guilt, but then he remembered something. Hadn't Chuck also told them that he would only take the grace of an angel who didn't really want it anymore? Did that mean Cas _wanted_ to be human? But why should he want something like that?? Dean was getting himself even more confused the longer he thought about this. Right now, priority number one was, finding Cas and bringing him home. There was just one problem.

“So, for all we know, he could be in China or Australia or wherever the Hell.”, Dean said.

“Yeah, well, there’s no way of telling where the sigil has sent him, but there must be another way to find him, right?”, Sam directed his question at Tara, who frowned as she thought about that, “Unfortunately, I can’t pinpoint his location in the traditional way, because of his angel warding tattoo, but maybe we could try to trace his phone?”

Sam immediately took his laptop and started to work as fast as he could.

 

Meanwhile, Castiel was walking on a deserted highway, it was already getting dark although it wasn't even that late yet. He concluded that he must’ve been in a more northern area of the world than Kansas. The road was empty. He didn't know where it lead, but he just walked along. He was human now, once again and he had the distinct feeling that this time, there was no way of getting his grace back. A part of him felt surprisingly at peace with that, but the other part of him asked what he had done wrong to deserve this punishment. The wind was cold and his thin coat did little to keep him warm as he walked. He was shivering, freezing, but all he could think of was getting back to the bunker. Back _home_. It was the only home he’d ever known. Heaven never really was one for him, it always felt more like a military base.

He pulled out his phone, but he had no reception here, so he couldn't call anyone. The battery was low and after another cold gust of wind, the phone turned itself off. So he walked this empty street alone, his shadow the only one that walked beside him. His heart was beating shallow in his chest. It still hurt with the certainty that Dean was dead. His dreams of maybe having a future with the hunter were broken. Of course it had been stupid, he knew that, Dean would never have wanted him that way, but he had liked to think about it anyway. Now, even that last bit of hope was gone. Dean was gone. Castiel was dashed to the ground and he wasn't sure if he’d be able to get up again.

He hoped someone out there would find him, but ’til then he’d walk alone.

 

“I can’t seem to get a GPS signal from his phone, it must be turned off.”, Sam reported defeated. The sun was already standing low on the sky, it wouldn't be long until it’d get dark.

“Okay, we need a plan B.”, Dean announced, “Any ideas?”

Sam thought hard, but came up with nothing. The older hunter was getting more and more  on edge, he already had started to pace back and forth in the room.

Tara looked really thoughtful for a while, but then it seemed like she’d zoned out.

“Tara?”, Dean asked, impatiently snapping his fingers near her face, but she just raised a finger to indicate he should wait.

“Are you- Are you listening to angel radio or something?”

She shook her head without looking at him, “No. I’m just… thinking.”

Dean eyed her for a moment as she was still staring into nothingness, until she finally looked at Sam and then at Dean, “I might have our plan B. I don't know if it’ll work, but it’s worth a shot.”

“So? What are we waiting for?”, Dean required.

“What kind of plan is that?”, Sam wanted to know.

“Well, I didn't have any visions for a while now, they got constantly less frequent since I became an angel, but I think I can still have them. Maybe we’re able to prompt one of Castiel. If I could see through his eyes, I might be able to find a clue that leads us to his location.”, Tara suggested.

“Okay, but how do you want to do that? You never tried to trigger a vision on purpose before.”, Sam mentioned.

“Like I said, I can’t tell whether it’ll work or not.”, she replied.

“What do you need?”, Dean asked impatiently.

“Just something he’s attached to, it has to be connected to him somehow.”

“The only thing I know of that he was ever attached to, is his trench-coat and he’s wearing it at the moment. The old coat is gone for years now, so it’s probably impossible to find.”, Dean told her frustratedly.

Tara thought about that for a few seconds, then she exchanged a look with Sam as though they both had the same idea exactly at the same time. Dean looked back and forth between the two, “What?”

“Well…”, Sam started, “I know something else he has a connection to.”

“Well? What is it?”, Dean prompted impatiently.

“Actually it’s not a _what_ , it’s a _who_.”, Sam said.

“You, Dean. You have a ‘profound bond’ remember?”, Tara provided.

“Um- Yeah. Okay, but… If you touch me and you actually have a vision, wouldn't that vision be of me?”, Dean asked with confusion.

“Yeah, well… You see… Since I became an angel and therefore have access to my full powers, I’ve been able to… ‘navigate’ the visions, meaning I can pointedly search for memories, thoughts and feelings. If you concentrate on Castiel really hard, I might be able to connect to him through you.”, Tara explained.

It took Dean a moment to contemplate what she’d just said. There was no guarantee of success, but it was their best shot. He couldn't let Cas down again like the last time he’d been human. He couldn’t. So, he would try everything to do it better this time.

Slowly he started to nod, “Okay. Let’s do it. What do I have to do?”

Tara gave him a brief smile, then was back to serious again, “Where was the handprint?”

“The handprint?”, Sam asked, “That’s already gone for years.”

“I know, but it’s the place their connection has been forged.”, Tara said and turned to Dean, “Where has it been?”

Dean pulled up his sleeve and showed Tara without hesitation where the exact outline of the handprint had been. Of course he still knew where the angel had placed it, it never really felt like it was gone. He could still feel it sometimes, like an itch under his skin. There were times when he wished Cas would've never removed it in the first place, but it wasn't _really_ gone, right? It was still there, just not visible.

Tara laid her hand over Dean’s shoulder and he adjusted it there to fit where the mark had been. Her hand was a bit (okay, more than a bit) too small to cover the area of the angel’s handprint completely, but it would probably suffice.

The contact made Tara’s hair stand on end. She could actually feel a bit of Castiel’s grace humming under her fingers inside of Dean. It was weird, the rest of Cas’ grace resided inside of her now and it had started to change into something else, something that was really completely _hers_ , but this piece remained entirely intact, coursing through Dean’s veins.

“Now concentrate on him. Think of him. Recall memories of him, preferably strong memories, strong feelings you associate with him.”, Tara ordered, closing her eyes.

“Do they have to be happy memories?”, Dean wanted to know.

“No, but they should be memories you shared with him. Something he remembers too.”, she answered.

He nodded a little and let his eyes slip closed as his thoughts drifted to Cas. He thought about the first time they’d met, there in that barn. He thought about the first time he’d seen Cas smile. He remembered how they had walked out of that brothel and how Cas had made him laugh. He thought of that stupid trench-coat and those bright blue eyes that haunted him in his sleep. He remembered clearly how Cas told him that he’d done all of it for Dean and how they’d gone on a hunt together and the angel had held his FBI badge upside-down. He thought about the day he’d found Cas in Purgatory and hugged him. But the strongest memory of all, was the day they’d been in Lucifer’s crypt and Dean had told Cas that he needed him. _Please, come back to me…_

Tara concentrated on that tad bit of grace that was living in Dean. She picked up on a few memories Dean chose to think of, but tried to keep away from his thoughts. That was private. At a particularly strong memory, she managed to get a link to Castiel. She slipped through the memory into Castiel’s consciousness and the vision initiated.

At first she didn’t see much, just an empty road, it seemed like he was sitting on its side, but what hit her immediately, was the blank despair she could feel. Castiel was aching with the loss of Dean. Her heart hurt and she couldn't breathe. Everything hurt. No, that couldn't be just from a broken heart… She dived a little deeper and into his short-term memory. A car accident. That made sense, she was sure he had a least a broken rib. She shivered. He was cold. No, not just cold, _freezing_. Now she looked through his eyes again. Her eyelids were heavy, that wasn't good. There, on the other side of the road, there was a huge billboard. But nothing else all around. Only a sign that showed the number of the highway. It was already dark. Castiel was tired and alarmingly cold.

Then she was back in the bunker, still holding onto Dean’s shoulder, shivering violently. She let go of the hunter and rubbed her eyes in an effort to clear her head.

“Did it work?”, Dean required in an instant. She nodded.

“And? What did you see?”, Sam wanted to know.

“Um… Well, it seems like he’s on an open road. I think he got hit by a car… And he’s worryingly cold.”, she started.

Dean’s heart dropped, they had to find him and it had to be fast.

“Tara, where is he?”, he demanded.

She pressed her eyes closed and recalled the pictures she’d seen, “There was a billboard. An ad for beer. I believe it said ‘Creemore Springs’.”, she paused, “It was dark. Like… the sun had already gone down… so, it was probably somewhere in the north.”

“Yeah, that makes sense, I just looked it up and Creemore Springs is a Canadian beer.”, Sam spoke up, from behind his laptop.

“Canada. Okay, that’s a start. Did you see anything else?”, Dean asked.

She thought for a moment, “There was… a road sign… it showed the number of the highway, I think.”

“What did it look like?”, Sam asked.

She closed her eyes again and pictured it, “It was green, with white numbers and symbols.”

Sam typed it into his computer, “Okay, that’s probably Quebec. Do you remember the number?”

The picture in her mind was blurry, but she concentrated harder and was actually able to decipher the sign, “I think it says 109.”

“Good.”, Sam said and typed it in again, “That highway is approximately 138.4 miles long. We could drive along and scour it for the beer billboard. If we find that, Cas can’t be far.”, Sam suggested. Dean and Tara agreed and they quickly headed to the garage, leaving Toni behind, still safely cuffed to a chair.

Tara flew them and the Impala to the most northern point of Route 109 and they began their search. Tara was sitting in the front seat, to be able to identify the billboard faster because of the better range of vision. Dean wasn't giving a shit about speed limits, but the search still felt awfully long, although it probably didn't really take that much time.

When Tara finally spotted the huge illuminated sign, she pointed in its direction and practically yelled, “THERE!”

Dean jammed on the breaks and stopped the car on the side of the street. As soon as the vehicle was standing, everyone all but jumped out and split up, walking into different directions to cover as much ground as possible.

Dean ran around shouting, “CAS! CAAAAS!”, but there was no answer. Sam called out too, but the night around them remained silent. It was cold, freezing cold. Dread started to fill Dean, making his skin crawl. Were they too late? Had he already frozen to death?

While the brothers just ran around, calling Cas’ name without really any finesse and methodology, Tara tried to orientate on the street based on the position of the billboard. She recalled the angle from which she’d seen it in the vision and tried to position herself so that she could reproduce that angle. Once she had the correct angle, she turned around and scanned the area behind her.

Suddenly Dean and Sam heard Tara shout, “Here! He’s here!”

They ran over to where she was crouched next to a slumped figure, covered in tan.

“Cas!”, Dean exclaimed as he reached his angel’s shivering form and kneeled down beside him. His eyes were almost closed and he didn't respond to anything. Dean put a gentle hand to his cheek and flinched. He was ice-cold.

“Can you bring us home?”, Sam asked Tara, because Dean was apparently too occupied to think of it.

She just snapped her fingers and they were back in the bunker’s library, the car safely stored in the garage.

Sam gaped for a moment, “How did you-”

But she interrupted him, “New grace, remember? It seems like I’m now a little more powerful than an average angel.”

Dean was completely unfazed by this, probably because he didn't even really register what had happened, since his attention was entirely focused on the fallen angel in his arms on the floor, who had passed out by now.

Tara gently pushed Dean aside to get access to Castiel. The hunter refused to go away completely, but gave her enough space to touch the fallen angel’s forehead and heal him. He didn't wake up though.

“Cas? Why doesn't he wake up?”, Dean asked nervously, touching his friend’s face again, who was still shivering, “He’s still freezing. Can’t you do anything?”

Tara looked genuinely sorry when she explained, “I healed all his wounds. I could warm him up with a touch of my fingers, but that might cause a thermal shock. I don't know my new powers well yet, so I’m not sure and as long as I can’t tell what will happen, I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Dean just stared at her for a moment before he nodded, “Yeah. Okay.”

“He’s suffering only mild hypothermia, so wrap him up in a bunch of blankets for a while and he’ll be fine.”, Tara tried to calm Dean down.

Sam took the cue and ran off to get the mentioned blankets. When he came back, he asked the question no one had thought about yet, “Where are we gonna put him? We have only three prepared rooms with beds in them.”

“Right. Uh…”, Dean was at a loss for an answer. He couldn't just offer to share with Cas and they also couldn't leave the guy on the couch. He was about to offer sleeping on the couch himself, so the ex-angel could have his room, when Tara just said, “He can have my bed.”

The brothers just stared at her for a moment in mild confusion, until she went on, “I don't need to sleep anyway, so he can have it. And when he’s better and you’ve set up another room, he can move into his own.”, then she added with a shrug, “I really don't mind.”

“Okay, thanks Tara.”, Dean said and proceeded to hoist Cas into his arms.

When Sam tried to help him, he just shook his head and told him, “I’ve got him, take the blankets.”

Sam complied and soon they had Cas wrapped up in a pile of blankets on Tara’s bed.

 

Castiel was disoriented. The last thing he remembered was biting cold and the sound of Dean calling his name. But now? Now he felt rather warm and comfortable. Was he in Heaven? When he slowly blinked his eyes open, he noticed Dean sitting in a chair next to the bed. It must be Heaven… As soon as Dean noticed him waking up, he jumped off his chair to get closer, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Hey.”, Dean started, “How’re you feelin’?”

Cas just blinked at him for a moment, seemingly thinking about the question, until he said, voice hoarse, “Thirsty.”

Dean nodded and picked up a glass of water that had been standing on the nightstand and held it out for him to take. He managed to get one arm out of the blanket pile, took the glass and took a few big gulps before handing it back to Dean.

“What happened? The last thing I remember is, I was on an empty street and it was cold. Am I dead?”, he asked.

The question took Dean a little off guard, but then he realized that Cas didn't know the hunter was alive and therefore the thought was actually pretty reasonable.

“No Cas, you’re not dead. Neither am I. Chuck and Amara made up and decided to be family again, so I didn't need to use the bomb.”, Dean summed up.

At that, Cas let out an audible sigh of relief before he sunk back into the pillow, “And what about me? What happened to me?”

“Well, it seems like you’re suffering mild hypothermia, but Tara said you’d be fine. She healed you, you know?”

Cas made a sound of acknowledgement, “But why have I lost my grace? Again. Where did it go? It was just… _gone_ from one moment to the other.”

Dean swallowed, “Well… that has something to do with Chuck. Um… I think Tara should tell you.”

Cas closed his eyes. So he wasn't dead. Dean was alive. He could've cried from happiness at that moment, but he fought the tears back. Instead he sat up and wrapped himself around Dean as tightly as he could manage, considering their strange sitting position. Dean couldn't help but smile. Cas was here with him, burying his face in Dean’s shoulder. The hunter hugged Cas back with everything he had, before he finally (reluctantly) pulled away.

He took the glass again and walked out of the room, saying, “I’ll get you more water.”

 

Dean marched into the kitchen, announcing with a hint of excitement, “He’s awake!”

Sam looked up at him from where he was sitting, “That’s great! How is he?”

“Good, I think. Confused, but otherwise good.”, then he looked at Tara, “You should go talk to him. Tell him what happened, why he’s human.”

Tara looked remorseful, “Can’t that wait a little?”

“No, he deserves to know.”

“I know, but… I don't want him to hate me…”, she said with a look that could be compared to Sam’s puppy eyes, but to Dean she always more resembled a little kitten.

“I don’t think he’ll hate you. It’s not like you stole his grace on purpose or something. You couldn't know what Chuck would do. Trust me, he’ll understand. Besides, I don't know anyone who hates you.”

She let out a breathy laugh and nodded, “Okay, you win. I’ll talk to him.”

When she reached the room that was technically hers, she only stuck her head through the door before tentatively walking in, “Hi.”

Now Castiel looked at her, “Hello. You’re Tara, right?”

“Yeah.”, she answered a little unsure.

“How is Sam?”

“Oh, he’s fine. He’ll come here later.”, she answered, fidgeting nervously, then she cleared her throat and said, “Um… uh- I- I might be able to clear things up a bit… for you. I- I know what happened to your grace…”

Castiel’s eyes widened a bit, “Tell me.”

“Um- You- You might not like it…”

“I need to know, Tara. Please.”

She sighed heavily, “Okay. Your grace… I- I- I have it.”

“What? Where?”, Castiel asked confusedly.

“I- Chuck, he- You know what? I’m just gonna start from the beginning…”, and so she told him about her visions, how she met the Winchesters, became a semi-angel and what Chuck had asked from her in a _highly_ shortened version, “And Chuck said he’d give me a grace. The grace of an angel who didn't need his anymore. He gave me yours. That’s why I have it. It’s my own now… I’m so sorry, I- I would’ve never- I- I didn't know… How could I have?”, she stammered before covering her face with her hands.

Castiel needed a moment to process what she’d just told him, then he said, “It’s okay, I don't blame you. It’s not your fault. So… there is probably no chance that I could get it back, is there?”

She gave him an apologetic look and answered, “I’m sorry, but no. This time you’re human for good.”

He nodded slowly, it wasn't all that bad. After a short moment he asked, “How is Dean? Is he really okay? He only gave me a brief explanation of the reason he is still alive.”

She smiled slightly at him, “Yeah, he’s fine. He refused to leave your side the whole time you were passed out, you know?”, Castiel just looked at her with confusion, so she went on, “When Sam confronted him with it, he just said something about revenge for you watching him sleep.”

That drew a little smile from the fallen angel. At that moment Dean walked in with the refilled glass of water and looked back and forth between the two before asking, “So… We good?”

“Yes, I believe so.”, Cas answered and Dean smiled, “Good. Here’s your water.”

Now Sam joined the group too and they told Cas the rest of the story together.

Afterwards he asked, “And what are you planning to do with this Woman of Letters?”

“Well, I was gonna take her back to the London Chapterhouse and explain to those old men that there’s nothing to worry about because of Sam and Dean and that they should mind their own business.”, Tara explained.

“Wait. There’s no way I’m gonna let you go there alone.”, Sam interrupted.

She thought about that for a moment, before she said, “Well, I’m a fully powered up angel now, I’m sure I can handle that, but if you want you can come with me. One of us should definitely stay here with Castiel, because he’s still weakened from the hypothermia.”

“I’ll stay here.”, Dean offered immediately.

“All right. So, that’s set.”, Tara replied.

“And what about Heaven?”, Cas asked further.

“That’s not your problem any longer, but mine.”, she said with a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something.”

 

When Tara had taken Sam and Toni with her to London, Dean and Cas were alone in the bunker. After the ex-angel admitted he was hungry, Dean wasted no time to make him a sandwich. While he was eating (still sitting on the bed), Dean strolled around the room.

“Is this Tara’s room?”, Cas asked after a while, “I know it’s not yours and probably not Sam’s either.”

“Yeah, since she’s an angel she doesn't need to sleep anymore, so she offered her bed to you until you get better.”

Cas nodded and took another bite of his sandwich. So this was only temporary… He should’ve known.

Then Dean added, “Don’t mess with her stuff, she doesn't like that. Generally she’s okay with it when you use some of her things, but only if you ask first. I learned that the hard way…”

Cas chuckled, it was an amusing thought that such a small woman might be able to intimidate Dean, on the other hand, short people can be pretty mean sometimes. Dean was standing in front of the desk, letting his eyes wander over its surface and everything that was scattered there. He paused when he noticed a piece of paper with a drawing on it. As he picked it up he saw that it was a drawing of angel wings. Tara must have made it.

He held it out to Cas and asked, “Hey, you think those are Tara’s wings?”

Castiel finished his sandwich and took the picture in hand to examine it, “They are. I’ve seen them once.”

“So, that’s what they look like?”

“Not quite, but she got pretty close. Although it seems that now she has mine too.”

Dean looked at the ground, “Yeah right.”

He took the picture from Cas and placed it back on the table where it had been.

“I’m sorry about this, really. But this time… this time it’ll be different. _Better_. I promise.”, Dean said.

“Yeah.”, Cas replied with a certain bitterness to his voice, “This time isn't the first time anymore. I’ll get along better. I will be gone as soon as I can. I won’t be a burden…”

Dean’s heart dropped. Did he really think that’s what he was for them? A burden? And when Dean realized that Cas probably thought like that, because he had kicked him out the last time he’d been human, he was almost willing to let him go, because he deserved something better than Dean. Almost. Just almost, because well… He couldn't lose him again. Only the thought made him ache. So, he had to set this right. Now.

“ _No, Cas_.”, he said, shocking himself a bit when it came out with a little too much force.

The fallen angel just blinked at him in shock and confusion and Dean shook his head, sitting down on the edge of the bed, saying again, this time softer, “No.”, he let out a sigh and continued, “You’re not a burden and you don't have to leave. That is, if you want to. When I said, it’d be better this time, I meant, _I_ ’d do it better. It’ll be better, because you’re not on your own. I don't want to lose you, man. Not again. Sending you away was… one of the biggest mistakes I ever made… and you know my track record.”, he chuckled dryly, “What I’m trying to say is- I- I want- I’m- I’m trying to ask you to stay, okay? Here. With me… us. But if you want to go and- and live your own life, away from hunting and all that crap, y’know? Then I’ll get out of your way.”

Now Cas understood. He had completely misinterpreted Dean’s previous statement. Dean wanted him here. At home. But it hurt a little to hear that the hunter was apparently prepared to let Cas go, because he thought he might not want to stay.

“Oh Dean.”, Cas gave Dean that special little smile of his, “Of course I will stay. I never wanted to leave, so I’m happy to stay as long as you’ll have me.”

Dean’s eyes brightened at that statement and he smiled shyly, “I’m glad.”

After that, they got lost in each others eyes for a moment. Oh how Cas had missed those beautiful green eyes. They sat together in comfortable silence, watched a little TV on Dean’s laptop and lightheartedly talked about things Cas should try now as a human. He was already looking forward to trying more food now that it didn't just taste like molecules anymore. He’d missed that. And this time Dean would be with him when he’d try something new.

 

Hours went by until Sam and Tara finally showed up again. They looked exhausted, but otherwise fine.

“Hey, how did it go? Had a nice little chat overseas?”, Dean asked.

Tara huffed a laugh, “You could say that. It took an awfully long-ass conversation, but they finally saw reason. So… Congrats, you're off the hook. At least as long as I’m here to watch out for you.”

Sam scoffed, “Saw reason? You _threatened_ them. Multiple times.”, he chuckled, “Dean, you should've seen this, she scared the crap outta those guys.”

“That’s my girl.”, Dean said with a proud grin, “Threaten and scare people to make them play ball? You’re becoming a true Winchester.”

Sam scoffed again.

Tara grinned, “Learned from the best, bro.”

 

Later, they were all in the kitchen, well, except Cas of course, whom Dean was getting another glass of water. Sam was reading, while Tara was grooming her wings or something, all the brothers could say, was that it looked really weird.

Dean was obviously really happy to have Cas back and be able to spend time with him. He used every single small opportunity to touch him, a hand on his shoulder, a feather light brush of fingers against his arm, feeling his temperature on his face. And the staring. _All the staring_. Cas was so relieved to be back, he hadn't been separated from Dean for very long, but it had felt like a lifetime, he’d missed his hunter so much…

The older brother still refused to leave the fallen angel alone for longer than fifteen minutes, but Sam and Tara had decided that there was time to tease him about it later.

“Hey, how’s he doin’?”, Sam asked as soon as he spotted his brother.

“Pretty good. Still sensitive to temperature, but over all, fine.”, Dean replied with a small smile that seemed to just sneak onto his face all the time when talking about the ex-angel since they’d come back.

“So… Are you guys good?”, Tara inquired.

Dean chuckled, “Yeah, we’re good.”

Sam couldn't handle it anymore, “Dean, what’s going on with you? Ever since we came back, you've been… sort of… weird. Like, unusually happy.”

Now Dean looked a little like a deer in the headlights, “What do you mean?”

Suddenly Tara dropped everything she was doing and exclaimed, “Holy shit, you did it, didn't you?”

“Did what?”, the older brother asked in confusion.

“Man up and ask him to stay, that’s what.”, she replied with a sly smile.

Dean really didn't know what to do with that question, it just made him kind of uncomfortable. After thinking about possible come-backs and coming up with nothing, he just shifted from foot to foot and settled for a silent, “He said, he doesn't want to leave anyway…”

But his own body betrayed him as that smile slipped onto his face again at the mere thought of Cas wanting to stay here and spend his human life with them.

Tara shot a grin at Sam, pointing her finger at him and said, “I told you he’d do it. You owe me five bucks.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Yeah okay. You were right, I’ll give you that.”

Dean shook his head and scoffed, “You’re a bunch of jackasses.”

Then he wandered back to Cas’ momentary room. Tara and Sam bumped fists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, the MoL aren't a big deal in this fic. I had no idea what to make of them, so I wrote them out, don't mind me...
> 
> The next one will be another case that I like very much!
> 
> Be so kind to leave kudos or a comment, I live for those!  
> You can message me on Tumblr, I'm nice!


	13. Mirrors never lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wʜɘn ᗡɘɒn, Ƨɒm ɒnb Tɒɿɒ ɒƚƚɘnb ɒ ɔɒƨɘ in ɒ ƨmɒll ƚown, ƚʜɘy bo noƚ ɘxqɘɔƚ ƚo dɘ mɘƚ dy ɒn odႱɘɔƚ only ʇounb in ʇiɔƚionɒl dooʞƨ. Wʜɘn ᗡɘɒn ǫɘƚƨ in ɔonƚɒɔƚ wiƚʜ ƚʜɘ myƨƚɘɿiouƨ ƚʜinǫ, iƚ ƨʜowƨ ʜim wʜɒƚ ʜɘ wɒnƚƨ moƨƚ ɒnb qɿomqƚly ƨɘnbƨ ʜim on ɒ bownwɒɿbƨ ƨqiɿɒl Ⴑuƨƚ liʞɘ ƚʜɘ oƚʜɘɿ viɔƚimƨ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little case again, I hope you like it. It was really fun to write!
> 
> My native language makes a guest appearance. Hover over underlined foreign language text for translations! (Mobile and tablet users please see the Ending Notes)

At first Castiel was a little jealous of Tara, he couldn’t help it, because she seemed to be really close to Dean, but he soon relaxed as he realized it was more of a brother-sister relationship. She seemed to be nice, but they didn't know each other very well yet, although it turned out they shared some interests and likings. Soon they had set up a room for him and he moved out of Tara’s.

When Sam found a possible case, everyone was a little reluctant to go.

“You sure this is something for us?”, Dean asked skeptically.

“Well, there have already been four victims, all of them seemed to go crazy before they died of heart failure although they were perfectly healthy.”, Sam explained.

“Sam is right, we should go and take a look at it.”, Castiel said.

“We? Oh no, you’re not going.”, Dean objected.

Cas wanted to say something in return, but Tara spoke first, “He’s right, you should stay here, at least for this hunt. The aftereffects of the hypothermia aren't completely gone yet and you’re not used to fighting as a human.”

Cas wanted to disagree, but she was right. He felt still a bit cold and had never really fought as a human before. So, he surrendered and nodded, hanging his head in defeat.

Dean didn’t want to leave his angel alone, but Cas could get perfectly along on his own and if he insisted on staying now, Sam would never let it go.

“Alright, meet at the Impala in ten.”, he said and after Sam and Tara were gone, he turned to Cas, “Call me if you need anything. _Anything_. Doesn't matter what. Okay?”

Castiel nodded, “Okay.”

“Good.”, he patted Cas’ shoulder.

 

When the brothers got into the car, Tara was already sitting in the backseat.

“You sure I shouldn't fly us there?”, she asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s only a four hour drive and you know I don't really like angel airways.”, Dean replied.

She sat back against the backrest and said, “Fine.”

Since she had learned to control the solidifying of her wings, she didn't only stop knocking things over, she also could sit comfortably in a car, because her wings simply went through anything they would've touched. It was weird to see, but a lot more comfortable than having them awkwardly crumpled in the small space.

After even a bit less than four hours (because Dean doesn't know what speed limits are) they arrived in the small town Walnut, Iowa (yes, that town is actually called Walnut). Just as they passed the city-limit sign, Tara suddenly commented in her ever casual tone, “Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that this town is called Walnut and people are randomly going nuts here?”

Dean snorted, Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes at both of them. They checked into the cheapest motel in town, but only payed for a double room, because Tara didn't sleep anyway and she could just store her things in the room of the brothers.

“So, what comes first, the bodies or the families of the victims?”, Tara asked after they had settled down a little.

“We could split up. I’ll visit the coroners office while you interview the families.”, Sam suggested, “But I’ll have to take the car, since the coroner is in another town. Walnut is fairly small and has less than 800 citizens, you should be fine by foot.”

Dean grumbled something under his breath but handed his brother the keys nonetheless.

“I’ll change into my FBI suit before I head there.”, Sam announced, but Tara just said, “Oh, no need to.”

With a snap of her fingers, everyone was wearing their suits, the badges already in their pockets.

“Huh. Neat.”, Dean commented.

“This is gettin’ kinda creepy, you start reminding me of Gabriel…”, Sam mentioned.

“Well, it seems like we share certain… abilities, but as long as you don't see me walking around with a lollipop in my mouth, you should be fine.”, she replied.

“Okay, I’ll head out. See you later.”, and with those words he left.

“Alright, our first stop is Missus Hartwick, the wife of the first victim.”, Dean declared.

 

It didn't take long for them to find the house of the Hartwick family, that town was really as small as a walnut. They stepped onto the front porch of the house and Dean knocked. Just about two seconds later a middle-aged woman opened the door and eyed both of them, “Can I help you?”

“Ma’am, I am Agent Collins, this is Agent Hooper.”, Dean introduced himself and Tara, both showing their badges, “We’re here to talk about your husband James.”

She sniveled a little, then opened the door wider and said, “Come in.”

After they had all taken a seat in the living room, she asked, “Why is the FBI interested in the death of my husband?”

“Well, there have been similar cases all over this town and we’re here to check that this isn’t the work of a serial killer or something.”, Tara explained.

The woman was shocked and put a hand to her chest, “A serial killer? Here?”

“We don't know anything for sure yet, that’s why we’re here.”, Dean calmed her down, “Before he died, did your husband act strange in any way?”

Mrs. Hartwick thought for a moment, then said, “Actually, yeah. Now that you say it… You think that might be connected?”

“Anything unusual might help us to find out what’s happening here.”, Dean replied.

“Well… I think it started a few days before his death. He seemed restless, couldn't sleep. His hands started to tremble and he showed sudden mood swings. On the next day he had seizures, was sweating unusually much and occasionally seemed to have… difficulties to breathe. Then he also had to vomit, I always thought he was getting sick, but it just kept getting worse. I wanted him to see a doctor, but he refused. He became paranoid and even bordered on depressive at some point and then… you know the rest, Agents.”, she told them.

“And before all this started… did something strange happen? Did he do something or go somewhere unusual, or did he get attacked?”, Dean asked further.

“What? I- I don't know.”, she said.

“It might seem unimportant to you, but even the smallest thing you remember could be crucial.”, Tara mentioned.

“Well… I thought it was nothing, but… we went to an antique shop the day before he stopped sleeping, which isn't really unusual since that was an interest we shared, but when we left, he told me he’d seen Lilly.”, she started.

“Lilly?”, Dean inquired.

“Our daughter. She died in a car accident many years ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. After he’d told me about that, he kept bringing up the store, wanted to go there again. When I refused to come with him he went alone. It was weird, he’d never done that before.”, the woman finished.

“Okay, so… have you seen anything at the store? Maybe something that didn't seem to belong there?”, Dean wanted to know.

Mrs. Hartwick thought about that, then shook her head, “No, but I wasn't with Jim the whole time we’ve been there.”

After that, the two of them thanked the widow for her time and made their way to the next house.

 

After a few hours of interviewing people, they met up with Sam at the local diner.

“So apparently all the victims showed more or less the same symptoms before they died. Insomnia, trembling, mood swings, seizures, overheating, vomiting, paranoia, depression and last but not least, heart failure. Some of them also seemed to have hallucinations.”, Dean told his brother, “And every time it started after a trip to an antique shop.”

“A teenage boy committed suicide a few days ago, before I came here I stopped by at his parents’ house. They reported about the same symptoms, just that he didn't get past the stadium of depression.”, Sam mentioned.

Suddenly Tara spoke up, with her phone in hand, “Guys, I just checked and all those symptoms seem to be connected to drug withdrawal. Listen to this: ‘One of the leading causes of death from drug withdrawal is heart failure. Withdrawing from drugs causes stress on the body’s organs, particularly the heart.’ That fits.”

“But what kind of drug could do that? Especially in only a few days.”, Dean asked.

“None. The coroner didn't find anything related to drug abuse.”, Sam answered.

“Whatever it is, it must be connected to the antique shops somehow.”, Tara provided, pocketing her phone again.

Dean looked at her, then back at Sam, “So, what are we thinkin’? Cursed object?”

“Could be.”, the younger Winchester replied.

“What now?”, Tara wanted to know.

“Let’s take a look at those shops.”, Dean said, rubbing his hands.

 

They waited until it was dark to examine the shop undisturbed. While waiting, Sam was doing research that didn't really get him anywhere, Dean was taking a nap and Tara was out to collect Chuck’s newest book (his manifest or whatever he’d called it). She read the last chapter and changed the ending to the things that had actually happened, then she flew to Metatron’s flat. He jumped when she appeared in the room.

“Here”, she dumped the pile of paper rather unceremoniously on the table.

He stared at it for a moment before asking, “What is this doing here?”

“I thought you should have it. A memory of your father and your time together. I’ve taken the liberty of changing the ending. You can publish it if you want.”, she offered.

He looked between the papers and her, “Really? Just like that?”

She shrugged, “Your father loved you, I think he’d want you to have it. It could give you a better start into your human life.”, she paused, then added, “If you’re gonna publish it, I want fifteen percent of your earnings.”

“What? What do _you_ need money for, you’re an _angel_!”

“It’s not for me, dumbass, it’s for my parents.”, she retorted.

He sighed, “Fine. Five percent.”

“Thirteen.”

“Eight.”

“Ten.”

“Deal.”, he agreed and they shook hands.

“By the way, how are you doing?”, she asked.

“A lot better, I actually found a job at a publishing company as you suggested. I guess I’ll take this book there next Monday.”, he answered, putting a hand on top of the pages.

“Good.”, then she was gone in a flutter of wings, leaving the script where it was.

 

Since Tara hadn't been back before it had gotten dark, the brothers had gone to the shop on their own. Dean took his picklock and had the door open within seconds. As they strolled into the building, which was packed with antiques floor-to-ceiling, they jumped as Tara was suddenly standing in front of them.

“For fuck’s sake, you gotta stop doing that!”, Dean whispered urgently.

“Sorry.”, she whispered, but the tiny smile on her face told them that she wasn't sorry at all.

“You feel something? A presence or anything?”, Sam asked her.

She let her eyes wander over the antiques that were piled up in the room before she said, “Yeah, I feel something pretty powerful, but I can’t pinpoint it. I’m afraid we’ll have to look for it the old school way.”

Dean let out a sigh, “Great. Let’s split up and better not touch anything. I’ll check upstairs.”

While Dean headed up the old wooden staircase, Sam wandered off into another room and Tara just stayed where she was, looking through the things in the room.

The shop turned out to be a lot bigger than Dean would've expected and he wandered around for quite a while without finding anything suspicious, before something in a far corner of the room caught his eye. It was veiled by a white sheet that was neatly draped over it, as a result he couldn't tell what it was. All he could tell, was that it had a rectangular shape. It was a bit taller in height than Sam, approximately four feet wide and seemed to be pretty thin. His interest was piqued and he decided to uncover it. He took the white sheet on one end and pulled it off.

It was a mirror. A pretty big mirror that looked pretty old and undoubtedly valuable. There were strange words engraved on top of the silvery frame and on its sides were engravings that looked like flowers. It was a beautiful mirror, but it seemed like it didn't really belong here. As he stepped a little closer, the reflection changed and he startled as he suddenly saw Cas standing behind him. He whirled around pointing his flashlight in various directions, but no one was there. He was alone in the room.

Dean’s head abruptly snapped back to the mirror, and there was Cas, right there, standing behind him. He was looking at Dean fondly, his eyes full of so much love and adoration, and it was so unexpected that Dean stumbled back as though he’d just been hit.

A part of his mind was telling him — _screaming_ at him — to get the fuck out right now, to run as long as he still could, but he found his feet refusing to move and his heart in his throat because there was Cas, wearing a soft smile, sidling up behind him, his hand slipping into Dean’s, their fingers lacing together.

“What-”, the hunter didn't finish that sentence, he was too mesmerized as he could almost feel the weight of the fallen angel’s hand in his. His eyes widened as he noticed a glimpse of silver on his right hand. It was unmistakable, its presence as clear as day, a simple silver ring wrapped comfortably around his fourth finger. He could've sworn he felt the weight of it against his hand. Cas was wearing a matching one. Dean’s breath was shaky and his heart beating furiously against his ribcage.

When Cas started to place kisses on Dean’s neck, the hunter couldn't help baring his neck further to give him better access, all the while transfixed on what the mirror was showing him.

“Guys! The police are outside, we gotta get outta here!”, Tara’s voice made him snap out of it. He turned around and felt an instant and bitter surge of loss, like a piece of his heart had been ripped out.

“Fuck”, he cursed, making his way back to the others. He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay so bad, it hurt in his chest, but he had to go or the police would drag him away. At least now that they knew what they were looking for, they could just come back later, right?

As soon as the group had gathered, Tara flew them back to the motel right before the police came barging in, looking for the intruders.

 

In the brother’s motel room, Tara let herself fall into a chair, heaving a sigh, “And? Find anything?”

“Nope, you?”, Sam replied.

“Nada.”, she said, “What about you, Dean?”

He seemed to be really uncomfortable, constantly shifting on the spot.

“Well…”, he started, nervously scratching his neck, “I certainly _did_ find something…”

“Dean?”, Sam said as he noticed how restless his brother appeared to be, “Did you… touch it?”

“No! Of course I didn't touch it, Sam, I’m not stupid!”, Dean shot back, then sighed rubbing a hand over his face, “It seems like you don’t even have to touch it…”

“Great, now you’re infected or cursed or whatever…”, Sam grumbled.

“Hey, let’s see it in a positive way. At least Dean knows what it looks like.”, Tara provided.

Dean took the cue and told them, “It was a mirror. A pretty huge mirror, taller than Sam. I just… I just had to look at it and… I was hooked.”

“How?”, Sam asked.

“It- It showed me something and I can’t get it out of my head, I just want to go back there and feel like that again…”, Dean admitted.

“Alright, that’s a start.”, Sam said, “Now let’s get to research.”

 

After a few hours Sam was asleep, while Tara and Dean were still researching. Dean had tried to get a few hours of sleep as well, but he had given up on it after lying awake for about two and a half hours. Insomnia and agitation, the first symptoms. Great.

Tara had even flown to a few libraries for extra information. Sam didn't sleep very long and joined them in their research soon enough.

“Okay, I might have it. It’s the only possible explanation I could find.”, Tara announced.

“So? Spit it out!”, Dean demanded.

Tara sighed, “The Mirror of Erised.”

“What?”, Dean was confused.

“Like from the Harry Potter books?”, Sam asked.

“Yeah, like that one. It seems to be based on actual lore though.”, she answered.

“What? You mean it’s real?”, Sam inquired with a hint of excitement.

“It kind of fits, don't you think? After someone looked into the mirror, they always want to go back to it, because it shows them what they desire most. Unlike the mirror in the books, this one causes serious withdrawal symptoms that lead to death.”, she explained.

“Are you sure?”, Dean wanted to know.

“Well, what did it look like?”

“Um… It had some strange words written on top of it, like something in another language…”, Dean replied.

“Did it happen to be something like ‘Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi’?”, Tara asked.

“Uh… Yeah, I guess.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s mirror writing. If you read it backwards it says ‘I show not your face but your hearts desire’. Were there also pictures of flowers engraved on it? Maybe daffodils?”, Tara asked further.

“Um… I think. But why would someone curse a mirror to… to do _that_?”, Dean didn't understand.

“Well, the lore dates back to ancient greek mythology. Specifically the story of Echo and Narcissus.”, Tara started to tell, “One day Narcissus was walking in the woods when Echo — a mountain nymph — saw him, fell deeply in love, and followed him. Narcissus sensed he was being followed and shouted ‘Who's there?’, Echo repeated ‘Who's there?’ She eventually revealed her identity, but he rejected her. She was heartbroken and spent the rest of her life in lonely glens until nothing but an echo sound remained of her. Nemesis, the goddess of revenge, learned of this story and decided to punish Narcissus. She lured him to a pool where she put a curse on him. As he looked into the water and saw his own reflection, he fell in love with it. He eventually realized that his love could not be reciprocated and ultimately committed suicide.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that story before.”, Sam mentioned.

“But what does it have to do with the mirror?”, Dean questioned.

“That was just the commonly known part of the story.”, Tara went on, “Scouring through some old libraries, I found ancient texts saying that Narcissus wasn't the only one to get affected by the curse. On the pool’s shore there were flowers growing, which were later named after Narcissus. When Nemesis cursed him, the flowers got a small share of the magic too. Later on, a mirror-maker wanted to make a special mirror for his wife and went to collect her favorite flowers, which were narcissuses. Without knowing it, he ended up collecting the cursed flowers and molded them into the mirror’s frame, embedding their magic within it. Since then it is said to change hands frequently, leaving chaos in it’s wake.”

“Great. So how do we destroy it?”, Sam asked.

“Apparently it can’t be destroyed completely, but without the looking glass it loses it’s power. As I see it, we just have to smash the glass and make sure no one inserts a new one. As long as it doesn't have a looking glass we should be fine.”, she explained.

“And Dean?”, Sam inquired.

“He should be fine too. The mirror’s hold on him breaks along with the glass.”

“Good, now let’s get this over with.”, Dean said impatiently.

 

Unfortunately when they visited the antique shop again, this time without breaking in, the mirror wasn't there.

“It was right here, I swear!”, Dean claimed.

“Calm down, no one said we don't believe you. Maybe the owner stored it somewhere else or someone bought it.”, Tara replied.

They managed to hunt down the owner of the store and Dean immediately demanded, “Where is that mirror?”

“Mirror? You're gonna have to be a little more specific, I have many mirrors in my collection.”, the elderly man said.

“That big mirror, with weird writing and flowers engraved in the frame.”

“Oh, that old thing.”, the man remembered, “I sold it. It only brought me bad luck. Since I had that thing, people have tried to break into my shop almost every second day.”

“Who bought it?”, now Dean seemed a little anxious.

“Another shop owner, now would you please leave? I have customers.”, he indicated a young couple who had just wandered into the store.

“Whom did you sell it to?!”, Dean insisted angrily. The mood swings had started. Great…

The man was starting to get angry at Dean’s behavior, “I will say it only one last time: leave.”

“C’mon Dean.”, Sam said and all but dragged his brother out of there.

“Great. That’s just _peachy_. There are like, twenty antique stores in this stupid town, how the Hell are we supposed to find that fucking mirror??”, Dean asked frustratedly.

Sam and Tara noticed that his hands were shaking, he was getting worse.

Suddenly Sam’s phone started ringing and he picked up, “Hello?”

He nodded a few times, occasionally mumbling “Mhm.”, before hanging up and turning to the other two, “That was the captain of the local police station. She said a man came to them reporting that the owner of an antique shop attacked him and his wife. They’re still at the station, we should interview them.”

“Why does the local police captain have your phone number?”, Tara asked.

“After visiting the coroner I made a short stop there and told her to call me if something strange or unusual happened.”, Sam explained.

“Can we just go now?”, Dean asked, rubbing his hands over his face.

 

When they arrived at the police station, the Captain greeted them briefly, led them to the witnesses and said, “There are some… communication problems. They appear to be tourists from Europe, we’re working on getting a translator.”

“Can we try to talk to them anyway?”, Sam asked.

“Sure, but I doubt you'll get much out of them, they hardly speak any English.”, she replied.

The three of them walked into the room where the elderly couple was waiting and sat down on the opposite side of the table.

“Hello, my name is Sam. Do you understand what I just said?”, Sam started, talking as slow as possible. The man nodded a little.

“Good, can you tell us what happened?”, he asked further.

The couple just seemed confused. Then the man shook his head and said in a terrible accent, “I don’t know how to say zhat. I don’t speak good English.”

Now his wife asked him something, “Was machen wir denn jetzt? Sollen wir auf einen Dolmetscher warten? ”

“Uns bleibt wohl nichts anderes übrig.”, he answered.

Sam, Dean and Tara shared a look.

“That’s German.”, Tara stated, thought for a moment and asked, “May I try?”

“Go ahead, what do we have to lose?”, Sam answered with a tiny shrug.

She cleared her throat, looked at the tourists and said, without even the tiniest hint of an accent, “Hallo, mein Name ist Tara. Das sind Sam und Dean, meine Kollegen. Wir sind vom FBI. Wie heißen Sie?”

The couple seemed just as surprised as the brothers when the man answered, “Ich bin Harald, das ist meine Frau Marie.”

Tara smiled, “Schön Sie kennenzulernen, Harald. Darf ich Sie Harry nennen?”

“Natürlich, alle nennen mich so.”, the man replied with a smile.

“Okay. Können Sie mir erzählen weswegen Sie hier sind?”, she asked further.

He nodded, “Meine Frau und ich wollten zu unserem Hochzeitstag eine Reise machen und da wir uns sehr für Antiquitäten interessieren, kamen wir hierher.”

Now Sam spoke up, “What did he say?”

“His name is Harald or rather Harry and that’s his wife Marie. They wanted to make a trip at their wedding anniversary and because they're both interested in antiques, they decided to come here.”, Tara told him.

“I didn't know you speak German.”, Dean said, sounding surprised and a little impressed.

“I didn't know either.”, she replied, “Must’ve come with being an angel, I assume I speak every language now…”

“Huh. Cool.”, was Dean’s response.

Then she turned back to Harry, “Also, was genau ist denn passiert?”

“Wir waren gerade in diesem Laden als wir ein interessantes Stück entdeckten. Es war mit einem weißen Laken bedeckt, aber ich wollte es mir trotzdem ansehen, also hab ich den Stoff etwas zur Seite geschoben, um zu sehen was darunter war.”, he said.

Tara nodded and turned to the brothers to translate, “They were in one of those shops when something under a white sheet attracted their attention, so Harry pushed the sheet aside to see what was under it.”

“Es war ein großer Spiegel, mit schönen Verzierungen, leider bin ich nicht mehr dazu gekommen ihn mir genauer anzuschauen, weil dann auch schon der Besitzer des Geschäfts angerannt kam und mich angeschrien hat.”, Harry continued.

“Er hat sogar versucht meinen Harry anzugreifen!”, Marie chimed in.

“Ja, wir wollten keinen Ärger also sind wir sofort gegangen.”, Harry added.

“It was a huge mirror with beautiful adornments, but he couldn’t take a closer look, because the shop owner came at them, shouted and apparently even tried to attack Harry. They didn't want to get into trouble, so they left.”, Tara translated further.

“Looks like the owner is under the mirror’s spell.”, Sam concluded.

“Where is that shop?”, Dean asked Harry.

“Wo ist dieser Laden?”, Tara repeated.

“Ich weiß nicht mehr genau… Marie weißt du noch wie er hieß?”, Harry turned to his wife.

“Ich glaube er hieß ‘Cole’s Antiques’ oder so ähnlich.”, Marie answered.

“They can’t remember where it was, but it was called ‘Cole’s Antiques’ or something like that.”, Tara translated.

“Great, I’m gonna call Cas and tell him we won’t take long anymore.”, Dean announced standing up and fetching his phone, dialing Cas’ number. Simultaneously Sam used his phone to look up that shop.

“Hey, Cas.”, Dean greeted with an easy smile as the ex-angel picked up the phone, then he went on, “You good? Great. No, we won’t take long anymore, just have to wrap this up and then we’re gonna head back. We’ll probably be home this evening. Yeah, see ya then.”

While Dean was talking on the phone, the German couple watched him for a while before Harry asked Tara curiously, “Spricht er mit seiner Frau?”

Tara almost choked on her own saliva, she snorted so hard, “Uh- Nein. Er ist nicht verheiratet. Wie kommen Sie darauf?”

“Sein Gesichtsausdruck. Er wirkt, als würde er sich gerade mit der Liebe seines Lebens unterhalten.”, Harry answered with a small shrug.

Tara chuckled, “Ich weiß, nicht wahr?! Eigentlich redet er aber mit seinem besten Freund.”

“Aber er ist in ihn verliebt.”, Marie stated matter-of-factly.

Tara snorted again, “Wir sind uns ziemlich sicher, ja. Leider traut sich keiner von Beiden, den ersten Schritt zu machen…”

“Haha, ich denke ich versteh’ schon.”, Harry replied.

“Die Beiden brauchen wohl einen Schubs in die richtige Richtung.”, Marie said with a wink.

Tara laughed again, “Ja, wir arbeiten daran.”

After Dean quit the call, he turned to Tara with a raised eyebrow and asked, “What’s so funny? What did they say?”

“Yeah, no, I’m not gonna translate that, I’m not suicidal.”, she responded, still laughing.

Dean was still confused and narrowed his eyes at her, but he just wanted to get rid of that curse and get home, so he decided to drop the topic. He was already experiencing occasional heart palpitations that went along with breathing difficulties and he really didn't want to know where those symptoms were headed next. When Sam found the shop the couple had talked about, Tara thanked them for their help and said goodbye before they left.

 

The shop was in a small side road and there were no people to be seen. They walked up to the door, but it was locked. Before Dean could take his picklock out of his pocket, Tara flew into the shop and opened the door from the inside to let the brothers in. Everyone had something with them to smash the mirror. Sam was carrying a baseball bat, Dean had a crowbar and Tara was holding a wheel brace in one hand as they sneaked through the packed room. There were old pieces of furniture everywhere, it was almost like maneuvering through a maze, even though the store really wasn't that big.

When they took a turn, they spotted the huge mirror, towering above everything else in the room, and a man, standing in front of it, who was probably the owner. He hadn't noticed them yet, he was too transfixed on the mirror.

“You guys get him away from there, I’m gonna smash that thing.”, Dean whispered.

“I don't know if that’s such a good idea, since you're under it’s spell. ”, Sam replied.

“I am and that’s exactly the reason why I should do this. We can’t risk anyone of you getting infected as well.”, Dean reasoned.

Sam and Tara couldn’t object to this logic, so they started knocking a few things over, making some noise to attract Mr. Cole’s attention, luring him away from the mirror, while Dean was sneaking closer. When he was close enough, he raised his crowbar to strike, but before he could do that, the mirror’s reflection started to change. This time it wasn't Cas holding Dean’s hand. This time he saw them both wrapped up in each others arms, lips locked in a long kiss. It was a slow, but passionate kiss and it seemed like they’d done it a million times over. Dean couldn’t deny it, the mirror was right. This was his deepest desire. He wanted this. He wanted Cas. He didn't need an apple pie life as long as Cas would be with him, it didn't matter whether they’d live a normal life or would keep hunting. He just wanted to have this with Cas. But he craved what could never be his.

His grip on the crowbar loosened as he lost himself in the dreamworld of what could never be, and then it fell to the ground with a loud, metallic clink.

Across the room Sam and Tara were busy trying to overbear Mr. Cole who had attacked them as soon as he’d seen them, when the alarming noise of the dropped metal reached their ears.

“Go!”, Sam ordered, “I’ve got him, go!”

Tara nodded and ran to where Dean was standing in front of the mirror. As she noticed him standing closely in front of it, staring with wide eyes, she yelled, “Dean, step away from it! Whatever it shows you, it’s not real!!”

“I know.”, he responded with bitterness in his voice.

“Then what are you waiting for?! You have to destroy it before it destroys you!!!”

“I can’t… I won’t. And neither will you.”, he said with a daring tone that sent a shiver down Tara’s spine.

She swallowed her fear and asked, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t let you or anyone else destroy that thing. I can never be happy… The mirror at least makes me feel like I was…”

“I’m sorry Dean, but this thing is evil and it needs to be destroyed… And you won't stop me from doing exactly that.”, she replied with more confidence in her voice than she would’ve expected.

“Then you leave me no choice…”, Dean said and suddenly charged at her.

She dodged his attacks, but was afraid she might accidentally hurt him with her powers, so  she called out, “SAM!”

After only a second Sam emerged between a few pieces of furniture. He had Mr. Cole safely tied up and locked into an old closet.

“Sam, get him away from the mirror!”, she demanded, dodging another attack.

Sam just nodded once and proceeded to tackle Dean to the ground where they kept wrestling. Meanwhile Tara stepped forward to the mirror, lifting her wheel brace into the air to strike, when the reflection changed again. She still saw herself, but now without wings. The picture in front of her promising a normal life. A _human_ life. She felt her grip on the metal stick loosen, but then Sam cried out her name as he was desperately trying to hold his brother to the ground and she gripped it even harder, making her knuckles turn white.

Shaking her head, she practically snarled at the mirror, “You know what? That's not my deepest desire. How could it be? I always wanted to be something special. My. Whole. Life. Long. I’ve got everything I need. My family, the most awesome and amazing brothers in the world and more friends than ever before. So, _screw normal_! This is my life now and seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way!”

As soon as she was done with her rant, the reflection changed once more. It still showed Tara, but _with_ her wings and she spread them wide with pride. Now it was only a normal mirror to her and as such, it was fairly easy to lunge out and shatter the looking glass into a million glistening pieces.

While the sparkling shards were collecting at her feet, Dean’s mind cleared and Sam finally helped him up. They let Mr. Cole out of the closet and untied him while explaining what had happened. He even thanked them for their help after Tara had sent the mirror’s frame to a storage room in the bunker with a snap of her fingers.

She healed them from the bruises they’d given each other, they picked up their things, checked out of the motel and got into the Impala.

When everyone was seated, Dean suddenly asked, “How’d you do it?”

“What?”, Tara was confused.

“How did you break the mirror’s hold on you?”

“Yeah,” Sam chimed in, “it seemed like you convinced it that you don't desire anything.”

She huffed a short laugh, “I didn't convince the mirror, I convinced myself.”, she paused, then asked, “What did you see?”

“Huh?”, that question caught Dean sort of off guard.

“I saw myself as a human. What did the mirror show you?”

“Uh… I- I saw myself… leading the apple pie life. You know, a wife, nice house and all that jazz…”, he told them. They both knew he was lying, but they didn't call him out on it, instead they stayed silent.

The job was done and so they headed out of town, leaving nothing in their wake but unanswered questions and the silvery shards of a broken mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the translation for Tara’s conversation with the German tourists while Dean was on the phone (the rest isn’t that important, because Tara translates it anyway):
> 
> While Dean was talking on the phone, the German couple watched him for a while before Harry asked Tara curiously, “Is he talking to his wife?”  
> Tara almost choked on her own saliva, she snorted so hard, “Uh- No. He’s not married. What makes you think that?”  
> “His facial expression. He looks like he’s talking to the love of his life.”, Harry answered with a small shrug.  
> Tara chuckled, “I know, right?! Actually he’s talking to his best friend though.”  
> “But he’s in love with him.”, Marie stated matter-of-factly.  
> Tara snorted again, “We’re pretty certain, yes. Unfortunately neither of them is brave enough to make the first move…”  
> “Haha, I think I understand.”, Harry replied.  
> “Those two seemingly need a nudge in the right direction.”, Marie said with a wink.  
> Tara laughed again, “Yeah, we’re working on it.”


	14. Dream wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has some sleeping issues, which makes Dean worried and Tara tries to help. As a result, Cas realizes that he needs to think about his future as a human and comes to an important decision...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Cas & Tara bonding time! And some old internet friends of her make an appearance as well ;)  
> I hope you like it, enjoy!

It’s been about a week since Castiel had fallen for good and life was finally starting to normalize in the bunker — as far as normal went for them. The mirror was safely stored away and they had added an entry to the bunker’s archive for possible future inhabitants. Castiel was doing considerably well. When he’d been human the first time, he’d only experienced the shitty side of humanity — loss, loneliness, rejection — but this time, with Dean, Sam and Tara by his side, it was a lot easier and a far more enjoyable experience. He already knew how to do a few things from his last time being human, but there were still some things Dean had to teach him and he did it with delight. Every time Cas had a question or needed help, Tara and Sam automatically referred him to Dean. As it turned out, Cas had a pretty similar taste in food as Dean and he took a special liking to the hunter’s burgers. He occasionally went with Sam on a run and liked to watch tv-series with Tara. They had fun together. He almost felt at peace sometimes…

The only thing that didn't seem to work out so well, was sleep. The former angel didn't seem to sleep enough. He was constantly unrested and tired and the other three were starting to worry.

When Cas was tired, he sometimes started speaking with an Enochian accent, meaning his words taking on a guttural lilt. When he was close to nodding off, he just mumbled with Enochian randomly interspersed in his sentences. It would've been cute if Dean hadn't been so worried about his angel. He couldn’t really do anything, could he? How do you help someone to sleep? He had no idea, but someone had to do something, this surely wasn't healthy anymore.

“Can’t you do anything?”, Dean asked Tara helplessly.

“And what? He refuses to talk about the problem. He’s just as stubborn as you…”, she replied with exasperation evident in her voice.

“I don’t know, maybe put him to sleep with your powers?”, he suggested.

“No Dean, that’s not a solution. We have to find the root of the problem.”, she told him.

“And how?”, Dean inquired.

She thought for a moment, “I will watch over him tonight, see if I can find anything out.”

Normally Dean would've instantly said ‘no’ to such a suggestion, but Tara was pretty much his last straw, so he rubbed a hand over his face, sighed and just went with it, “Okay.”

 

That evening Cas had refused to go to sleep, but Dean had been insistent. Reluctantly the ex-angel went to his room and got into bed. He was lying there restlessly for a while, but sleep took him eventually. It wasn't the sleep he needed though, it was a restless sleep.

He found himself standing on the shore of a lake. There were no insects humming, no birds chirping, everything seemed dead. The sky was a consistent grey. There were trees without leaves standing in the distance. As he looked closer at the lake, the water appeared to be black. It wasn't water, he realized with shock, it was the Leviathan. He stumbled backwards, trying to get away as the fluid lashed out at him and fell down to the ground. He tried to crawl away from it as the black pulp reached out to grab him, but it was of no use. It got ahold of his ankle and tried to pull him into the lake. Panic got a hold on him and he scrambled for something to hold onto, but there was nothing but dirt and stones.

“Help! Dean!”, he cried out, looking hastily around for someone who might hear him, but no one was there. Dean wasn't there. And just at that moment he noticed the blood on his hands, hearing Naomi’s voice whispering the words, “I am proud of you Castiel. I knew you were able to do it. Finally you have freed yourself of your human weakness…”

‘ _No_ ’, he thought, ‘ _No, Dean…_ ’ He had killed him. Dean was dead.

“No! Dean! I’m sorry! Please, someone help me!”, he cried desperately, feeling tears burning in his eyes. No answer.

No one could save him. The black goo pulled him under the surface and he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Meanwhile Tara was sitting on the bed in her room, legs crossed, wings dangling loosely off of the edge of the mattress, reaching out with her grace to watch over everyone in the bunker without having to be in the same room. It was the closest she could get to actually leaving her body a.k.a. ‘vessel’.

She could sense Castiel’s distress and heard him crying out for help and for Dean. ‘ _Nightmares…_ ’, was her first conclusion. She had to help him somehow, but she wasn't sure what to do, so she simply acted on instinct.

Castiel closed his eyes, so this was it, he was going to drown. He deserved it after everything he’d done. He had killed Dean… How was he supposed to live without him anyway? Suddenly there was a bright light coming from the surface of the lake and the water cleared. The grip on his ankle loosened and he was able to swim upwards, gasping for air as he breached the surface. As he stumbled onto solid ground, he noticed that everything around him looked brighter. The grey sky he remembered from Purgatory was replaced with a beautiful blue and a few clouds. The lake was filled with clear blue water and glistened in the sunlight, surrounded by a green forest. Birds were tweeting and insects humming. It was peaceful. Now he realized that the blood was gone from his hands like it had never been there in the first place.

When he looked around, he spotted something that looked like it didn't belong there. A park bench and a person sitting on it, gazing at the lake.

He walked towards the figure and recognized her as Tara. He didn't look at her as he took the empty seat next to her, instead he watched the sunlight dance on the surface of the water.

After a moment of silence he spoke up, “I am dreaming, aren't I?”

“Yes.”, she replied calmly.

“Why are you here?”, he asked.

“You were having a nightmare, a really bad one. I wanted to help you.”, she told him.

“So, you made it go away? Changed it into… this?”

She nodded.

“How did you do that?”

“This is a place I often visit in my mind whenever I’m lonely, sad or even just bored. It was the first thing that came to my mind.”, she explained with a shrug.

“No, I mean… How did you _do_ it? Angels can enter a human’s dreams, but we can only change them to a certain degree.”, Castiel clarified, “What you did… you created a whole new landscape, that shouldn't be possible. Except… for a dream wanderer.”

Now she tilted her head and looked at him with confusion, “A dream wanderer?”

“That’s what we called certain angels with those abilities. Usually it takes years to master and is very exhausting when used.”, he answered.

She contemplated that information before saying, “But I’ve never done it before and it wasn't tiring at all.”

This time he looked surprised, “Then it possibly has something to do with your purpose.”

“Chuck only created me to teach the other angels about humanity, how is that linked to ‘dream wandering’?”

“It isn’t. That might be one purpose you have, but usually angels are assigned more than one task. Your function as a teacher will be redundant after you finished that task, but you will still be here. I assume, my father gave you a second purpose, one that will remain meaningful even after you fulfilled the task he assigned you initially.”, Cas provided.

“So that means, I’m the angel of dreams or something?”, she asked.

“Essentially yes, I think so.”

She nodded, “Cool.”

After about a minute of companionable silence, Tara spoke again, “Why didn't you tell Dean you were having nightmares?”

Cas looked at his hands in his lap, “They are my problem, not Dean’s. He already does so much for me…”

“He’s worried about you. That’s why I’m here, he asked me to help you, he was worried sick because you couldn't sleep and refused to talk to him about it. And have you ever seen how his face lights up whenever he’s able to teach you something new? You’re definitely not a burden for him. Far from it.”, she told him, her voice soft.

Cas tried to hide the smile that was creeping onto his face, but he failed miserably.

 

When Castiel awoke the next morning, he felt well rested and generally a lot better. He made his way to the kitchen and was immediately greeted by a smiling Dean and a steaming plate of scrambled eggs with bacon. The hunter had already talked to Tara and as a result, was visibly relieved and a lot more relaxed than the day before.

“So, uh, nightmares, huh?”, Dean started when Cas was seated at the table.

The fallen angel nodded.

“Well, you’ve been trough a lot of shit, I should've seen it coming… Had my fair share of them too. Still do actually, sometimes. But it’ll get better with time.”, Dean said, touching his friend’s shoulder.

Cas nodded again, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… well, everything, I suppose.”, and then Cas looked up and Dean was lost in a sea of blue. No one of them knew how long they were staring at each other.

Usually Sam would've already cleared his throat or something, but this time he and Tara just stood there and watched, wondering if those two would finally kiss or whatever.

They didn’t. They just stared into each other’s eyes with soft smiles on their faces and then Dean cleared his throat and moved on to eat his breakfast. Cas did the same.

That was the first time Tara had actually _seen_ them doing that, previously she’d known the phenomenon only from the books.

“Jesus, that wasn't even eye fucking anymore, that was… tender eye lovemaking.”, Tara whispered baffled.

“Yeah, I know. It just keeps getting worse.”, Sam replied exasperatedly.

Tara sighed, “I think it’s time we get this party started. I’ll talk to Cas tonight and then we’ll see what our next step should be.”

Sam nodded sipping his coffee, “Alright.”

 

Castiel’s next night wasn't much different from the last. A horrifying nightmare was suddenly replaced by a peaceful landscape. It was the same lake as last time, just at night and the park bench was placed on a different spot. As he walked up to it, he noticed that something about Tara was different. He could see her wings. Of course they couldn’t be her real wings, she must’ve been projecting an image of them into the dream.

He sat down next to her and looked at the four large, feathery appendages.

“I think I got pretty close, what do you say?”, she asked him.

He nodded a little, “Yes, I believe they are rather accurate.”

“Those were yours.”, she said, indicating the pair of wings that emerged about an inch further down her back than the other pair.

“How do you know?”, he asked tilting his head.

“When I got them, they looked exactly like yours. Broken, disheveled, black feathers with a soft and warm glow underneath. As soon as I had them, they started to change, along with your grace. They healed and for a while I could see what your wings had looked like in their full glory, but now your warm tints are fading and my cold blue and green colors are taking their place. The wings are becoming mine and when the rest of the orange light is gone, the grace will be completely my own.”, she explained.

Cas eyes became a little sad.

“But you see… There will always be something left of you in the grace. You see this white light?”, she indicated a soft, white glow in-between the blues and greens of her wings — not only those that used to be Castiel’s, but also her own — then she went on, “That wasn't there before.”

He watched the colors dancing underneath the feathers for a moment and remarked, “Every angel’s wings look different. Their appearance has something to do with our personality. Some angels can read something out of them about their owner.”

She thought about that for a second, “Do many angels have black feathers?”

“No. Only very few.”

“Then I think I get it.”, she said with a slight grin.

He just tilted his head again.

“Your wings were black, because you're different. The soft glow underneath means, there’s more to you than what’s visible on the first glance. It makes sense, don't you think?”, she explained looking out onto the lake again.

He was silent for a moment, before he started nodding slowly, then his eyes wandered back to Tara’s wings and he asked, “What do you think yours say about you?”

She looked at one of her wings and frowned, “I don't know.”

“I think they mean you're also special. The many different colors could be a reference to your adaptability and curiosity. You were born human and suddenly became an angel, but you adjusted very well in a rather short period of time. Does that make sense?”, he asked.

She contemplated what he had told her and replied, “Yeah, I guess… Sounds pretty accurate.”

They looked out at the surface of the lake reflecting the moonlight and the stars.

“I am familiar with every landscape on earth, this isn't one of them. It doesn't exist. That’s fascinating.”, Castiel commented after a while. Tara remained silent.

Watching closer, Cas noticed some animals that were coming to the lake to drink. They weren't normal animals though, they looked like mythical creatures or creatures from books and movies he knew about because of Metatron, but had yet to watch for himself. It was a beautiful sight.

“I always had a very vivid imagination. Some of these animals I made up myself.”, Tara commented.

“Hm…”, was Cas’ only response.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching a feathered dragon drinking from the water of the clear lake, while fireflies were dancing through the air.

After a long time Tara spoke again, “What does it feel like? To become human after being an angel for so long, I mean. I only know it the other way round…”

Castiel looked at the ground and said, “Confusing. The human senses aren't as clear, but emotions are… a lot clearer now.”

Tara nodded a little, “I think I know what you mean, I could find every insect in a ten feet radius, but emotions… seem to be buffered by my grace. I still feel them, just not as strong.”, she paused, “What else is there? What do you like about being human?”

“Well… I like the food. It doesn't taste like molecules anymore.”, he answered with a barely notable smile.

Tara grimaced, “Yeah, I see where you’re coming from… It’s not very pleasant. I wasn't much of a foodie anyway, but I’ll miss the taste of spaghetti. And pancakes…”

After another short moment of silence, Castiel said silently, “I understand why my father gave my grace to you, you’ll be a better angel than I was…”

Tara’s eyes went wide, “What? Do you- Do you think this is a punishment?”

“After everything I have done, it has to be. I deserve it.”, he replied with a certain bitterness and guilt to his tone.

Tara was a little shocked, she hadn't known Castiel saw his fall that way, but actually… it kinda made sense for him to do so, she supposed.

“You know… Since we brought you back to the bunker, there… was something off about you. I didn't know what it was, but it was there. After everything had settled down a little, I did some research on fallen angels.”, she started, “So, usually a fallen angel is technically still an angel, just without their powers, which makes them seem human. The thing is, when they die, they don't go to Heaven, because they have no soul. I don't know what happens to angels when they die, but whatever it is, it usually also applies to fallen angels.”, she explained, “Now, the thing about _you_ is, when Chuck removed your grace with the help of Amara, he apparently left a small piece of it behind and adapted it to change into a soul, which is what put me so on edge about you. You’re the one fallen angel with a soul, just like I’m the one regular angel with a soul. I guess, we’re both unique in that matter.”

“So… I have an actual human soul?”, Cas asked unbelieving. It sounded too good to be true.

She nodded, “When you die, your soul will go to Heaven. I’ll personally make sure of it as soon as the angels accept me. If that ever happens…”

“But… why would my father do something like that?”, he asked confusedly.

Tara let out a slightly exasperated sigh, “Because he loves you.”

He just stared at her, so she went on, “This isn't some sort of punishment for your mistakes, Castiel.”

“Call me Cas, please.”, he interrupted her. He didn't feel like Castiel anymore, for a long time now. He was just Cas and he felt comfortable like that.

She smiled for a second, “Okay. Cas. What I’m trying to say is, before Chuck gave me your grace, he told me he would take it from an angel who didn't need his any longer and didn't even really want it anymore and he also mentioned that he wouldn't take it otherwise. Does that mean anything to you?”

He was silent for a moment, biting his lip, “Maybe. I thought about falling a few times after I got my grace back, but…”, he trailed off. He’d never done it, because it would've led to him losing this body and being born as a baby, which ultimately meant, he wouldn't be able to see Dean again. A thought that was just unbearable.

“Well… as I see it, this isn't a punishment. It’s a gift. A reward for all the good you have done. A chance. A chance for a human life. A life _with Dean_.”, she said.

He thought about that and yeah, that kind of had a certain appeal to it. He had a soul now, he was truly human. Forever. He felt strangely at peace with that.

“But I don't know what to do, all I ever was, was an angel…”, he mumbled.

“You were human before, what about that?”, she asked.

Cas let out a humorless laugh, “Yeah, because that went so well. I was practically homeless for most of the time and got killed once…”

“Okay, you have a point.”, Tara replied and returned her gaze to the lake, “You know I read all the books. I know your story. But I think it’s time for you to write a new one. The truth is, you were never really trying to be an angel, you were always just trying to be _Castiel_. And you certainly don't need wings or a grace to do that. You’re still powerful in your own way, still a warrior. That won’t change. You can do whatever you want. Become a hunter, a tax accountant, a teacher, a policeman, a… rodeo clown, it doesn't matter. It’s _your choice_. You can write your own story now, might as well make it a good one, huh?”, at the end she looked at Cas again.

He was thinking about that, eyes cast to the ground. He needed time to work this out, Tara knew it. She would give him the time he needed. When she stood up from the park bench, she stretched her wings for a moment, then turned to Cas and told him, “I’ll leave the dream now. I can maintain this ‘world’ externally, so you should have a fair amount of time to think about everything. Time works different in dreams, but I’m sure you already know that.”

“Of course.”, he replied, when she turned away he mumbled, “I think I would like being a hunter…”

She paused for a moment, then said without turning around again, “In case you still think like that next morning, you should talk to Dean about it.”

Then, she was gone.

 

As soon as she was back in her body, she took a deep breath before opening her eyes. It wasn't even 1am yet. What had felt like hours in the dream world, had really just been a few minutes in reality, which meant she had some time to kill. Maybe she could finally catch her friends online, she needed to talk to them anyway.

As it turned out, she was lucky.

**Cassbutt86 is online**

**Destiel4evaa is online**

**Queen_of_hell is online**

**Queen_of_hell: Hi ho**

**Cassbutt86: Oh, hey! Haven't heard of you for a while!**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah, couldn’t seem to catch you online.**

**Destiel4evaa: Are you an angel now?? Does the world still end??? What is my life?! I am really confused…**

**Queen_of_hell: Whoa, cool down a little. Yes and no. Strictly in that order**

**Cassbutt86: That’s so cool! An actual angel!!**

**Queen_of_hell: I take it you are up to date with the books? Also the one I published last week?**

**Cassbutt86: Sure**

**Destiel4evaa: You published that?**

**Queen_of_hell: Of course I did, Chuck isn't here anymore and he asked me to do it.**

**Cassbutt86: Right, you met God. What was that like?**

**Queen_of_hell: Weird**

**Queen_of_hell: Now, I have something important to discuss with you, Jordan.**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah? Tell me**

**Queen_of_hell: As you surely know, Chuck told me to find someone to continue his books before he took off. What would you say if I asked you to become a new prophet?**

**Cassbutt86: HELL YEAH**

**Queen_of_hell: So, I take it your aboard?**

**Cassbutt86: You bet I am!**

**Destiel4evaa: OMG this is so cool I’m so excited I think I’m gonna hyperventilate**

**Destiel4evaa: Can I be your beta? I can draw for you!**

**Cassbutt86: Calm down Jackie, of course you can be my beta.**

**Destiel4evaa: AAAAWW YISSS**

**Queen_of_hell: Awesome, we’ll seal the deal tomorrow. You live in Indiana, right?**

**Cassbutt86: Yep**

**Queen_of_hell: Perfect. Text me for a time and a place and I’ll be there in the blink of an eye. Literally**

**Cassbutt86: I am so excited, I might black out**

**Queen_of_hell: Please don’t**

**Destiel4evaa: Okay, change of topic. What happened to Castiel?**

**Queen_of_hell: Oh, he’s doing fine. He fell again, but now he’s living in the bunker with us.**

**Cassbutt86: What? When did that happen!?**

**Queen_of_hell: Um… Spoiler**

**Destiel4evaa: HE’S LIVING IN THE BUNKER??? DOES THAT MEAN DEAN FINALLY ASKED HIM TO STAY???????**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes**

**Destiel4evaa: OMG OMG OMG THE DESTIEL FEELS *dies***

**Cassbutt86: Jackie, u ok?**

**Destiel4evaa: ahsahdoaihsfysaifhsoigsdi**

**Queen_of_hell: She’ll be fine**

**Cassbutt86: Soooooo… How are things between Dean and Cas? And don't skip the details**

**Queen_of_hell: Oh, where do I even start?? In real life it’s even worse than in the books! These two are so sickeningly in love, I just can’t. The worst thing is, they don’t even seem to notice the other’s behavior**

**Destiel4evaa: Come on, you gotta give us a little more than that! Pleeeeeaaaaasee**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, is there something specific you can tell us?**

**Queen_of_hell: Hmm… let’s see…**

**Queen_of_hell: Oh yes! There’s that proud little smile Dean gets whenever Cas does something even slightly impressive. Sam told me about how Dean’s eyes widen when Cas does something completely badass (especially when he used to smite someone). What else…**

**Queen_of_hell: Oh right! I noticed that Dean can’t seem to keep still when Cas stands too close. Like, he always fidgets just a bit, fingers tightening around nothing like he so desperately wants to reach out and bring Cas even closer. And THEN there’s the lovestruck way Dean looks at Cas sometimes, for no real reason other than that it’s Cas and he’s there, with Dean. Summed up, Dean Winchester is just completely head over heels in love with Castiel.**

**Destiel4evaa: I’m crying…**

**Cassbutt86: I… I don’t… I don’t know what to say… just, wow**

**Queen_of_hell: As for Cas, I haven't really noticed much up until now, but I don't know him very well yet. Just that he tends to stare at Dean as if he’s trying to count his freckles or something and that he seems to seek closeness in the form of touching Dean’s shoulder for no apparent reason and things like that. I’m still trying to gather more information on that front, but ALL THE STARING**

**Cassbutt86: Nah, it’s ok, I’ll see it for myself anyway *grins***

**Queen_of_hell: Well, my shipping crew (meaning Sam, Crowley, Charlie and myself) already has a plan to make it canon, but I don’t want to spoiler you too much**

**Destiel4evaa: Aaaaaaaw, come on…**

**Cassbutt86: Oh, right. You’re friends with Crowley now**

**Destiel4evaa: Yeah, what is he like?**

**Queen_of_hell: He’s pretty nice actually, provided that he likes you, of course**

**Cassbutt86: How did you get the king of Hell to like you??**

**Queen_of_hell: Honestly, I have no idea. Actually now that you mention it, I think I’m gonna call him tomorrow. Check how he’s doing and what he’s up to**

**Destiel4evaa: You gonna keep us updated, aren't you?**

**Queen_of_hell: Sure, but after tomorrow, you can keep yourselves updated. Or each other. Or whatever…**

**Cassbutt86: hehehehehe**

**Destiel4evaa: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I’ll better go to bed.**

**Cassbutt86: Yeah, me too. Good night**

**Destiel4evaa: G’night**

**Queen_of_hell: n8**

**Destiel4evaa is offline**

**Cassbutt86 is offline**

Tara sighed and shut off her computer. She took a glimpse at the clock and sighed. Only barely after 2am. They’d gone rather early to bed that day, but she figured they'd probably sleep for another three hours minimum before at least one of them would get up to make some coffee and maybe breakfast. Or Sam would go for a run. It didn't really matter who got up first, the situation was the same. She still had a few hours to kill and not really anything productive to do. She couldn’t leave the building without breaking the connection to Cas’ dream, so she didn't really have many options.

Since she was practically fully angelic, she couldn’t really get bored anymore. It was odd, she could just sit quietly in a room and stare at the wall for hours, being perfectly comfortable with it, but that wasn't what she wanted now. Since she didn't need to sleep at all anymore, she had developed a new habit. She would stride along the bunker’s corridors, exploring rooms no one had even known existed. Her Converse had very quiet soles, so she could wander around wherever she wanted, without being heard. She never turned on the lights. That’s what she did almost every night. Walking through the dark, unseen, unnoticed, as just another shadow on the walls.

She liked the atmosphere in the bunker at night when everyone was asleep. Well, everyone except her. It was quiet, peaceful. Team Free Will finally getting some rest, while she was watching over them. Chuck had said she’d make a good Guardian Angel and he was probably right. She could be _their_ guardian. Or maybe, she already was.

It didn't matter either way. She might not have been there with them from the very beginning, but she was willing to stay ‘til the end.

 

Castiel was still sitting in his dream world, contemplating his future as human. Tara was right, he could be anything he wanted. But what exactly _did_ he want? Did he want to be a hunter? Did he want a normal life? A wife and kids? No, that wasn't him. There was only one thing he wanted for certain. Dean. The one thing he _couldn’t_ have. Maybe he should go, lead a life of his own, let go of him. But Dean had asked him to stay, he wanted Cas here with him, as a friend. Castiel had been a warrior for his entire life, being a hunter wouldn't be that much different. That way he could still move something, do something with meaning, save people. And as a bonus, he could stay by Dean’s side. Cas didn't want to give him up, he wanted to do what Dean had asked him to and stay. He wouldn't get his hopes up to ever be more to Dean than a friend, but he also couldn’t bring himself to leave his hunter behind. The decision was made. He was gonna become a hunter. For real this time. Now he just had to tell Dean.

As soon as he woke up in the morning, he practically leaped out of bed and wandered to the kitchen. He had never felt more rested and awake since his fall. When he entered the kitchen, Sam and Dean were already sitting at the table, eating. Tara was nowhere to be seen.

“Mornin’ Cas.”, Dean greeted.

“Morning.”, Sam said.

“Good morning, Dean. Sam.”, Cas replied.

Noting how Cas seemed to search the room for something, Dean provided, “There’s breakfast for you on the stove, I didn't know when you’d wake up so I left it there to stay warm.”

Cas nodded and shot Dean a grateful smile before stepping over to get his food and pour himself a cup of coffee. He seemed still a little unsure of something, so Sam decided to say, “Tara took off a while ago, she said something about a favor for Chuck and a new prophet. She should come back in a bit.”

Cas nodded again as he sat down next to Dean and started eating. He could make his announcement without her, it didn't really matter.

After everyone had finished their breakfast, Castiel cleared his throat to get the brother’s attention and started, “Dean, Sam, I have something important to tell you. Last night I talked to Tara and she brought me to the realization that I have to make a decision regarding my future as a human.”

Dean tried desperately to hide it, but he was getting anxious. Would Cas tell them he wanted to leave after all? Wanted to lead a normal life without them?

“I have thought about this for a long time and I’ve come to a conclusion.”, Cas went on, he looked at Sam for a short moment before his eyes landed on Dean and he declared, “I want to become a hunter. A _real_ hunter.”, he paused for a moment looking at the table, then added, “And I would be happy if you taught me…”

Dean just gaped at him for a moment. He didn't know what exactly he had expected from the former angel, but it certainly hadn't been _that_. He wanted to become a hunter? Dean still remembered the last time Cas had said that, but this time it seemed a whole lot more real.

“Are- Are you sure about that?”, Dean stammered.

Cas just smiled at him and said, “I have never been more sure of anything. Now… would you be my teacher?”

Dean stared into Cas’ eyes for a long time, but found nothing there but earnestness and certainty. He couldn’t talk the ex-angel out of doing this, he was sure of it. But a part of him also didn't really _want_ to stop him. It meant that he really wanted to stay after all.

The hunter felt a small, proud smile spread on his lips as he answered, “If you really wanna do this, I’ll teach you everything I know.”

Now Cas actually grinned at him and Dean couldn’t bring himself to look away. He was captured, a warm feeling spreading in his chest as he saw the crows feet around Cas’ eyes crinkle.

Sam was merely a split second away from clearing his throat really loudly when suddenly Tara showed up in a gust of wind, which appeared to have the same effect on the pair.

Now all eyes landed on her and she waved a little awkwardly, greeting them, “Hey.”

“Hey, how did your- uh- thing go?”, Sam asked, trying to break the awkwardness.

“Oh, pretty well actually. It seems like I have some really big fans.”, she paused to chuckle affectionately, “So, the first point on the list of favors for Chuck is done. Now all I’ve left to do is confront the angels, somehow become their teacher and take care of Lucifer, whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean…”

She had given the necklace with the wing pendant to Jordan, who had accepted it with great enthusiasm, which meant that there soon would be new books about the Winchester brothers, Cas and Tara herself. She couldn’t wait to read them.

She sighed, then eyed Dean and Cas before asking, “Anything new here? Something you wanna tell me?”

Cas practically beamed at her as he announced, “I’m gonna become a hunter and Dean agreed to train me.”

Tara’s face split into a huge grin, “Oh, I’m so proud of you.”, she pulled him into a really light hug (she still didn't really like bodily contact all too much) and took the chance to whisper into his ear, “I knew you’d make the right decision.”

After she’d pulled away, she gave Dean a pat on the shoulder and told him, “Be nice.”

 

During the following nights, Tara kept visiting Cas in his dreams and they became pretty good friends. Cas liked how easy it was to talk to her, how she never prodded him about the things that made him uncomfortable. Instead she always dropped the topic and stored it away, for future reference, just in case he wanted to talk about it some other time. That was probably the reason why he found it to be surprisingly easy to talk to her about his fears, worries and doubts. Whatever he told her, she always listened intently and tried to offer advice if she could. But that also worked in the opposite direction. Since he was freshly human and she was freshly angelic, they complemented each other pretty well, could talk about their problems and try to help. They developed a really strange brother-sister dynamic. Sometimes it felt like Cas was Tara’s big brother, sometimes it felt more like she was his big sister, it solely depended on the situation.

Meanwhile during the days, Cas and Dean spent more time together than ever, while Dean taught the ex-angel how to fight without superpowers. He was a good student, learned really fast. Cas already knew almost everything about the supernatural world there was to know (he started to write everything down, just in case he’d start to forget things), so there was no need to teach him about that and in result, there was only physical training. He was still deadly with a knife and it didn't really take him long to figure out how to fight without super strength, so that wasn't really a problem either. The only thing he had to learn from the very beginning, was how to use a gun. It wasn't just one time that Sam or Tara would walk in on one of their shooting sessions to find Dean closely pressed up to Cas’ body, correcting his shooting position. He always brushed it off and they didn't dare to mention it later.

Cas was a quick study, he didn't take all that long to learn how to shoot. What Dean also insisted on teaching him, was close combat without weapons, because, let’s face it, it’s not uncommon to be disarmed during a hunt. He taught Cas every dirty little trick he knew and soon the ex-angel could beat even Sam or Tara in a fight. They had mostly kept out of the training to give them a little privacy, but Dean had asked them to help one or two times, so that Cas would practice with more different opponents. Everyone had a different fighting style after all.

During one of their fighting sessions, Cas managed to pin Dean to the ground beneath him and just kind of stayed like that for what felt like forever. They were both panting heavily and their faces were mere inches apart. Dean’s heart was racing and he hoped his body wouldn't betray him, since the rather thin slacks he was wearing would do nothing to cover anything up. Just at that precise moment Tara walked in on them saying something, but none of them really heard what it was. She came to an abrupt stop as she noticed the pair on the floor and just stared for a moment, unsure what to do.

“Um… Sorry, am I… interrupting something?”, she asked tentatively after a moment of awkward silence.

“What? No! No.”, Dean replied scrambling to get up and out of this compromising position and if his voice was a little higher than usual, no one noticed or at least didn't mention it.

After Cas was finally off of Dean and they were both standing, Dean patted the ex-angel on the shoulder and announced with a small smile, “I think you’re ready. On the next hunt you’re coming with us. Gotta practice in the field.”

Cas’ eyes lit up and he looked deep into his hunter’s eyes as he said, “Thank you, Dean. For everything.”

And it made Dean’s heart skip a beat, because after everything they’d been through, all the shit that had gone down on them — especially Cas — his angel still seemed to believe that it was all worth it in the end.

Tara just smiled and left them alone again. Something was definitely building between them, but it seemed that they needed a little nudge anyway. Well, there was still the plan… She dug her phone out of her pocket and sent one single text to every member of her crew.

**T: Green lights for operation OTP. Let this ship sail.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe leave kudos or a comment? Please?  
> You can also message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I'm nice!
> 
> (Next chapter might be one day late, there's a lot of stuff on Friday, so I'm sorry in advance in case I can't make it.)


	15. An addiction to fan fiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan finally goes into action, Dean takes a step out of the closet, Tara sort of accidentally get's Cas into fan fiction and someone familiar makes an appearance in a chat room...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, yesterday was a busy day! I had an exam in organic chemistry (which was luckily not as hard as I had feared) and then I spent the rest of the day with friends of mine, walking around and into comic shops. Whatever, I warned you I might be late with this.
> 
> This chapter got kinda cracky, especially the internet conversation between our beloved fangirls, but I had a lot of fun writing it.  
> I hope you like it! Enjoy!

It was all planned out pretty well. Everyone had their own part to play in this little game, occupied a very specific position on Tara’s ship (she was the captain of course). They didn't want to force Dean and Cas into anything, they merely wanted to get things going, so that they’d finally sort this out on their own.

Every member of the crew had their specific task. Charlie was in Heaven and therefore only providing guidance and advice (practically functioning as the lookout and navigator). Sam only had to be the awesome little brother he already was and try to talk to Dean, get him to admit his feelings (he was the first mate). Tara’s part was doing the same with Cas, since they were already behaving like siblings themselves and he seemed to open up towards her. And last but not least, Crowley’s job was to just show up once in a while and make as many suggestive jokes about those lovebirds as he could, without making the two of them too uncomfortable and without being too obvious (could be compared to the cannoneer). It wasn't all that hard, really.

So, that was the plan. It was rather simple and decidedly subtle. The goal wasn't really to play matchmaker, since it was already pretty clear that this match was made in Heaven (pardon the pun). No, the goal of this mission was simply to make them see that they actually had a chance to have a relationship. A chance to be happy. Sam and Tara wanted to give them the courage to talk to each other, nothing more and nothing less.

 

It appeared that Tara was the first to make a move. It was in Tara’s dream land when they were sitting on their park bench, this time not at the lake but in the middle of a dark forest at dawn, watching the fireflies dancing through the air around them. It was a beautiful sight and as she looked over at Cas, she noted a soft, serene smile grazing his lips.

There was a long moment of silence as they were just watching the little lights dancing, until Tara decided to speak, “You keep having those nightmares… about your past. All different kinds of things, but I noticed… they all have something in common. It’s always Dean who dies. Or get’s hurt.”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and saw him looking at the floor, the smile replaced by a frown. She went on, “I know you and Dean are pretty close… You know that I read the books, right?” ‘ _Jesus, this is hard._ ’, she thought.

Cas nodded, his shoulders tense, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Well… How should I say this… How close are you exactly?”, she finished her awkward speech.

Cas swallowed hard, still staring at the floor as though it was the most interesting thing in existence, “I- I don't know…”

Tara sighed, she had to dig a little deeper, “Okay, what do _you_ feel?”

Now he looked downright away from her, “I…”

“Do you even _know_ what you feel?”, she asked with a little worry.

Cas let out a sigh and said, “Yes, but…”

“But what? What is it? What do you feel for him?”, she inquired, keeping her voice soft.

Cas understood what she was getting at, she had read the books, she probably already knew the answer to her questions, but she wanted to hear it from him. There was no denying it now, he knew her well enough by now to safely say that she’d call him out on his lie in the blink of an eye.

“I- I think- No, I _know_ \- I love him…”, now Cas finally looked at her again, but his eyes were sad.

Tara tried to give a reassuring smile, “Well… That’s good, isn't it?”

He looked at the floor again, “No, it’s not. It’s not brotherly love I feel for him, I- I think I’m _in love with him_ …”

Tara’s smile grew impossibly wider as she said, “And why wouldn't that be good? Love is a wonderful thing!”

Cas’ frown deepened, “No. Dean made it clear on more than one occasion that he is not interested in a relationship with anyone but a woman and this vessel- body is male. Also he told me that he feels about me like a brother multiple times…”

Tara’s face fell a little and her gaze wandered to the floor too, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

There was a lot of fixing to do…

“If you ever wanna talk…”

“Yes, I know.”, he replied without needing to hear the rest of the sentence. Then he suddenly felt something warm and soft enveloping his back. As he looked up, he saw that Tara had one of her wings draped over his shoulders.

They sat there for a long while in silence, Tara thinking about what Cas had told her and contemplating how to best approach that problem. Cas couldn’t stop thinking about how unfair it was that he had to fall in love with a human who would never reciprocate his feelings.

 

On the next day Tara wanted to lift Castiel’s mood a little. She had a surprise for him. So, when Sam was doing research in the library and Dean was out and about doing one of their bigger supply runs in a bigger city than Lebanon, she told Cas to come to the makeshift living room of the bunker.

“Sit down.”, she ordered.

Tentatively he did as he was told, but still looked at her in confusion, “What are we doing here?”

“We’re watching a movie.”, she declared, but as he still looked puzzled, she explained, “I know, normally it’s Dean who watches movies with you, but I’ve got something Dean would never want to watch and I think you’ll really like it.”

After that Cas didn't question her further, just sat on the couch and waited patiently.

When the movie started, they were both comfortably seated with a small bowl of popcorn between them. They watched Lilo & Stitch and as the end credits appeared, Tara glanced at Cas and noticed tears in his eyes.

“You liked it?”, she asked hopefully.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and willed the tears away, whispering a little hoarsely, “Yes.”

She smiled, “It reminded me of you, y’know…”

He remained silent. The parallels were there, he couldn’t deny it, he’d noticed them too, which was the reason why he was so touched by that movie.

Of course Tara knew that Cas identified with Stitch and now that she saw how much, she suddenly remembered something, her face lighting up with an idea.

“Hey Cas, do you know what fan fiction is?”

There was that look of confusion again, with the familiar head tilt.

“That’s when fans of a movie, TV-show or book write an alternate ending or an unofficial sequel for that work. They use the existing characters and tell a new story with them, sometimes they put those characters even in an alternate universe.”, she explained.

“I think I understand, but why are you telling me this?”

“Because some time ago, I’ve read a fan fiction about the Supernatural books that put you guys into the universe of Lilo & Stitch.”, she told him.

Cas’ eyes went wide and he seemed to be unsure of what to do next. His interest was piqued, but he wasn't sure whether reading about himself was such a good idea, mainly because Dean had told him that all those fans were crazy. On the other hand, Tara was a fan too and she was perfectly okay, so maybe not _all_ of them were crazy and if Tara said that it was pretty good, it couldn’t hurt, right?

“May I read it?”, he asked after all.

She smiled sweetly at him, “Of course. I’ll get you my laptop.”

While Cas was reading on her laptop, sitting at the table, Tara was perched on the couch, playing on her Nintendo. She glanced over at him every few minutes and after about an hour, she noticed that his ears and cheeks reddened a little. Then it hit her.

‘ _Shit, I forgot there was a short smut scene in it_ ’, she thought and sat up so fast, she almost fell over onto the coffee table. She took a hesitant look at Castiel again, but he was still sitting there, reading. Huh, he didn't seem to mind. After another hour of silent reading, Cas flipped the laptop shut and cleared his throat before saying, “It was… very interesting. Quite well written, as you told me.”

Now Tara looked at him again, searching his face, “Um… Did- Did you like it?”

It seemed like he actually blushed a little, “Uh… yes. It was… quite pleasant…”

Tara failed at holding back a chuckle and there was a moment of awkward silence before Cas asked quietly, “Could I borrow your laptop for a little longer?”

She smirked a little, “Sure, suit yourself. Just don't mess with my personal files.”

Cas shifted a little in his seat, then said, “Thank you.”, and left with the laptop into the direction of his room.

He and Dean had actually gotten together in that story. It was a weird feeling to read something like that about himself, but it was also kind of nice.

Sometimes Cas thought Dean just found him in the wrong universe, that’s all. That this was, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else they would be happy. But by the law of averages, there had to be one universe — at least just this one — where they wouldn’t end up together. Here and now just happened to be it…

It was nice to think about the other universes for a change, even if they were just fictional. It made him feel less sad. And this website was just full of them.

It took him a few minutes to figure out the so called ‘tags’ and the rating system of the website Tara had opened for him to read that story on, but as soon as he understood, he started searching for Supernatural fan fiction. More specifically: Destiel.

 

Meanwhile, Tara had relocated herself and was now lying on the backrest of the couch. Still engrossed in her video game, she didn't notice Dean walking into the room and at the angle he was approaching, she couldn’t see him in her lying position. When he greeted her with a simple “Hey”, she startled and jumped just enough to lose balance, which resulted in her falling rather ungracefully off the backrest and quickly jumping up off the ground again, declaring loudly, “Nothing happened!”

Dean chuckled a little and asked, indicating the Nintendo console, “Where did you get that thing from?”

She looked at the small device, almost amazed that it was still in her hand and answered, “Took it with me when I visited my parents two days ago.”

“Cool, what’re you playing?”

“Uh… Monster Hunter.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “You live this life and play a game like _that_?”

“Um… yeah. At least I know that _those_ monsters aren't real.”, she replied.

He walked a little closer to her to take a peek at the screen and frowned, “Are those weird little cats named Sam and Dean?”

Tara laughed a little awkwardly and scratched the back of her neck, “Yeah… They hunt with me, so it kinda made sense… I have one that’s named Castiel too. But I already had them before I knew you’re real.”

Dean still seemed mildly offended that he got compared with a cat that walks on two legs, but he just shrugged and said, “Whatever.”

Now Sam walked into the room with a coffee cup in hand — it was still pretty early — and asked, “Hey, you were back fast, did you get everything?”

“Yeah, traffic wasn't bad. Stuff’s still in the car, you gonna help me?”

Tara put away her console and snapped her fingers before announcing, “Everything’s already stored away.”

“Neat.”, Dean just said with a grin.

Just at that precise moment, Crowley appeared in the middle of the room, right in the center of the group.

“Where’ve you been?”, the older Winchester wanted to know.

Crowley turned towards Dean, looked him dead in the eye and proclaimed dramatically, “Dean, I have searched the entire universe and I cannot find your heterosexuality.”

Sam snorted so hard he choked on his coffee and broke into a coughing fit, while Tara just burst out laughing. Crowley had undoubtedly chosen a rather direct approach to his task, but Dean didn't think about the background of that declaration, because he was too busy getting all flustered.

“You- I- What- Son of a bitch… That’s not funny!”, Dean stammered as he felt his cheeks and ears warming.

Crowley remained absolutely calm, looking almost bored as he replied, “Indeed.”

Tara was still chuckling when she said, “Come on, you gotta tell me what you were up to.”

She walked out of the room and the demon followed her, a satisfied smile on his face.

“What the Hell was that?!”, Dean exclaimed and yeah, his voice was about an octave higher than usual.

Sam, who had gotten his breathing under control by now, knew what he had to do. Crowley had already made his move and since Tara had sent the message, he assumed she had done so too. Now it was his turn.

“Uh, probably just a dumb joke, you know how he can be… But, uh, you know- you know it wouldn't be a problem if you…”, Sam stammered a little awkwardly. This was harder than he would've thought…

“If I what, Sam? Were gay?”, Dean inquired with a raised eyebrow and a hint of anger.

“Yeah that. Or even just… not a hundred percent straight.”

Dean just stared at him a little dumbfounded, so Sam went right on, throwing caution to the wind, “Dean, you’re my brother, I know you better than anyone. Did you think you could hide it from me forever? Are you really still _that deep_ in denial?”

Now the older Winchester seemed to catch on and shook himself out of his stupor. Rubbing his neck he replied, “No, actually…”

This time Sam was the one who gaped and Dean started to explain, “I figured it out a few years ago, I kinda knew you’d be okay with it, I just never really knew how to tell you…”

“And… you’re alright with it?”, Sam asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, “Sam, I’m bi, not a rugaru.”

“Right. Yeah.”, Sam paused for a moment. It had gone well so far, Dean had come out of the closet almost willingly, at least towards his brother.

“So… What about Cas?”, Sam questioned further.

“What about him?”

“Are you… y’know… planning to make a move there?”

“What?”, Dean felt a lump form in his throat. Sam couldn’t possibly know, could he? Well, he had figured out the rest for himself too…

Sam raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Shit, he knew.

Dean sighed dramatically and started, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation… Yeah, I might have a thing for Cas and yeah, that might be the reason why I figured out that I’m not completely straight, but he’ll never find out, because he doesn't feel the same. Period. And if you tell him, I swear I’m gonna kill you, Sam.”

“Yeah, okay, I get it. But how do you know he doesn't feel the same if you never tell him?”

“He doesn’t, I know it. He deserves someone better than me. How did you even figure it out?”, Dean wanted to know then.

Sam scoffed, “Dean, I know you, remember? And _I have eyes_.”

The older brother swallowed hard, then said, “Okay, this conversation is over now. I’m gonna prepare lunch.”

Then he wandered off to the kitchen, while Sam was still sipping his already cold coffee, a satisfied smile on his lips. Their plan was going considerably well, Dean hadn't shut down on him and he had at least admitted his feelings. It was a start.

 

During the following two days, Cas borrowed Tara’s laptop almost constantly. He started by reading the more lighthearted fan fictions on that website, the so called ‘fluff’, but after some time he moved on to heavier material, meaning ‘angst’ and stuff like that. Starting with the AUs he worked towards the more ‘canonish’ stuff and soon found himself addicted.

When he had read that first story Tara had shown him, there had been a scene that had rather surprised him. It wasn't exactly an unpleasant surprise though, the… _sensations_ had been rather nice. He had recognized the odd feeling as arousal — he knew it from his last time being human — and he had gotten curious. He had tried masturbation before, but it had never really worked out for him. Dean had told him to use his imagination, that a good fantasy was important, but he couldn’t seem to find the right one. Maybe this would help…

He searched for the tags ‘Destiel’ and ‘smut’ and scrolled through the works that showed up. After clicking on a few of them, he learned to avoid tags like ‘Dom/Sub’, ‘Alpha/Omega dynamics’ and ‘Mpreg’, which only left him confused and disturbed. He read some of the others, but soon realized that there were often some major inaccuracies and many works were not very well written — which had also been the case with the ones he'd read before. He was definitely not sophisticated enough in this matter. He needed help. Asking Dean was out of the question, he’d just get angry and Sam would probably get uncomfortable. Tara was the perfect choice, she seemed to know a lot about this so-called fan fiction and she surely wouldn't judge him upon his request.

Cas took the laptop, walked to Tara’s room and knocked cautiously on the door.

“Come in!”, her voice came through the door. As he opened it and walked inside, he saw her sitting cross-legged on the bed, doing something with her fingers that made it look like she was playing an invisible harp.

“Just doing a little preening.”, she told him.

“Yes, I assumed so.”

She made one last motion with her fingers before letting her hands fall into her lap and looking at him expectantly with a little tilt of her head, “What can I do for you?”

He swallowed and refused to look at her as he stammered out, “I, um… I need your help with… something.”, he held the laptop out towards her.

She looked at him, then at the computer, then back at him, confusion obvious on her features, “Why do you need help with my laptop? You could operate it just fine.”

Cas sighed, he had to be more direct, usually he didn't really get ashamed about anything, but for some reason this situation made him really uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat and said, “I don't need help with your laptop, I need help with what I’m reading.”

She tilted her head at him again, this time with a little squint and he clarified, “I can’t seem to find good ‘fan fictions’.”, complete with actual air quotes.

Now the confusion on her face was replaced with sudden understanding as her eyebrows wandered so high, they might as well have left her face, “So, just to make this clear… You want me… to help you… finding fan fiction… about yourself and your best friend.”

“If you could recommend a few works, that would be nice.”, he replied.

She was still a little perplexed, but said, “Um… Sure. Any preferences?”

Now Cas started fidgeting again and looked at the ground as he told her, “I like ‘fluff’ and- and I’d like to try some- some… ‘smut’. But I failed at finding something accurate…”

Tara’s eyes got impossibly wider at the word ‘smut’ and she just gaped at him for a few seconds, “You- um… I- uh- Yeah. Yeah sure. Just… tell me what exactly you’d like to read and I’ll… do my best.”

He nodded and told her about a few things that caught his interest. When he was done, Tara smiled at him reassuringly and said, “Okay, I’ll see what I can do, but I need my laptop to do so. As soon as I have something for you, I’ll tell you.”

Cas gave her a tentative smile, “Thank you.”

When he turned to leave, she called after him, “Cas?”

He turned towards her again and she told him with a sigh, “You shouldn't live in a world of dreams and forget about the real world… Dean is right here in this building. The _real_ Dean. You shouldn't just throw away a chance on real happiness. What if he _does_ feel the same?”

“He doesn’t.”, Cas replied bitterly.

“And how would you know? Maybe he didn't dare to tell you, because he thinks _you_ don't feel the same…”, Tara went on.

Now the ex-angel frowned. He’d never considered that a possibility… What if? No, that was ridiculous. It couldn’t be… But… _what if…_

He walked out of the room, deep in thought and left Tara alone with her laptop. She rearranged her wings on the bed and started to look through her bookmarks for decent reading material for Cas. She found a fair amount of well written fluff he’d probably like, but for the smut she came up with surprisingly little. Most of the things she’d read were not really Cas’ taste, at least not from what he had told her. She had a few serial killer AUs, but she was fairly sure, they wouldn't appeal to the former angel. Some other works were just somehow inaccurate (though not _that_ bad, she had standards, thank you very much), some were too cracky, others were way too angsty, a few were too damn _long_ and some more were just plain out of character. There was still a decent number left, but many of them just weren't something she thought Cas would like. Which meant, there were just about a good handful left. They were good, but they were not enough. She had found quite an acceptable amount of fluff, but not enough smut that would fit Cas’ expectations. She had to consult her friends.

Quickly she opened the Supernatural fan-site and got lucky, a few people were online. It was late afternoon and there were a lot of strangers in the chatroom, so she couldn’t just chat openly with Jacky and Jordan. Tara opened a private chat and invited her friends.

**Queen_of_hell is online**

**Queen_of_hell sent a private chat request**

**Cassbutt86 entered the private chat**

**Destiel4evaa entered the private chat**

**Queen_of_hell: Heya guys!**

**Cassbutt86: Hey Tara**

**Destiel4evaa: Hi Tara, how’s angel business?**

**Queen_of_hell: Uh… I’m still avoiding that, but I’ll have to get down to it eventually…or up to it? Nah, whatever… How’s prophet business, Jordan?**

**Cassbutt86: It’s going considerably well, the visions are coming rapidly, since I’m still not caught up with the current events, but I’m doing good. Thank Chuck, I can take that necklace off whenever I need a break**

**Queen_of_hell: Where r u currently at?**

**Cassbutt86: I’m at the part with the Mirror of Erised and holy shit, I did so not see that coming**

**Queen_of_hell: Haha, yeah I know what you mean, but you’re almost caught up**

**Destiel4evaa: How’s your plan working? Is it canon yet????**

**Queen_of_hell: No, but we’re celebrating the small victories**

**Destiel4evaa: What small victories?? Tell meeeeeeeeee**

**Queen_of_hell: Spoiler ;)**

**Cassbutt86: Is there anything else you wanna talk about or were you just checking on us?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah, actually… I need your help with a rather odd problem**

**Destiel4evaa: Uuuuuuh, now I’m curious**

**Cassbutt86: I’m all ears**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, more like a really odd problem**

**Queen_of_hell: A really REALLY odd problem…**

**Cassbutt86: Get to the point Tara**

**Queen_of_hell: Sorry**

**Queen_of_hell: I might have gotten Cas addicted to fan fiction**

**Destiel4evaa: WHAT**

**Cassbutt86: What**

**Queen_of_hell: Exactly**

**Destiel4evaa: Wait, you mean like Destiel fan fiction or something else?**

**Queen_of_hell: No, I mean Destiel**

**Cassbutt86: You’re kidding**

**Queen_of_hell: Nope**

**Destiel4evaa: That’s weird, but also kinda cute and funny xD**

**Cassbutt86: What exactly do you need our help for, with this?**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, it appears he can’t find any decent reading material and he asked me for help. The problem is, I don't have a lot of stuff he would like**

**Destiel4evaa: What kind of stuff does he like?**

**Queen_of_hell: He read that Lilo & Stitch AU “ET Goes Home” you know? And he said he liked something called “The real Castiel” that got him a little confused. I read it myself, gave me a mild headache, but a good read. I have a lot of fluff that should be his taste, but he told me he was interested in trying some smut too and I don't really have that much that might appeal to him…**

**Cassbutt86: Are you telling me that Castiel, former angel of the Lord, wants to read explicit fan fiction about himself and the righteous man?**

**Queen_of_hell: That is exactly what I was saying, wasn't it?**

**Destiel4evaa: OMG OMG, I CANNOT EVEN**

**Cassbutt86: And you are asking us to recommend something for him?**

**Queen_of_hell: If you happen to know good stuff that would be very nice, yes**

**Samlicker81 sent a chat request**

**Queen_of_hell: Who’s that?**

**Destiel4evaa: Oh, I know her, she’s kinda cool, she knows a lot of smut, maybe she can help, I’ll let her in**

Tara was squinting at her laptop screen. ‘ _I know that username_ ’, she thought, but she couldn’t seem to figure out where she’d seen it before… The it hit her.

**Queen_of_hell: No Jacky, wait!**

**Samlicker81 entered the private chat**

**Samlicker81: Hey, what’s up guys? :D**

**Queen_of_hell: Hey Becky…**

**Destiel4evaa: Wait, Becky like THE Becky?!**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes, I remember her username. It was mentioned in one of the books**

**Samlicker81: You know me?? Most people think I’m not real! :O**

**Cassbutt86: Well, we happen to know that the books are not really fictional**

**Samlicker81: Wait a sec, are you telling me you know that it’s all real?!?!??!**

**Destiel4evaa: Yep**

**Samlicker81: But HOW?!?!?!???!?**

**Cassbutt86: Well, we know a certain angel named Tara…**

**Queen_of_hell: That would be me. Hi**

**Samlicker81: OMG OMG OMG, YOU’RE SO COOL! ARE YOU ACTUALLY LIVING IN THE BUNKER NOW????**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes, but I’m also spending quite a large amount of time at home with my parents.**

**Samlicker81: WOW, how are Sam and Dean? How is Castiel?? Can you say hi from me???**

**Queen_of_hell: Good. Human, but fine. No.**

**Samlicker81: Aww, don’t be like that**

**Queen_of_hell: Can we get back to the task at hand please?**

**Samlicker81: And that would be?**

**Destiel4evaa: Cas has apparently started to read Destiel fanfic and he asked Tara to recommend some smut for him and now Tara asked us to recommend something**

**Samlicker81: Omg, is that true?!**

**Queen_of_hell: 100% accurate**

**Samlicker81: AWESOME, I know a lot of good smut!! I’m all ears!**

**Cassbutt86: Well… Does he have… I don't know… preferences? Are AUs ok?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes they're fine. Well, there are quite a few things he doesn't like. No A/O or Mpreg, no Dom/Sub stuff or non-con and it absolutely HAS to be anatomically accurate (meaning preparation, use of lube, etc.)**

**Cassbutt86: I have quite a few like that, can you narrow it down a bit more?**

**Queen_of_hell: Ok, that was what he told me, but I have a few assumptions about what he might like and what not. Just go for vanilla sex, nothing kinky, BDSM style or toys. You might make an exception for wing!kink, but only if very well written. It shouldn't be anything where sex comes before love, because I’m not totally sure he understands the concept of “fuck-buddies”. And no sex-pollen, that’s just weird.**

**Destiel4evaa: Bottom!Dean or Top!Dean?**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, Cas has never had anal sex before, so I doubt he ever really thought about that and I also don't think that it matters to him, so a good mixture would be nice. Maybe also something with switching?**

**Samlicker81: Gimme a minute, I’ll send you some links!**

Tara sighed and rearranged herself on the bed. Draping two of her wings over her shoulders and letting the other pair dangle off the mattress, she leaned back against the headboard to read comfortably.

**Samlicker81 sent a link**

Tara heaved another long sigh and clicked the link to the story. She had to read it before presenting it to Cas. He was her friend, almost like a brother really, and she didn't trust Becky as far as she could throw a sky scraper. She wasn't a person who trusted easily and after everything she’d read about Becky, she was especially suspicious. After she was done reading, she spent a few minutes just staring at her computer screen until she snapped out of it and returned to the chat room.

**Queen_of_hell: FOR CHUCK’S SAKE BECKY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??!?!?!! That was disturbing! I wish I could erase my own memory…**

**Samlicker81: Not good?**

**Queen_of_hell: NO NOT GOOD. New rule: no gender swap, not even temporary**

**Samlicker81: Okay, how about this one**

**Samlicker81 sent a link**

Tara took the time to read it again, before answering…

**Queen_of_hell: That’s sex pollen, Becky.**

**Samlicker81: No, it’s not!**

**Queen_of_hell: It’s fuck or die, that’s basically the same thing**

**Samlicker81 sent a link**

**Queen_of_hell: I don't even know what THAT is**

**Destiel4evaa: What about this**

**Destiel4evaa sent a link**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, that’s something I can work with, though I already know this one and have it on my list**

**Cassbutt86: Try this**

**Cassbutt86 sent a link**

**Queen_of_hell: Wow that’s good, that definitely goes onto the list**

**Destiel4evaa: And this?**

**Destiel4evaa sent a link**

**Queen_of_hell: That’s good in a strange way, but I think strawberries, handcuffs and rimming is a little hardcore for a beginner**

**Destiel4evaa: I see your point**

**Samlicker81: Okay okay, this one is really good**

**Samlicker81 sent a link**

**Queen_of_hell: xushgiualvgsxhpawhuciuhshdlcndj**

**Samlicker81: You like it? ;D**

**Queen_of_hell: Okay, that’s it.**

**Samlicker81 has left the private chat**

**Cassbutt86: Did you just kick her out?**

**Queen_of_hell: Someone had to**

**Destiel4evaa: LOL**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost all of the mentioned fan fictions really exist and I read them at some point in the past.
> 
> Please, leave kudos or a comment for me!! You can also message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I don't bite!


	16. Not quite as planned, but well...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean discovers Cas' recent internet activities, things dare to go south and Tara has to improvise. As a result, Dean decides to take a peek into one of Chuck's books and learns a thing or two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, just as promised, on time again.  
> I hope you like it, guys!

After her little internet adventures, Tara had collected a rather impressive number of fan fictions for Cas to read. During the following week the former angel quite enjoyed himself reading through the list of works she’d given him. Some of them warmed his heart and made him smile, others almost made him cry, some were rather educational regarding the possibilities of sex with a man and a few were quite… stimulating.

Having read through a few of them, it occurred to him that he should probably thank Tara for her help and understanding — and discretion. Having decided that now was as good a time as ever, he wandered through the long corridor to Tara’s room and stuck his head through the door. The sight that greeted him wasn't exactly something he’d ever expected to see. Crowley was standing close to Tara, her back turned towards him as he was doing some weird movements with his hands and fingers in the area of her shoulder blades and spine without really touching her. Cas put two and two together and came to the conclusion that the demon was helping her to preen her wings.

“Are your hands okay? Am I hurting you?”, Tara asked Crowley with concern.

“It’s not bad. Nothing worse than a nasty sunburn and definitely worth the privilege of touching an angel’s wings.”, the demon replied with a hint of awe.

Cas knocked silently on the door to announce his presence and Tara just said without turning around, “Come in. We’ll be done in a minute.”

Cas just nodded and walked cautiously into the room, closely watching Crowley’s movements. Wing preening was usually a really personal thing for angels and Cas wondered how close those two really were. Probably closer than he initially thought…

Tara seemed to sense his confusion and started to explain, “I just couldn’t reach the axillaries and the secondary coverts of my second wing-set and he’s the only one I know who can see my wings except me. I’ll have to pay Heaven a visit sooner or later and you told me that the appearance of ones wings is important for a good first impression, so… Yeah.”

“I understand.”, Cas replied and kept watching them intently. He’d never seen the demon being so gentle with someone, not even his own mother and it was kind of weird, but also strangely endearing to see.

After a few more minutes, Crowley took a step back to examine his work and nodded once with a satisfied expression, “That’s it. They look magnificent.”

Tara fanned them out a little and nodded too, “They feel a lot better too, thank you.”

“Any time, dear.”, the demon said, “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to Hell and try to get the demons under control again.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow?”, Tara asked.

“Of course.”, he answered and vanished into thin air.

Now Tara’s eyes landed on Cas, “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing, I… just wanted to thank you. For everything you've done for me in the past few weeks.”

Tara just smiled at him and said, “Any time, Cas. You’re almost like a brother to me, I hope you know that.”

He smiled back at her.

“So, I take it you like the stories I picked out for you?”, she asked then.

“Indeed, they are quite entertaining.”, he answered looking at the floor.

She looked at him for a moment, her expression unreadable, “You _do_ know that this isn't a permanent thing, right? Reading about what could be… it isn't a solution to your problem. You gotta talk to Dean. Sooner or later.”

Cas frowned. No, he couldn’t talk to Dean, he’d just get angry — or worse, _disgusted_ — and tell him to leave. Cas knew he couldn’t keep reading these stories forever, he couldn’t live in a dreamworld, but there was no way he was gonna tell Dean about his feelings.

 

Dean was glad that Sam knew, he really was, he had wanted to tell him forever, there’d just never been the right time. Of course he couldn’t tell Sam that he wanted to kiss the fallen angel senseless. Sam wouldn't want to know that anyway… He himself had figured out his sexuality a few years after meeting Cas and it had taken him almost another two years to figure out that he had been slowly falling in love with the angel. Yes, love. He knew that it wasn't just a _thing_ anymore as he’d told Sam. Built on years of trust and friendship, it had become so much more and he had come to admit it to himself already some time ago. He wanted a future with Cas more than anything, but he couldn't have it. Of course he had to fall desperately in love with someone who wouldn't love him back…

Dean finished preparing dinner and called out for Sam and Cas to come eating, since Tara was out with Crowley and didn't need to eat anyway. Sometimes the hunter wondered if those two had something going on, but then he remembered himself that Tara had told him that she’s aromantic and most definitely asexual too. Still, she and the demon seemed to be quite close, maybe this could be a friendship for life. Or in their case, maybe even eternity.

When he put the plates on the table, he noticed that only Sam had shown up.

“Where’s Cas?”, he wanted to know.

“Uh, in his room I think.”, Sam answered.

“Hm”, Dean grumbled and wandered off to Cas’ room. _Cas’ room_. It was still a new and odd feeling to know that the fallen angel had his own room now, here in the bunker. He was living here with them and he had no plans for leaving any time soon. Every time that thought crossed Dean’s mind, he felt warmth blooming in his chest and a smile creeping onto his lips. Oh, he was pathetic and thoroughly, thoroughly fucked.

When Dean glimpsed into the room, Cas was sitting crosslegged on the bed, looking very intently at the laptop screen in front of him. Dean recognized it as Tara’s laptop. The former angel seemed to be very engrossed in whatever he was seeing. As soon as Dean made his presence known, Cas slammed the laptop shut so fast and with so much force that he mentally winced in apology for the device. ‘ _This could get interesting_ ’, Dean thought.

“Hey, whatcha lookin’ at?”, the hunter asked playfully.

“Nothing”, Cas replied not very convincing and it looked like he actually _blushed_.

Dean grinned, “Porn?”

Cas didn’t answer. Maybe Dean’s angel wasn't that innocent after all?

Dean laughed and tried to snatch the laptop, “C’mon, lemme see.”

When he finally succeeded and took a look at the screen, his playfulness vanished in an instant. Destiel fan fiction? Really? Why would he want to read something like that?! Did he think that was funny!?!!

“Why are you reading that?”, Dean asked voice stern and expression unreadable.

Cas didn’t know what to reply, he couldn’t tell the truth, so he just said, “It’s… just for entertainment…”

So he _did_ think it was funny!!?! Now Dean saw red.

“Do you think this is funny?! That people read about our lives and write this _crap_ about us, like they _knew_ us?!! Like they knew what we _wanted_??!”, the hunter fumed.

That was exactly what Cas had feared all along, he had to get out of this somehow or Dean would send him away, he was sure of it.

“No Dean, of course it’s not funny! But it’s kind of nice to read something where nothing bad happens all the time for a change!! I got curious, is that a crime?!”, Cas snapped back.

 

Sam was eating his dinner, watching Dean and Cas shouting at each other. After about five to ten minutes they had relocated their fight into the war room. Just as Sam finished eating, Tara appeared right next to him, took in the scene and asked, “What’d I miss?”

“From what I overheard up until now, Dean caught Cas reading fan fiction about them and got angry, and then Cas apparently got angry at Dean for being angry at him.”, Sam  explained.

“Wow. Seems serious.”, she mused.

“Yeah, they've been at it for a good thirty minutes now.”, he replied.

Tara let out a sigh, “I’m gonna have to calm them down, aren't I?”

“Would be good, I’m afraid they might say something they’ll regret later.”

Tara sighed again and walked towards the pair, trying to soothe the waters. Sam kept watching until Tara stormed past him again, obviously irritated, muttering under her breath. She let herself fall down into a chair in a corner of the room and watched the shit going down. Sam stood up from his seat and walked over to her.

Standing beside her chair, he said, “They ignored you, huh?”

“If they don't want my help, fine…”, she gritted out.

Sam sighed, he didn't even need to try to calm them down, he knew it’d be of no use. If there was one thing those two had in common, it was that they were both stubborn as Hell.

Sam and Tara kept off to the sidelines while Dean and Cas kept yelling at each other for minutes. At some point Sam noticed how Tara tensed up even more, balling her hands into fists. She was angry, really angry. And she was mere seconds away from exploding. She didn't get angry often, but when she did, it was something you didn't want to experience, so Sam made sure to be out of the way when her patience would snap.

When the fight seemingly started to escalate, Tara had already balled her fists so tight that her knuckles turned white.

“ENOUGH!!!!”, she shouted all of a sudden in a booming, not entirely human voice and Dean and Cas found themselves pinned to opposite walls in the room.

There was a moment of dead silence as everyone processed what had just happened. Slowly, Tara rose from her chair and strode with carefully measured movements and calculated steps into the middle of the room, hands behind her back, gaze cast downwards, standing unusually upright. She seemed almost calm now, but everyone in the room was hyperaware of the raging hurricane underneath the surface.

Shaking her head, she let out a humorless laugh and started to talk, “I am _done_! I’m so _sick_ of your _bullshit_. This is absolutely _ridiculous_!”, now she was pacing the room, “You spent _years_ getting separated over and over again, but you always found back to each other. And now that you _finally_ have the chance to spend your time together, to spend your _life_ together, you start fighting about something _as stupid. As. This_.”

“I-“, Dean started, but she cut him off with a raised pointer finger, “No! I don't want to hear it! Cas was curious, so what? And Cas, Dean doesn't like to have his life laid bare like that. Try to understand each other’s point of view. You both are equally responsible for this stupid fight, so when I’m gonna release you from my grip, you're gonna talk to each other like grown-ups. Understood?”

They both nodded and she let them go. She was usually a rather quiet and patient person, but she could be absolutely terrifying when angry. Especially since she had gotten her angel powers. It’s always the quiet ones…

She seemed calmer, but was still giving them a stern and expectant look, her completely upright position giving her a strange aura of authority and they started taking a few tentative steps towards each other.

“Uh… I’m sorry… for what I said. I just… I kinda thought you found it funny that strangers write stuff like that about us…”, Dean stammered.

“Dean… I never… I’m sorry I made you feel like that, I was… I was just curious. And I didn't mean what I said…”, Cas replied and Dean’s mouth twitched a little, “Yeah, I know.”

It always amazed Sam how she could get them to apologize so fast. She was the only person he knew, who managed that.

Now Tara was smiling at them and said, “Cas, I need to talk to you. Sam, talk to Dean.”

Then she practically dragged Cas out of the room and into his own.

She sighed and started, “Listen to me. You have to stop lying. You assume you know what Dean thinks, what he wants, but what if you're wrong? What if you're throwing away a future with Dean just because you're too stubborn to see what’s right in front of you? Just… consider it for a moment. Dean would do anything for you. He bled his way through Purgatory for almost a year just to find you. You should start to pay closer attention to the things he does for you and how he behaves in your close proximity and contemplate the reasons for his behavior. Maybe he feels different about you than you assume.”

Cas remained silent, but listened intently, so she went on, “Just… try to get a little closer, you know? Step by step. See how he reacts. Does he get uncomfortable? Does he get flustered…? Just observe a little more. You get my point?”

Cas nodded, “I understand what you mean. I will consider your advice.”, then he met her gaze, “Thank you. You're a good sister.”

 

Meanwhile Sam was trying to talk to Dean, “What- What if Cas read that story for another reason than mere curiosity?”

“Such as?”, Dean required.

“Maybe he kinda likes the idea of… y’know, being with you.”, Sam suggested with a light shrug.

Dean scoffed, “And what exactly makes you think that, Sherlock?”

“Dean, he gave up a whole army for you over and over again. Don't you think that might be a little hint?”

Dean said nothing, so Sam kept talking, “Maybe he thinks the same as you, that you don't want him, so he doesn't dare to say anything. I mean, it’d make sense, wouldn't it? All that staring and standing so close to you? You called it personal space issues, but he never did that with me or Bobby or anyone else. Think about it.”

Now Tara walked into the room asking, “Where are we standing? Did you talk to him about it?”

“Yeah, kinda. I hope I got the point across.”, Sam replied.

Now something dawned upon Dean, “Wait, you _know_? You knew the whole time?”

Tara sighed, “I assume it’s time to tell you… I am, in fact, a shipper. I ship Destiel… But before you say anything, I want you to know that you’re not exactly subtle…”

Dean wanted to yell at her for lying at him, but he couldn’t muster up enough anger. He could understand why she hadn't told him, so instead he swallowed hard, “Really?”

“Have you even read one of the books? It couldn’t be more obvious!”, she retorted.

“Dean, I want you to be happy. And I think you shouldn't let this chance pass, just because you think he doesn't want you back.”, Sam told his brother.

Dean was staring at the floor as though it was the most intriguing thing in the world, “But what if he doesn’t…?”

Tara heaved a long sigh, “Look, I know Cas quite well by now… He made me promise to not tell anyone what he told me in our dream land, but I can tell you this much: You both need to finally get your heads out of your asses and be honest with each other. This is a giant mess and I can’t clean it up for you. You and Cas have to do that yourselves. And above all, you need to stop thinking you know what he wants and start seeing all the little signs. The way he looks at you, or how he smiles at you…”

“Look Dean, we’re not saying you should dive into this head first — whatever _this_ is — , but you could at least start to consider it. Maybe ask Cas out or something, see how things go. Just… _something_.”, Sam remarked.

“Yeah, maybe start with something small, see what you can get away with… Watch his reactions.”, Tara ended their little speech.

Dean was still deep in thought, trying to process everything they’d just said, when she added, “And if you’re planning to read one of the books, try the one with Purgatory. I think it’s named ‘What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?’ You can skip everything but the Purgatory scenes.”

And with that she walked off, Sam following her close behind, leaving Dean to his racing thoughts. Could they be right? Could it really be? Could he actually be _this_ lucky for once? They’d been right about Dean himself too, so maybe it wasn't all that implausible… Maybe he should take a look at that book… Yeah, he was definitely gonna take a look at that book.

 

He went to his room and closed the door behind himself, before taking his laptop and sitting down on the bed with it. It took a few seconds to boot and he wondered idly if this really was such a good idea, but before he could make up his mind, the laptop was done booting and Dean opened the browser. He searched for Chuck’s works and it took him a minute to figure out the right keywords. “Jesus, it can’t be that hard to find those stupid books…”, he’d muttered to himself right before the Supernatural page popped up.

Going through the list of works, he thought, ‘ _What’s with those titles? Was he drunk? I mean, come on…_ ’

After a little scrolling, the work Tara had mentioned showed up on the screen. ‘What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?’ was probably one of the weirder titles on the list, but by far not the weirdest. He hesitated for a moment, index finger hovering over the touchpad, but he clicked on the link anyway.

The text showed up after the blink of an eye. She’d said something about the Purgatory scenes… He scrolled again, searching for every scene that played in Purgatory, which seemed to be scattered throughout the whole book. As far as he could tell, they didn't say anything new, nothing he didn't already know. But then he came across a scene that seemed to be told from Benny’s perspective. Sort of, anyway. He started reading…

 

_Benny chuckled as he stared at the angel in front of him who had taken the crazy-aunt comment literally. ‘Is he stupid or something?’, he wondered. This was the angel Dean was looking for? The reason Purgatory had become a whole new level of Hell for the monsters who’d had the opportunity to face the hunter? For a year now, the two of them had scoured Purgatory looking for this angel, killing every monster they’d encountered, whether they’d had information or not, only resting when being human had absolutely demanded it from Dean. ‘Humans and their friendship’, the vampire scoffed. It was something he’d never experienced to this extent, so he didn't really understand. But then Benny took a look at Dean. Oh Hell no. The soft look the hunter was giving the angel, the smile. The way he was standing closely to him as if Dean was afraid to lose him again. Fuck. Dean Winchester was a nightmare, but this Dean Winchester was in love with an angel and against a hunter looking for his angel, Purgatory had never stood a chance._

 

Dean was gaping at the laptop screen. So Benny had known _too_?! Was he really _that_ obvious? Oh no. The comment Crowley had made, when he’d shown up for the first time a few days ago. He knew too. That meant he really _was_ that obvious. Shit. So, apparently everyone knew except Cas. That was a start, right? And if the books were that explicit regarding Dean’s feelings for Cas, maybe the same applied the other way round. Should he try reading some more? No, that probably wasn't a good idea, he’d only dig up memories he didn't want to relive. He would have to trust his little brother and almost-sister/guardian angel on this. If they’d known about him all along, they also had to know about Cas. It made sense, really. Unfortunately that didn't really do anything to calm him down or to cease his doubts. What if they were wrong? What if Cas didn't want him? But what if he _did_? It was all really confusing. He closed the laptop and laid down on the bed to think.

What they had told him, it wasn't stupid. He could allow himself a little more closeness and if Cas showed signs of discomfort, he’d just back away. That had been pretty good advice. He’d just have to watch the former angel a little closer, try to interpret his reactions from a more objective point of view. Was he _really_ reacting this way because he was uncomfortable or was it for a different reason and Dean was just imagining it, because he’d been expecting being rejected? He had to try to open his mind to the idea that he might actually find signs for Cas wanting him back. Yeah, that he could do. Maybe.

 

During the following days Tara started to prepare for her task in Heaven. Cas taught her everything he could, from angelic mannerisms to the body-language of wings, how to read it and how to use it consciously to establish a certain amount of dominance to get the other angels to listen. She was getting ready to leave. Of course she wouldn't be gone forever, but there was no way to tell when and how often she could come back, so she didn't want to leave too soon. There was something she had to take care of before she would take off.

Cas still had trouble with nightmares and it wasn't really an issue as long as Tara was there to chase them away, but when she would be gone, that might become a problem. She was worried about him, he’d looked terrible before she had started her dream wandering. That topic was bugging the ex-angel too, he just tried to push it to the back of his mind as good as he could. She had also visited Sam in his dreams one or two times, but usually she just occasionally replaced his nightmares with normal dreams without him knowing. Dean on the other hand, had made it very clear that he didn't want anyone to invade his head, so she kept out of his dreams. He had nightmares too, once in a while (mostly about loosing a certain fallen angel), she could feel it, but it didn't seem to be such a big issue for him as it was for Cas.

They were sitting on their park bench in Tara’s dream land on one of the floating islands, of which some could also be seen all around them. On a few of them, they could see waterfalls, where the water was flowing down over the edge of the island. There were birds, griffins and dragon-like creatures — some with scales, others with feathers — flying through the air.

“I have to say, you surpassed yourself with this.”, Castiel remarked, watching the fantastic animals.

Tara smiled, “Thanks. This is one of my favorite places in this world.”

Cas looked at the ground, “I will miss visiting this place…”

Now she looked down too, “Yeah, and I’ll miss talking to you here…”

They watched their surroundings some more until Tara decided to speak again, “You know, I won’t leave before I found a way for you to deal with those nightmares.”

He looked at her, eyes searching.

“I can’t just leave you alone with that problem. It wouldn't be fair. You’re human because of me and I will do anything to make life a little easier for you.”, she explained.

He smiled a bit, “You don’t have to. Being human is… not so bad. As you probably already know…”

Now she shot him a little smirk, “Does that mean you _like_ it?”

“Yes, I assume you could say so. I like experiencing things for the first time, especially when I can experience them with Dean…”

She grinned, “That’s great, Cas. I’m happy for you.”, she paused, “Being an angel isn't so bad either…”

He gave her a half smile, “By the way, I considered your advice. I think I will try for more… closeness. And see how Dean reacts to it.”

“That’s good! I’m proud of you.”, she replied happily.

There was a moment of silence before he asked, “And what are you planning to do about the nightmares?”

“Well… I already have an idea, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.”, she answered, fidgeting a little, being seemingly uncomfortable.

The former angel squinted at her and she went on, “You see… When I was a kid, I used to have my fair share of nightmares myself and whenever I had one, I’d crawl into my parents’ bed and it would be better.”

Cas frowned, “I don't really have parents.”

“I know, that’s not what I’m getting at. The point is, maybe it would help if you didn't have to sleep alone.”, she pointed out.

He tilted his head in obvious confusion and said, “I don't understand…”

She sighed, “Okay, I’m just gonna downright say it. My suggestion is, when you have a nightmare next time, you should go to Dean’s room and ask if you can come into his bed.”

Cas’ eyes widened and he looked almost scared, “What?”

“Look, I know it sounds weird, but I think it might help. Tomorrow I’ll leave the bunker at night, so you have an excuse to try if it works. If it doesn’t, we’ll figure out something else, but… try it at least. The worst that could happen is that he says no. I’m sure he’ll understand.”, she explained.

He nodded, “I did say I wanted to follow your earlier advice… I think this would be a start.”

She smiled once more, “Good. It’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleeeeeeaaaaaseeee leave me kudos or a comment, I'm really curious about your opinions! You can of course also message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I'm friendly!  
> Till next Friday!


	17. Saying goodbye is an art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara prepares for leaving and to take on the task Chuck assigned her, but before she can take off to Heaven, she has a few things left to take care of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took this chapter as sort of an opportunity to wrap up a few loose ends that were bothering me, but there's some Destiel in it too.  
> I hope you like it!

The next morning was rather uneventful. Sam went on a run, they ate breakfast together, checked for possible cases while Tara kept preparing for her heavenly purpose. Heaven and Hell were both still rather quiet since the Darkness-induced almost-apocalypse, but it was just a matter of time until they’d make problems again. Except maybe if someone got them under control… But well, how likely was that?

A few hours after breakfast another issue came up regarding Tara’s leaving. Cas wasn't protected against demonic possession. It wasn't really an issue as long as they had an angel around, but without her, he’d be in danger. He had to get an anti possession tattoo. So that being set, they drove to the next tattoo studio, Tara in tow. She’d insisted on coming along to heal Cas after the procedure, so that he wouldn't have to wait for it to heal on its own. When they went into the studio it was almost empty, which meant they didn't need to wait long. They showed the symbol to the artist and Cas told him where he wanted it. He chose a place on his back, right between his shoulder blades. After that, it didn't take all that long until the artist got started. At the first contact with the needle Cas winced a little, but otherwise he showed no signs of pain at all. It wasn't his first tattoo after all and he'd been through much worse anyway… Dean couldn’t help finding it a little hot. ‘ _Allow for more closeness, she said_ ’, Dean mentally told himself and tentatively placed a hand on Cas’ shoulder. The former angel didn't flinch away or showed any other sign of discomfort, quite the contrary actually, he turned and smiled warmly up at Dean and the hunter couldn’t help smiling back as he gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. It was almost sickeningly sweet. Tara was watching intently, trying to suppress a wide grin, only missing a bowl of popcorn. Sam constantly had to remind himself to keep the teasing to himself for now, at least until those two were finally an _actual_ couple. During the rest of the procedure, Dean kept his hand on Cas’ shoulder and at some point he even started to lazily rub tiny circles into the muscle with his thumb.

As soon as they were back at the bunker, Tara put two fingers to Cas’ forehead and the fresh tattoo was completely healed. Now warded against both Heaven _and_ Hell and being with the Winchesters, he felt freer than ever before. He was finally a real hunter. And he was damn proud.

 

It was already late afternoon when Crowley paid them a visit, telling Tara he needed to talk to her alone, so they made their way to Tara’s room.

After closing the door behind them, she asked, “What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Well, no.”, the demon said fidgeting seemingly nervous about something.

She raised an eyebrow, “Care to elaborate?”

He let out a sigh, “You know I’ve been trying to regain control over Hell…”

“Yeah. Go on.”

“Well… It hasn't worked particularly well so far…”

“Okay. And?”

“And… I… I thought your assistance might be useful…”

Tara’s lips twitched into a brief smile, “Are you asking me for help?”

Crowley heaved another heavy sigh, not really wanting to actually say it, “Fine… Yes, I am asking for your help.”, he paused, “What do you say?”

She smiled at him and replied, “I’ve already been waiting for you to ask me that, dumbass! Of course I’ll help you!”

 

“Okay, so just let me recapitulate. After negotiating with the demon leaders failed, you want to force them to oblige, but you can’t because first: you’re not powerful enough anymore since they raided your stock of souls, and second: they’re not scared of you anymore because of Lucifer.”, Tara summed up the current situation.

“Correct.”, he confirmed.

“And now you want _me_ to scare them for _you_. And in case they still don't submit to you, I should kill them.”, she continued.

“Precisely.”

“Wouldn’t it be kinda counterproductive for your image among them when you hire an angel for your dirty work?”, she asked a little confusedly.

“No, that won’t be a problem. Most demons would be impressed that I can get an angel under my control. Of course they don't need to know that we’re friends and I actually _asked_.”, he replied.

Tara chuckled, “Of course not. So… when do we start?”

“You’re still in?”

“I already said I’d help you, didn't I? So, when?”

The corner of Crowley’s mouth gave a brief twitch upward, “We can leave now if you want.”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve got any plans for today, so let’s take over Hell.”, she said as though that was something they did every weekend.

After a quick goodbye and a very brief explanation of where she was going, Tara flew off with Crowley to reclaim the throne.

“So, this is it, huh? Hell.”, she looked around with interest, “Is it hot in here or is it just me?”

Crowley rolled his eyes, “How long have you been waiting to make that joke?”

“Waaaaay too long.”, she replied with a smile, still wandering around in wonder, “Can I see your hellhound?”

“No. Not now. We have to get down to business. Maybe you can meet her later.”

“Okay. Can I see your throne?”

“That’s not in Hell, but it might be a good place for our ‘negotiations’…”, he thought for a moment, then said, “Change of plans, we’ll confront them there instead of Hell.”

And with that they were gone and standing in the now abandoned throne room.

“That’s your throne?”, she asked.

“Yes.”

“Neat. Can I sit on it?”

“No.”

“Aww… Come on!”

“I said no. Now get ready, I’ve got to get the demons here. And don't sit on my throne while I’m gone!”, he said before disappearing.

 

Crowley was perched on his throne, nipping on a glass of whiskey when a group of eight demons entered the room. One of them looked around and took a step forward.

“Why did you ask for a meeting, Crowley? Do you want to offer being our king again? So that we can stroke your ego?”, the first demon snarled.

“No. I won’t offer anything to you. I demand the throne. And I order you to kneel down in front of your king.”, Crowley replied calmly.

The demon who spoke first let out a snort, the others snickered, “And why should we do that?”

“Simple. If you don’t, you’ll be destroyed.”

The snarky demon scoffed, “You’re not powerful enough to do that. Not anymore.”

“You’re right. I’m not.”, Crowley agreed, “But she is.”

At that cue, Tara lazily strolled from behind the throne to Crowley’s right side.

Five of the demons actually looked quite scared now, but the other three stood their ground.

“She’s not a normal angel… What is she?”, demon number one asked.

“Correct, she’s not. She’s more powerful than a normal angel, Bael. I think somewhere between seraph and archangel. And she does whatever I tell her to.”, Crowley said before taking a sip of his drink again.

Bael seemed to be impressed, but didn't want to show it, “How did you get her to work for you?”

“None of your business. But I can tell you, she can destroy all of you with a snap of her fingers. Now kneel before your king.”

The five demons that had already been scared at the sight of Tara, complied. Bael and two others were still standing. When she noticed that one of them was about to pull an angel blade from his pocket, she wasted no time. With a mere snap of her fingers, the demon decomposed into a cloud of ash, the blade clattering as it hit the ground.

“Do what he told you to, or I’ll get creative.”, she hissed, eyes glowing and wings towering dangerously above everything in the room. It was a little creepy how well she was playing her role, but it did the trick.

Now Bael and the other remaining demon sank to their knees in front of the throne and Crowley chuckled with a satisfied smirk.

When they stood up again, Tara added with a dangerous edge to her tone, “Even when I’m not here you better keep in mind, I always come when he calls.”

“Alright, you can leave now, I think they got the message.”, Crowley told her.

Of course he knew it was a goodbye of sorts. They both did.

‘ _Fare well, Tara._ ’, he thought in an attempt at prayer.

He wasn't even sure whether she’d heard him, but then she looked at him, smiled and said quietly, for no one else to hear, “See you then.”

And with a single beat of her four giant wings, she vanished.

 

After Tara had disappeared with Crowley, Dean decided that too much time had passed since they’d watched their last movie together, so he went to the living room and grabbed a DVD Tara had brought with her, while Sam went into the kitchen to make popcorn. They watched Guardians of the Galaxy and although it was rather inaccurate regarding extraterrestrial life, Cas enjoyed it just as much as the brothers. He had taken a certain liking to Marvel movies and Dean very much appreciated that. Sam had taken an armchair, while Dean and Cas were sharing the couch, sitting close enough for their knees to be touching. Neither Dean nor Cas showed any signs of discomfort or desire to move away and one time the former angel even thought he felt the hunter leaning ever so slightly into him. At one point Sam managed to sneak a picture of them with his phone and sent it to Tara, he was sure she would want to see this…

They watched a few more movies after that (like Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Doctor Strange) before they headed to bed, Tara still not being back. Now Cas got a little nervous. Should he ask Dean right away or try to sleep on his own first? The thought of asking Dean to share his bed with him made him anxious, so he decided to go to his own room and sleep there. Maybe he’d be lucky and the nightmares would leave him alone for this night… He was wrong. In the middle of the night he woke up breathing heavily, forehead sweaty and heart beating furiously in his chest. He’d seen the angels fall again and Dean… Dean had been dead. Cas sighed defeatedly, rubbing a hand over his face before getting out of bed and leaving the room. He padded barefoot along the hallway to Dean’s room, which was actually right next to his own and knocked softly.

Dean hadn’t been sleeping all that good, he usually didn't admit it, but the nightmares were sometimes really getting to him. He didn't really have nightmares about monsters (which was quite surprising considering their line of work), it was usually all about Cas and the possibility of losing him. He was just trying to fall asleep again, when he noticed a soft knock on the door.

“Yeah?”, he called out, voice still sleepy. A moment later, the door opened and Cas stuck his head into the room.

“What is it? Did something happen? Anything wrong?”, Dean asked, now a bit worried.

Cas walked completely into the room, closing the door behind him and kept looking at the floor as he said, “I- um… I had a nightmare and Tara isn't back yet…”

“Okay, um… you wanna talk about it or something?”, Dean asked unsure.

“No, I… Before she left she told me about how it had helped her to sleep in her parent’s bed when she used to have nightmares as a child…”, Cas replied.

It took Dean’s brain a moment to kick in and register what this was about and yeah, he could kinda understand why the ex-angel seemed so uncomfortable talking about this. Dean would’ve been too. Hell, Dean probably wouldn't even be brave enough to talk about something like that…

He didn’t know what made him do it, maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that Cas looked so lost, or maybe it was both of it, but he pulled back the covers and said, “C’mere.”

It was totally not a good idea, but Cas had asked him for it and what were he supposed to say? How could he send his angel away when he looked like a lost puppy? He was trying what Tara had told him to, more closeness and so far Cas had shown no signs of discomfort whatsoever. This was just… the next stage of this ‘experiment’. Right.

Cas was a little surprised… okay, scratch that, he was _really_ surprised that Dean invited him into his bed just like that. Without objections or discussion. For a moment, he thought about asking Dean if he was sure, but he decided against it, because A: Dean knew what he was doing, and B: he didn't want to give the hunter the impression that he was uncomfortable with this. Hesitantly Cas walked over to the now empty side of the bed and slipped under the covers. It was warm and smelled like Dean. He could've fallen asleep in an instant.

“You good?”, the hunter mumbled beside him.

“Yes, Dean. Thank you.”, Cas answered and they both turned around to sleep back-to-back.

 

When Tara returned to the bunker, she realized that she’d been gone way longer than expected. It was already late at night, the corridors of the building shrouded in darkness. At least she’d had a decent excuse for leaving Cas alone for the night. Standing alone in the dark war room, she took a look at her phone. It was past midnight and she had a message from Sam. As she opened it, she noticed with surprise and glee that it was a picture of Dean and Cas, sitting really close to each other on the couch, enjoying a movie. She smiled and put the phone back into her pocket, thinking ‘ _Maybe they’ll really make it_ ’.

Everyone was already asleep, she could feel their calm heartbeats throughout the whole concrete structure. But one heartbeat wasn't located in the usual room. Having gotten curious, she walked soft-footed through the hallway, wondering if their plan was going to be successful. The photo had looked promising, but there was no way to tell what the future would look like. When she reached Dean’s room, she opened the door just slightly and as quietly as possible.

The sight that greeted her warmed her heart. There they were, Dean and Cas, sleeping in the same bed, practically wrapped around each other and legs entangled as though they’d unconsciously tried to get as close as they could. It was quite possibly the cutest thing she’d ever seen and for a moment she just watched them sleeping peacefully. Reaching out with her grace, she could tell that the nightmares were staying away from them both, which meant she had a night off. She scrambled for her phone for a second and then took a picture of the two, before silently closing the door again and retreating to her room.

Now knowing that those two idiots were on a good way, she could leave without too much worries. But first, she had a few more goodbyes to say.

After opening the Supernatural fanpage on her laptop, she searched the chat room for two very familiar usernames. It was barely past midnight, which meant they usually should be still online. And it turned out she was right.

**Queen_of_hell is online**

**Queen_of_hell sent a private chat request**

**Cassbutt86 entered the private chat**

**Destiel4evaa entered the private chat**

**Queen_of_hell: Hello**

**Cassbutt86: Hi**

**Destiel4evaa: Heya**

**Queen_of_hell: How is writing going, Jordan?**

**Cassbutt86: Oh, it’s going pretty well, I’m fully caught up now**

**Queen_of_hell: So you already saw what Crowley and I did today?**

**Cassbutt86: Yes, that was the last thing I saw, I think the visions always come a few hours after everything happened**

**Queen_of_hell: Ah ok**

**Destiel4evaa: Did you just want to ask about the books or is there something important you wanted to talk about?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yeah, actually there is. I thought you might like to see this**

**Queen_of_hell sent a picture**

**Queen_of_hell: Sam sent it to me this evening, he wrote that they’d been watching a movie together**

**Destiel4evaa: OMG OMG this is so cute, I can’t even**

**Cassbutt86: Ah yes, I remember that**

**Queen_of_hell: And when I came home, I saw this**

**Queen_of_hell sent a picture**

**Destiel4evaa: asdfghjhlkewuigfsdjcbykbxsgfest**

**Cassbutt86: Awwww, this is so adorable! I can’t wait to see it in a vision and write it down!**

**Queen_of_hell: Looks like the plan is working after all**

**Destiel4evaa: And what does that mean?**

**Queen_of_hell: Well, it means that Destiel is gonna get canon after all**

**Cassbutt86: But it also means that you’ll leave, doesn't it?**

**Queen_of_hell: Yes, I am afraid so…**

**Destiel4evaa: But who’s gonna watch out for those idiots then?**

**Queen_of_hell: Sam is. Don't you forget him. He’ll take good care that they stay on track, he’s a shipper too, remember?**

**Destiel4evaa: And what about us?**

**Queen_of_hell: I’ll miss you, but it’s not like I’ll be gone forever. Maybe I can visit you, or maybe I can write. We’ll see**

**Cassbutt86: Take care of yourself up there, Tara**

**Destiel4evaa: Yeah, and greet Charlie from us**

**Queen_of_hell: Will do, guys. Thank you <3**

**Queen_of_hell is offline**

Tears in her eyes and the faintest hint of a smile on her lips, Tara closed the laptop and settled down for the night, wrapping herself up in her wings.

 

When Dean woke up he felt well rested, which in itself was something very unusual, but he also felt a warm body next to him. Blinking his eyes open, he froze in shock, because the first thing he saw was Cas’ face, so very very close to his. It took him a moment to  remember why Cas was in his bed and another moment to register that he had an arm draped over the former angel’s side and that their legs were intertwined. ‘ _Shit_ ’, he thought and wanted to start untangling himself, when he registered that Cas had an arm around his waist as well. At least Dean wasn't the only one who’d gotten snuggly in his sleep, but that didn't have to mean anything. He debated a little longer about whether he should try to get away before Cas would wake up and it’d get awkward, but the other man looked so peaceful that Dean didn't have the heart to risk waking him up. He ended up just staring at Cas’ face for an indefinite amount of time, thinking about what to do or say when the moment would come that he’d wake up. The thing was that Cas started stirring pretty soon and Dean had come up with nothing, so to not seem creepy staring at his friend, the hunter closed his eyes again.

“Good morning, Dean.”, he heard that familiar voice, raspy from sleep (a beautiful sound, he’d like to hear more often in the future) and when he opened his eyes he was lost in a sea of blue. Their faces were still ridiculously close and Dean wanted nothing more than to close this tiny distance separating them. Instead he removed his arm from Cas’ waist, cleared his throat and said, “Mornin’. How… How’d you sleep?”

Cas made a point at leaving his hand where it was for far longer than necessary, but when he finally _did_ remove it, he could’ve sworn he saw a short look of disappointment on Dean’s face.

“I slept rather well, it seems that Tara’s theory is right. And you?”, Cas asked.

When Dean untangled their legs to roll onto his back, Cas seemed to make a tiny frown. It was only for barely a second, but Dean had noticed.

“I slept pretty well too actually.”, he replied and okay, it was a vast understatement. He hadn't slept this good in ages. No nightmares, no waking up soaked in sweat, no nothing. If he was honest, he could totally get used to waking up like this. Especially with Cas next to him…

“So… you wouldn't mind if I came here more often when I have nightmares?”, Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean turned his head to the side to look at him before he answered, “‘Course not. Whenever you want.”

 

As soon as the two walked into the kitchen for breakfast all previous awkwardness was already gone. The thing that was bugging Dean the most was that it hadn't really been all that awkward. Not nearly as awkward as he would’ve imagined. It had felt almost normal — at least as normal as it could get in their life. It had felt natural, domestic and just _right_. And Dean couldn’t help wanting more. But having seen Cas’ little reactions, the hope that he could actually _have_ more was slowly starting to grow. Slowly.

Judging from the looks Sam and Tara gave them when they entered, those two knew. ‘ _Oh no_ ’, Dean thought.

“Hey Dean, how’d you sleep? We were already wondering when you’d finally wake up.”, Sam said, trying to hide his grin, but failing. The photo Tara had shown him was pure gold.

Dean felt his face heat up a bit, but deciding he didn't want to give his little brother the satisfaction of seeing him sputtering and embarrassed, he flashed him a cocky smile and replied, “I slept really good, Sam. Might be able to get used to it.”

Sam almost choked on his coffee, while Tara had to suppress a giggle. Then Dean noticed that now it was Cas who blushed a little.

“So Cas? How was your first night without me? I believe you followed my little advice, how did it go?”, Tara asked.

Cas looked at the ground and smiled, blushing even a little more — ‘ _He’s so damn adorable_ ’, Dean thought — “Yes, it went quite well. I believe your assistance will not be required anymore in that matter.”

Tara smiled, “Good. That’s good. I’m glad, Cas.”

 

A few hours after breakfast the three men went on a quick salt’n’burn, but Tara had something else to do. Something more important. About half of the day, she spent with her parents, telling her goodbyes and making sure they understood why she had to go.

In the afternoon, Tara walked into a burger restaurant in California, attentively scanning the room. She was looking for someone. Someone important. Then she spotted an old man sitting at an otherwise empty table, eating a burger using fork and knife, his walking cane leaned against one of the other chairs. She wasn't sure if he was the one she was searching for, but then she saw the ring on his finger and she just _knew_. Slowly she walked towards the table until she was standing in front of the man, behind a chair.

“May I?”, she asked friendly.

He gave her a strange look but motioned for her to sit down.

When she was seated, he put the cutlery down, wiped his mouth and looked at her with indifference, “How did you find me?”

“I’ve been looking for you for weeks- months now and I had help, it was just a matter of time.”, she answered.

“And how did you know I’m not ‘dead’?”, he wanted to know.

She huffed a laugh, “It wasn't that hard, really. I read the books, you know? It never made sense to me that Death could be killed. And the books never explicitly stated that you were dead. They just said that your physical form disintegrated into dust. I thought about this for a while and came to the conclusion that the scythe only killed your physical form, because otherwise, how could people keep dying? So I figured that you wanted to keep hidden, get a break from the Winchesters, while restoring your physical appearance. Which ultimately meant, you could be found at some point.”

He listened to her explanation intently, but the expression of indifference remained, it was probably default, “You are smarter than I expected. Now, why are you here?”

Tara sighed, “I’ve come to ask you a favor.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “A favor?”

“Yes, a favor. You’re the only one who can get the reapers under control.”, she said.

“And you want me to keep them from collecting someone? I can’t do that, you should know.”, he replied with a hint of disappointment.

“No, that’s not what I want.”, she responded, fidgeting nervously with her fingers.

“Then you want me to keep them from collecting you when the time comes?”, he asked.

“No. I’m not here to ask something for myself.”

He studied her with mild interest now, “Go ahead. What are you here for?”

She sighed heavily, “I’m here for the Winchesters. And Castiel. They don't know what I’m doing here, or that I even _am_ here, but I’m doing this for them. The reapers want to throw their souls into the Empty as soon as they die, I’m not sure if that goes for Castiel as well, but knowing them, it probably does. I’m here because I want you to send their souls to Heaven when they die. Nothing more, nothing less.”

He seemed to be a little bit surprised by her answer, “And why do you want that?”

She laughed dryly, “Because they did so much good, saved the world countless times and suffered so much. They deserve it. Not the Empty, they deserve Heaven. Eternal peace. A reward for everything they've done, everything they've gone through. You know I’m right.”

He studied her face once more, before averting his eyes and saying, “Yes, I assume you aren't wrong. But I have conditions for this arrangement. When they die — and they will — they come with me willingly and the others don't attempt to bring them back. You will take care of that if you have to.”

“You have a point, I’ll make it work.”, she agreed.

“And you owe me a favor.”, he added.

She nodded, “Sounds only fair. Alright. Deal.”, she paused, “And what now?”

“I think a handshake will do to seal this.”, Death said.

“Oh, thank Chuck. I’m really not a good kisser.”, she laughed and extended her hand towards him.

But Death hesitated, “Before we do this, I have a question.”

“Ask.”

“Why are you willing to do this for them? No one else owes Death himself a favor.”

She smiled, “Because they always do so much for other people — like me. It’s time someone does something for them. Also, I happen to be their guardian angel.”

That answer seemed to be enough for him and he extended his hand towards Tara. She wanted to take it, but pulled back again and said, “One more thing. I want to be there when it happens. I want to escort their souls to Heaven personally, can I do that? I think it would help. If I did it, they’d go more willingly.”

Death thought about it for a moment, then answered, “Yes, that can be arranged.”

“So Sam, Dean and Castiel will go to Heaven when they die and I get to escort them, but only if they go willingly and don't try to bring each other back anymore.”, she summarized.

“Correct.”

“Will they share a Heaven?”, she asked.

“That’s beyond my field of duty. You’d have to take care of that yourself.”, he answered.

Tara nodded and took his hand to shake it, and he said, “As long as you keep your word, I’ll keep mine.”

But she didn't just leave after that. She remained seated across from him, searching his face.

“I know I’m just a bacteria to you, but…”, she started but he cut her off, “Humans are bacteria. Angels are… more like… insects.”

She chuckled, “Fine, then I’m a dragonfly. But I wanted to ask you… Have you ever had a friend?”

Now he looked confused.

“You know, a real friend. Someone who doesn't just talk to you because they want something, but just because they enjoy talking to you. You surely don't have many friends, but I’m curious.”, she explained.

“No, I don't have friends. If I had, the day would come that I have to reap them.”, he answered.

“Yeah, but a real friend would understand that. It’s your job after all. I wouldn't expect anything else from you.”, she replied, “Just… think about it. I’d be happy to talk to you some time again in the next few millennia. I could need someone whom I won’t outlive.”

Death remained silent and she smiled at him once more, stood up and left the restaurant, none of the other guests being any wiser.

 

When Tara arrived back at the bunker in the evening, the three men were already back from their short case. It was getting dark and thick, grey clouds were hanging in the sky, daring to burst. After dinner, the sun was gone and it was pouring with rain outside.

“Come with me, I wanna show you something.”, Tara announced.

The three shared weird looks, but ultimately followed her to the bunker’s main entrance.

“Wait, we’re not going out there, it’s pouring.”, Dean objected.

“You don't have to go outside, just stand in the doorway and look.”, Tara told them and opened the door. The night air was cool and wet, raindrops drumming onto the street, thunder rumbling in the distance.

“What did you want to show us?”, Sam asked curiously.

“My wings.”, she replied and as they all looked at her in confusion she went on, “I’ve been planning to do this for a while now, I just had to wait for the perfect weather.”

“And the perfect weather is pouring rain?”, Dean asked warily.

“Yes. You see… My wings aren't visible, you can’t actually see them. I can’t make them visible for your eyes, only their shadows. But what I can do, is partially materializing them, which means that they don't just go through everything they touch without any impact. They are still invisible in that state, but I found a solution.”, she explained and then stepped into the rain.

She was soaked through almost instantly, but it didn't matter. A few feet away from the door the three men were standing in, she stopped and turned towards them. She took a deep breath and her eyes started glowing, she closed them and leaned her head back to let the rain pour down on her face. Then they could see it. The rain started to flow around a certain area behind her back and when she spread her wings wide, they could be seen clearly. The rain was flowing down four giant, invisible wings, stretched out to her sides, the water running smoothly over the silky feathers and dripping down to the ground. Lightning flashed somewhere behind Tara and for the fraction of a second they could actually see her colors.

“They’re beautiful!”, Sam exclaimed in awe.

Then she lowered her head and from one moment to the next, the rain was washing down normally again, without invisible barriers. When she opened her eyes, she wore a sad smile.

“This is it, right? That was your goodbye.”, Dean stated.

She nodded, “I took care of everything I could. Tomorrow morning I’ll be gone.”

“What do you mean with ‘everything you could’?”, Sam wanted to know.

“I said my goodbyes, helped Cas to deal with his nightmares and talked to Death.”, she summarized.

“Wait a second. You talked to Death?”, Dean inquired.

“But I thought Death is dead?”, Sam added.

“Yeah, I killed him!”, Dean said.

“Well, actually you just killed his physical form and he merely had to build a new one. I talked to him about his reapers and what they are planning to do with your souls when you die.”, she replied.

“The Empty.”, Sam remembered.

“Exactly. I talked to him and he agreed to call the reapers back under certain circumstances. He will take your souls to Heaven if — and _only_ if — you go with him willingly and the others don't try to bring you back. This applies to all of you. I will be there to escort you personally, but the deal breaks as soon as someone of you tries to trick him. Do you understand?”, she explained.

“Of course.”, Cas said.

“Yeah, I guess.”, Dean answered.

“Yeah, thank you.”, Sam replied.

She smiled at them, “Good.”

When they walked back inside, Tara was completely dry in an instant. Sitting down in the living room with a beer, Dean decided to ask, “How’d you do it? And why?”

“Well, let’s just say, I owe Death a favor now. As for the why… Ever since ‘the Empty’ was first mentioned in the books, I thought about ways to keep you from going there. You deserve to go to Heaven for everything you went through. Besides, there is a very high chance that I will outlive you and I can’t visit you in the Empty. When you're in Heaven, I can.”, she told him.

He nodded in understanding, then frowned, “You owe Death himself a favor?”

“Yep.”

Now he raised an eyebrow at her, “What kind of favor?”

“He didn't say and I didn't ask.”, she shrugged, “In any way, it could take millennia until he calls it in.”

Dean mentally shrugged, “I hope you know what you signed up for.”

“He wouldn’t ask me to do something that isn't important in some way, that’s how he works.”, she just said. And with that the discussion was over.

The rest of the evening, they watched some movies, talked to each other and just enjoyed the time they had left together. In the following morning, Tara was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos or a lovely comment, I feel lonely at times! You can also message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I'm nice!


	18. Knockin’ on Heaven’s door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of work for Tara in Heaven, especially since Lucifer seemingly likes to drop by on occasion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's what she's doing up there, so there isn't much about the boys in this chapter.  
> Enjoy anyway!

The angels were just having another meeting about how they could finally get rid of Lucifer, when suddenly Tara appeared in the room. Everyone jumped and abruptly drew their weapons, but she raised her arms in an attempt to calm them down.

“I’m not here to harm you. I’m coming in peace. Just… hear me out.”, she said and spread her wings a little as a motion of respect.

They lowered their blades and one of them spoke, “Who are you? You're not one of us.”

“That’s right, I’m not, but your father sent me.”, everyone stared at her in surprise, “Before he left with his sister, he asked me to come here and become your teacher.”

“Teacher? For what?”, someone asked warily.

“I know it probably sounds crazy to you, but… He created me exactly for this purpose. I should teach you free will and emotions. I should show you that angels aren't that much different from humans.”, she said and there were angry rumors in the crowd, “I know, I know. You might not believe me, I understand. But it was your father’s will and I am the living proof of that. He created me as an angel, born and raised as human. Just look a little closer, I have a grace and a human soul. And… don't you respect your father’s will?”, she went on.

Now there was whispering as the angels took a close look at Tara’s form.

“I respect if you don't accept me as one of you, but allow me to be here at least until my task is finished. I’m not here to become your leader, I’m only here to be your teacher.”, she finished her speech.

One of the angels took a step forward, out of the crowd. He had beautiful, brown wings, with speckled feathers, much like a sparrow’s. They were ragged and disheveled from the fall, but she could imagine what they’d looked like in their full glory.

“I believe you. I’ve never seen anything like you and our father always wanted us to be closer to humanity. I wanted to follow his wish, but I never knew how… Can you really teach us that?”, he asked with something akin to hope.

Tara smiled warmly, “I will do the best I can. What’s your name?”

“Micah.”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Micah. I’m Tara.”

Then another angel stepped out of the crowd, “But what if we don't want to learn these things?”

“Well, I can’t force you to learn something, can I? Besides, I should also teach you about free will, so if you choose to keep away, it’s already a success for me.”, she answered. That shut the other angel up pretty fast.

“I will not force you into anything you don't want, but I strongly suggest that you should do some things that you normally wouldn’t. Get a little out of your comfort zone, if you understand what I mean.”, she paused, “And whenever you need help or just someone to talk to, you can always come to me.”

There was loud chattering and discussing in the crowd, until Micah finally turned back to Tara and announced, “You are allowed to stay.”

 

“I am not your leader, but as a teacher, I have to establish a few rules nonetheless. First: From now on you are all equal individuals. No one is disposable or has less rights, just because they're less powerful. Do you understand?”, she said.

There were confused looks, but nodding.

“Good. Second: Important decisions are to be made democratic. Every vote is worth equal, no matter from whom it comes. Third: You do not harm other angels because of their decisions. Fourth: You do not harm innocents. And fifth: You do not, under any circumstances, harm my friends or family. Understand?”

More nodding.

Tara clapped her hands together, “Excellent. Now, let’s start with lesson number one: You have to forget everything you believe to know about the differences between angels and humans. Forget what your former superiors, like Raphael or Zachariah, told you. Free will and emotions are deeply engrained in your very being. They are only dangerous if you don't know how to deal with them. A few angels learned it on their own, like Gabriel or Castiel.”, she explained, while pacing the meeting room up and down, holding her wings high in an expression of dominance to keep them listening, “Making your own decisions and deal with the consequences is not easy, Castiel had to learn that the hard way. But that’s what I am here for. If you ever struggle with a decision, feel free to come to me for advice. I will not tell you what to do, but I will do my best to help you make your decision.”

Suddenly there was a rustling of feathers and Lucifer was standing in the room, arms outstretched, greeting everyone gleefully, “Hello again.”

The other angels instantly folded their wings as small as possible behind their backs, but Tara made a point at keeping them spread, demanding, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just dropping by, you know? Checking in on my little siblings.”, he answered, patting one of the angels on the head, then something seemed to dawn on him and he raised an eyebrow, “Wait a moment, I _know_ you… Dad’s newest creation!”, he leaned lazily against the wall, arms crossed and looked her up and down, “You’re stronger than last time.”

“Well, you’re not.”, Tara remarked dryly, then turned to the other angels in the room, “Did he come here often since he lost his vessel?”

They were obviously too scared to actually answer, but a few of them nodded a little.

“I see…”, she thought for a moment, then said, “Would you please leave now? I want to talk to him alone.”

Some angels shot her worried glances as if to ensure she knew what she was doing, but they all left the room obediently. As soon as the door clicked shut, Tara spoke again holding her hands behind her back, “They’re scared of you.”

“You’re not.”, Lucifer noticed with a hint of confusion and interest.

“Like you said, I’m stronger than last time.”, she replied, “Now what do you want?”

Lucifer started to lazily stroll around the room, “Ah, you know… I thought now that Dad is gone, I might be able to… regain my old position.”

Tara squinted at him, “You mean, you want to redeem yourself to Heaven?”

“Meh, I don’t like that word…”

“But it’s still true.”

“I guess you could say that.”, he admitted with a shrug.

“Well, as things are now, that’s not gonna happen.”, she replied, but got thoughtful and started moving around the room too, “But what would you say to a little… deal?”

He smirked at her, “You wanna make a deal with the devil?”

She rolled her eyes, “A simple trade. Look, we both want the same thing. To gain the angel’s trust. My offer is, if you leave Heaven and don't come back without invitation, I’ll see if I can restore your old vessel, so that it can hold you for an indefinite amount of time. You won’t burn it, but of course it wouldn't be the same as wearing your true vessel.”

“Sounds interesting, tell me more.”

“As soon as you have a proper vessel again, we can meet on earth to talk about your redemption. It might take a few decades, but I’m sure you got the time on your hands. So, what do you say?”, she asked.

“Hmmm…”, he was still strolling around the room. The two of them were practically circling each other now. He briefly thought about killing her and taking Heaven over with force, but he was still weakened and she was a lot stronger than before. In a one-on-one fight they’d probably be equal and he didn't know anything about her fighting abilities. No, the risk was too high, besides, the deal sounded pretty damn good. She must’ve picked a few things up from that former crossroads demon.

“Sounds not bad, I can stay away for a while, I guess.”, he said lastly with a tiny shrug.

Tara gave him a slight smile, “Good.”

 

“Emotions are complex things, but they're not as far away from you as you like to think. I’m sure everyone of you has experienced some emotions before.”, Tara told them as she was pacing the meeting room she’d unofficially made her classroom, “All of you have felt fear, anger, sadness, maybe even jealousy. Anger when your father left you, fear of the Darkness and Lucifer, sadness when you realized God wasn't gonna come back and jealousy of humankind.”

Realization seemed to dawn upon the angels and some of them bowed their heads in shame, so Tara went on, “Emotions are nothing to be ashamed about and they won’t destroy you as long as you know how to deal with them. Emotions can be something beautiful when you don't let them control you. I know most of you have only experienced negative emotions, like the ones I just mentioned and that’s the reason why I’ve decided to start with something positive today. Joy.”

Tara had integrated herself pretty well into the society of Heaven so far. Most of the angels seemed to accept her and what she was trying to teach them. She even had gotten her own office. Lucifer hadn't shown since their talk and his vessel was almost finished. The angels didn't know what had happened between the archangel and her, how she’d gotten him to leave or what that vessel was for. Well, they didn't ask and she didn't tell.

Whenever she had some free time on her hands, she liked to visit Charlie and chat with her about all kinds of things. The redhead even had some good advice sometimes. Other times, Tara just sat in her office at the work desk and read the new Supernatural books Jordan regularly posted. Dean and Cas seemed to make some progress and Sam wasn't exactly unhelpful in that matter.

Teaching the angels free will was one thing — they were figuring out the concept pretty well so far, except a few latecomers and only had problems making the right decisions and dealing with the consequences — but teaching them emotions was something completely different. She took them to all kinds of places, like theme parks where they learned the joys of rollercoasters, a field full of fireflies where they stared in endless wonder, a circus where some of them laughed for the very first time and a children’s hospital where they learned that one can experience sadness and joy at the same time. It was endearing to see them feel and experience so many things for the first time, as if they were millennia old children discovering the world.

 

When Lucifer’s vessel was ready, Tara wasted no time giving it to him. He kept his end up, so she did too. After that, they met at a cliff coast some place, they would be undisturbed by humans. When Lucifer arrived, Tara was sitting on an old willow that grew close to the edge of the cliff. She had one of her legs stretched out on the branch she was sitting on and the other was lazily dangling off as she leaned against the tree trunk, gazing out onto the sea.

“It’s beautiful, isn't it?”, she asked without turning towards him.

“It kind of is.”, he admitted.

“You won’t try to destroy it again, will you?”, she asked almost nonchalantly.

He looked out onto the water and sighed, “Nah, I guess not. Since Amara, I’m through with that apocalypse stuff.”

From his position he couldn’t see it, but she was smiling. Then she finally turned to look at him, before jumping off the tree branch with one quick motion and landing in front of him.

“So what now?”, she asked.

“You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”, he replied.

“Right, you want to come back to Heaven. You know… the angels trust me by now and I won’t abuse this trust, so I have to be absolutely sure, I won’t regret letting you in again. Which ultimately means, you’ll have to prove yourself worthy and follow a few rules.”, she told him.

“Which would be?”, he required, narrowing his eyes.

“Rule number one: You will not harm my friends and family, counting biological family as well as Dean, Sam, Castiel and Crowley. Rule number two: You will not try to gain control over Heaven and/or Hell again. Rule number three: You will not harm any angels and/or humans, not even scare them. Rule number four: The apocalypse is off the table _forever_. And rule number five: You generally try to keep out of trouble and don't do any stupid bullshit, like, I don't know, get someone pregnant or something.”, she said.

At that he raised an eyebrow and she added, “I know it sounds stupid, but it’d be possible, right?”, after a short and mildly awkward pause she asked, “And? Do you accept my conditions?”

Once more he briefly thought about stabbing her, but this vessel wasn't his true vessel and they were equal in power now, so he decided against it again.

Instead he rolled his eyes, sighed dramatically and said, “Fine. I’m on board.”

There was another short moment of silence before he remarked, “You didn't have four wings when I saw you for the first time, where did that second wing set come from?”

“When you saw me the first time, I didn't have any wings at all.”, she retorted.

“Okay, well, technically yeah, but you know what I mean.”

She chuckled and answered, “Your Dad. Before he left, he and Amara gave me a grace, Castiel’s grace, and apparently the wings came along with it.”

Now Lucifer looked confused and raised his eyebrow, “Dad gave you Castiel’s grace? Why?”

“Because Cas doesn't need it anymore and I needed it to fulfill my task in Heaven. The task He gave me.”

“What task?”, he got more and more confused.

“He told me to teach the angels about free will, emotions and humanity in general. He wanted his two favorite creations to get a little closer together in this world.”, she replied.

“Okay, so you’re teaching the angels how to become more human.”, he concluded.

“In a certain way, yes. They’re doing pretty well actually. I thought you might be able to help me in this.”, she told him in her ever casual tone.

“What?”, now he was completely confused. How? Why him? What the Hell was that even supposed to mean?

“You are the first to rebel and fall from Heaven, you were the first to express emotion and free will. You are more human than you think.”

That let anger boil up inside him. How dare she compare him to the fuckin’ mud-monkeys?! But exactly that feeling of rage and pride was what felt like a punch to the gut. She was right. Sometimes he _was_ like those stupid apes. Shit. He didn't admit anything — he never would — but he didn't deny it either and that was enough of an answer for Tara.

When she already wanted to leave, he decided to ask, “Wait. What did you mean with Castiel doesn't need his grace anymore? Is he dead?”

She smiled up at him and answered, “No. He’s more alive than ever.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, he inquired a little irritatedly.

She rolled her eyes, “It means he’s human.”

Lucifer looked a little shocked, “Dad made him human? Why?”

“As a gift. A reward.”, she answered as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Lucifer was silent for a moment, trying to understand how something like that could be a reward, before he laughed a little and asked, “Is he with the hunter?”

Tara tilted her head to the side, “You mean Dean?”

“Yeah, little brother has it bad for the guy.”, he replied with a chuckle.

Tara huffed a laugh, “Yeah, he’s with him. And he’s happy that way.”

Lucifer didn't say it, but Tara could see that he was reassured by that statement. He cared for his little brother after all.

 

Time progresses different in Heaven, almost like it does in Hell. While Tara spent months, if not over a year up there, on earth only a few weeks had passed. She was almost through with the ‘subject matter’, having only one emotion left to discuss and therefore had some more time off. Enough to make a quick visit at a friend’s place.

When Crowley walked back into his throne room, he got surprised. His beloved throne wasn't empty. Tara was seated on it, legs crossed and hooked over an armrest, her back half leaned against the other armrest and a glass of brown liquid in hand.

“Since when do you drink whiskey?”, the demon asked calmly.

“I don’t, it’s just apple juice. How’re things in Hell?”, she replied.

“Hellish. And hot. How’s Heaven?”

She shrugged, “Cloudy.”

He stared at her for a moment as she took a sip from the glass, then he said, “Get out of my throne.”

“You can sit on my lap if you want.”, she suggested.

He just raised his eyebrow and she tried, “Can I sit on _your_ lap?”

“Just get out of my throne, Tara.”

She rolled her eyes dramatically, “Fine.”

She stood up and he sat down on the throne, only a second later she was sitting on his right armrest. He looked up at her questioningly and she just mumbled, “Let me at least have this.”

After that he didn't object further. They had a lot of fun that day. Tara finally got to meet Crowley’s hellhound and although she’d described herself as more of a cat-person, the animal seemed to take a certain liking to her. She also helped Crowley to judge a few demons who’d planned to overthrow the king and she’d gotten alarmingly creative regarding the punishments.

“I think it’s time to leave now.”, she said reluctantly, “You don't happen to know how to best teach angels about love?”

“I am afraid I don't know how to teach _anyone_ about love, sorry dear.”, he replied.

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks anyway.”, she told him with a slight smile, then added with a thoughtful look, “I think I might know where to go for advice…”

“Good.”, Crowley said, “See you then?”

She gave him a smile, “See you then.”

 

“Hey Charlie.”, Tara said when she appeared in her friend’s Heaven.

“Hiya angel!”, the ginger screeched, throwing her arms into the air enthusiastically.

Tara smiled and the redhead took the silence as her signal to keep talking, “How are your feathery colleagues? Are things going well?”

“Well, that’s actually the reason why I’m here. It’s going quite well, but the last topic is the most difficult and… I honestly don't know how to approach it. I was hoping you could maybe give me some advice?”, Tara asked hopefully.

Charlie shrugged lightly, “Sure, I’ll do my best. So, what _is_ that difficult topic?”

Tara looked searchingly around the room for a moment, but the walls couldn’t really help her with this, so she sighed and just said, “Love.”

Charlie’s eyebrows wandered up her forehead, “Well, that _really is_ a difficult topic.”

Tara huffed a laugh, “Yeah, tell me about it… How would you approach such a subject in front of people who have absolutely no idea of it, let alone experience?”

“Hhhhhhmmmm… Let’s see…”, she mumbled thoughtfully, tapping her chin with a finger, “Have you thought about putting it into a context they are familiar with? Like… something they’ve witnessed rather than experienced themselves. Something that confused them when they saw it. For example… um… Cas’ fall for humanity?”

“And by humanity you mean Dean.”, Tara noted.

“Exactly.”, Charlie confirmed with a grin.

Tara thought the idea through for a moment, then smiled at her friend, “Yeah, I think that could work. That’s some pretty decent advice. Thanks Charlie.”

“No probs! You can come to me whenever you want, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“Yeah, I know. See you soon.”, Tara said with a smile.

“‘Til then, angel! And good luck!”

 

“Today will be our last regular lesson. I will go back to earth after that, but I’ll keep spending some time in my office in case you need someone to talk. I kept the most difficult topic for the end. Probably the most confusing and complex emotion. Love. No one really understands it, it’s just there and we have to deal with it. Since this is a very difficult topic even for me, I’ll try to illustrate it by an example. Castiel and Dean. I know that you never really understood why your brother fell for this human, so I think that’s a good example to start with.”, Tara began her lecture and the angels seemed surprised about her words, “Hester phrased it in an interesting way when she told Dean ‘When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost’ because she was so completely distraught over it. That reaction showed that even though angels, like her, are creatures born to love and sing praises, they cannot fathom the impact Dean has made on Castiel. Can’t imagine how deep his love for Dean goes. You call it ‘lost’ because Castiel has fallen into a love none of you can ever comprehend without having experienced it firsthand. Hester must’ve thought he’d gone mad or that Dean is some incredible corrupting force to have stolen her brother from her. ‘Lost’ because you, all of Heaven, know where Castiel’s loyalties lie now and where they’ll lie forever. I almost feel bad for Hester, because she just didn't understand. Castiel isn't lost, he’s _found_.”

The angels were staring at her in wonder, confusion and fascination. One of them raised his hand. A seraph with white wings that were golden at the tips of the feathers.

“Yes, Elemiah?”

He stood up and asked, “But why _this_ human?”

Tara smiled, “Excellent question, Elemiah. I know to most of you, humans are just another species on earth and you don't understand what could possibly make this human so special, but Castiel knows Dean and even if the world was coming to an end, he knows deep in his heart, Dean will be there with him. Castiel walked through Hell for Dean and he has not a single doubt that Dean would do exactly the same for him. And that’s how Castiel could grow to love a human.”, she let her eyes drift over her students for a moment, letting that sink in, before she asked, “Any more questions?”

A smaller angel with grey wings stood up from her chair and asked, “But does Dean reciprocate his love?”

Tara gave her a proud smile and puffed her feathers, “That is a wonderful question, Arael. We’ve talked about how Castiel has betrayed his very nature for Dean. He has lived for millennia, yet in just one short year, he has abandoned everything he knew and was for the sake of this human. And after all of it, all the hurt and guilt and confusion — right after he _fell_ — he still thanked Dean, ‘for everything’. Because he still thinks it was _worth it_. But that wasn't the answer to your question, Arael, I know. You see… over their now approximately eight-plus shared years, Dean and Castiel have built the most staggeringly compelling relationship I’ve ever seen. They are brothers in arms, brothers in spirit, best of friends, bound to each other, lovers in everything but body. Despite war and betrayal and death, Castiel always returns to Dean. And Dean always finds him. Dean Winchester has made a place in his heart and life for an angel. That is _so huge_. The man who was raised to hunt and hate the supernatural, who had no faith, who distrusted anyone who was not blood… the same man has prayed every night to an absent friend, refused to leave the land of the undead without him, put his life on line for Castiel’s.”, she paused, then added, shaking her head slightly, “If that’s not love, there is no love.”

Another angel with grey wings that had silvery ornaments, stood up and asked, “They never told each other about their feelings, did they?”

“No, Laylah, they didn’t. Not directly. Not yet anyway. There were ‘I need you’ or ‘I could go with you’ but never the explicit words ‘I love you’. But I have hope for them, Laylah. I believe, they will take that step when the time comes.”, Tara answered.

“How do you know?”, Arael asked.

Tara smiled softly at her and said, “I’m afraid I can’t tell you. But… maybe I can show you…”

She snapped her fingers and the white wall behind her showed a picture, like it was a giant screen. It showed Dean and Cas sitting next to each other on the couch, while Sam had fallen asleep sprawled over his chair. They were watching a movie, sharing a bowl of popcorn. Dean had placed his left arm on the backrest right behind Castiel and was smiling at him. They were sitting closer than they used to and it was rather obvious that they deliberately let their hands touch _way_ more often than necessary. The atmosphere was relaxed, not even the slightest bit of awkwardness left. ‘ _Progress_ ’, Tara thought. Sam had done his job well.

“He looks happy. They both do.”, Elemiah remarked.

“They are. They are together, for once nothing is trying to pull them apart. That’s all they need. Each other.”, Tara replied, watching them with a small wistful smile.

“You miss them, don't you?”, Micah noted.

“I do.”, she looked down at the floor, “I know I can see them, read about them whenever I want. It used to be enough when I didn't know them, didn't know they were even real, but now… now it’s just not the same…”

“That’s why you'll leave, right?”, Micah asked with a hint of sadness.

Tara nodded softly, “But you know I won’t be gone forever and not all the time. My work here isn't completely done yet.”

“What do you mean?”, Arael wanted to know.

Tara shook her wings a little to straighten the feathers and answered, “I will go back to earth, but as I have already told you, I will still keep coming to my office here and you can always, _always_ call me. Also sometimes we will repeat the things we’ve learned, so that everyone really understands what I’ve been saying. I don't want anyone to get left behind, you know?”

Some of the angels seemed to be glad that she wouldn't leave them completely. Others, just a few, didn't seem to react at all.

After a short pause, Tara sighed and continued, “Lucifer will assist me in that matter.”

There was whispering, gasping and shocked faces as she went on to explain, “He wants to redeem himself to Heaven and I think this is a good way to start with that. Your father asked me to look out for him and I will do my best, but I’ll say it again: If you need _anything_ all you have to do is ask and I’ll be there. If he ever does something he shouldn’t, something rude or worse, just tell me and I’ll take care of it, I promise. Because of you, Heaven has become almost just as much of a home for me as earth has always been. I’ll never leave you completely, not really. I’m just a call away.”

Some of the angels seemed unsure about her decision regarding Lucifer, but they trusted her and her judgement. They had faith in her.

She’d never thought herself a leader, she’d come as a teacher, became a friend and somehow along the line, turned into a leader anyway. Not really a superior — everyone was equal now in Heaven — but someone who could give guidance, someone they could rely on and isn't that what a good leader should truly be like?

 

After spending a bit more time in her little office, just taking a short trip down memory lane, Tara decided that it was time to go home. Well, her other home. She gathered all the angels around herself to say her goodbye.

“I’m so proud of you all.”, she said, puffing up her feathers, “You did so well in the time we’ve spent together. I know it must’ve seemed rather short to you, but for me it felt almost like a lifetime. I’m still not used to this no-aging thing…”, she laughed a little, but it wasn't really humorous, “But seriously, I hope you know that I’m thankful you let me be a part of this.”

“What should we do now without you?”, Micah asked.

“You keep doing what you always did. Take care of the business up here, keep Heaven running like it should. And never stop learning something new.”, she paused, “Because you all did so well, I will give you a last big decision to make. You could call it a graduation or a parting gift, it doesn't really matter.”, she took a deep breath, “I want you to decide whether you want a new leader who can give advice and guidance or if you want to continue making all decisions as a group. In case you choose the first option, I want you to choose your leader on your own, like in a democracy. Now, who votes for having a new leader?”

About 85% of the angels raised their hands.

“Okay. Now, everyone can nominate any angel they want and then we’ll see who wins.”, she said.

“I nominate Arael!”, Elemiah shouted.

“I nominate myself!”, another angel shouted.

There were more names yelled into the air around them.

Micah looked thoughtful, but eventually he raised his head and declared, “I nominate Tara.”

Suddenly it got very quiet in the room as though none of the other angels had even considered this an option. Not even Tara knew what to say or how to react.

Micah turned to his brothers and sisters with determination and asked, “Who votes for Tara?”

He and almost every other present angel (except maybe a handful) raised their hands. Tara’s eyes got wide and watery, her feathers puffing up, wings drawn in tight.

She swallowed hard and said with a slightly shaky voice, “I- I don't know what to say… This… was the first big decision you made all on your own, so… who am I to question it?”

Micah’s eyes lit up, “Does that mean you accept?”

Tara let out a breathy laugh and nodded lightly, “I guess I do.”

Suddenly she had her arms full of angel. Micah was one of her best students, he’d become more human than she’d even thought possible for a fully celestial being.

After they parted, Tara wiped the tears from her eyes and took a step back. She spread her wings wide and bowed her head a little, the other angels did the same.

“See you soon.”, she whispered and in a beat of her wings, she was gone, only leaving an empty office and a long, silky, black feather behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I ask you to leave me a comment or kudos, because it always lightens my day when I have an email from AO3 in my inbox :)  
> Same goes for messages on Tumblr (nera-solani), I won't bite! Promise!


	19. Enjoying the little things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Tara's return, the boys were up to a few things on their own...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was bugging the hell outta me, cause I couldn't seem to get any fluffy ideas. Thanks to the wonderful Jdragon122 for her help and her great suggestions, you're awesome dear!  
> Anyway, enjoy!

Dean and Cas had been making slow progress over the time, following Tara’s advice carefully, step by step, but Sam of course didn't just sit by and watch. He had a very important role in this too.

It was the little things that Sam did, like always taking the chair so Dean and Cas had to share the couch, or sitting down in one side of a diner booth so they could sit next to each other. Also leaving them alone more often than he used to and always being the one to go on his own whenever they split up during a case. It was the little things Sam did that got them even closer. Not that they'd ever complain…

Sometimes Cas still liked to read fan fiction, just harmless ones though. For some reason he’d taken a special liking to works that were about them reading fan fiction. Recently he had read one where Dean had liked to read Destiel fluff and he himself had read Destiel smut and after they had found out about the other reading these, they’d gotten together. It was kind of meta, when you think about it. Cas reading fan fiction about Cas and Dean reading fan fiction about Cas and Dean. It had been weird and a little confusing, but it had made Cas smile. He’d just read it for fun, that’s all, he didn't really need it to give himself hope or ease his frustration, Dean’s recent behavior was enough. He didn't lecture Cas about personal space anymore and even invaded Cas’ space himself. Whenever Cas attempted to get closer, Dean didn't evade him, didn't even flinch away, sometimes it even seemed as though he leaned ever so slightly into Cas. It felt good to be so close to the hunter, but it still left Cas wanting more.

Dean was still sharing his bed with Cas every now and then. The ex-angel’s nightmares had lessened over time and his sleep had gotten better, but sometimes he still crawled into Dean’s bed and the hunter always had space for him. It was going well, only one time Dean had panicked a little after waking up to spooning Cas. He’d apologized, but Cas had just looked confused and told him it was perfectly okay. Dean had felt somehow awkward for the rest of the day, but all in all it hadn't been a big deal. The next time, Dean had woken up to _Cas_ spooning _him_. He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone else under torture, but he could very well admit to himself that he had liked it. A lot. Feeling Cas’ warm body pressed up against him, the fallen angel’s breath tickling his neck. It had felt good and oh so right. It was ridiculous, pathetic, Dean knew it, but he was so far gone on his angel, wanted him so badly. Needed his touch, wanted to kiss him, feel him, taste him. However close they were getting, however brave they got, whatever they started to allow themselves regarding the other, it seemed to only leave Dean wanting, _craving_ more, more, more.

 

Without a powered up angel with them, hunting was a lot harder again and since no one was there to heal them, Cas collected his fair share of scratches, bits and other wounds over the time of Tara’s absence. Dean patched him up every time, but some scars remained. It was okay, he was proud of them. The first time he had to stitch him up, Dean had been surprised that Cas had showed no sign of pain at all, but then he realized, he’d been a warrior for his whole life, so it absolutely made sense. It was kinda hot actually.

Dean baked every single pie receipt he knew, one after the other and let Cas try all of them. The ex-angel seemed to especially enjoy apple and raspberry, but he also really liked peach. He had a _very_ similar taste to Dean in food. After the baking, Cas would always insist on helping Dean with the dishes and they’d wash them together, standing side by side at the sink.

When Dean insisted Cas needed some more new clothes for himself (he didn't mind if he borrowed some of his stuff, he actually enjoyed seeing him wearing it, but there was a limit to the number of shirts he could borrow, before Dean didn't have any left for himself), they headed to the nearest mall to do some shopping. Dean just sat in front of the changing room, while Cas tried on the items he’d picked. One outfit piqued Dean’s interest more than the others. Cas was wearing a jeans and a plaid shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the upmost button unbuttoned. He looked like a real, actual hunter and Dean’s brain short-circuited for a second there. Cas looked so damn hot, Dean couldn’t deal. He just wanted to kiss him completely senseless then and there. He didn't even care that Sam was in the room as well, he was so far gone on Cas. The hunter just stared at him for a few moments and Sam told Cas to definitely take that outfit. They bought a bunch of other items too that day, but Cas insisted on keeping the trench-coat. He still wore it when it was cold.

Dean let Cas drive the Impala for the first time, although he had an own car. It was practical, really. That way, they could drive to hunts more efficiently. Of course it wasn't about the beaming smile Cas had given Dean after receiving the keys to the hunter’s beloved car. It wasn't about the way his eyes shone when Dean told him that he trusted him with Baby. No, it wasn't. Ah, who was he kidding, that smile did weird things to Dean’s insides and he would do anything to see it more often.

Sam wasn't surprised when he found the two of them binge watching the Lord of the Rings series. Sam knew that Dean’s favorite character was Aragorn, because he somehow identified with him, while it seemed like Cas related to Arwen in a certain way. Sam snickered to himself, thinking that it kinda fit. There were a lot of parallels between them after all. The love story in the movies was very similar to theirs too.

Dean and Cas also watched some other movies and TV shows together and Dean even educated him in music. He let Cas listen to all of his favorite songs and Cas seemed to develop a taste in music that was rather similar to Dean’s, but in combination with some songs he’d found on Tara’s laptop (which were mostly things like OneRepublic, Coldplay, Imagine Dragons, Nickelback, Green Day and a tad bit of Fall Out Boy and Linkin Park). Dean could very well live with that.

 

Cas had started to take walks in the area around the bunker, usually during sunny afternoons or in the evening when the sun was about to set. Dean didn't really get it, but one day Cas asked him to come along and keep him company. It was warm outside and a little windy, but certainly not unpleasant. Dean had pretended to not want to come with him on a walk at first, but secretly he couldn’t wait to have some quality time alone with Cas. Even if they ended up just walking through a forest. He’d even go to an exhibition of ancient fish hooks just to spend time with his angel. Yes, he was totally fucked and so very pathetic.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while, Cas watching nature all around them with a serene and content expression on his features, while Dean was just watching Cas with a soft look on his face. When Cas turned his head, they locked gazes and Dean swallowed dryly. He wasn't sure how long they were staring into each other’s eyes like that, but they could've very well ran into a tree in that time. Dean was the first to look away. At first he looked at the floor, but then he let his eyes wander around, taking in their surroundings. The forest around the bunker was beautiful, the air fresh and insects were humming around them — mostly bees.

Gaze cast downwards again, Dean finally spoke, “When you were gone… I missed this, you know? A lot. This right here. Just you and me. We should do that more often. Doesn't really matter what exactly, just that we do it together. Only the two of us.”

Cas smiled at the ground, “I would like that very much, Dean.”, he contemplated for a moment, then added, “I missed you too.”

Dean glanced up at him and smiled shyly, before he got more serious again, “You’re not gonna do that again, are you?”

“Saying yes to Lucifer?”

“No, not necessarily exactly that, but something… equal.”

Cas gave a tentative, but reassuring smile and shook his head, “No, I won’t. I promise, Dean.”

And there was so much earnestness and regret in his voice that Dean actually believed him. What they had now, it could last, and if that wasn't ten times terrifying and exciting.

“Good. I’m glad.”, Dean replied and patted Cas’ shoulder with a slight smile, before pointlessly straightening his tan over coat as a weak excuse for some more contact.

They fell into silence again until Dean could muster up the courage to ask, “How was it? With Lucifer, I mean. Did- Did he-“, he swallowed hard, “Did he do anything to you?”

Cas definitely hadn't expected that question and at his puzzled look, Dean got a little defensive, “I’ve been asking myself this a lot, okay?”

Cas searched his face for another moment, nodding slowly in understanding before averting his eyes and answering, “No, he didn't do anything to me. Not on purpose anyway. He pushed me out of consciousness a few times, but it seemed unintentional. Apart from that he just liked to mock me occasionally about my ‘unusual affinity for the mud-monkeys’, but I’ve lived through worse. It wasn't all that bad, really, at least until Amara…”, he trailed off with a frown, leaving the rest unspoken, “You know what she did…”

Dean tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat at that memory. Seeing his angel chained up, being tortured by her, it had broken his heart, ripped it apart.

Noting Dean’s silence, Cas decided to make a little confession. With an unusually silent voice he said, “I heard you, you know?”

Now Dean looked at him again and he went on, “Your prayers, I heard them. There were times… when the torture got really bad… your prayers were the only thing that kept me going. I held onto them with all the strength I could muster. They kept me sane through all of it.”, he turned to face Dean, “Thank you.”

Dean didn't know what to say, he just stared at Cas totally dumbfounded, not even immediately realizing that they weren't walking anymore. So, Cas had heard him after all. At a complete loss for words, Dean ended up fidgeting awkwardly with the lapels of Cas’ coat, before he thought ‘ _ah, fuck it_ ’ and just pulled him into a tight hug.

They stayed like that for several moments, holding onto each other, enjoying the warmth and comfort the closeness gave. The hug lasted far longer than anything that would've passed as platonic, but Dean didn't even care anymore. All he cared about at that moment was Cas.

After they parted, they resumed walking along the little path through the forest, now walking a little closer to each other.

“How are you… um… adjusting?”, Dean asked after a long pause.

Cas tilted his head at him, “You ask that often. I think I am doing well, you and your brother told me, I’m getting better at hunting and all the ‘human stuff’.”

Dean sighed, “Yeah, I know, but… that’s not what I meant.”

Now Cas looked even more confused. Damn, he’d have to spell it out for him. This was getting really chick-flicky, but Dean needed to know. It was just Cas and him here, so what the Hell, he could do this.

Dean sighed again and started, “I mean, I wanna know how you feel about being human again. You didn't choose this and I just need to know if you're okay.”, his voice got more quiet, “I- I couldn’t bear losing you again… I need you, man… I need you to be okay…”

When the hunter finally looked up, he saw a happy smile on Cas’ face. The ex-angel was still a little surprised about Dean’s confession and that he really cared so deeply for Cas’ wellbeing. It hit him like a truck that he hadn't told Dean yet. He’d told Tara already some time ago, but never Dean. He needed to tell him now.

“Dean, it’s okay.”, he said softly and his hand found its way to his hunter’s shoulder, “I’m happy this way.”

Dean blinked at him in surprise, “What?”

“I would've given my grace willingly if I’d been asked. I had been thinking about falling ever since my first time being human. Father just happened to know that and made the decision for me. I don't doubt that it would've happened anyway, sooner or later.”, Cas told him.

Now Dean gaped, “You- You _wanted_ to be human?”

Cas smiled at him, blue eyes shining and it did things to Dean’s stomach.

“Yes. I missed it when I was an angel again. And I’m more than happy to be able to live my human life here with you and your brother. The only thing that I miss about being an angel is that I can’t see your soul and am no longer capable of healing you just with a touch of my fingers…”, he explained.

Dean was at a loss for what to say, he wanted to hug him again and never let go, but instead he decided to say, “I’m happy you decided to stay. You don't need your powers to be a part of the team, I hope you know that by now…”

Cas smiled warmly at him once more and nodded, “Yes, I know.”

There was a moment of silence again, before Cas decided to tell Dean, “This time something is different, you know?”

“What? What do you mean?”, Dean asked.

“When I became human. Something went different from last time. Tara already told me some time ago. When my father took my grace to give it to Tara, he left a piece of it behind and it formed a soul.”, he explained.

Dean’s eyes went wide, “What, you mean… you have an _actual real-life human soul_ now?”

Cas practically beamed at him, “Yes.”

“That- That means…”

“When I die, I go to Heaven.”, he finished Dean’s sentence.

Dean couldn’t hold back the dopey smile that spread on his face. It had always been his biggest fear, to see his angel dying and know that he’d never be able to see him again, but now that they were both going to Heaven after their death… Maybe he could spend his time in Heaven with Cas. That was some damn good news.

“That’s- That’s awesome!”, Dean exclaimed, refraining from kissing him there and then, “We gotta celebrate that!”

A few minutes later they were sitting in the middle of Tara’s clearing, both having an ice cream cone in hand, enjoying an easy conversation. They had a lot of fun, joking and laughing and at some point even started to share their ice cream. The conversation went on for hours, Dean asking Cas about history, because Cas had been _there_ and Cas happily answered every question, told every story Dean wanted to hear, even corrected the history books on _way_ more than one occasion. It got dark in no time and they just looked at the stars, Cas pointing at random places in the sky and telling Dean about other worlds that exist out there. It was just perfect. Dean thought they should do that more often.

When they finally got home, Sam asked how their date was. Dean didn't correct him.

 

They were just sitting in the library, looking for a new case, when a sudden gush of wind blew almost all the sheets and papers off the table. As they turned their heads towards the source of the wind, they spotted Tara standing right in front of them, looking exactly as ever, announcing happily, “I’m back, bitches!”

Sam’s face split into a grin as he replied, “Yeah, I can see that.”

Then he stood up and wrapped his giant form around the tiny angel, even picking her up a little. She squealed, telling him to let her down and in the end just zapped out of his arms to reappear right behind him.

“That’s cheating!”, Sam complained, but was still laughing.

“Your enormous moose size is cheating!”, she retorted, also laughing.

“I think you're spending too much time with Crowley.”, Dean pointed out cackling, as he stood up to hug her as well.

“Yeah, well… maybe, but that might actually turn out to be a good thing.”, she mentioned as Cas gave her a short hug too.

“What do you mean?”, Sam asked.

“You know, he’s king of Hell again?”

The three men nodded and she went on, “Well, turns out I’m president of Heaven now.”

Sam’s eyes went wide, “What?!”

Tara shrugged, “I taught them everything I could and then told them to choose their new leader on their own. They chose me.”

Dean laughed, “That’s awesome!”

“Thanks. Maybe if Crowley and I work together, we could finally manage to fix things.”, she said a little thoughtful.

“That’d be great.”, Sam told her enthusiastically.

“I knew you’d do well.”, Cas mentioned.

“You gotta tell us what you were up to, but first, we’re gonna celebrate that you're back.”, Dean announced and wandered off to the kitchen, “While you were gone, a new Marvel movie came out and we saved it ‘til you’d be back.”

Tara grinned, “That was very thoughtful of you.”

While they watched the movie, Sam was sitting in his armchair, Tara lounging in the other and Dean and Cas sharing the couch as usual. The atmosphere was relaxed, they were laughing, throwing popcorn at each other and just enjoying themselves. Tara was a little surprised about how human Cas had become by now. It appeared that he had adopted a few little quirks from Dean and that made Tara smile.

Their plan seemed to work just fine if how ridiculously close they were sitting was anything to go by, unfortunately they still weren't a couple yet, Tara could tell easily. She’d have to talk to Sam about this.

 

After they were finally completely done catching up, Tara pulled Sam aside and started, “What’s going on? I’ve been gone for over a month, how can they still be pining after each other??”

“I know! You don't have to tell me, I’m the one who's living with the tension here!”, Sam retorted.

Tara sighed, “It’s like the amount of pointless touches and longing glances has doubled since I left.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”, Sam ran his hand over his face, “The URT is killing me…”

“URT?”, she raised an eyebrow.

“Unresolved romantic tension.”, he replied, then shrugged, “You can’t really call that sexual tension anymore, I mean, come on, they're practically giving each other heart eyes whenever the other isn't looking.”

“Yeah, you have a point. I saw how your brother looked at Cas while we were watching the movie. I kept an eye on them, it was sickeningly sweet.”, she said.

“U-huh. But what are we supposed to do about that?”, Sam asked.

Tara frowned, “I don't know yet, but I’ll come up with something.”

 

Tara had to take off every few days to take care of business in Heaven and to visit her family or Crowley, but she always came back to the bunker and spent quite a large amount of time there. She watched Dean and Castiel very closely, trying to figure out what the next step should be. They were always sort of dancing around one another, touching whenever they had a chance. One time, Tara noticed that Dean’s eyes flicked about four times to Cas’ lips in _one conversation_. She even caught Cas doing the same once or twice. ‘ _Come on, just kiss each other for fuck’s sake_ ’, Tara thought every time, but nothing. It just didn't happen. It was infuriating.

Meanwhile Charlie was sitting in front of her computer in Heaven, yelling at the screen in frustration, “YOU LOVE HIM YOU IDIOT!” and throwing a book across the room.

At some point Dean decided to teach Cas how to bake pie. When she and Sam passed the kitchen about one and a half hours later, the kitchen looked like a battle field. There was flour _everywhere_. Dean was bent over, laughing like Tara had never seen him laugh before, while Cas was halfheartedly glaring at him, his hair and face covered in flour, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Sam and Tara had completely different reactions to the sight before them. Sam face palmed so hard, it gave him physical pain and Tara just fetched her phone and took a picture of the chaotic, but also really endearing scene.

While Dean was still unable to stop laughing, Cas’ smile became mischievous and a moment later, Dean had his face covered in flour as well. He blinked in surprise for a second, then burst out laughing again, while Cas just chuckled. Needless to say, that the rest of the flour also made its way onto their clothes and faces.

The apple pie tasted delicious, but they were no closer to getting together. Tara felt the inherent need to punch something. Charlie kicked the wall and face-planted on the table.

It was as though they were slowly inching closer every now and again, but no one was brave enough to take the final step, so they ended up hovering just over the edge. They definitely needed a last little nudge. But how do that? They were just too stubborn to do it by themselves. She even briefly considered to hunt down Rowena and talk her into casting a truth spell on them. Of course she couldn’t do that, but the idea was kinda fun. After a whole night of pondering her possibilities, she tried to think about it in a different way. Outside the box, you know?

What would Charlie do… She’d probably try to get them drunk and then make them confess. Wait, that was actually not such a bad idea. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and the only thing that kept them from smashing their lips together were their inhibitions, so lower those and _boom_. Destiel. Yeah, that might work. If luck was with them here for once.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… Have you ever, y’know, celebrated that the world didn't end? Or that Cas is human and with you now? Or even just that no one of us died?”, she asked, trying to seem casual.

That question caught Dean by surprise, but he didn't really think about her intentions, instead he shrugged a little and simply answered, “Yeah, actually… Cas is happy being human, he told me he has a real soul now. I said we gotta celebrate that.”

Tara smiled, “That’s great, isn't it? He likes being with you, spending time with you.”

A brief smile appeared on the hunter’s lips, “I guess, he does… Yeah, we should actually celebrate his fall. For once we’re all together and fine. The world doesn't end right now, no one’s under a curse or anything… It’d be a good time to celebrate.”, he mused, then smirked, “Besides, I’ve never seen him drunk off his ass since he’s human and that _needs_ to be changed…”, then he added quietly, “And I kinda want his first time gettin’ drunk to be with me…”

Tara chuckled, thinking, ‘ _Oh, I bet he’s not gonna be the only one who get’s drunk off his ass…_ ’

This was gonna be _good_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaay, another chapter uploaded! Please leave me a comment, kudos or message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I'm nice!
> 
>  
> 
> PS: The next one'll be fun ;)


	20. Bad ideas make the best memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas go out to have some drinks and fun. Shenanigans ensue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I proofread this three times now and I think it should be postable. Please tell me your thoughts!  
> Now enjoy some drunk Destiel!
> 
> Hover over underlined foreign language text for translations! (Mobile and tablet users please see the Ending Notes)

In the late evening Sam and Cas were sitting quietly in the library, doing some research for a new case, when suddenly Dean marched in and declared loudly, “Hey, we gotta celebrate that Cas is human. Tonight.”

“But Dean, what about the case? The vampire nest, remember?”, Sam objected, sounding almost like a little kid.

“Right. Then maybe after the case…”

Suddenly Tara appeared in the room as well and announced enthusiastically, “Don’t worry, I already took care of that. No vampires in Davenport anymore!”

“Neat.”, Dean said with a grin, then turned to address Castiel, “Cas, you comin’?”

Cas smiled, “Of course, Dean.”

“Cool. Sam?”

Sam was a little confused at first when he saw Tara standing behind Dean, gesturing wildly and making cutting motions along her throat in what had to be an attempt to tell Sam he should say no. So she wanted them to go alone. Sam got that, he would've done the same anyway.

“Uh… Sorry, I got inventory to do. And a little research. You go without me.”, Sam replied.

Dean considered him for a moment, but then shrugged and turned to Tara, “What about you?”

Tara tried to look apologetic when she answered, “I can’t, gotta take care of some business in Heaven. Lucifer and all that, y’know? Sorry.”

He frowned for a moment, then grinned at Cas and put a hand on his shoulder, “Alright, looks like it’s just gonna be you and me, buddy.”

Cas smiled widely, at least for his standards. He was excited, they had never really done this before, not like that.

Dean checked he had enough money in his wallet and they both put on their jackets, getting ready to leave.

Tara watched them for a moment, tilting her head to the side in a way that really reminded him of Cas. Had she always been doing that or was that an angel thing? Or maybe because she had Cas’ grace now? Or just because they spent a lot of time together…? Whatever, it wasn't really of import anyway.

“If you're really planning to get drunk, you probably shouldn't drive.”, Tara pointed out.

“Yeah I know, there’s a bar within walking distance.”, Dean replied.

“Oh. Good, then… I could send you there if you want. You’d still have to walk back yourselves, but…”, she shrugged.

“That would be nice, thank you.”, Cas replied. Dean didn't object, traveling by Tara airways was far more pleasant than regular angel airways.

Tara smiled, “Okay. Have fun without us there.”, she gave them a wink and Dean rolled his eyes, then she snapped her fingers, sending them to the bar. As soon as they were gone, Sam and Tara high-fived.

 

Dean had grown rather fond of that bar since they’d made the bunker their home and he was happy to share this place with Cas. It was quite busy inside, no free tables, so they sat down at the bar, draping their jackets over the backrests of their barstools. It was still rather early, so Dean just ordered beer for both of them. The bartender was hot and seemed to be interested, but Dean ignored her as far as he could. He’d turned her down every time he’d been at this bar and she’d apparently never really understood why.

Cas was confused, usually Dean wouldn't let such an opportunity pass, but on the other hand, he hadn't stayed out late for months now since Cas’ fall.

Cas eyed him warily and when Dean noticed, he asked, “What?”

“I- um… I kind of expected you to flirt with that bartender.”, Cas admitted.

Dean almost choked on his beer, “Sorry to disappoint you, man, but I ain’t interested.”

Cas tilted his head, but decided to drop the topic. It was Dean’s decision after all.

Despite Cas’ silence, Dean added, “This is about _you_ today, not me, okay? So I sure as Hell won’t just pick up a random chick and leave you alone. You got me?”

“Yes, Dean. I got you.”, Cas replied with a shy smile.

 

When they had had their fourth beer and just started with scotch, Cas felt pleasantly warm, a constant smile playing on his lips. It was nothing alike the feeling when he had consumed the contents of an entire liquor store many years ago. It felt completely different, because he wasn't desperate or frustrated. He was happy and with Dean.

“Cas?”, Dean asked and it took him a moment to realize that he’d been staring at Dean.

“Yes, Dean?”, he replied and Dean smiled at him. He must’ve been feeling it too, that slightly giddy, dizzy sense of happiness.

Reaching out to put a hand on Cas’ shoulder he said, “I’m happy that you're here.”

And it made Castiel’s heart beat faster and his smile widen to hear those words from his hunter.

“I’m happy to be here with you.”, he replied without a second thought and Dean grinned at him. He had his hand still placed on Cas’ shoulder as they were just smiling at each other like complete idiots and the waitress was slowly starting to get why Dean wasn't interested. They looked kind of adorable, really. From then on, she didn't attempt to make any further advances toward either of them.

Some time and drinks later, they were well past the point of a little tipsy. Dean was actually a bit impressed that Cas had such a high tolerance. Not as high as Dean, but also not exactly low. It made sense, he must’ve taken over Jimmy’s tolerance and maybe it even got a little higher by being an angel for so long. It didn't really matter, they were here, together and having fun, that was the only important thing.

Dean leaned closer to Cas, gently grabbing his shoulder, “Cas.”, he started as though he wanted to say something, but he’d already forgotten what it was and ended up just staring at his angel’s face. The lips he wanted to kiss so badly, the slight scruff he wanted to feel against his chin, the messy, dark brown hair he wanted to run his fingers through and the stunning blue eyes that drew him in every time. It wasn't exactly a coincidence that they were sitting _way_ closer now than when they’d arrived. They were practically gravitating towards each other.

“Your eyes are so beautiful, they are the bluest thing.”, Dean said reverently, but before Cas could say anything in return he went on, “And don't give me that crap about how they're not _your_ eyes, I’ve seen Jimmy’s eyes, they're not nearly as bright.”

Cas felt himself blush a little as he admitted, “Actually, I didn't want to say that. Jimmy’s really weren't as bright. My grace used to shine through them.”, he gave a little shrug before he mused, “I guess now it must be my soul.”

Dean stared at him almost blankly for a moment, mouth opening and closing a few times as a realization dawned upon him, before he said, “Wait. Does that mean I just called you — like, your real _you_ — beautiful?”

Cas looked into his glass and took a sip before answering, “I guess you kind of did.”

Dean thought about that for a second, then mentally shrugged, “Huh.”

Now Cas was all kinds of confused. Noting his perplexed stare, Dean could guess what was going through the ex-angel’s head. He might’ve been drunk, but he could still count two and two together.

“What, you think I can’t handle calling a dude beautiful without having a crisis of some sort?”, Dean asked a little challenging.

“I don't know…”, Cas said, slurring a bit. The drinks were hitting home, and there was no end to how pleased that made Dean. The ex-angel took another swig of his drink and raised a cocky eyebrow, “Can you?”

Dean put on a smirk and leaned a little bit forward again, “Well, I’ve got news for you, buddy. I figured out years ago that I’m actually bi and by now, I’m really damn comfortable with that.”

Had he just come out to his best friend whom he was secretly in love with? Seemed so. Whatever, it had been bound to happen at some point anyway, right?

Cas was suddenly hyperaware of how close Dean’s face was to his. Maybe Tara was right after all, maybe he could have this — have _Dean_. He felt his own face heat up a bit and his heart picked up its pace. Cas’ eyes flicked to Dean’s lips and the hunter experimentally licked over them. Cas couldn’t help tracking the movement and leaned in even closer. Dean’s resolve started to crumble and he was about to let go, lean in and just let it happen.

But suddenly they got showered in rainbow glitter as some drunk blonde girl giggled and yelled right beside them, throwing her arms into the air, “Now, kiss!”

Dean and Cas blinked dumbly at each other until they snapped out of it and leaned back in their chairs again. Cas’ cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink, his eyes were heavy and his hair a damn mess. Dean had never wanted to kiss him so badly. Well, maybe it was the alcohol speaking… or something…

“Maybe we should go, it’s late.”, Dean said, trying to get the damn glitter out of his hair.

Cas glanced at the clock in the room and noted, “Actually it’s quite early.”

“Yeah, but… we didn't go to sleep yet, so it’s considered late.”

“The time of day isn't linked to when people go to sleep, Dean.”, Cas replied, trying to suppress the grin on his face.

“Um… yeah, I know. You just say it like that, okay?”, then Dean suddenly caught on, “Wait a second. You're- Are you messing with me?!”

And now Cas couldn’t hold back his grin anymore.

“Have you done that before too?”, Dean asked disbelieving.

“Not really. Not before I became human.”

“You’re human for months now! Did you mess with me every time you took something too literally??”, Dean tried hard to stay serious.

Cas’ mouth twitched, “Not every time.”

Dean attempted to glare at him, but he had to concentrate really hard to keep from laughing, “You’re unbelievable.”

“I don’t see how something that is right in front of you could be considered unbelievable.”, Cas stated dryly and Dean couldn't refrain from laughing anymore.

“You’re an idiot.”

Now Cas snorted and ultimately burst out laughing himself. It was a beautiful sound, Dean thought. He’d never really heard it before. He needed to hear it more often.

 

Dean put the money for their drinks on the table, stood up and had to hold onto the bar for stabilization, the last few drinks had definitely done their deed. When Cas stood up as well, he swayed and remarked, that little smile he’d been wearing all evening biting at his cheeks, “I think I might be drunk.”

Dean laughed and slapped him on the back, “Well, that’s the point, Cas. At least now I know that tonight didn't miss its goal.”

Castiel chuckled and after they were outside of the bar, walking along the street towards the bunker, he found Dean’s arm slung around his shoulders and it reminded him of a night, years ago, outside a brothel in Maine. He'd still been an angel, then. Now, completely human and a little drunk, it was so easy to lean into Dean’s warmth as they walked, that Cas just couldn’t stop himself. Somehow, as they quietly walked along the empty street, his own arm found its way around Dean's waist, fingers curling against the hem of his open jacket, and Dean didn't mind at all. Quite on the contrary actually, he relished the warmth of Cas’ arm around his waist.

They walked slowly, swaying a bit and supporting each other as they made their way along the road in the dark, stars shining above them like a million glistening diamonds.

After a long moment of silence, Dean smiled and said, a little amusement laced into his voice, “You ever thought about teaching me Enochian?”

Cas raised his eyebrow at him and replied, “Why? So you can swear in the language of angels?”

Dean clutched his free hand to his chest in faked shock, “What do you think of me!?”

Cas chuckled, looked him in the eye and said lightheartedly, a tiny smirk playing on the corner of his mouth, “I _could_ teach you, but you’d have to be a good student and listen to what I say…”

Damn, Dean hadn’t expected him to be a flirty drunk and it did _things_ to him.

Smirk in place, Dean went along with it, “Oh, I can be a good student. You’ll just have to keep me in line.”, he punctuated the last sentence with a wink.

Cas swallowed dryly, but held his ground, “That can be arranged.”

Dean was trying really hard to will his impending blush away and get his heartbeat under control, but to no avail.

Somehow they’d landed in the middle of a meadow, since they both hadn't really looked where they were going, too busy looking at each other. Dean glanced around a bit and then simply let himself fall down into the grass, pulling Cas down with him. He’d initially meant for him to land in the grass by his side, but his drunken brain had miscalculated and Cas landed on top of him instead.

They were both laughing so hard it was difficult to breathe and it was only when they got their breathing back under control that they realized how close their faces were.

Dean was lost in a sea of blue and right now he was perfectly content with drowning. He didn't push Cas off himself, he liked the feeling of his solid weight against his body, his warmth and that he could feel his every heartbeat (which also wasn't exactly steady by the way).

He was trying to collect the courage to lift his head up and close the small distance between them, but he was interrupted (once again) when a young man walked towards them, calling, “Are you okay? I saw you lying there and thought, better check.”

“Yeah, we’re alright. Just… uh… fell down.”, Dean replied and laughed a little awkwardly as he felt his face turning red.

Cas rolled off of Dean to lie beside him in the grass and the young man seemed to be reassured as he walked back to his motorbike, chuckling softly to himself.

There was a moment of silence where they were just looking up at the stars before Dean turned his head to look at Cas and asked, “Tara said she could speak all languages since she has a grace. Can you do that too?”

“Yes.”, Cas answered, turning his head as well.

“Say something in another language.”, Dean prompted.

Cas tilted his head, which looked pretty odd in his position, “What language?”

Dean just kind of shrugged, well, as far as that was possible considering he was lying on the floor, “I dunno. French.”

Cas tried to focus, which was kinda hard since Dean’s face was mere inches away from his, but the alcohol made him brave and he figured he could very well say something he wouldn't dare to say in English, when Dean would understand him, so he went with, “Tu m'as tellement manqué quand nous étions séparés."

Dean grinned, “Wow, you actually sound French, that’s weird, man. Now Russian.”

Cas thought for a second, then he said a little quieter, “Я хочу поцеловать тебя сейчас."

“German.”

“Du zeigtest mir was Liebe ist."

“Um… Spanish.”

“Pensé que sabía."

“Italian.”

“Mi sbagliav."

Dean had to think longer now, “Latin.”

“Adeo falsum."

Dean tried hard to think of another one, it was fun and surprisingly also kind of a turn on to hear Cas speaking in a foreign language, but he couldn't seem to come up with another one.

Scratching at his jaw he admitted, “I can’t think of any others right now…”

Cas hesitated for a moment, but then said it anyway, “Eoleh oli orsbus. Ilso zirusma. Camliatza od ilso zirusma..."

Dean’s eyes widened as he searched Cas’ face, “Was that Enochian?”

Cas smiled shyly, turning a beautiful shade of red and suddenly Dean had a vague idea of what he might've been saying the whole time. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but for once he dared to let himself hope.

“Yes.”, Cas replied quietly, then mused, “Maybe I could really teach you a bit sometime.”

Dean grinned widely at him, “That’d be awesome, Cas.”

They laid there a few more minutes, just smiling at each other in the moonlight, until Dean said, “We should get going, before we catch a cold…”

He stood up and helped Cas get to his feet as well. When they were back on the street, walking, they kept swaying into each other’s space, bumping shoulders almost every view steps until Dean had enough and slung his arm around Cas again. This time the fallen angel leaned even heavier into him and soon had his own arm wrapped around Dean’s waist again.

They walked the rest of the way to the bunker like that, clinging to each other, laughing and just enjoying that for once, they were all together and fine. Maybe they could have this, the two of them. Maybe it could work. They could make it work…

 

Tara was sitting on a chair in the corner of the library, her coat draped over the backrest. She wasn't moving, just staring blankly at the wall, linked into angel radio. She’d been sitting like this since Sam had gone to sleep, not even bothering to retreat to her own room. As it turned out, that had been a mistake. She heard the front door opening and closing, followed by footsteps and voices. She moved her head only slightly, to look at the entrance to the library, spotting Dean and Cas. They were in the middle of an easy conversation and didn't even notice she was there, so she decided it was probably best to sit still and not make her presence known. She didn't want to disturb them.

It was quite obvious that both of them had consumed a rather high amount of alcohol and thus were fairly intoxicated, but the way they were smiling and laughing together and swaying into each other’s personal space… It told Tara that her plan was well on its way to being successful. They just needed some more alone time. She could've probably kept sitting there without being noticed, but this was very private and she’d be able to read about it later anyway. She just had to find a way to leave without being discovered.

“I’m gonna make a sandwich!”, Dean announced and yes, he was slurring slightly.

“I’m hungry too.”, Cas mentioned and he certainly wasn't in a better condition, “Can you make me a sandwich, Dean?”

“Why don't you make one yourself?”, Dean replied a little annoyed.

Cas looked him straight in the eye (well, maybe not so _straight_ , I’m sorry) and said, his tone serious, “I pulled you out of Hell, is a sandwich in return really too much to ask?”

Dean tried really hard to glare at him, but he just couldn’t suppress the smile that was tugging on the corner of his mouth, “You can’t use that argument on me for the rest of our lives, Cas.”

Cas smirked and raised a challenging eyebrow, “Watch me.”

At that they both burst out laughing and Tara smiled as they disappeared into the kitchen. That was her chance. With one silent beat of her wings, she was gone from the chair, leaving her coat behind, still hanging there.

When Dean and Cas returned to the library with sandwiches and beer, they just as much as glanced at the now abandoned chair, but that was all. They then decided to walk to their make shift living room to sit more comfortably and started to eat.

Cas moaned around a mouthful of his food and it caught Dean by surprise. He never did that. Dean had never heard him doing it before, but he so desperately wanted to hear that wonderful sound again.

There was a smirk playing on Cas’ features, almost as though he knew exactly what he was doing to Dean. Truth be told, he kind of did. He was experimenting, gauging Dean’s reactions to his little attempts at flirtation ever since Dean had confessed his actual sexuality and he really, _really_ liked what he’d seen so far.

He tried to sound casual when he said, “This is one of the things I enjoy most about being human.”

Dean shot him a sly smile, “Food or being able to get drunk without having to down a whole liquor store?”

Cas pretended to contemplate Dean’s question, before answering, “Both actually.”

Dean snorted. His cheeks hurt from smiling, but he just couldn't seem to stop.

For a while they ate mostly in silence, until Cas decided to speak again, “I had a lot of fun with you today, Dean.”

Dean smiled brightly at him, “Yeah, me too, Cas. You’re really fun when you’re drunk.”, he chuckled and took a pull from his beer, “We should do that again sometime.”

“I would very much enjoy that.”, Cas replied, eyes shining.

They clinked their beer bottles together and continued eating, smiling dumbly at each other like the smitten idiots they were.

When Cas stood up and announced he wanted to go to bed, Dean’s chest ached with all the missed opportunities of that night. He didn't want to ruin the friendship they’d built over so many years and he was scared shitless of what could go wrong, but Cas had never pushed him away. Not once. All signs seemed to point towards Cas wanting him back, but there was only one way to be certain.

Dean jumped up from his seat, reached out and put a hand on Cas’ arm to hold him back, “Wait.”

Cas turned around to look at him, tilting his head to the side in that ever adorable way he always did and Dean was speechless for a second.

After having collected himself again, he swallowed thickly and said, “Thanks Cas. Y’know… For everything.”

It weren't many words, but they meant so much. Castiel ached in the best possible way, “Dean…”

And there was something in his look, his soft smile, that made Dean brave, because he let himself place a gentle hand on his angel’s cheek.

Cas relished the soft touch, nuzzling ever so slightly into Dean’s palm, sighing contentedly and it made the hunter’s heart skip a beat and warmth bloom in his chest. Dean’s thumb was caressing his face and Cas felt his eyes fluttering shut.

Made brave by the alcohol and Cas’ behavior, those little signs, Dean tentatively and slowly started to lean in and Cas felt his heart rate quicken, butterflies dancing in his stomach as he felt Dean’s lips brush against his. It was just the faintest touch of lips and was over far too quickly, leaving Cas wanting more.

Dean leaned away again, his lips still tingling. ‘ _Fuck_ ’, he thought, ‘ _I shouldn’t’ve done that._ ’ Now, he had gone and fucked everything up again. Cas hadn't really responded to the kiss and it was making Dean anxious. He was already preparing himself a negative reaction, when Cas’ eyes finally fluttered open and what Dean saw there, made his heart rate go completely crazy. Cas’ eyes were shining with happiness and suddenly Dean felt a strong hand brushing over his cheek and curling around the base of his neck, pulling him back in. This time they had their lips more firmly pressed together.

The kiss was soft at first, but soon turned more passionate, more needy. Dean pulled him in even closer, running his fingers through Cas’ hair, tasting the beer on his lips.

It was something Cas would’ve never thought he’d know — the feeling of Dean pressed against him, the way they were fitting together so easily as though they were made to do so. He let his hand slip through the short hair at Dean’s nape, fingertips trailing through and felt Dean’s free hand settle on his waist, warm through his shirt, and something in the soft touch made him shiver. At the tiny gasp that escaped his lips without permission, Dean made a sound that he really wanted to hear again and again, preferably for the rest of his life. All of a sudden this wasn't enough anymore and Cas licked into Dean’s mouth, invading him, tasting him.

Dean moaned into their kiss and sucked on Cas’ tongue before starting to explore his mouth himself. He felt fingers trailing down the curve of his neck and they sent chills through his whole body, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Dean could barely think, his whole world narrowed down to just the two of them.

The kiss had turned hungry, desperate and Dean could feel Cas’ wandering hands on him, slipping underneath his open jacket and he shed it willingly, tugging at Cas’ coat until it landed on the floor as well. He felt Cas’ hands on his waist and back, let his own hands trail up and down his angel’s sides, swallowing the little sounds his touch drew out of Cas.

When they had to come up for air, they were both panting heavily, trembling with pent up need and it didn't take long for Dean to dive back in. Lip-locked, he carefully guided them to the couch, walking backwards. When the backs of his knees hit the couch, he let himself fall back onto it, sitting down.

Dean tugged at Cas’ shirt until he got the message and climbed on top of him, straddling his lap. Dean cupped his cheek again and they both moved back in, mashing their lips together in another heated kiss. Cas took advantage of his new position and trailed kisses along Dean’s jaw and down his neck, then back up again, to nibble at his earlobe and Dean moaned. Cas thought it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard and was determined to hear it again. His heart was racing, his breathing ragged and all he could think of was Dean’s touch. Dean’s lips on his, their tongues sliding together, Dean’s warm hands on him, pulling him close. Just _Dean, Dean, Dean_.

Dean was a mess, Cas’ touch and the feeling of his lips were addicting. The hunter might’ve been bi, but he was pretty sure that Cas was ruining him for every woman in the world. Probably men too. But he didn't care anymore, because this just felt _so good_.

When he caught a glimpse of the former angel’s satisfied and slightly smug smile, he paused wide-eyed, “Shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?”

Cas smirked and honest to God _growled_ at him and Dean swallowed embarrassed, feeling his face redden, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Cas just mumbled, “I know how you feel.”, and kissed him again.

When he pulled away once more, he practically purred into Dean’s ear, “I’ll make you forget you ever thought you were straight…”

Oh God, Cas really was flirty when he was drunk and Dean couldn’t stop himself from responding with a, “ _Fuck_ ”, and another fierce kiss.

He needed more skin. Now. With shaking hands he clumsily fumbled Cas’ shirt out of his jeans and slipped his hands underneath. The feeling of Cas’ naked skin under his fingers was incredible. He found himself instantly addicted.

Cas shivered at Dean’s touch and let out a low moan. He let himself fall sideways until he was lying on the couch and pulled Dean down on top of him, having him rest comfortably between his legs. Cas tugged at Dean’s plaid shirt until Dean understood what he wanted and unbuttoned it to let it fall down onto the floor as well. Cas immediately took the chance offered by another absent layer and more or less gracelessly shoved his hands up Dean’s t-shirt and pulled him closer.

Dean hummed approvingly into their kiss, “Been dreaming, fantasizing about having you like this.”

He started kissing along Cas’ jaw, loving the feeling of slight stubble under his lips, then moved down to his neck where he found a sweet spot at Cas’ carotid and played it like a damn guitar. Cas squirmed under him, arching into his every touch, baring his neck even more to give Dean better access as he asked, breathing heavily, “H- How long?”

“Years.”, Dean breathed out, continuing to suck and nibble at Cas’ neck, enjoying the sounds this drew from the former angel.

“M- Me too.”, Cas replied and Dean wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't heard it with his own ears. Cas let out a soft moan, weaving his fingers through Dean’s hair in a silent plea for more as his other hand made its way down, down, down, until it settled on the hunter’s ass.

Dean would've never expected to feel that one day, Cas’ hand cupping his ass, and he softly bit down just above Cas’ clavicle, drawing a guttural moan from him, “ _Dean_.”

In response, Cas’ hand tightened on Dean’s ass and the hunter groaned, “ _Cas_ ”, pushing into the touch as he claimed his angel’s mouth again.

When the kiss softened again and they finally broke apart, they were panting, eyes shining, faces flushed and lips red and swollen. Dean thought Cas was beautiful like this and he definitely needed to see him like that more often. As things were standing now, he’d probably get to.

Propped up on his elbows, Dean looked into beautiful blue eyes and confessed quietly, “Y’know… I’m scared as Hell to want you.”, he leaned down for a short, soft kiss, “But here I am, wanting you anyway…”

Cas gently cupped Dean’s cheek as he paused, pressing their foreheads together, before the hunter took a breath and swallowed the lump in his throat, “I’ll probably hate myself for saying this, but we shouldn't do anything more… than this tonight. Not here on the couch, not while we’re drunk. I wanna be sober at our first time…”

Dean was already scared he’d maybe crossed a line by assuming Cas even wanted… _that_ , but their kisses had more or less spoken for themselves, hadn't they? Cas stared up at him with wonder and an unfathomable amount of adoration in his eyes and started to nod with a small smile, “Yes Dean, that’s very… sensible of you. It sounds…”, he licked his lips, “…perfect.”

Dean beamed at him and leaned down to steal another soft kiss, but what was intended as a short one, turned into something longer, more intense and they kept sharing sweet, gentle kisses until they finally fell asleep, wrapped up safely in each other’s arms.

 

It was already the middle of the night and hours had passed since Dean and Cas had arrived back home, when Tara made her way quietly through the hallways of the bunker. When she came close to the living room, she slowed her pace a little. Since she couldn’t hear any voices, she decided to enter the room. The sight that greeted her warmed her heart and made a smile spread on her face.

They were lying on the couch together, Dean’s head pillowed on Cas’ shoulder, both dead to the world, lips red and swollen and serene smiles tugging on the corners of their mouths. So, her plan had been successful after all. She puffed her feathers and grinned even wider. As she kept watching, Dean tried to burrow his head even further into the crook of Castiel’s neck. Cas didn't wake up, he merely sighed a little and let his head loll back slightly to accommodate Dean. They looked adorable, really. She watched them a little longer, a soft smile on her face, before pulling out her phone to take a picture of them. ‘ _Fucking finally_ ’, Tara thought. She was happy for them.

Coming to the conclusion that this position couldn’t really be comfortable, let alone healthy for their backs, she decided they could use the help of their guardian angel. She put her fingers to both of their foreheads, cleansing their bodies from the alcohol to prevent a hangover (she couldn’t risk her work being destroyed, just because one of them didn't remember what happened that night) and then sent them (and their clothes) to Dean’s room with a thought, placing them under the covers of the bed they’d been sharing for weeks now.

 

When Dean woke up in the morning, he felt disoriented, but warm and safe. It took him a moment to register that he was in his bed, Cas spooning him with an arm wrapped around his middle — his naked middle —, his breath tickling the back of his neck. What had happened last night? Had they…? After another moment, he finally remembered the events of the last night and couldn’t help but smile at the memories.

Nothing had happened. Well, nothing beyond the most epic make-out session _ever_. Would Cas regret it?

Dean felt the arm around him tighten a little and hummed in appreciation as he felt Cas pressing soft kisses to the nape of his neck. So he didn't regret it. Dean couldn’t remember when he had last been so happy. If ever.

But one question left him confused. How had they gotten into Dean’s bed?

“Mornin’ Sunshine.”, Dean mumbled and felt Cas smile against his skin, before he replied, “Good morning, Dean.”, his morning gravel like music to Dean’s ears.

The hunter turned around in Cas’ arms and looked at him with a warm smile, “How’re you feelin’? Been kinda stupidly drunk yesterday.”

Cas smiled back at him, chuckling lowly, then frowned in confusion, “I feel good actually. What about you?”

Now Dean frowned as well, “Yeah, now that you say it… No hangover at all.”

Cas looked around, still confused, “You remember what happened last night?”

Dean nodded, thinking, “Yeah, I remember everything clearly. But that doesn't explain how we ended up in my bed.”

Suddenly they heard Tara’s voice chiming through the closed door, “Thank me later, ass-butts!”

Cas had to suppress a chuckle before he noted, “Well, I guess that explains everything.”

Dean snickered and pulled Cas in for a long, sweet kiss.

One of the many that were to come in their shared future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations in order of appearance:
> 
> “I missed you terribly when we were separated.”
> 
> “I want to kiss you now.”
> 
> “You showed me love.”
> 
> “I thought I knew.”
> 
> “I was wrong.”
> 
> “So wrong.”
> 
> “You make me drunk. I am yours. Speak and I am yours…”
> 
>  
> 
> I do not speak any of these languages except German, so feel free to correct any mistakes in my translations!  
> There _will_ be a bonus chapter, but I'm on a con next Friday so I'm not sure if I can post it on time. Anyway, stay tuned!


	21. Yours, only yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BONUS CHAPTER
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> That's it, there's no summary, just keep scrolling...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know it's not everywhere already Friday, but here it technically is and I won't be able to go online for the rest of the day, so here is the bonus chapter.  
> It's mostly a lot of silly fluff and also contains the reason why this story is rated as Mature, so... Enjoy!!

They were still lying in bed, legs entangled, just enjoying the quietness of the moment, the only sound being their calm breathing.

Dean’s hand sought out Cas’ almost on its own accord and intertwined their fingers as he said, “You think she already told Sam?”

“No, I don’t believe so. She might be a so-called ‘fangirl’, but she does respect our privacy and surely thinks, you should tell your brother yourself.”, Cas replied.

“Yeah, you're right. After all, she insisted that we figure this," he gestured vaguely between them, “out ourselves too.”

Cas smiled at him and mused, “Hm, well… it worked, didn't it?”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah it did.”

His free hand caressed Cas’ cheek and he let his thumb brush over Cas’ bottom lip slowly, watching as his angel’s eyes fluttered shut and feeling his breathing quicken in anticipation. Dean leaned in and Cas met him halfway, their lips molding together easily. He would never get tired of kissing Cas, it was intoxicating. Dean licked a teasing line along Cas’ bottom lip and the fallen angel opened his mouth with a contented sigh, their tongues sliding together just perfectly, as though they'd already done it a million times over.

The kiss didn't stay that way though. It didn't take all that long until it grew hotter, more intense, more needy. Someone moaned, but it was impossible to tell who it was, since the other swallowed the sound just as it broke free. Hands were wandering, grabbing, touching, pulling. Soon they were pressed up against each other from head to toe, trying to get closer still.

One of Dean’s hands moved to the button of Cas’ jeans, but he stilled and let it hover there as he tentatively said, “Cas, if you don’t want to do this…”

“Dean, I assure you, I _want_.”, he cut him off, voice even deeper than usual, fumbling open Dean’s jeans with shaking hands.

Dean had never seen him like this, hair gloriously mussed, lips red and swollen, face flushed and pupils dilated. That sight did it for him.

He opened Cas’ pants and then proceeded to get rid of his own, while Cas did the same. Their shirts were already lying on the floor since last night, so they didn't need to shed them anymore and laid back down, lip locked. It was incredible, feeling Cas’ naked skin on his. Dean let his fingers trace the outlines of Cas’ torso, before doing the same with his tongue, teeth and lips, drawing soft gasps and beautiful moans from the former angel that went straight to Dean’s dick.

Dean could feel him tremble with need, but he himself surely wasn't in any better condition. When the hunter finished his ministrations, he looked up to find Cas watching him. His eyes were even darker now, pupils blown so wide, there was almost no blue left. His breathing was ragged and his look hungry and Dean couldn't help but think he was beautiful like that. Dean was drawn to him, needed him more than air.

Their lips connected again and Cas hooked a leg around Dean, pulling their hips flush and making them both moan as their erections rubbed together through the fabric of their boxer briefs. They kept lazily jerking their hips together, their kisses becoming messier with each little thrust.

Dean felt a small wet patch starting to grow on his underwear and promptly decided that there still wasn't enough skin. He hooked one, then two fingers under Cas’ waistband as if to ask for permission and Cas didn't even need to answer, he just helped Dean to pull the piece of fabric off, then moved on to Dean’s underwear to do the same. Dean paused for a moment to just look at him, raking his eyes over Cas’ naked body as though he couldn’t believe this to be actually real. Cas on the other hand, was looking at Dean like he was the most beautiful thing in all of creation, before he started to place kisses on Dean’s shoulder, just where the handprint had been. Dean closed his eyes for a moment, relishing the touch as he breathed out a soft, “ _Cas._ ”

Lips found lips again and Dean wrapped his hand around both of them, mixing their pre-come to use it as lube. They were panting, kissing, licking, biting, moaning and gasping each other’s names as they raced towards the edge. Dean knew he wasn't gonna last, not with Cas looking so wonderfully debauched, saying his name over and over, almost like a prayer.

Cas couldn’t think anymore, his whole world had narrowed down to Dean. Dean’s touch, Dean’s erratic breathing, the sounds he was making, the way he said Cas’ name. It was absolutely addicting. Cas came first, clawing at Dean’s side, arching off the bed and groaning out, “ _Dean._ ” The sight of him was enough to get Dean tumbling over the edge along with him. When Dean reached orgasm, moaning Cas’ name, the ex-angel looked at him with hooded eyes, unable to tear his gaze away. His hunter was kind of beautiful during climax. He wanted to see that again. _Do_ that again. Definitely.

They were panting heavily and looking dazedly into each other’s eyes, their faces close, while coming down from their shared high.

“Damn," Dean breathed a silent laugh, “I can’t believe this actually happened. I mean… we actually did this. I just…”, he laughed again, “You have no idea how long I’ve…”

Cas smiled at him and raised his hand to softly caress his cheek, “I’ve been wanting to do this with you for a long time, Dean.”

The hunter smiled, “Yeah Cas, me too.”

There was a moment of silence when they were just looking at each other.

“I had to think about you when I was with April…”, Cas admitted quietly and a little out of the blue, “But that was nothing compared to actually being with you.”

Dean was taken aback for a second, but then he smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, well… it wasn't exactly unusual that the girls I used to pick up…”, he blushed a little, “asked me who Cas was…”, he rubbed his neck, “after I apparently said _your_ name instead of theirs…”

Cas studied Dean’s face for a moment, then laughed and Dean couldn’t help but join him, saying, “How could we both be so stupid?”

Cas chuckled, “I don’t know, but we’re really lucky to have friends who aren't as stupid.”

“Yeah, we should probably give Sam and Tara a fruit basket or something…”

They both laughed again for a moment, until Dean frowned at the stickiness on his hand and belly and announced, “We should take a shower.”

Now Cas frowned down at them both too, “Yes, I agree. This is very unpleasant.”

Dean got out of bed, grabbed his discarded boxers from the floor and opened the door to peek into the hallway. He didn't want to put all his clothes on and the bathroom wasn't far, so this would do. There was just one thing left to settle.

“Do you… wanna come with me?”, Dean asked a little unsure, but hopeful.

Cas studied him for a moment, letting his eyes wander over Dean’s naked body. He licked his lips and smiled up at him, “Of course, Dean.”

They took their sweet time under the hot water of the shower, soaping each other up from head to toe, always exchanging soft and passionate kisses, just because they could.

After they had stepped out of the shower, they proceeded to dry each other off. The more Dean was thinking about the recent events and their possible consequences, the more anxious he got.

He was just rubbing Cas’ hair dry, which was then standing up in all directions, making him look even more adorable — which in itself shouldn't have been possible in Dean’s opinion — when the hunter started to speak, “Um… Cas?”

Cas’ eyes met his and Dean was lost in blue eyes he’d come to love so dearly, “Yes, Dean?”

“W- What- What exactly are we now? Y’know… boyfriends, partners, …?”, he then made a very vague gesture that could've practically meant anything.

Cas smiled warmly at him and it took a bit of the tension from his body — it was weird that Cas always had that effect on him… or maybe it wasn't — when his fallen angel said, “You can call us whatever pleases you, Dean. But we are still the same. You and me.”

“Dean and Cas…”, Dean reiterated thoughtfully and yeah, it made sense. They had already been really close, Hell, they’d even shared a bed a couple of times, so why should everything suddenly be so different? They were still themselves and they would keep fighting side by side. The only real difference was, that they could kiss and cuddle and make love and all the other things they’d never allowed themselves before.

“Yes," Cas agreed and took a small step closer, looking almost shy, “So… I am yours. Have been for a long time now.”, he paused and looked into the beautiful green eyes of his righteous man, his own eyes so full of hope as he asked, “Will you be mine?”

His fingers brushed Dean’s cheek in a feather light touch and Dean was tempted to let his eyes slip closed, but he didn't want to look away from those blue orbs in front of him. Cas let his hand rest there as he waited for Dean’s response. He was scared, but also full of hope and excitement.

“Yeah. Yeah…”, Dean answered after a moment, then added a little softer, “Though I think I’ve already been for a while…”

For once Dean let his guard down, let himself be vulnerable, let Cas see what he felt by tearing down the last remaining bits and pieces of the wall that had been crumbling inside him for quite some time now.

And when Cas looked into Dean’s eyes again, he was stunned for a moment, because well… the sheer amount of adoration and _love_ that he found there was kind of unexpected, really.

Dean then turned his head slightly to the side, to kiss Cas’ palm and the former angel couldn’t help leaning in and locking their lips once more. Because now… now he could.

 

When Sam had gotten up in the morning, Tara hadn't been there. He hadn't really thought about it, since it was normal for her to disappear on occasion, maybe it was something about Heaven or Lucifer. She’d be back in no time.

He was right, as soon as he came back from his morning run, he found her in the kitchen making breakfast and singing something that made his eyebrows rise above his hairline.

“♪ A little bit of Gabriel in my life ♪  
♪ A little bit Castiel by my side ♪  
♪ A little bit of Sam is what I see ♪  
♪ A little bit of Dean is what I need ♪  
♪ A little bit of Crowley straight from Hell ♪  
♪ A little bit of Lucifer as well ♪  
♪ A little bit of Bobby to keep us right ♪  
♪ As we drive the Impala through the night ♪”

She was even moving her hips to the rhythm of the song, but only until she realized that she wasn't alone anymore. She abruptly stilled and went silent, turning around to greet Sam enthusiastically, “Hey Sam! You hungry?”

“Um… Yeah. What’re you making?”

“Ham and eggs.”

“Are Dean and Cas still not up?”

“They got up while you were away, I heard the shower running. I bet they'll be here in a bit.”, she looked at him for a moment, a cheery smile on her lips, but when he just kept standing there in the doorway she said, “Go take a seat, food’ll be ready in a sec.”

Sam complied, but he was still a little confused by the situation. The younger Winchester had gotten up quite late that day, so he was surprised that Dean had only just gotten up while he’d been gone. And what the Hell was going on with Tara? Yeah, she was quite a funny and lighthearted person, but this was even for her over the top. Strange enough that she’d been singing a no doubt fan song about them — which in itself wouldn't have been strange enough to bother him, really — she was also making them breakfast even though she didn't even need to eat. Had he missed something?

Just as Tara set the pan with the food onto the table, Dean and Castiel finally made their way into the kitchen and suddenly everything made sense.

The way they were standing even closer than before — which Sam wouldn’t’ve thought possible, but well — the way Dean was smiling, the way Cas’ eyes were shining and the fact that they no longer bothered to hide the lovestruck looks they’d been giving each other for years now. It took Sam not even a full second to realize what must’ve happened at some point during the last night. They were both practically radiating happiness and Sam couldn’t suppress the grin that was almost splitting his face as he stood up and wrapped his older brother in a hug, with the mere words, “Fuckin’ _finally_.”

Tara must’ve already known somehow, but she’d apparently wanted for Sam to find out about it through his brother instead of her. Sam was grateful for that.

Dean chuckled lightly and patted his little brother on the back, “Yeah, I know.”

When Sam released him from his unearthly long arms and took a few steps back, Dean was smiling shyly, stealing glances at Cas, who did exactly the same. Sam was happy for them.

“C’mon, take a seat! Before the breakfast gets cold!”, Tara told them with a beaming smile, practically vibrating with excitement over the new couple.

Dean hesitated for a moment before he reached out to take Cas’ hand, lacing their fingers together. They took the seats opposite to Sam and Tara, sitting almost ridiculously close to one another. Sam thought he’d probably have to get used to this now. He didn't really mind anyway, at least he’d finally get to tease them about it.

When they were all happily eating (except Tara, who was content just watching), Cas started to occasionally sneak some of Dean’s ham and to Sam’s surprise, Dean barely complained — even when he did, it was with so much fondness in his voice that it couldn’t be counted. Tara puffed her feathers and smiled at them both, “I’m so proud of you.”

Dean stilled and looked at Cas for a moment, before clearing his throat and saying, “Yeah, well… I think we owe you both a big fat ‘thank you’, ‘cause I don’t believe we’d be at this point without your help… So… um… thanks.”

“We are both very thankful for your support.”, Cas added earnestly.

“No big deal, I’m just really happy for you both.”, Sam replied, still grinning.

“Yeah, same. I’m your guardian angel, so always happy to help. Doesn't matter with what.”, Tara said with a small shrug and a beaming smile.

They continued their weird little family breakfast until Tara spoke up again, “Oh, by the way, I’ve already told Charlie. I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s not like we could’ve told her personally anyway. How'd she react?”, Dean asked, then chuckled, “I bet she must’ve screeched like a pterodactyl…”

Tara snorted, “Yeah, although pterodactyls actually sound quite different.”

“How do you know that?”, Sam asked confusedly.

“I can do time travel since I have a grace.”, she answered simply, then promptly returned to the more important topic at hand, “She wishes you all the best in the universe.”

“Really? That all she said?”, Dean prodded with a raised eyebrow.

“No. Actually before that, she screamed something along the lines of ‘FUCKING FINALLY, NOW LOVE EACH OTHER YOU IDJITS!’ and then she kicked the table.”

Everyone laughed for a moment before Dean said, “Yeah okay, that sounds more like her.”

They continued chatting happily over breakfast, Sam already starting to use his new ability to openly tease his older brother for his long time ‘crushhhhh’ and doing so enthusiastically. Dean blushed a few times and so did Cas, but it wasn't like the older Winchester hadn't seen that coming.

They watched one or two movies together, this time Dean actually allowed himself to put an arm around Cas and the former angel instantly snuggled into Dean’s side like he belonged there. Sam grinned at them from his armchair, but Dean only shot him a glare and pulled Cas even closer. Sam had never seen his brother being so comfortable with showing affection and the sight made him smile. These two really had something special and Dean seemed determined to make it work. Sam was proud of him.

After lunch, Dean was itching to be alone with Cas again, without Sam’s and Tara’s eyes on them. One shared look and he instantly knew that Cas felt the same way.

“Uh… I think we’re gonna go back to our room for a bit.”, he announced, but stopped dead in his tracks as he realized what exactly he’d just said. Seeing his brother’s huge smirk, all his hopes that he hadn't heard it were shattered and the older hunter turned bright red.

“So, what? You already moved in together?”, Sam said teasingly, “Isn't that all going pretty fast? You must be really sure about this.”, Sam paused before musing, “On the other hand, you’ve been pining away on each other for years, so it’s probably already overdue…”

Cas was silently staring at Dean the whole time, trying to calm his furiously beating heart. Did Dean actually want to share a room with him for more than just a few nights? Cas knew that he himself wanted this without a doubt. Sharing a bed with him every night, waking up next to him every morning. For the rest of his human life.

“Shut up, Sam!”, Dean exclaimed, face feeling hot, but all it did, was amusing his annoying little brother even more. Of course he wanted to move in with Cas, sleep wrapped up in his arms every night and see his face first thing in the morning.

When he looked at Cas again, most of the tension drained from his body. Those hopeful blue eyes and the barely visible smile he’d become so good at noticing, told Dean everything he needed to know.

‘ _Son of a bitch_ ’, he thought. His brother was already teasing him for it, so he might as well actually do it.

Dean looked at the ground for a moment, mustering up the needed courage and then looked shyly up at Cas again, speaking softly, only for them both to hear, “Well… um… now that the Samsquatch brought it up… We’re already sharing a bed on occasion, so… We might as well…”

Cas’ face slowly split into a grin as he asked, “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

Dean rubbed his neck in embarrassment, “Maybe… I guess… Do you want to?”

Cas surged forward, his hand wrapped around Dean’s neck to pull him in for a kiss and Dean’s hand automatically found its way up to cup Cas’ jaw. It felt so natural already.

Sam abruptly decided to bolt out the room, Tara let out something that could be vaguely described as a yelp and then quickly took a photo, before fleeing as well. Dean didn't even bother to chase after her. He felt warm and Cas’ lips were on his, it wouldn't have been worth it to leave this behind for a stupid photo. Besides, Tara could always fly away.

When they finally parted, Dean had a dopey smile on his face, saying, “I’ll take that as a yes.”, and Cas was sure he himself wore a similar one all the while on the way to Dean’s- no, _their_ bedroom.

Tara was sure she had photo material on her hands that would give the whole fandom a heart attack. She was living the dream of every shipper and she really, _really_ appreciated that. She couldn’t wait for the new books to come out, it would be a beautiful chaos. And then she’d show the pictures to her friends. They’d probably start to hyperventilate or scream at the very least. Dear Chuck, it would be mayhem. It would be _glorious_.

Crowley had seemed somehow relieved at the news. He’d said something about ‘getting finally rid of the unresolved sexual tension’, but Tara had countered that now, there’d probably be even more ‘resolved sexual tension’ and that fact made Crowley grimace. She showed him her photos and he fake gagged a couple times, but Tara knew him better. If you knew where to look, it was easy to tell that he was actually happy for them, even if he refused to show it, but that was okay, because Tara knew anyway. And he was perfectly content with her knowing.

 

When they reached their room, Dean wasted no time closing the door behind them and crowding Cas against the nearest wall. Cas went willingly, pulling Dean even closer until their bodies were flush against one another. Their faces were so close that they could feel the other’s hot breath on their skin.

Dean let his nose brush against Cas’ and licked his lips, watching as Cas tracked the motion.

“Hey angel.”, he whispered teasingly against the other man’s lips.

“Dean, you know I’m not an angel anymore.”, Cas replied, but there was no bitterness or hurt in his voice, just a bit of confusion, a smile still evident on his lips.

Dean smiled and nuzzled Cas’ cheek and jaw, lightly rubbing their scruff together, loving the feel of it — having it remind him that this was actually _Cas_ who was with him, not some random chick — before whispering softly into his ear, “You’ll always be an angel to me. My angel…”

Cas’ breath caught in his throat for a moment, then he cupped Dean’s face and leaned in for a long, passionate kiss. When they had to come up for air, Cas looked into Dean’s green eyes and whispered softly, “Yours.”

Then they quickly got rid of their shirts and dove back in, mouths hot and needy, hands scrambling for purchase. As Dean started kissing along Cas’ jaw, the former angel mumbled, “Yours Dean. I’m yours.”

“Mine.”, Dean almost growled in response and started nibbling, kissing and sucking lightly on his angel’s neck, then breathed against his skin, “An’ I’m yours, Cas.”

The hunter felt Cas’ breathing hitch and then heard him say, voice deep and husky, “My righteous man…”, as he placed his hand just where the handprint had been and it felt amazing. The touch gave them both goosebumps and made them tingle. They could feel their connection that had been forged in the fires of Hell many years ago and it was incredible. They were one.

Overwhelmed by the sensation, they dove back in, Dean sucking on Cas’ bottom lip. Cas hooked a leg around Dean’s waist and the hunter let his hand brush the underside of Cas’ thigh, up to the curve of his ass and back again. In response Cas let his tongue swipe over Dean’s lip, asking for admission and Dean opened for him easily, tangling his fingers in dark, messy hair. Cas’ right hand was still resting on Dean’s shoulder, while his other hand found its way up to lightly cup his hunter’s jaw.

They stayed like that for several minutes, lip-locked, pressed up against each other from head to toe, before they started to move towards the bed, losing themselves in each other.

 

“They’re probably gonna be holed up in Dean’s room for the rest of the week.”, Tara said as she was sitting in the library with Sam.

The younger Winchester chuckled, “I’ll avoid that door from now on whenever I’m not sure where they are. Just to be safe.”

Tara chortled and then mused, “Hm… If they're gonna officially move in together, we could get them a new bed. Y’know, for two people.”

Sam huffed a laugh, “Not a bad idea.”

“You mean… not a _bed_ idea.”

Sam stared for a moment, looking deeply disappointed, “I can’t believe you made me hear this with my own two ears.”

Tara just laughed, “Whatever. How about next Christmas?”

“Sounds good.”

“Cool.”

“And what now?”

Tara shrugged, “We could play a game on my laptop. I’ve got Sims with the ‘Supernatural’ expansion.”

Sam scoffed, then chuckled, “Sounds fun.”

Tara grinned, “Awesome.”

 

Dean and Cas were lying under the covers of their bed, legs entangled, wrapped up in each other’s arms, enjoying the warmth, the closeness and that they could just hold one another.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Is it okay when I call you angel?”, Dean asked tentatively, “I don't want you to be upset because the nickname triggers bad memories or something…”

Cas smiled at him, “That’s very sensible of you and I appreciate your concern, but it is perfectly okay if you use that term of endearment. In fact… I kind of like it…”

Dean grinned and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth, “You can call me whatever you want, angel.”

Cas seemed to think for a moment before he answered, “I think I’ll just stick with ‘Dean’.”

Dean chuckled, “Fine by me. I like the sound of my name when you say it anyway.”

They laid there in comfortable silence for several minutes, the only sound in the room being their relaxed breathing.

The quietness of the room was only interrupted when Cas spoke up, “Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

They got lost in each other’s eyes for a moment and that gave Cas the last shred of confidence he needed. He took a deep breath and said what he’d wanted to tell him for so long, “I love you, Dean. You know that right?”

Dean’s eyes widened and his heartbeat was suddenly everything but steady, still he couldn’t just leave Cas hanging after that confession and yeah, it wasn't actually that much of a surprise anymore, but hearing it spoken out loud…

“I-”, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat and mumbled, “I kinda figured by now…”

The hunter suddenly looked so small as he scooted closer and burrowed his face in Cas’ neck. The former angel was glad that he had finally said it out loud, but he didn't expect Dean to say it as well. He knew that the hunter probably wasn't ready, if he would ever be.

But Dean had a habit of surprising Cas time and time again.

“I…”, Dean sighed and tried to hide his face even further in the crook of Cas’ neck before he murmured, voice muffled against his skin, “I- I love you, Cas. I need you to know that.”

Cas was pretty sure that his heart skipped a beat or two and he buried his nose in Dean’s hair, breathing him in.

Dean let out a contented sigh, relieved that he’d been able to say the words that never went easily over his lips, but Cas deserved to hear them. More than anyone. From all the times he’d said them in his life, they had never felt more right. And he’d never felt so loved in return. They would make this work, Dean was sure of it. Whatever might happen, they’d face it together. Of course also with Sam and Tara as their guardian angel, who’d always have their back.

It had felt good to say it, he’d try to say it more often from now on. Especially since it made Cas happy and Dean would do anything to see his angel happy. But for now, they just enjoyed holding each other and being held in return.

After everything that had happened, all the sticks and stones life and the universe had constantly thrown in their way — monsters, insanity, lies, the end of the world — they were finally together. It was about time. No matter the odds, they always returned to each other and that would never change. After everything they’d gone through, all the pain, betrayal and death, they were here and they were happy. They’d found happiness in each other.

They’d made it. Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, I'm done. Wow, that was a ride! Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Please be so kind to leave kudos or a comment or even message me on Tumblr (nera-solani), I'm nice and always happy to talk to strangers.
> 
> Here are some things you might have noticed or could find interesting about this work:  
> \- When I first described Tara, I basically described the clothes I was wearing at that moment  
> \- Tara quotes the boys several times throughout the fic  
> \- She also makes a few other fandom references  
> \- The house I described in Chapter 3 actually exists and was reported to be haunted in the mentioned period of time (I had to do a lot of research for that one)  
> \- The chapters retelling episode 18 and 20-23 are written on the base of transcripts, because I am lazy  
> \- You have probably noticed that I like to use song lyrics as chapter titles, but did you notice the text passage where I made references to “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day?  
> \- I made the lore for the Mirror of Erised almost completely up myself (except for the part about Narcissus, that was also research)  
> \- I am playing Monster Hunter too and I actually have such cats that I named Dean, Sam and Castiel (Sam is wearing plaid of course)  
> \- I used various Tumblr and Pinterest posts as plot bunnies for this fic  
> \- It is actually not that easy to find angels that haven't already been killed on the show  
> \- Jacky and Jordan are named after people I came to know over Tumblr  
> \- I never mentioned Tara’s last name or age  
> \- Her parents don't even have names  
> Peace out.
> 
> PS: There will be at least one follow-up (probably more, I just have too many ideas for my own good...), so stay tuned! Bye!


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